Chapter 1- "I Don't Have A Chance IN Hell"

Gah...Oh, where do I even begin? This is too much pressure! I really wished this wasn't in the first person! I-I...Gah! I don't know if I can really do this. I'm sitting in class trying to follow along with Mr. Garrison but sometimes I don't even get it! I can't learn and I even heard Cartman say...Gah! That I'm unteachable! If you haven't guessed it by now, there is something wrong with me. I think I have something called ADHD or ADD, I don't know which one...Gah! It's hard to focus in school and it's hard to do a lot of things since I shake too much and I'm so paranoid. GAH! Sorry, if you see "gah" so much in this but that's a just something I say after everything since I'm so shaky!

Anyways, we were supposed to be paying attention to science but I couldn't do it. Gah! It was too much pressure! Mr. Garrison was starting to say blah, blah, blah! I tried to sit still but I couldn't, I began figdgeting! Craig came back from the office and noticed that I was extra hyper today. I looked at him. He was pissed and stuff...Gah! He sweared at our gym teacher and he earned a detention and an office detention.

"I-I told you not to." I whispered. "Craig, why can't you..."

"Shut-up, Tweek!" Craig was still pissed. "He's a lieutenant! He runs the class like stupid army and I don't agree with it!"

Craig turned away from me. I knew then just to stop before he cursed at me and it would back to the office. Gah! Argh! Again, I'm sorry for those random spazes! I just spaz out sometimes when I talk. Craig went on and on about how our gym teacher should suck his you know what, kiss his you know what, and even to the point of where he said that our gym teacher should eat his shit. GAH! I-I don't think Craig should be against authority but what did I know. After all I had a lot of learning disabilities in the first place.

Craig was shut-up by Wendy Testaburger. I paused for a minute. "Craig! You do you want to get sent to the office again?!?! When will you ever learn, you always think authority isn't right!"

Mr. Garrison didn't even bother. "You know what, since you're being such a pain in my ass...I'm not sending you back. You never learn anyway, Craig!"

Mr. Garrison turned around as I glanced at Wendy. I started to feel all warm..Oh Jesus! I think I'm having a heat stroke! Can women do that?!?! Oh god, Wendy cursed me! GAH! I felt my heart speed up and I thought I was having a heart attack! All of sudden Wendy made me feel good, I always thought she was attractive but I could never tell her...No, no, no, no! Too much pressure and feelings! I would just embarrass myself and have to hide out at home for three days if she found out I like her! Gah!

I probably would mess up her image. Wendy is quite popular, I would trash her rep big time if we dated! Argh! I was think about dating?!?! OH MY GOD! I'm sick! I've never thought about it until after Craig randomly hooked up with someone and that was Red. I couldn't believe it, Craig would sit there as she went on and on. I don't know why they dated anyway! Gah!

It just really hit me that I could never be "one" of the guys. I was just too anxious or in fear all the time to do what they do. They talked about girls and I'd get nervous, they talked about egging cars, messing up houses, and again...Argh! I wouldn't be comfortable at all. I just followed, I never really did anything!

I looked straight at Wendy as she caught me. I froze up so stiff, I didn't move. I couldn't even breathe! Is this what it feels like? Oh man, she's killing me! My eyes were still on her as she waved and smiled at me. I instantly blushed in my cheeks. Oh man, oh man, oh man, oh man! She knows now! Oh man, oh god, oh Jesus! GAH! I need to stop thinking! I need to stop thinking about her!

Craig noticed that I was nervous. "Did you overdose off of coffee or what? What the hell is wrong with you?"

I shook a little. "N-Nothing. Nothing is wrong."

Craig then smirked a devilish smirk. "Oh, looks like you've got the hots for Stan's ex, huh?"

I caved in and blushed. "Argh! Damn it, Craig! I don't want her to...Gah! Know about this."

Craig laughed a little. "I didn't think you'd be ready, Tweek. You really think Wendy is going to go out with you? Are you sure you can--"

"DAMN IT, STOP DOUBTING ME!" Everyone in the class looked at me. This wasn't a good at all, Craig was going to tell Wendy and I'd be screwed...Gah! I just looked at everyone. "What, can't I have a bad day...Gah?!?!"

Mr. Garrison dropped his chalk. "Alright. Tweek, I'm moving your seat next to...let's see...Wendy....That should keep you away from Craig."

My heart stopped. Oh no, no, no,no! I can't sit next to Wendy! I'll embarrass myself...Gah! Oh, this is going to be too much pressure and I'm going to get frustrated! This isn't happening! Oh no, no, no, no! I didn't want to sit next to Wendy, I'd freeze up so bad!

I moved myself over to Wendy who smiled. "Hi, Tweek." I began to spaz a lot. "Are you ok? You seem really nervous."

I began fidgeting like crazy. "Y-yeah, I'm fine....GAH! I'm fine! I'm not crazy I swear!"

Wendy smiled warmly. "I knew that, I think you have ADHD, right? It's not your fault. It must be really hard to focus and stuff."

The warm feeling came back. "Yeah, really hard. GAH! I can't sit still sometimes either, I have to move!

Wendy began giggling as Mr. Garrison stopped the lesson. "Wendy, if Tweek is so amusing to you, why don't you help tutor him? For all I know, he's behind."

Wendy went confused. "Behind? You mean he isn't getting it? Why aren't you teachers doing something about him?!?! How is he behind?"

Mr. Garrison sighed. "Forgive me, Tweek. Wendy, he isn't learning at the same rate as everyone else. He has a hard time with....Well, everything. He maybe--"

"Unteachable." I finished the sentence. "Just say it already! GAH! I'm not teachable!"

Wendy sat there for a minute and then she nodded. "I want to help tutor, Tweek. He's not unteachable, we're just not going at it the right way with him. I'll keep trying until he gets it."

Mr. Garrison shook his head. "Oh god, good luck with that. Tweek really needs help and I just can't help him. God, I feel so awful about this."

I felt my heart going into "heart attack" mode again. Yikes! If I wasn't careful, Wendy could seriously kill me! Gah! Argh! Wendy was going to help me. I looked back at Craig who smiled and pointed at Wendy, I felt like I was going to puke..GAH! Honestly, she made me feel so good but at the same time so nervous. I looked straight into her eyes and blushed deeply, Wendy caught sight of it and her eyes went wide.

"Tweek, this better not be what I think this is." she began to look at me closer. "When do you ever blush? Isn't it cute, Bebe? Look at him, it's so cute!

Bebe even agreed. "It's such a cute shade of red!"

I began fidgeting again. "I-I'm not blushing....I-I'm cold...GAH!"

Wendy giggled again. "No, Tweek. You're blushing over something. Am I beautiful to you?"

I stopped breathing again for a few seconds...Gah! "Y...Y...Um....Yeah...Yeah...GAH!"

Cartman began laughing. "Aww, Tweek likes Wendy! We all know that he'd be the last person she'd pick if she was looking for a date! Tweek is so unteachable! He has so many problems!"

Wendy stood up to Cartman. "Leave Tweek, alone! I'm tutoring Tweek now, he's my problem, not yours!"

Cartman laughed. "Well, now! Touchy aren't we Wendy? I've never seen you so determined! We all know you feel bad for him so I'll just stop."

Wendy shook her head. "The last thing we need is for Tweek to feel sorry for himself. He can do it, I know he can."

For the first time in my life. Someone had confidence in me. I couldn't feel more happier. The class was laughing in the backround but all I could see and hear was Wendy. GAH! I didn't care what everyone else was doing or saying, Wendy was always beautiful to me....Argh! That black hair is so beautiful.

She's just so cute and pretty when she laughs.

Wendy eyed me as I kept staring. "Alright, Tweek. I'll see you after school, ok? Here's my number."

All the guys looked at the number. They couldn't believe it. GAH! I was the last person expected to get into a relationship and it looked like I was on my way.

Wendy looked at me again. "See you after school, ok? Is three-thirty, ok?"

I sat still. "Yeah....GAH! I'll be there."

Craig got upset. "Tweek, we were going to go over Token's house today."

I didn't pay any attention to Craig. All I could hear from him was blah, blah and more angry blahs. I just focused on Wendy. She was hot but then it hit me. What would she want with a freak like me? I was a freak and she knew it too, I probably had no chance at all with her. She wanted smart, handsome, boys. I was messy, hyper, a scaredy-cat, and horrible at so many things.

I looked at the window. This was going to test my nerves and my condition. GAH! I want Wendy so bad......