Welcome to my first Harry Potter parody! I'm taking most elements of Harry Potter fanfiction and making fun of them. It's supposed to be stupid so if you wanna flame me go ahead. Flames entertain me. Hope you enjoy it! R&R.

Disclaimer: Nope sorry I'm not J. K. Rowling.

The Ultimate Harry Potter Parody

Harry woke up one morning and he was magically in Slytherin for no reason at all. He ran down the stairs and was suddenly very gothic. He grabbed the nearest knife and started cutting himself because he just felt like it. Suddenly his cuts healed and he changed into a sex obsessed jerk.

"Potter! Even though I totally hate you we should make out because the author says so!" Draco said.

They both morphed into sex gods and screwed intensely. Then Harry magically got pregnant and started crying because he became a pansy. Draco dumped him for Ginny who just became a hooker for the hell of it. Harry suddenly stopped being pregnant and became a total badass.

"I'm gonna go kick someone's ass," Harry said randomly.

He walked out of his dormitory and ran into an OC character. She was the most beautiful girl ever and he fell in love with her long hair and dark eyes. Then he walked back in the common room with her and Draco dumped hooker Ginny to get with the OC and so she dumped Harry who suddenly ran to his new father Snape and started screwing him intensely. But then Hermione ran in and Snape ignored his son and started screwing Hermione.

Harry went back to the Dursleys and they kicked him out and he started being angsty so he went back to Hogwarts. Hermione turned into a hooker too and started screwing Draco. He dumped Ginny and she turned into the school bicycle just for fun. Harry ran away like a pansy and saw Umbridge and the Giant Squid together. Then he turned around and Voldemort was having a threesome with Ginny and Hermione.

"Hey Harry what is Voldemort doing with Ginny and Hermione?" Ron asked stupidly because he just became a constantly eating stupid version of Ron.

Ginny suddenly became gothic and Hermione turned into Ho!Mione. Harry became evil and Draco became nice just because they wanted to.

"Mione! I'm going back to the Marauders' time!" Harry exclaimed.

"Ok!" Hermione yelled. She suddenly had a makeover and changed so much. She had curves in all the right places for no reason at all.

Harry came back with Sirius and him and Lupin had a very kinky relationship for no reason. Harry heard of the Yule Ball 2 and realized he could screw everyone there.

"I love Luna," Harry said suddenly because he walked past her and suddenly realized he wanted her.

He suddenly became more muscular from Quidditch even though all he has to do is stretch out his arm. He loved his new rock hard abs. Hermione walked by in a skank outfit because it was fun and she started feeling Harry's abs. Ron walked by and his face was more mature out of nowhere and he tried to get Hermione but she was too busy admiring Harry's abs. Hermione's bushy brown hair magically became sleek and blonde because she preferred it like that and it gave her a more attractive look like she thought it would.

Harry decided that it would be cool if every guy in school screwed each other so while he was trying to get laid by every guy there he saw Ho!Mione and Hooker!Ginny together and they were trying to screw all the guys but the guys had all become gays. Suave!Ron walked out and decided to watch Sirius and Kreacher make out with each other just because they felt like it.

Harry decided to become a necrophiliac and found his dad's corpse and had way too much fun with it. Then Dumbledore became manipulative and found out Snape was a pedophile and told the whole school about sex between Sirius as a dog and Lupin as a werewolf. Then a thousand American exchange students Apparated into the school and became all powerful hotties.

Voldemort walked into Hogwarts and laughed like a psycho with evil Harry at his side. They killed all the American exchange students and the OC girl. Then Ho!Mione, Hooker!Ginny, and Suave!Ron ran out and got blown up by a mystic bomb that Dumbledore invented. Voldemort turned around and killed Harry because it took him long enough to realize he had the perfect chance. Then he ran at Dumbledore and Snape and they had a massive threesome.

Draco the sex god saw this and threw up then he killed all three of them and they died in the middle of their orgy. Draco became the supreme ruler of the universe and everyone else died. Draco was announced the hottest guy ever and he lived happily ever after.

The End

Review please! Note that it is supposed to be incredibly stupid so flame away if you didn't like it. I don't actually expect people to like it. I credit most of my ideas on this fanfiction to the users of Gamefaqs from the Harry Potter board & of course the fanfiction writers that make cheesy ideas like this. Hope you enjoyed reading it!