This is (again) the result of fanfiction, boredom, and blank Google Docs that needed to be filled with pointless words. So behold... the Death Eaters doing Secret Santa! As for my other various stories, I will update them... eventually... within the next century...
Italics is Parseltongue. Sometimes regular print is also Parseltongue when the stupid copy-paste thing doesn'twork.
"Ah, my loyal followers," Voldemort said, beaming. The Death Eaters around the table were silent; the Dark Lord beaming was usually not a good sign. Especially when coupled with the fact that Nagini was sulking and hissing sarcastically on the other side of the table.
"I have a wonderful announcement to make!" Voldemort continued. That made the situation even worse - no one wanted to be around when the Dark Lord started using elaborate and positive adjectives. "This year, we will be doing Secret Santa!" There were a few quickly stifled groans from the Muggle raised Death Eaters, but the whole of the table stared at him, nonplussed.
The Dark Lord sighed, his smile fading. "It's when everyone chooses from a hat one name of a person to give presents to," he explained, as if it were obvious. Nevermind the fact that he himself hadn't learned of it until last week.
"Um…" Apparently his very descriptive explanation wasn't enough for everyone.
"Just look it up! Crucio!" the Dark Lord screamed. Unfortunately, he didn't know exactly who had spoken and just aimed in the general direction of the voice - a very good reason not to sit next to Fenrir Greyback.
"Of course, not everyone receives the honor to participate - only my inner circle," Voldemort finished. "Yes, Greyback, Wormtail, that includes you. And you, Nagini," he added in Parseltongue. "All of you write your names on slips of paper and put them in this basket. I already wrote yours for you."
"I'm not going to appreciate the gifts, and I'm definitely not going to bother to actually give anything to anyone, so this whole affair is rather pointless…"
"My lord?" Severus said, "I am already being forced to do this in the Order…"
"That's what you get for being a spy, isn't it?" Bellatrix snapped.
"Was that comment really worthy of a comeback?"
"Was that one?"
"Quit bickering, you two, and Severus, write your name down like I said," Voldemort, seated between the two, ordered. Severus reluctantly did as he was told.
"I am not going to move my tail to reach for a quill," Nagini notified no one in particular.
"I already said, I've already put your name in."
"That's alright, then," Nagini hissed, "No one can read your writing, anyway." Voldemort huffed but didn't retort back - he didn't want to make yet another scene in front of his Death Eaters, especially after the last meeting.
After everyone put their names in, and everyone not forced to participate had sat there in awkward silence, the basket was passed around for people to see whom they had gotten.
"You can talk about this later!" Voldemort said, quelling the groans of several Death Eaters.
"I can't read this handwriting," Nagini complained.
"Me neith - I can't read this," Severus said, hurrying to cut himself off.
"You can read?"
"Funny, Bella, I was going to ask you the same thing. Azkaban hasn't dulled your mind in that sense, at the very least..."
"Are we really going to do the already overused nicknames thing again?" Nagini hissed. Bellatrix couldn't understand, however, and if Severus did, he chose to ignore her.
"That's a low blow," Voldemort said, "She was just asking an innocent question."
"I was just making an innocent statement, my Lord," Severus replied.
"No, you weren't, you were implicating…"
"We get the point," Nagini hissed impatiently.
"Now, back to the meeting," Voldemort said, raising his voice and again addressing the Death Eaters as a group, "There are several missions to direct. Alecto, it is your job to get me the full trilogy of Fifty Shades of Grey…"
I hope you enjoyed! This was just the prologue - the actual gift giving will start in the next chapter. I'm not Christian and I've never actually done this, but the idea isn't too complicated for my fanfiction-overdosed brain... hopefully...
I used this Secret Santa website thingy to pair up the Death Eaters, then edited a few to make them more interesting; but as a whole, whom they are giving to and receiving from will remain a mystery until the last chapter (maybe on Christmas Eve?). Now this Author's Note is just me rambling on pointlessly, so I'll stop. :)