A UH-60 Blackhawk Helicopter flies over the middle eastern sands. It touches down in a nearby village.
Out step two valiant, muscular heroes, their mighty hair blowing in the breeze. They are known simply as Trump and Putin.
A massive fleet of 1980s Japanese pickup trucks begins to surround them, ISIS insurgents shouting as they man the guns in the beds of the trucks. They ready their M60 machine guns and give each other a secret handshake so inconceivably badass, describing it in mere English words would make my computer explode.
A moment of silence. The air is still and silent. Then, as if on cue, all hell breaks loose.
The first round of AK47 shots echo through the desolate sandy street, our valiant American and Russian heroes not even flinching. They retaliate with each of their massive machine guns that wipe out over 500 ISIS troops. Putin continues to unleash his lead-based fury into the surrounding insurgents as Trump reaches for an RPG-7 dropped by one of the dead ISIS men. With a single pull of the trigger, a rocket is launched at a nearby ISIS explosives supply. The resulting fire creates a humongous explosion that looks so fucking awesome that 2 ISIS men go blind purely from how fucking cool it looks. A large terrorist hideout building collapses in the inferno. 15 Japanese pickup trucks explode and any bastard who wasn't immediately killed by the gunfire or explosions either dies of a heart attack or runs the fuck away.
However, the battle isn't over yet, as a huge tank rolls down the street. The tank shoots a missile is shot at the duo, causing a giant cloud of smoke and dust from the resulting blast. The smoke clears as Trump and Putin walk forward towards the beast of steel, neither of them even slightly affected. The hatch at the top of the tank opens to reveal the man responsible... Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi!
"Foolish Infidels! You might have survived my mighty army's attack and foiled my plans for world domination, but you are still no match for me! With you two gone, and with the help of Angela Murkel and Hillary Clinton, my army shall grow again! We will rule the world under Sharia law, and all those that oppose us shall be put to death!"
Abu then hops back down into the hatch in the most cartoonishly-absurd way possible for a human being to enter a tank. Two missiles are launched once again from the cannon. However, the camera switches to a slow-motion tracking shot as both Trump and Putin roundhouse kick the missiles back in the direction of the tank. The missiles hit the tank with impeccable accuracy as the massive hunk of steel is permanently disabled.
Abu falls out of the wreckage onto the sandy pavement. Trump and Putin walk in slow-motion towards him, ready to give the leader of ISIS a small loan of a million ass-kickings.
Trump thrusts his mighty fist into Abu's face 1,776 times, breaking countless facial bones. Trump steps aside as Putin rides into frame on a grizzly bear holding a Great White Shark that he wrestled from the Mediterranean Sea with his bare hands while Trump was punching Abu in the face. Putin swings the shark like a giant baseball bat, and slaps Abu in the face with the force of 1,000 moving freight trains as the terrorist is launched out of the Earth's atmosphere and into the Sun.
With ISIS destroyed, Putin and Trump drop their weapons and give each other the manliest high five you've ever fucking seen, their massive muscles flexing wildly. A remix of both "Real American" by Rick Derringer and the Russian National Anthem play as Trump and Putin walk into the sunset, victorious against the evil that was ISIS.
Trump, Putin, Putin's grizzly bear, and the Great White Shark are all awarded Nobel Peace Prizes and declared the most badass living beings in history. The entirety of the planet cheers in mighty celebration. The Pope, Hulk Hogan, and Mr. T all shed manly tears of joy at the beautiful sight. Ronald Reagan returns from the grave to give Trump the manliest hug ever.
The world returns to peace and harmony with Trump and Putin leading mankind to a bright future.