It just seems like I should confess.
This story was inspired by Cheryl Cole's song, 'Fight for this love.' If you listen to some of the lyrics, I believe they describe Liv and El. I have added the lyrics into the story, because I think they fit. = D This is a one-shot FF and please R & R, and who knows, if you like it, I might do a sequel!! =O !!! = D
'Too much of anything can make you sick
Even the good can be a curse
Makes it hard to know which road to go down
Knowing too much can get you hurt…'
After 15 years and about 5,460 cups of coffee, Elliot Stabler still felt blessed. He felt blessed that he still worked with Olivia Benson and they had a partnership that most work colleagues only dreamed off. They had this chemistry that from a stranger's perspective made them look like a married couple, but from the squads' perspective made them look like the best of friends, who still hadn't found what they were both looking for. Each other.
Elliot had always had this feeling in the back of his mind, well, it was more of a voice, that kept telling him, Tell her, tell her you love her, because you really do and there is NO point denying it. So today, exactly one week before Christmas day, he decided that after a lot of mind muddling and wrecking his brains, that this is what he would do. The thought of actually telling her his feelings made him shake and feel sick. He was a nervous wreck. He had never felt like this before in his previous relationship with Kathy, although he put this down to the fact that the way he felt about Olivia would never ever be something he would experience with Kathy, because after 20 years of marriage straight out of College, they had completely grown apart; the only thing in common now with both of them were their 5 beautiful children.
'…Is it better? Is it worse? Are we sitting in reverse?
It's just like we're going backwards
I know where I want this to go
Driving fast but let's go slow
What I don't wanna do is crash, no…'
2 years had passed from their divorce and Elliot saw his children every weekend, and occasionally Olivia was their with him to see his kids, which they absolutely loved, because they believed that Olivia was a Godsend to their Dad, because to them, they had never seen him so happy when he was with Olivia, even though they were just friends. One particular weekend stood out for Elliot, when Lizzie had been sitting beside him on the sofa, watching the latest movie and out of the blue, asked, 'When are you and Livvy going to get married?' Elliot couldn't answer that question because they weren't even a couple, in fact, at that point, they weren't even speaking because she was undercover and Elliot had no clue were she was because Cragen wouldn't tell him for his own safety. Cragen knew that if Elliot found out that Liv was undercover in a very dangerous prison in Oregon that he would hit the roof.
'…Just know that you're not in this thing alone
There's always a place in me you can call home
Whenever you feel like we're growing apart
Let's just go back, back, back, back, back to the start…'
So, yeah, back to reality, Elliot knew that if he didn't tell her now before they went undercover together again, that, God forbid if something bad happened, he may never get the chance, so to Elliot, it was now or never. He was lying in the cribs and had been so lost in thought that he hadn't seen her enter the room. She was standing with her back to him, looking for something in her locker and he had been so lost in thought that he hadn't heard her speaking.
"Hmm?" he replied, now gazing up at her.
"El, Cap wants to see us in his office in 5 to give us our last briefing before we have to go."
'…Anything that's worth having
Is sure enough worth fighting for
Quitting's out of the question
When it gets tough gotta fight some more…'
He sighed heavily and slowly got up from the crib were he was lying. He was about to step out the door when Olivia grabbed his arm gently and turned him toward her.
"Everything alright? You seem very distant today." She said, gazing into his blue eyes as if trying to read his mind and figure out what was wrong.
'…We gotta fight, fight, fight, fight, fight for this love
We gotta fight, fight, fight, fight, fight for this love
We gotta fight, fight, fight, fight, fight for this love
If it's worth having it's worth fighting for…'
"Yeah." He replied quickly, trying not to make eye contact with her, incase she could actually read his thoughts, which was a special gift they both shared. Sometimes they wouldn't even need to speak, they would just have to look each other in the eyes and it would say everything. He wasn't shocked by her next statement.
"El, please don't lie to me. I've known you for so long now that I can tell something is bothering you."
'…Now every day ain't gon' be no picnic
Love ain't a walk in the park
All you can do is make the best of it now
Can't be afraid of the dark…'
Elliot felt his heart stop dead in it tracks. This was so NOT how he imagined telling Olivia Serena Benson that he lay awake at night thinking about her, how every minute of the day when he sat across a desk from her that he wanted to just scramble across the desk and kiss her, that when they were out in the field that he worried from they left the precinct until they returned that something bad would happen to her and that he would never get the chance to tell her that he loved her and wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, and never get the chance to tell her that without her, his life would feel so empty, because she completed him.
'…Just know that you're not in this thing alone
There's always a place in me you can call home
Whenever you feel like we're growing apart
Let's just go back, back, back, back, back to the start
Anything that's worth having
Is sure enough worth fighting for
Quitting's out of the question
When it gets tough gotta fight some more…'
"Liv…" he began, and stared into her eyes, "I'm sorry, but I don't want to do this now." He quickly turned around and walked from the cribs to Cragen's office. Olivia was a little stunned by his reaction, but knew Elliot well enough to say that in his own time when he was ready, he would tell her. Olivia followed him to Cragen's office and took a seat beside Elliot in front of the desk. She gazed at Elliot who kept staring in front of him at Cragen.
***
About 30 minutes later, the 2 left Cragen's office and headed outside to Elliot's car. Elliot knew before they got into the car that this was going to be an awkward journey. He took one last look at the precinct that he wouldn't see for 2 months and got into the car. He drove away with Olivia in the passenger seat and headed to the location they would be working in for the next 2 months. The journey was quiet apart for the radio playing 'Cheryl Cole's- Fight for this Love' and Liv quietly singing along.
'…We gotta fight, fight, fight, fight, fight for this love
We gotta fight, fight, fight, fight, fight for this love
We gotta fight, fight, fight, fight, fight for this love
If it's worth having it's worth fighting for
I don't know where we're heading I'm willing and ready to go
We've been driving so fast we just need to slow down and just roll…'
Elliot thought that she had the most amazing singing voice and he had to resist the urge to look over at her and smile. They pulled up outside the location and Elliot turned off the engine. He just sat their for a moment staring out at the building in front of him. Olivia looked at him and then looked at the building in front of them.
"El, you ready to go inside?"
Without looking at Olivia he replied, "No, I can't just yet."
"Okay, well, I'm going to go on ahead, and you can follow, okay?" Olivia said as she was about to get out of the car. Elliot reached over and grabbed her arm gently and stared into her mocha brown eyes.
"Please don't go yet."
'…Anything that's worth having
Is sure enough worth fighting for
Quitting's out of the question
When it gets tough gotta fight some more…'
Olivia could see that Elliot was scared and she had been really worried about him these past few weeks ever since they had been told about this particular assignment.
"El, What's wrong?" She asked, getting back into the car and closing the door.
Elliot began to fidget with his hands and Olivia could tell he was nervous. He shifted in his seat and turned slightly to face her. He stared down at his hands.
"Liv…I really don't know where to begin. Before I say anything I want to let you know that this is not just something I'm going to say because we're going undercover, it's something I've wanted to say for the past fifteen years,"
He gazed up at her for a moment and she nodded. He stared back down at his hands and continued.
"You remember the day that we meet, right?"
'…We gotta fight, fight, fight, fight, fight for this love
We gotta fight, fight, fight, fight, fight for this love
We gotta fight, fight, fight, fight, fight for this love
If it's worth having it's worth fighting for…'
Olivia wondered were this was going but she nodded as she wanted to hear what else he was going to say.
"Well, the moment you walked in through the precinct doors, I couldn't take my eyes off you. When Cragen announced that you and me were going to be partners, I thought I was the luckiest guy in the world."
Olivia Blushed and Elliot felt his cheeks go a little red too. He felt like a teenager telling his first crush that he was in love.
"I know that, well, I know that I haven't always been the best partner or friend to you, even though you have always been there for me, even when you had your own problems to deal with. I just want to tell you I'm so sorry for being a complete ass at times and for pissing you off when we maybe disagreed on things, but what I love about are friendship is that, it never broke us. There have been partners at the precinct before you arrived who argued sometimes like we did, and they got so mad at each other that one of them transferred to a different state. I know there was a time when we got so mad at each other that you transferred to computer crimes, and I want to apologize for putting you in that position. Anytime we leave that precinct, I'm always so worried incase you would get hurt, and there have been a few times that you have gotten hurt when you were with me, and even now, I still haven't forgiven myself for that. I'm so protective of you, because I don't ever want to have to break in a new partner."
Olivia was completely shocked. She sympathetically looked at Elliot.
"El, why are you telling me this now?"
Elliot gulped and bravely looked into Olivia's eyes.
"Well, the reason I am telling you this now is because we are going undercover, and no matter what, I am going to do the best I can not to let you get hurt this time, but incase something goes wrong, I just want you to know that for the moment we met 15 years ago, I have been head over heels in love with you and no matter what happens I always will be."
'…We gotta fight, fight, fight, fight, fight for this love
We gotta fight, fight, fight, fight, fight for this love
We gotta fight, fight, fight, fight, fight for this love
If it's worth having it's worth fighting for.'