Chapter 1

The heist of the century

Authors note: it has been a long time since my last fic, a really, long time. So, I might be a bit rusty. Plus, this is my first Ed, Edd, and Eddy fic and my first Kevin x Edd ship. I warn you I thought that perhaps I could tweak their personalities a bit while I the same time holding on to their core traits, so be prepared for that. I won't ask you to be gentle, but I do ask that you be constructive with your criticism. Warning: if sex, violence, foul language, mature situations and gay love are not your cup of tea, then I advise you to drink something else. On with the show.

"oh dear, there's so much to do and so little time to do it".

"You had 48 hours, ain't that time enough?"

"Of course not, the vault is way too heavy for the forklift and…."

"Who says we're using a forklift?"

"THE INCREDIBLE LUMP TO THE RESCUE".

"The incredible lump?"

"Trust me Double D, we've got this, all you gotta do is look pretty, hit the alarms and hit the security cams".

"Eddy, I'm serious this time if we get caught…"

"Quite you're worrying, just stick to the plan and you'll be fine".

3 hours later

"Why am I going along with this absurd plan", thought Double D as he sauntered down the street towards his intended destination. After years of practice basically being the girl in each scam and theft they have committed, the man had grown accustomed to walking in stilettos. His hips swayed casually as he tried to adjust his silicone boobs within the tiny black dress he was wearing. He checked his reflection in the glass door of the bank as he approached, he took a moment to lightly dab a small amount of red lipstick on his lips and combed his hand through his long black hair. He then sighed, adjusted the strap on his hanging purse and stepped through the door, "Showtime".

The bank's layout matched his blueprints well, tellers to the left, cubicles to the right for the bank marketing reps and loans officers. Ahead of him to the back was a large vault door with one big nosed security guard protecting it. Edd rolled his eyes at this, why did this bank decide to build an entire fake vault door? Was this a decoration? or did they really think a potential robber would be fooled by it? He wasn't sure but what he was sure of was where the actual vault was, "behind the tellers, hidden by a wall". He turned his head a bit to take a quick look at all the security cameras, "5 of them, two on the right, two on the left, one ahead of me". He ran through the plan in his head as he made his way to the reps, "step one, visit the reps and set up a fake bank account, release the spiders. Step two visit the tellers, deposit 100 dollars into the said fake account, release the spiders to disable the alarms and the cams. Step three flirt with the security guard and inquire about the level of craftsmanship on the fake door of the vault, release the spiders". He internally cringes at the very thought of that, he had no idea how to effectively flirt with someone. Especially when he didn't even know the guy, he decided to keep things platonic and stick to just showing an interest in the fake vault. He made his way to the first representative and states that he wanted to open an account. The female rep smiled and invited him to have a seat. This was what Double D hated the most, talking, his voice was very effeminate but there was no mistake that it was male. Using his best attempt at a female voice, he answered the advisor's questions and waited patiently for her to log in his information. While she was pre-occupied Edd rested his purse on his lap and slowly opened it slightly. Within seconds two microscopic mechanical spiders crawled out of it and down his leg. They both landed on the floor and made their way to the wall behind the rep's desk. They then made their way upwards to the two cameras stationed at the top reaching the ceiling.

The two mechanical creatures each latched themselves to a camera and munched their way into them. While Double D smiled and pretended to stare in admiration over the design of the new checkbooks to go with his new checking account, he chanced a few glances at the cam above. The little red light on the front of each of them went out, step one was complete. He shook hands with the rep and moved on to the teller to carry out step two.

Meanwhile

Both Eddy and Ed were hanging out at the local café across the street from the bank. They were eating and casually making conversation with one another, which was proving more and more difficult for eddy.

Eddy: so, wait, they're zombies and vampires from the planet Uranus.

Ed: born from the green gases of Uranus, they will feast on your toes.

Eddy: that doesn't make any sense, both can drink blood, both can bite into human flesh, why not make them Zombies who seem to co-exist with vampires, instead of making them one in the same?

Ed: because two is more than one Eddy.

Eddy: why do I talk to you?

Ed: I'm the incredible Lump.

A beeping sound causes Eddy to look down at his watch. On said watch there were three tiny red lights, he noticed that one of them was turned off. His mood instantly lightened, "two down four to go". Then suddenly before he knew it another beep sounded, and the second light went out, his eyes widened, "wow he's working fast today". He quietly summoned the waitress to get his check. By the time he paid off his bill and tipped the waitress, the third light on his watch went out. The pair exited the diner and crossed the street into a heavily shaded alley on the side of the bank. Both men dawned their black masks and eddy brought out a small pen from his pocket. While Ed was on the lookout the shorter male twisted the pen to engaged a powerful laser from it. He passed it gently over the brick and mortar managing to find the outline of the vault surrounded by cement, "Bingo, come to papa". He quickly passes the laser a few times over the bricklayers and made quick work of the cement being careful enough to stop the laser. If he kept going it would have passed through the cement and possibly through the door on the other side.

Eddy: Handle

Ed: here you go, Eddy.

The taller male handed Eddy a large ball of what looked like silver clay. Eddy cleared away remaining brick to slap the clay against the steal layer of the vault. He quickly molded the clay into a handle. The clay fused to the steal and completely hardened.

Eddy: you're up lumpy

Ed: LUMPY SMASH

Ed grabbed the handle and begins to pull it out of its foundation.

Back inside the bank, Double D and a group of other customers laughed and listened with intent to the security guard standing in front of the fake vault door. The super genius was lucky today, he didn't have to say a word, the crowd was there when he finished with the teller. As it turns out the guard was the brother of the artist who created the door. He excitedly engaged in conversation with another female customer, which became so animated that soon a small group had formed during it. The story he told was interesting, heartwarming and at certain points hilarious. However, Double D made sure not to get too distracted, he was still able to release the last set of spiders. He blended with the crowd and watched jovially along with everyone else. Suddenly a loud, rumbling sound came from his left and the entire wall behind the tellers collapsed causing them to scream and run out of their stations. They all gathered into the middle of the room and watched in absolute shock as the entire vault was removed from the side of the building. Two masked men were briefly spotted before they disappeared with the vault, everyone freaked out as they gapped at the large hole that used to be their station.

Teller 1: what happened to the alarm?

Teller 2: I don't know, I'm calling the cops.

Teller 3: anyone see where they went?

The touch of a hand on his shoulder tore him away from the scene before him. The big nose guard was leading him and the other customers out the door. He allowed himself to be escorted out along with the panicked crowd, just in time to notice ed and eddy running 4 blocks away and laughing like lunatics. His eyes widened, and he stifled the need to head slap himself, "they were supposed to be in the getaway truck. Eddy must have parked too far away from the target again". He made his way to his own car and unlocked the door, suddenly another hand takes hold of the door handle. Double D looks at its owner nervously. Was he about to be caught? Did they know he was a part of it? The guard holding the handle opened the car door and gives the presumed female a charismatic smile.

The guard: you have yourself a wonderful day ma'am.

Edd: Th…thank you.

While the guard holds the door open, Edd flashes him a polite smile and gets in. He then patiently waits for the guard to close the door for him before sticking his key into the ignition. He starts the car and tries his best not to speed off as the police cars enter the scene. As he drove off to their secret hideout, he prayed for the safety of his partners in crime. Little did he know, he was being watched the entire time. The security guard moved silently away from the scene as the police questioned the tellers and the customers began to clear the area. He rounded the corner of the bank and smirked. He then reached into his pocket and took out his smartphone. After dialing a number he leaned against the wall and admired the giant hole in it. The person on the other end picked up.

"did you find them?"

"yep, Ed, Edd, and Eddy"

"so, what's the verdict?"

"It's not up to me, they want them, all three of them".

"Are you sure? You seemed to have an interest in just the smart one, and we could use an inventor or maybe a scientist".

"He's not going to leave them, they've been together since they were kids. That's why I recommended they take all of them aboard".

"Well ok, I'll make the arrangements for next week. See ya later dude".

The call ended, and the guard takes off his hat and his fake nose. He smiled fully as he walked to his motorcycle parked on the other side of the building. He took off his uniform shirt revealing a T-shirt underneath. He mounted the bike and started the engine, "didn't think they would actually buy my story about the fake vault, bunch of dorks". He revved up the bike and drove off, looking forward to the next time he and the ed's will meet.