Stitch and Pull
After Samuel was born it seemed like time was conspiring against them. The precious seconds ran into minutes, which galloped into hours. The looming deadline of handing the body of their beloved son to a stranger to be taken to the morgue overshadowed the only time they would ever spend with him. Cuddling him, drinking his features in, kissing him and watching the NILMDTS photographer gently capture their son on film seemed to last only fleeting seconds. Meanwhile, both of them could feel their hearts shatter and their souls stretch, silently knowing that things could never and would never be the same. This time it's different.
Their daughter has been alive for four hours, has already braved a Pacific North-West storm, has been rushed through the halls of GSMH at break-neck speed and been cooed over by countless nurses and doctors in the NICU as Alex checks and re-checks her vitals. What she hasn't done however, is been introduced to her mother. Jackson has given up on pacing the halls outside the ER, trying to crane a look in whenever the door happens to sweep open. Instead he heads up to the NICU, eager to be distracted by his miraculously alive daughter. He sits beside her warming cot, cradling her ever so gently after working up the nerve to pick her up. He weeps silent tears of joy and sadness, regret and cautious hope as he counts her fingers and gazes at the nose she shares with her big brother. She may have his skin tone and hair but he can already tell that she has her mother's stubbornness and fire, demonstrated by her dramatic entrance into the world. After an hour silently spent re-assuring himself that his baby girl is indeed alive and very much real he enlists Alex's permission and takes their daughter to the place where her mother would be if their roles were reversed. He rocks the warm bundle in his arms as he perches on a pew and pleads with some sort of higher being to save his best friend, the mother of his children, the only woman he has ever wanted to have a family with, the person that he loved so much he had to divorce, the only other one to understand exactly how he has been fractured, broken and pulled messily back together over the years.
It's been seven hours since Ben lifted the scalpel when Arizona comes out to talk to him, taking of her scrub cap and rubbing her eyes. She knows what he wants to (and needs to hear) and launches straight into discussing what went on in the OR after announcing that April was very much alive. He directs question after question at her, did April need a hysterectomy? (thank god she didn't) How much blood had she lost? Were her bladder and kidneys damaged? Was there extensive nerve damage? After half an hour he can't come up with any more questions and simply sinks onto the trolley outside the room where he profusely thanks Warren, crying once again in gratitude.
She's nearly eight hours old when she gets to meet her mama for the first time. April is currently being held together by dozens of sutures, a whole lot of very strong painkillers and the second of several blood transfusions. Despite her obvious pain and grogginess Jackson can hear her loudly demand that she wants to "See my baby right now, damn it! Or so help me I will claw my out of this bed." He retrieves their rainbow from Bailey's arms and stands at the door to April's room, feeling completely overcome with emotion. She's semi-propped up in the bed, surrounded by a number of IV's and bright monitors. He hates seeing this strong, kick-ass woman lying there with the life drained out of her already pale skin and a bruise on her temple from where she reared her head on Meredith's table when the pain became too much to bear.
Her voice is barely above a whisper as she takes the sight of Jackson standing in the doorway and tries to process it, "Is…..? Do we….?"
He quickly covers the small distance from doorway to the bed in a couple of long strides. Not trusting himself to be able to form words he silently holds up the blanket burrito that contains their little love in a stance reminiscent of the Lion King. The relief is palpable as she allows herself to release a shuddery breath.
"A daughter, we have a mini-you Apes. She's perfect, completely and utterly perfect. Ten finger, ten toes, a full head of hair and eyes just like her brother."
He moves to place the baby beside her mother as April reaches a tentative hand up to stroke the soft, smooth skin on the newborns cheek. The two adults make eye contact, saying enough without saying anything at all.
Their bundle of amazingness is ten hours old, has been fed by her mother and burped by her father when Arizona and Alex come into the room, followed quickly by Owen who is still in his wedding suit. All three take in the sight before them. April has fallen into an uncomfortable sleep but was obviously unwilling to let go of her daughter. Jackson has moved onto the bed, lying behind her and assisting her in cuddling the baby as she sleeps. April slowly wakes up, looking confused at the sudden activity and in pain as she jostles her sutures.
Alex steps forward first, "I just need to check the little ones vitals. She is mini hospital royalty after all," He finishes with a smirk. Jackson follows the paediatric surgeon over to the corner of the room, unwilling to let his child out of touching distance, even for a moment
Arizona follows, picking up the chart at the end of the bed and pursing her lips at what she reads. She hands it off to Owen behind her before speaking. "Glad to see you're back in the land of the living Kepner, but you are never allowed to scare me like that again. You just couldn't deal with the fact that I fired you as a patient could you?" She's joking but hersmile hides a certain amount of fear that hasn't quite dissipated just yet. She moves to lean over the bed and begins to gently probe her friends abdomen, checking for swelling and signs of internal bleeding.
"Now," she continues, "Considering you had a crash C-section on a kitchen table with a decades old scalpel you are doing amazingly, but you are going to be taking it very easy for the next month or so. I'm keeping you in for at least a week and I don't want to hear any complaints, ok? Also, I don't want you to panic at all, but I've called Addison down in LA and she's going to come up in a few days to take a look at you."
Jackson's head snaps up at that and he rushes back to the bed. April's eyes fill with worry as she begins to process why the top ob-gyn on the west coast would be required.
Arizona places her hand soothingly over Aprils, "Just as a precaution, I promise. Addison has pioneered a fantastic technique regarding the prevention of uterine scarring and scar tissue. I just want to make sure that Grey's Sloan's best is able to have lots more adorable tiny humans if she desires."
Both April and Jackson let out a sigh of relief simultaneously as Owen steps forward. He simply comes over and hugs his protégée gently before giving her a paternal kiss on the forehead.
"Sorry for bailing on the wedding, I guess baby isn't too fond of them", she offers, sounding regretful.
He gives her an appraising look, "Kepner, don't be ridiculous. I missed having my best woman there but you ended up doing something damn more important than holding the rings. I'm just glad that we have a new little soldier to join the ranks." He gives her a relieved smile, his crinkling with genuine happiness.
Alex hands the baby to Arizona as his pager goes off and he leaves the room quickly. Arizona gives her a kiss on the forehead and whispers something conspiratory in her ear, the blonde surgeon finally looking peaceful. She goes to give her back to Jackson but is stopped by April's weak motions towards Owen. "I think it's time that her godfather held her" the redhead supplies.
Owen looks surprised but takes the swaddled bundle gratefully, holding her close and looking awed.
"After all, her godmother just got a cuddle" Jackson adds looking at the woman who had helped them both through two extremely tough pregnancies.
"With plastics and trauma for parents and trauma and paediatrics for god parents, nothing can ever happen to her", Owen jokes, rocking her gently.
"Why do you think we chose you two?" April retorts, raising an eyebrow weakly.
They are fifteen hours out and April has been sleeping while numerous visitors pop their heads in to make sure that all is well. Meredith has dropped in some of Ellis' newborn clothes and supplies. Neither April or Jackson had wanted to tempt fate after last time, so they were rather lacking in baby gear. Bailey had also brought Jackson some toiletries and a change of clothes from his locker, with Jo bringing a stuffed bear and a shy smile.
This time however, the knock on the door brings his mother, standing uncharacteristically quiet in the doorway. April is awake, simply staring at her daughter while tears stream down her face. Jackson is rubbing her back, simply letting her grieve their son while relishing their daughter.
"My baby boy has a baby girl," Catherine announces, with her usual confidence.
April continues to cry, seemingly unable to muster up any reply.
"Mom, this is not the time, please."
"I'm not here to fight honey, I'm really not," The older woman holds up her hands and makes her way over to the bed. She simply stares at her new granddaughter, looking ever so peaceful. "Now I know that I know that I need to do a hell of a lot of apologising but that is going to wait until April has recovered a bit of strength and can appreciate my grovelling. I let my pride and my obsession with the family name get in the way of a lot of things and for that I am truly sorry. But just know this, I love you two and I love and adore the beautiful grandchildren you have given me. I am thankful that I get to have the three of you here and I am heartbroken that Samuel cannot meet his sister. The rest can wait."
With that she sweeps out of the room, leaving two shocked adults and a hungry baby behind her.
She's twenty five hours old when Alex demands that they think about naming her because "Dude, your baby deserves better than being refered to as 'her' or 'baby girl Kepner-Avery". Plus with all these Avery's running around it's getting confusing."
And so begins the discussion of names. It happens in fits and starts because like so many other things it's a trigger for the grief of their son and both of them desperately want to be calling out his name hundreds of time a day.
After ruling out Jane, Laura, Ruth, Naomi, Jacqueline, Leah, Rebecca, Charlotte and Ava they are at an impass.
They are sitting in their now regular position, with Jackson lying on the bed helping to prop April up as she holds their baby close. Strangely enough neither of them feel awkward about it, the physical and emotional closeness seems natural.
"May", April states with conviction.
"Hmmm?"
"May, doesn't she look like a May? Its sweet and pretty and it's her birth month. She can be just like me."
"May." He test the name out, letting it roll of his tongue. "I love it, she's our come what may baby after all."
"Look at our little May-May", April coos, delighted that her choice has been approved.
"Can we use Everret as a middle name? It was Marks and well, without him we wouldn't have her and we wouldn't have had Samuel or any of it really," His voice breaks as he tries to explain just how important it is to him.
"Of course Jacks," her hand goes to cover his and she gives him a reassuring squeeze. "I also want to give her a name in honour of Ben though, to thank him for saving us. Maybe Wren? As a shortened form of Warren?" She wrinkles her nose, clearly wondering if it will work.
He gently takes the baby off of her and holds the small creature up at their eye level. Their daughter opens her eyes, regarding them both with two deep pools of calm blue.
"May Everett Wren Kepner-Avery, I hope you have as much love in your life as you do names," he states solemnly.
They have been stretched and pulled and broken beyond belief, but in that sterile hospital room they begin the journey to being stitched and brought back together. The pieces may never fit together as they once did, but slowly they begin to come back, to provide a much longed for sense of peace and love. And most importantly hope, hope that things can be okay again. Hope that they can parent, hope that they may be able to unite their love once more.
This is just something quick that I threw together for my favourite two. Please review and comment of you feel like it!