This is a one shot for a good friend of my on twitter who lost someone very dear to her. I love you 3
This is a Salex fic based on Alex's feelings during Black Badge.
In my life I have been through so much pain. Mental pain, physical pain. As a division agent, we are taught to handle all types of pain. Except the most powerful form of pain. Loss, in my life loss is something I have felt only three times. But here looking down at Sean's pale lifeless body, it is worse than anything I have ever felt. The pain of loss is like no other, it is all consuming. Your world has no meaning. The body's response to pain is to cry.
Yet I allow no tears to fall as I wait. I think of the time I lost Nikita, the past is ones cause for pain. When I had no tears left to cry I smile. To the world I had moved on, I had shed my ties with the woman I called my mother. Am I going to have to do that for the man I love? Can I do that for the man I love? When I was alone, the pain would show.
I allowed my pain to change who I was, I made choices based of my pain. What kind of choices will I make if he is gone?" Pain was the spark to my blood. It set me ablaze with and in pain. Pain is my reality check, he is my reality check. My pain is a drug. It goes into my blood and pumps through my heart to my brain. To let go of my pain would be letting go of reality. Would be letting go of him. I look down again and realize to feel pain is better than to feel nothing at all. The air rushes back into his lunges and I fall to my knees next to him. The tears falling, as the pain is replaced by love. And relief, I don't want to feel nothing. Because he is my reality and if I felt nothing he would be gone.
He reaches his hand out to me from the stretcher. I clasp it tightly in my hand, its warm. I lean over him and rest my head on his chest as he runs his hands through my hair. I hear the sound of his heart beat. Its strong rhythm as it pumps blood through his veins. " I love you" He whispers. I tighten my hold on him and say. " I love you to Sean. Don't ever make me do that again. I thought I lost you." He tipped my chin up and whispered. " Never again. I will always be with you. Here" He paused and placed his hand near my heart. " And in here, always" I kissed his lips softly and whispered back. " Always"
SAlexandrina Your friend will always be with you too in your heart.