Reflecting back… it is hard to say when Makoto wasn't a part of his life. Haru knew he had loved Makoto for the longest time, it was just a way he felt about him- nothing he could explain or even understand himself. It wasn't like the way he loved his parents- no this was different.
Even in middle school he knew this. So many emotions ruling his body, taking over his mind. He got angry easier, and jealous even faster.
Makoto was easy to make friends. Everyone wanted to be on his team and be his friend. Haru understand that, Makoto was the best person he had ever known.
He felt Makoto slipping away from him, forcing himself to change. Haru couldn't take it. It was eating him alive. His appetite was gone, his want of swimming had left him- nothing matter.
All that mattered was Makoto.
"Haru! Come over for dinner!" Makoto said as they got to his house.
"You know I am just eating at home," he replied.
"Fine, let's go for a walk after dinner then! I'll come get you," Makoto said, his smile beaming off his face.
How could he say no to that. Turning away, he grunted a yes and ran up to his house. Why did it feel like butterflies were dancing in his stomach. He didn't understand this. Makoto always smiled at him!
Even as he washed his dishes, it was hard for him to comprehend it all. Makoto did a lot for him, but it was not like he asked him too- he just did it. Haru wondered how many times he ever thanked Makoto for everything.
"Haru! I'm coming in!" Makoto said. "You really should lock your door!"
"Just finishing dishes," he said.
"The stars are pretty tonight, why don't we sit out back and watch?" Makoto asked, leaning against the counter as he dried off his plate and glass.
"Sure," Haru said, knowing he would agree to anything, but not even sure why .
He had a small patch of grass out back of his house. This time of year it was soft under them as they laid out. Haru made conscious note of the space between him and Makoto, and scooted a bit more away from him. It would be weird to be too close.
"Haru? Are you even listening?" Makoto asked. "Haru-chan!"
"What did I say about using chan?"
"It got your attention!" Makoto said, sitting up looming over him, and smiling .
That smile, no matter what, he could count on that smile being one of the first things he saw as he started his day. Haru knew he took that for granted, and he shouldn't. It had been a different kind of year, the first they were not in a class together, and the first time they had come to a crossroads.
Maybe it was his insecurities and fears? He was scared he would lose Makoto, or maybe he wouldn't be enough for Makoto. He saw the way Makoto laughed and carried on with the guys in his class- he wasn't like that with Haru.
Blinking up at Makoto, Haru's head was spinning. Makoto. Makoto.
Leaning up, he quickly kissed Makoto. It was barely even a second, their lips more bumping into one another than anything else- then he scrambled up, running into the the house.
He was scared to see Makoto the next morning. He only hoped he would still be greeted with the same smile.