World-Class Sage

Chapter One

A/N: This should be…interesting… But I plan to cram in everyone that's been eliminated so far into this chapter, and then after I post each chapter of Talent-less Tellius, I'll post a chapter of this. Okay, so anyway, today we'll have Geoffrey, Kieran, Oliver, and Ike!

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Calill sat on a large bubblegum-pink couch in the middle of a stage. Her dress nearly matched the piece of furniture, only being a shade darker. She had her usual light violet cape draped around her shoulders as she turned to face the camera.

The camera was turned on by a crew member by the name of Largo and a huge spotlight fell on the sage.

"Welcome everyone to 'Thoughts from a Self-Proclaimed World-Class Sage!' Today we will be interviewing contestants that have been booted from everyone's favorite show 'Talent-less Tellius', while also giving a recap of the performances thus far and showing what you can expect to see next!

"Our first guest on the show is the eccentric 'beauty collector'. Please give a round of applause for…Duke Oliver… Yay…"

Oliver walked out on stage and sat down on the couch next to Calill.

"Nice to have you here, Oliver…I guess." She cleared her throat. "Anyway, tell me, how do you think your performance went?"

"Well, Calill, I think it went wonderfully! Those judges just don't know what they're talking about! I mean, Leanne didn't want to be in my exhibit, and actually hit her button first, then hit Soren's too! Soren was a complete buffoon, and Lucia's not even as nice as everyone thinks!"

"Agreed, Lucia's waaaaaay too overrated. She's not as pretty as everyone thinks either! But now the crew is motioning for me to get to the next question, so… Do you think you should have made it in over Nailah?"

"Of course! She dusted a bookshelf with her tail! How is that more talented than what I did?"

"Right. Well, thanks for coming out Oliver. It was a…pleasure…to have you on the show."

"Thanks for having me…I guess."

"Okay, we'll be back after these messages from our sponsors!"

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"And we're back! Here to help me welcome our next guest is…my daughter, Amy!"

Amy smiled and waved to the crowd.

"Our next guest is the amazing general that knitted the most beautiful sweater in the world! General Geoffrey!"

"Yaaaaay, General Geoffrey!"

Geoffrey walked out, his posture as perfect as ever. Amy scooted over so he could sit in between her and Calill.

"Wonderful to see you again, General."

"Likewise, of course."

"Oh, thank you! Now, Geoffrey, we all know how terribly unfair it was for you to be kicked off the show. So tell me, is Lucia always that mean to you?"

"Well, now that you mention it…

Flashback where Geoffrey, Lucia, and Elincia are teenagers.

"Hey, Sis."

"Shut up."

"Still mad about getting detention?"

"Yeah, because it's all your fault!"

"Oh come on, it is not."

"Oh, you're right… Hey, can I borrow your lance?"

"Sure, why?"

"No reason…"

Lucia grabbed the lance and stabbed herself in the arm with it. She screamed and Duke Renning rushed in.

"Geoffrey! Lucia! What's going on here?"

"I-I was just standing here and Geoffrey started yelling at me and he…he stabbed me with his lance!"

"Geoffrey! Go to your room now!"

"But…I didn't--"

"Now, young man!"

"…Yes, sir…"

"And then there was the time…"

Elincia and Lucia walked in with face paint. Geoffrey rolled his eyes.

"I am NOT letting you two paint my face again."

"But Geoffrey!!"

The Crimean princess looked at him with a pleading look. He sighed.

"Fine, but as long as you do it. Lucia, don't even come near me."

"Whatever."

"Okay, close your eyes!"

"Alright?"

Geoffrey closed his eyes and the emerald-haired girl handed the paint to her foster sister. The girl sat down next to Geoffrey and scribbled all over his face.

"Ow, Elincia, that hurts!"

"Sorry! I'm almost done, just hold still…"

She kicked her friend's leg to tell her to hurry up. The blue-eyed girl finished her 'masterpiece' by writing "loser" in huge letters on her brothers forehead.

"Wow, she's meaner than I expected! You poor, poor thing! Don't worry, she'll get what she deserves sooner or later, honey."

"Don't you have a husband, missy?"

Calill stared at her daughter in shock. Her face turned bright red.

"Uhh…nice to have you on here, General. We'll, uhh, be back after these messages…"

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"Okay, we're back on with our third guest. Say hello to General Ike, everyone. Because…we like Ike!"

The sage laughed at her own joke.

"Now, Ike, you had a very interesting performance that went a little…unexpectedly… What happened?"

"Oh, it was just a common mistake. I got so caught up in the moment that I didn't pay attention and Bastian just had to get in my way. I mean, I feel sorry for the guy and all, but he needs to get some common sense!"

"Bastian got in your way?"

"Oh yeah, he was way too close. He should have known that I needed some space! Sheesh!"

"Right… So anyway, you were the last audition on the night, and, if I remember correctly, things were a little tense by then."

"Yeah, definitely. Lucia hated Soren. Soren hated Lucia. They were just so annoyed with each other. Soren probably would've let me through, he's a good guy like that. Leanne's sweet too, but Lucia. Man, don't even get me started."

"So it seems a lot of contestants felt that way about Lucia… As much as I'd love to discuss this further, Largo is once again telling me to get on with the show. Nice having you, Ike. Now, we'll be back with our final guest after the break!"

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"Welcome back to the show! Here with me is Sir Kieran, the first contestant to appear on 'Talent-less'! Now, Kieran, you too had a challenging audition that didn't go as planned. Tell me, how did that happen?"

"Didn't go as planned? What are you talking about? I, Fifth Platoon Captain Kieran, intended for those axes to cut my foot, fly past Leanne's head, and get stuck in the ceiling! You know, that thing's still up there, ready to come down at any moment!"

"Is that so? So you're saying the crew just left it there to fall on someone's head?"

"Yep! Basically."

"Okay then… Well, since I've asked everyone else this, how do you feel about the judges…okay, we'll just cut to the chase, do you or don't you hate Lucia?"

"What?! How could you even suggest that I wouldn't like the Lady Lucia?! That's just preposterous…okay, she's kind of harsh."

"Right. Anything else?"

"She did call me a baby once…and a freak…and a bunch of other names."

"So you're saying you don't like her?"

"No! Of course not! Yes…"

"Okay, well, it was a pleasure to have you here Kieran. We'll be back for our recap in a few!"

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"Now it's time to recap the contestants that have made it through so far!" The sage started talking incredibly fast. "Queen Nailah made her way through with her tail-dusting skills while all the others in her round were cut. Tormod and Sothe both made Bastian look like a fool, with the first impersonating him, and the second stealing his wallet!" She slowed down.

"And now you may wonder what's in store for next week? It's time for auditions for a new host! It seems that Renning will be joining the panel of judges to help pick the new cast member, so expect plenty of flirting-that-makes-you-want-to-vomit between him and Lucia!

"After the show, be sure to flip your channel to check out our recap and special interviews. Until then…have fun hating Lucia!"

The sage stomped off stage and smacked Largo.

"Next time, I'm writing my own script!"

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A/N: Wow, Calill really hates Lucia, doesn't she? Of course she does. But anyway, I decided not to actually make commercials up (mainly because I couldn't think of anything). That actually reminds me of the time my friend and I were writing a play about this t.v. show called "Evil Chicken". Basically, my friend ran around in a chicken suit and annoyed everyone. But we made up all these weird commercials and stuff. Okay, why anyone would care about that, I have no idea! Well, now I'm done…