Chapter 1

Leavin' is the Only Way Out

"Come on, come on," Jackie muttered, knocking on the door to the Pinciotti house. "Come on, come on, be home." Her knocks became even more anxious when no one answered.

"Come on, Lumberjack, why can't you be home already?" Jackie asked her absent best friend. Donna Pinciotti was a mountain sized girl, with long red hair and a body that would make any Amazon jealous. Unfortunately her curvaceous body also came with feet that were so large they probably were responsible for the moon's craters. It didn't help matters that girl insisted on dressing like a man.

"Yo, Satan, they're not home," a voice called out.

She turned around to find Eric Forman, Donna's boy-next-door boyfriend leaning against the hood of his vista cruiser, holding an orange basketball.

"Bob said something about visiting a Buddha farm when he was over this morning," Eric said, dribbling the ball with his spindly little arms.

Jackie didn't say anything. She wasn't in the mood to swap insults with Eric today. Even if she did feel like her normal witty self, trading insults with Captain Skywalker was hardly stimulating. A Rhesus monkey could insult Eric. He was a scrawny little man, who was barely taller than her own five foot four inches, with absolutely no muscle definition. His muscles were the size of peanuts. Actually, no, scratch that. Peanuts were too generous. More like M&Ms. For the life of her she could not figure out why on earth Donna had settled for the little twerp, she could do so much better. He was not attractive in the least, he was mean, and he had no clue how to treat a woman. The only thing he actually had going for him was that he wasn't a cheater like her own ex, Michael. Of course, Eric would probably be a cheater too but no one other than Donna actually wanted him. All men were cheaters. Even her dad was a cheater. Just ask the IRS about it.

"What? The bitch doesn't have a comeback?" Eric asked.

She rolled her eyes at him. For some reason, Eric was always picking at her. At first she had thought it was because he was just jealous that she was with Michael and not him, but lately that didn't seem to be the case. He just seemed to hate her. Only one other person in the basement-group seemed to hate her more than Eric, and that was Steven Hyde.

"Dude, lay off," another voice joined in the conversation. Steven Hyde walked out of the garage and stood next to Eric. "You lookin for Kelso?" He asked her, referring to her now-ex boyfriend.

She shook her head, tears stinging her eyes. "No. I'm sure he's busy banging Eric's slutty sister."

Eric raised his eyebrows. "My sister is a slut."

Hyde looked surprised. "You know about that?"

She shook her head. "I do now."

"Oh, uh-" he hesitated. "Sorry man."

She shrugged. "Did everyone else know?"

Eric's face flushed.

"Well-uh," Stephen started.

"I kinda figured as much," Jackie said, fiddling with her purse. "Any clue when Donna's going to be home?"

Both of them shook their heads.

"Hopefully soon," Eric said. "I need some make-out time!"

Steven shot a glare at him. "You want us to have her call you when she gets home?"

Jackie nodded. "Yeah. Thanks. I'll just go talk to...to one of my other friends."

"Right," Steven said, nodding. "That's a good idea. You should go do that."

"Well, bye then Devil," Eric said, tossing the basketball to Hyde.

"Um, bye," Jackie said, walking off.

"Dude," Hyde said, throwing the ball back at Eric. "That was really uncool of you."

"What do you mean?" Eric asked.

"I mean she's obviously hurt and you were a total jack-ass."

"Since when do you care about she-devil's feelings?"

"I don't," Hyde said. "I just think you could be a little more respectful."

"Respectful? Of the tiny loser?"

"Hey, dudes, guess what?"

Hyde turned to see the man of the hour, Michael Kelso appear.

"You caught your pants on fire again?" Eric asked.

"No, I just got done nailing your sister."

"I hope you have insurance, man." Hyde said. "You never know what kinds of diseases Laurie might have."

"She's got a bad case of the hot-disease," Kelso said. "She's infected with it, and guess what? It's contagious."

"Kelso, man, you're an idiot," Hyde said, tossing the ball at his head.

"Ow, my eye!" Kelso cried out. "What'd you do that for?"

"Because you're a freaking idiot," Hyde yelled, before storming into the house.

"What's his problem?" Kelso asked.

Eric shrugged. "I don't know. Probably in a bad mood cuz chatty-Jackie was here earlier crying over you."

"Wait, Jackie was here?"

Eric rolled his eyes. "Give it up, Kelso."