"Fanfic written during one of his date events. Also the anguish version of how the system refusal to make their characters an official couple for 3 years, cause disprepancy and doubts." I'm no writer or have fluent english so, be wary of my grammar errors. Also kinda long...
.
.
This enough... for now at least.
It was August 14, I asked Tamao to hang out at the amusement park. I couldn't help it. It was a one-time occasion to be with him while we enjoy the special Night Parade event.
I've been asking Tamao to dates for almost every weekend of the year since I fell in love with him in my first year of high school. He was my senpai. Back then, it was easy and convenient to visit him at his class and in the student council. I admit I only joined the club for him, I wasn't really smart or dutiful. But, seeing him everyday working hard for the benefit of the students made me feel guilty and incited me to do the same.
At first, I always thought it was a hopeless crush. I thought it was arrogant of me to ask the student president out but, I couldn't help it, he was too kind and understanding. When I finally asked him to go out for the 1st time, I was sure I'm was getting close to him! However... Later, we went to countless dates, I got closer to him, he blush when we're together. But, after two years, he never told me how he feels about me.
It was when his graduation day arrived, I started to fear, that all those progress were just a mere illusion. We were growing distant. He still cared for me but, is it different from the treatment I have always received?
Like predicted, this year the time I get to see him, decreased immensely. His university was far from our school, his time was mostly spent on studies. Of course, I couldn't ask him out. It would hurt me to hear him agree out of pure courtesy. As weeks then months passed with only a few emails, phone calls and 2-3 dates, those dark thoughts returned.
Is this the end? Is this how far our bond can go?
I talked to Miyo and Karen, my close friends, who seeing how I got sadder as days goes by, told me it was time to confront Tamao. Thanks to Miyo's stars visions advice, a week ago, I called him sure that he would be.
"I cannot assure you, your feelings will be reciprocated. But, the stars told me tomorrow your doubts will be answered. Don't worry Bambi. No matter what, we're with you and you can count on us"
My psychic and petit friend Miyo, assured me last night on the phone with her mystical and calming voice.
Still the anxiety didn't falter. Keeping me awake all night.
.
.
I'm currently heading to our meeting spot (Bus station), with my strange clothes combination. Its was a habit of mine to check "Goro Himeko" fashion site. And as usual I dressed up the way Tamao liked, being sure I had the Natural Stone bracelet he gave for my birthday.
I don't really know why I felt the need to be liked by him since I might end things with him today. It must have been a habit of our dates routine...
The station as usual was busy, due to the nervousness I came early. Or I thought I was, until from behind I heard his voice calling my name.
"Konno-sempai! You're here already!?"
There he was. With his nicely combed hair, his slightly tanned skin, glasses framing his gentle eyes, and his relaxing aura.
"Yeah, I came here early as well. It's not really cool, I guess." He shyly admitted.
"Eh, why is that?" I asked, not failing to see the pink tint decorating his cheeks.
"It's like a kid's arriving early for a school trip..."
"But, they do that because they're excited!" I tried to reason him and calm any sort of hope rising within me.
"It's still embarrassing... Ah, that's..."
I followed his eyes only to fall to my wrist where a bracelet laid.
"Yeah, it's the bracelet you gave me for my birthday". I warmly recall the joy, I had when I received it in the second day of exams. I wore it right away in the next exams where I arrived first in my course. From then on it became a sort of charm. (My bday is on 10th\12)
The thought that it was also a gift from my future heartbroken crush, dissipated all the joy I had, causing a frown and blur my vision.
"What's the matter?" He asked concerned and serious. Becoming aware that the day was still long, I steadied myself and hold back the upcoming tears.
"N-nothing. I'm good. I'm just going nostalgic because it has been long since the last time we hang out." I fakely smile... "Let's just head to the Park. I-I don't want the line for the Haunted house to file up!"
I adverted my eyes and checked for the bus. I could still feel his eyes on me which didn't help at all the crimson spreading in my face. He didn't say anything at first until, he gave a sigh and his relaxing voice returned.
"So, it's the Haunted house this time..." I heard him murmur. Before I could ask anything the bus arrived.
When we arrived at the park, kids, talks laughter filled the whole place. Overlay of music and advertisements lifted the silent awkwardness born during the ride. The enthusiasm filled me soon enough making me return to my child-self.
As soon as we stepped in, we went to the map board to search for the Haunted house boot. After that, I unconsciously grabbed his hand and dragged him to our destination. I do admit it was another of our outing habit. I would drag him to all kind of events, just for the pure purpose of experiencing new things. I shouldn't be this enthusiastic but, I wanted our last outing to be fun. I want to leave a joyful memory of us. A joy bigger than any rejection aftertaste.
When we reached the run-down Japanese house that gave a sinister aura, we knew we we're in the right places.
It was funny and kinda cute seeing Tamao's hand hesitantly reaching for mine in the dark and disturbing building. It was a surprise discovering that Tamao was sorta weak or maybe amazed by ghostly and macabre stuff. Being the horror lover I am, I felt pride building in me as I hold his hand all the way to the Haunted house's exit.
"The effects and costume were quite on point, don't you think so?" Konno Tamao said as he adjusted his glasses and a smile found its way in his handsome face. A glint of interest and satisfaction sparkled in his eyes. When I saw those eyes fill with newfound knowledge, I couldn't help but, smile back and admire how this man can find interest in everything.
"Haha, maybe it was a real ghost." I joked around and teased him. I watched him blush in delight.
"E-eh! T-that would certainly be an interesting twist." He said initially with fear but soon enough excitement overcome him at the thought.
I felt a slight pressure on my hand. His long fingers circling mine. Reminding me, we were still holding hands. Both our eyes widened at the sight. I was used dragging him around by the wrist but, never hold hands.
"This is a good sign! They're holding hands!! Love is in the air~ " A high pitched voice screamed from the distant, catching my attention completely. I turn around and searched the owner of said exclamation. However, they were just too many people to even tell who's who.
"Was that..? "
"What's wrong?" Tamao asked looking around and concerned as well.
"I thought I saw... Emn, no. It's nothing. How about we gets some ice cream? It's so hot today." I chirped excitedly.
Despite the tension and awkwardness, I really did want to enjoy this day. I'm aware it was completely selfish of mine to satisfy my desire like this. Avoiding Tamao's suspicious and conflicting glances. Glaces that just like mine, were asking for answers. We both knew something was breaking between us. An invisible thread. That both us knew would snap at any moment. We both knew but, pretended it wasn't there.
We went in after enjoying some refreshing ice-creams, we headed for other rides: Kart race, Rollercoaster, merry go around,...
.
.
When the sun went down, painting the sky with its warm color, and the night's curtain of stars and moon closed down, I knew my time was running out. The pain in my chest spread, each wave was mentally excruciating, threatening my voice to tremble and my mask to fall.
I asked Tamao's university life, listening with a forced smile. I didn't have the courage to talk... No information was stored in my head as the pain, the thoughts that these were what keep him away, just burned hate within me.
I watched his faces looking at the distance while he talked. Watched the way the sunset's twilight shined upon his hair, nose, eyes,... Everything I always admired in awe. Eyes that I often escape from out of pure genuine sense of inferiority.
A sense of inferiority that was born the moment, I realize he was the school student president. That person everyone admired. That person with good grades and genuine righteousness embodied in his words and actions. As a first year, a girl with no notable talent, he was unreachable. I knew it was probably a lost cause but, I insisted to be at least be of help to him. Despite being only a delivery survey and copies in the student council, he treated me with kindness, as if we were equals. I tried hard to avoid showing him my average score and my failed exams. But, of course he eventually found out. Yet, he continued to treat me the same. He offered me help and extra lessons, which he absolutely didn't have any obligation or gain.
Maybe it was the guilt and the fear of disappointing him the made me strive to study more and more. But, the truth was undeniable. It was mainly thanks to his effort, words and support, I am someone I can be proud of. Soon enough my grades gradually improved, study school become fun, and I found my own place in my class and the student council which I now work as the vice-president. I was probably one of his many secret admirers. One of his indebted peers. But, after all these time... I couldn't let go this stubborn love bug and butterflies in my stomach, commanding me to pursue him, like a moth attracted to fire.
I owned Konno Tamao so much. I didn't want to this bond to be severed by something so fleeting like love or sensual attraction. So, if I will indeed be rejected, I want to at least remain friends or acquainted with him. Whatever circumstance, does not change what he has done for me. I want him to have fun and enjoy himself.
This is the least I can do for him.
I thought as I shifted my gaze to the now welcoming stars and silent moon.
"...tte. Marinette!" Taken away from my profound thoughts, I now looked at Tamao.
"Hm? Sorry, kinda dazed off... What was it again?"
He had the same smile, I grew used to over the years. The same I eyes, I can now look and reciprocate with pride. But, ...somehow, there was a strange undertone of melancholy in his body message.
"Don't blank out too much. The crowd is pretty hectic, I don't want to lose you. I-I know this is strange but, it's better we hold hands. Just in case..." He softy said with those mesmerizing eyes... Glasses reflecting the stars now shining bright in the sky. His hand elegantly stretched towards me.
I gave him a smile and gently rested my hand on his palm. His hand was strong and tense. With one eye, I lifted my gaze to see him blush once again. A nervous expression on his face. It was enough to lift a bit the aching in my heart. The thought the I can affect him even a bit was enough. That was what I told myself until now. This was enough.
I playfully swung our linked hand, easing the stiffness and lightening the mood. He had always been like this. He would move first but, never directly confirm anything. Giving me hope and hope... It was strange but, I never hated him for it. I couldn't bring myself to.
"There's the Night Parade." I suggested.
"If we go there we'll return late... But, it could be fun. What do you think?"
"I don't mind. We rarely hung out these days... I would enjoy every second we can pass" He agreed. Smile and kindness genuine in his visage as he held my hand firmly and with ease.
"Let's find a spot where we can easily see the parade."
We solemnly walked towards the area where the majority of people, with flyers featuring marvelous lights in hand, were heading. There was no need for words. The simple contact of our hands were enough to express the ease we both experiencing.
The moment we arrived, the gathered people were more than we expected. We started to fear we wouldn't see anything until,... For some sort of reasons, in the mist of the crowd and darkness, we were pushed around several time until we magically fall in front of the line of people. It was suspiciously strange and confusing but, we were grateful.
The Parade was composed with elaborates lights combinations and complex creativity decorating the widely variegated expositions. From complex famous buildings to recognizable and loved cartoon characters. It was a joy for the eyes. An enchanting Light show. All we could do was remain in awe.
"That dinosaur is amazing. I wonder how many lights bulbs they used on its body." Konno Tamao asked in awe and childish curiousness, as we watched mesmerize the Parade illuminating the night. His glasses reflecting back the lights. But, even without seeing his eyes, I could tell he was happy and satisfied.
It was in moments like these, I remember why I wanted to go out with him all around Hanataki's events, places joys. Make him experience various things. Lift his gaze a little from all the worries and duty weighed him. Lighting his eyes with the same amazement of a child. I'm not much of a person. I can not offer him anything nor benefit him. I'm just an average grateful girl. All I want is too see him happy, stay beside him if possible. That's enough.
I examined the dinosaur exposition that caught his eyes. Like the others, it complexly decorated with various colors and lights. The only difference was that it was bigger than the others. Completely screaming at everyone that there were more than a hundred lights bulbs used. Looking more attentively...
"It's really big too!" I exclaimed; now my turn to be impressed.
"Yeah. If we also consider the blinking lights on his body, It would even look more menacing." He excitedly said with a wide smile mirroring his cheer. I also agreed and share his joy.
As I watched the lights in silent, I realized...
I don't want to lose this.
I knew it all along! From the start. All my thoughts screamed it.
I don't want to lose Konno-senpai.I don't want to lose a friend, a my mentor.I am helplessly in love with him.Is it that right thing to do? Ask him what he feels? Burying this love that marked my entire highschool life?No.
All my thoughts were clouded by doubts and selfishness. The selfish desire to be with him more. I wasn't waiting for him. I wasn't trying to win his love.
I was forcing him to make a choice.
"I-I'm...I " My voice was low and trembling. I couldn't face him with my tears falling like waterfalls on my cheeks. My eyes burned from guilt. I held my head low. Knowing full well, he was too tall to see my eyes this way. I was being a coward again. I still can't look him in the eyes...seems like, I still have a lot of learning before, I can fully be noticed romantically. How funny... I'm such a fool. Another tear fall but, this time I smiled.
"Marinette, c-can I all you M... Mari?"
A stuttering shaking voice said. It was low and was said almost rushed but, it came from no one other than my senpai.
"W-W-what???" I turned around at the sudden question. It was then, I was greeted by a peculiar scene... There he was with his 182cm tall, back facing me, ears red and both hands attempting to hid the embarrassment.
Konno-senpai... I'm here crying buckets of tears and you're not even looking at me! I need comfort too.
It's true we never called each other by our first time. It sounds stupid but, I thought it was rude of me addressing someone older by his first name, so I never dared to. Though I mentally call him Tamao... Knowing him he must have been too shy to even dare... With no traces of grief lingering anymore, all I could do was smile happily.
"Of course. You can! If I may can I call you Tamao-kun from now on?" I asked him with happiness overwhelming me.
Hearing my cheerful tone, Tamao quickly turned around to face me. He was still red like a tomato but, determination mixed with unexpected joy in his face, told me he was happy the same way I was.
"Of course.please call me that way from now on! I-I mean... It would overyjoy me to hear my name from your- NO! What I truly want to say is I don't mind."
He made confused and nervous gesture as he timidly confirmed my request. Gradually calming at each attempt. How sweet...
"M-Mari-chan. I like it..." Now composed and calm but, still with a little flush he tried saying my name.
"Wait. Mari, Why are you crying?!?! I knew something was up. You can count on me! You may feel confused and alone but, don't. You can count on me."
He held my hands in his and passionately locked gaze with mine. I was caught falling down deep within his olive-forest orbs to even phantom what happened in the mere seconds later.
A strong push from behind Konno made him fall on me!
"Eh?"
A strong determined voice arrived. A tall girl steadily standing before us who were now left forgotten in the floor. She was tall with short brown hair. I watched the familiar girl exclaim in frustration.
"Ughh damn, crowd! They made me lose balance and knock him in the wrong side."
"Karen, I told you not to intervene. The star strongly recommended you don't do anything hash." A girl with shoulder length hair and bangs and a soft yet angry voice, emerged from the sea of people now returning home after the Night Parade.
"But, Miyo-chan. The class president made Bambi cry! And after all the pushing I did to give them the best seats... Oh Bambi, don't worry. There are other fishes in the sea." Karen said as she melodramatically try to comfort me.
"Emn... Hanatsubaki-san, can you please lift your foot. Your stepping on my shoulder" Tamao-kun said with anguish.
With my head closely near his shoulder and neck, I couldn't see his face but, his red ears and a beating heart, which was not my own, pressed on my chest, beating wildly told me he was super nervous. I then looked at Karen.
"Karen, you're crashing me too..."
"Oh, Bambi! I'm so sorry." She lifted his foot and helped me out but, not before throwing a murderous glare at Tamao who clumsily stood up. Miyo on the other hand, smiled at me with knowing eyes.
"There's no need for us to worry anymore. Right Bambi? The stars foretold me that you already arrived at the answer."
I nodded firmly. It was very stupid actually. I wasn't the only one that want to move forward. Even Tamao, on his on way and time, didn't want to sever our relationship. Today was the proof of this.
At my side, Tamao returned and was clumsily apologizing with a blush spreading to his cheeks and ears. Concern painted in his face.
I have been a fool. My attempts and advances weren't in vain. In a way, I managed to occupy a small part of his heart. We were in the right direction. I just have to wait and see his affections unfold and reciprocate mine. It wasn't a lost cause. I am still in the midst of this battle for his heart. And the odds were on my favour, the result assuring me a ray of hope.
"Hanatsubaki-san, please refrain from doing that in the future. I almost crushed Mari-chan..." Konno Tamao said with reproachful remark.
"M-Mari-chan...wait since when..? Oh no. Please Miyo, tell me I didn't interrupted anything" Karen gaze switching between me and Tamao. In particular, at our, once again, linked hands.
"Yup, you did. Never doubt my star visions." Miyo proudly warned us.
"Wait, you guys spied us!?"
.
.
Author's noteYeeeah. This was really random story but, I hooe you enjoyed it. i just wrote this, imagining how the heroine of TMGS3 managed to wait for a whole 3 years staying friends with him.