Posted this on Ao3 a while ago with this as an A/N
"It's been a long time since I've written anything, so I apologize in advance if this is kind of crap. Wrote this to just kind of get back into the writing mindset."
"I was gonna marry that girl.". Unblinking. Unfeeling. Numb. Sick.
"You don't know that." Keep staring ahead. At her. She's so beautiful. Looks like she's sleeping.
"You don't understand." You wish she was sleeping.
Phone starts to ring. Blind reaching for it. Groggy answer. "Hello?"
Crying on the other end. Familiar crying. From groggy to wide awake in seconds. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I can't do this. Not anymore. I love you."
"Wait, b-" Click. Gone. Try to call again. Straight to voice mail. Again. Again. Three more times. Always straight to voicemail. Violently throw the phone against the wall. Scream. Sob. Throw more things, including the ring she gave me.
A call a few hours later. Her mother's crying. Eyes close.
Take a deep breath. Let it out. Slowly.
"Amy killed herself." Tell her to call you with more details as they come. Hang up. Silence. And the dam breaks. You unleash Hell onto yourself.
Tell your parents in the hospital later. Stay there a few days. Get put on anti-depressants. Go home.
Flush them down the toilet.
Sitting at her grave with Dad. Only you here, and her mother.
A small smile. A word of thanks for all you did for her, all you tried to do.
It wasn't enough.
Smile back. Don't say anything. Stare straight ahead. Wonder.
Take a deep breath. Let it out. Slowly.
You should've done more.
Months later. At a bar. Yet again. Another shot. And three more.
Pretty boy walks in. Blonde hair. Blue eyes. Heart melting grin.
Flip a coin.
Heads, you talk to him.
Tails, you go home and put a bullet in your brain.
Heads.
Drunk enough to talk to him? One more shot. Yes. Saunter over with a smirk that he returns.
"Haven't seen you around here."
"I'm new in town." Strange. Voice is familiar, so incredibly familiar. Yet you can't place it.
"That's great. You're cute. What's your name?"
"Arthur. Yours?"
You remember. Oh god. You remember everything. Saving his life more times than you can count. All the smiles shared, all the laughs, all the arguments, all the intimate talks, all the playful banter, all the battles fought and won together, and that battle you lost. That horrendous battle. When Mordred killed him. When you held him in your arms as he was dying, whispered that spell that would keep you together for eternity. When you pulled him close and screamed loud enough for all of Albion to hear. When you let Mordred kill you as well.
Take a deep breath. Let it out. Slowly.
"Merlin."
Smirk fades. Blank stare. Please, please
Please.
Knowing eyes piercing into yours. A soft hand on your cheek. A disbelieving laugh.
"Merlin."
A year since Amy.
"You sure you want to do this?"
Nod. "Yes. I have to."
"All right."
Grabs your hand.
Walk into the cemetery, over to her grave.
"I never got a proper goodbye in. You hung up on me and turned off your phone. I'm not mad. I've no right to be. I loved you with everything I had, still do, really. But I suppose sometimes that's not enough. Sometimes nothing is ever enough. So, I just wanted to say, I'm sorry I couldn't do more. Sorry no one could, or would. I hope you've found peace, wherever you are. I hope you're happy."
Turn to Arthur, then back to the grave. "Because I'm on my way to being happy again. Just hoping you are as well."
Arms wrap around your waist, holding you tight. Yours around his neck, keeping him close.
Take a deep breath. Let it out. Slowly.