Disclaimer: According to my last income tax report, I still do not own Lucky Star.
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Ryoo High School. Lunch hour
It was a normal day, during a normal lunch break, with four normal friends who normally meet inside a normal classroom to eat their assorted but still very normal bento meals. If it were any more normal, you'd think it was unusual so you could say the day was unusually normal.
But this was not really a normal day. No, this will be a very important day that will change the way one particular girl will see the people around her in a fundamental way.
The usual quartet of friends were enjoying their lunch while talking about their usual topics such as food, anime, manga, games, their school work, Kagami's weight, news stories about child abductions, and pets who were unfortunate enough to be given names that happen to also be slang terms for unmentionable human body parts.
"Hey, I just thought of something," said Konata, looking up from her usual choco cornet
"Well, there's a scary scenario," joked Kagami, flashing Konata a playful smile.
"Whatever. Anyway it concerns our circle of friend and the general company we keep. I believe this is extremely important," said Konata with a very serious tone and expression.
The rest of the girls all look towards her now with curiosity all over their faces. What exactly was the blue haired otaku getting at? Something about them? And how important can it be?
"Just how important is this information, Kona-chan?" asked Tsukasa.
"Is it something concerning school?" followed up Miyuki.
"Well partly. Essentially, I believe it's important for me since I seemed to have discovered a main characteristic in people that tend to become my friends. And the more I think about it, the more I believe this will decide how well I can get along with new people I meet in the future. And with us graduating pretty soon and going off to college this issue becomes even more important."
"R-Really?"
"Of course. I have to know how well I can get along with a person based on this trait. If that person doesn't posses this trait, then I might not be able to mix well with him or her."
"But this trait, your talking about," inquired Kagami, narrowing her eyes, "do the three of us here have it as well."
"Yes. Along with just about all the people I can call a friend. I truly believe this is what decides my compatibility with others."
Now all three of Konata's friends were immensely intrigued. Something about them that makes it so that they can become her friends? what could it be?
Kagami thought privately in her head. Could it be similarity in interest? She and Konata were best friends but they shared little similarities in their interest. After all, Kagami was a bookworm while Konata was a bit of a slacker. Kagami liked light novels while Konata won't accept anything other than manga. Kagami was also conservative while Konata was rather eccentric.
Tsukasa was thinking: was it a person's personality? Her sisters have always complemented how childlike Tsukasa was. Maybe Konata found it easier to socialize with people with cute personalities. Even if they didn't share that many common interests. Maybe that was it?
Miyuki had different ideas. Maybe it had something to do with a person's traits and abilities? Maybe Konata was attracted to poeple that balanced out her strengths and weaknesses. She always thought that Konata liked being around her and Kagami because of their own studious habits and that she liked hanging out with Tsukasa because Tsukasa's childlike innocence balanced out her rather bad yet entertaining tendency to talk about adult topics.
What could it be? thought all three of Konata's friends.
"Ok, will you tell us," asked Kagami.
"Would you really wanna know?" replied Konata.
"Yes. At least I really do," said Tsukasa.
"Me too, Izumi-san," said Miyuki. "I'm really intrigued right now."
There was a silence and Konata regarded them with a look. You know what I mean? That look? With the shadowing of the upper face and the squinting of the look that some old guy character in an anime gives to the young naive main character as he is about to reveal a deep secret at which the main character will act immensely surprised even though it's so blatantly obvious that approximately ninety percent of the fandom have already figured it out by episode three? Yeah, that look.
"Ok, here it is," said Konata in a hushed tone, indicating this was some big secret that had to be shared with them and them alone.
The three friends leaned in closer.
"The secret is..." said Konata, "...three-syllable names."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"...eh?" slurred Kagami.
"After much thought and deliberation, I have concluded that the only people I can get along with are people with three-syllable names...I mean, just look at you guys."
"So...you think the four of us get along...because we have three-syllable names.
"Yes."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"Konata, that makes absolutely no sense!" exclaimed Kagami.
"Yes, it does."
"Like heck it does. That fact has nothing to do with anything about how you make friends."
Konata gave Kagami a look as if her brilliance was shattered rudely. "Aw, c'mon, Kagamin. You can't deny the logic behind my theory."
"What logic? The number of syllable in a name cannot possibly decide how well you're gonna get along with a person. Fine, the fact that we all have three-syllable names is there but that's hardly more than a coincidence."
"It is so not a coincidence, Kagamin."
"Konata, over half of all Japanese names have three syllables. It's only natural that a majority of your friends have three-syllable names.
"But it's not a majority, Kagamin. All of my friends have three-syllable names. Take you guys. Ka-ga-mi. Tsu-ka-sa. Mi-yu-ki. And how about my extended friends."
"...Extended friends?"
"Yeah. The group my little cousin, Yu-chan hangs out with. Pa-tri-cia. Hi-yo-ri. Mi-na-mi. Even Kuroi-sensei! I mean, her first name is Nanako, right? Na-na-ko. And she and I always hang out online. And even Sebastian over there."
Somewhere in the background. "It's Minoru! Mi-no-ru."
"See!?" exclaimed Konata.
The other three girls simple stared at her. Konata didn't seem to care as she basked in her apparent brilliance of deduction that could make all those other short detectives jealous (really, think about it. why are the popular super-sleuths in the anime world short. I mean, Detective Conan, Steam Detectives, Detective School Q, Clamp School Detectives...Heck even the guys from Death Note. What's up with that?)
"Well..." said Tsukasa. "I guess that makes a little bit of sense."
"Huh?" Kagami looked incredulous at her sister. "You're agreeing with her?"
"Not exactly...it's just that the pattern is kinda undeniable, onee-chan."
"Yeah, but..."
Konata beamed with a smile. "Oh just accept that my logic is undeniable, Kagamin! And once I spread this knowledge to everyone they can all find the common pattern in their own circle of friends so they too can decide how easily they can get along with new people. My brilliance shall enlighten the world!"
"Oh, there's a fine future for us all, isn't it?" Kagami slurred sarcastically, to which Konata seemed to take humor in.
"So Izumi-san," inquired in Miyuki. "does that mean, you'll only try to make friends with people who have three-syllable names?"
"Most likely."
"Wait," said Kagami. "So starting now you're gonna reject offers of friendship based solely on the amount of syllables in a person's name?"
"Well, statistically speaking, I should have made at least one friend with a name that has either one or two syllables by now...But no, every one I'm close with have names with three syllables. Maybe it's just destiny really."
"I really wish you would stop acting like this discovery of yours is something deeply profound...which it's not."
"Yeah, Izumi-san," said Miyuki in her sympathetic tone. "Discriminating against people just because of something so mundane as their names?"
"Yeah, Kona-chan" concurred Tsukasa. "That does sound pretty mean."
Konata crossed her arms defensively and put on a pouting face. "Well, why don't you name at least one person that you guys know I'm friendly with that doesn't have a three-syllable name."
The three friends were silent as the put their hands to their chins in deep thought trying to think of anyone in Konata's social circle without that almost magical prerequisite of a three-syllable name.
This went on for quite a while with the group having nothing but silence. Just like in anime when there are long periods of silence that are supposed to heighten tension but in reality are simply there to extend the time of the episode and save the production company the work of doing actual animation.
"Um...I got nothing," said Tsukasa rather dejectedly. "What about you, Yuki-chan?"
"No, I can't think of anyone either," said Miyuki at a loss.
"Hah!" exclaimed Konata victoriously. "Logic triumphs again!"
Konata then simply leaned back on her chair and resumed eating her choco cornette, again basking in her glory.
Meanwhile Kagami was still deep in thought. And before anyone could see it coming: "Misao!!"
Kagami's outburst caught the other three off-guard and Konata herself nearly fell back on her chair. She managed to regain her balance and then stared at Kagami for her sudden outburst.
"W-W-What?! What about her?" stammer Konata.
"Misao dosen't have a three-syllable name and she's a friend."
"Oh, yes, Misao-chan!" said Tsukasa in apparent realization of what her sister said. "That's correct!"
"See, Izumi-san?" said Miyuki. "You do know somebody who doesn't have a three-syllable name."
Konata blinked several times and was silent. She eventually narrowed her eyes and put her hand to her chin in deep thought about it. He three friends eagerly waited for her say in the matter and leaned over their desks in anticipation. Almost a full minute passes with nothing being said between the quartet until Konata finally broke the silence.
"Well...I don't know..."
"What do you mean, you don't know?" asked Kagami.
"Does she really count? I mean she's more like a friend of a friend to me since she really only hangs out with Kagamin. And beside you know I don't get along that well with her."
"Huh? What do you mean? You get along with her just fine."
"I don't know about that. She's always fighting me for Kagamin's attention and all."
"Like it's really serious. You guys don't hate each other, do you?"
"Hmmm, guess not."
"And besides, you two got along wonderfully during mine and Tsukasa's 18th birthday party. Heck, if I recall correctly you two collaborated on that soda prank you pulled on me."
"Oh, yeah hahaha, I remember now," said Konata, trying to keep back a giggle.
"...And you're still laughing about it."
"Well it was pretty funny watching all that soda spray all over the table!"
"Soda laced with soy sauce...which you and Misao put in there."
Now even Tsukasa and Miyuki were holding back giggles remembering their own version of the incident in their heads. Kagami was obviously not pleased at the recollection of events. Her firends noticed and tried their best to be polite.
"Sorry Kagamin," started Konata, still slightly giggling."But remember that prank wasn't for you but for your older sister. She called me and Misao wierd and all."
"Yeah, yeah," said Kagami, waving it off with her hand. "Anyway my point is, you two got along great that day and enjoyed yourselves...even if it was at my expense. You two make great friends, because you two are so darn similar."
"Hmmmm, I guess that's true..."
"Good."
Thinking that was the end of the conversation, Kagami, Tsukasa and Miyuki returned to finishing their bentos, glad to have finally settled the matter. But then this is Konata after all. After a couple of bites from their bentos, the three noticed that Konata was still thinking and they knew that meant something.
"You know..." started Konata.
"Oh dear ancestors, now what?" mumbled Kagami under her breath. She was starting to feel like she was in a TV show.
"I think Misao has a three-syllable name too."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"...Actually, I think Izumi-san is right," said Miyuki.
Kagami turned to the pink haired genius with a look. You know, that look. The subtle but still very suggestive 'you-have-got-to-be-kidding-me-have-you-lost-your-marbles?' look. Miyuki noticed this in a heartbeat and blushed with embarrassment.
"You're backing her up on this?" asked Kagmi towards Miyuki.
"Well," started the very well-endowed girl. "the name 'Misao' in proper Japanese is actually pronounced with three syllables. In fact if you spell it out in hiragana, you use three characters; "Mi", "Sa", and "Oh," just like our names are also spelled with three hiragana characters. So the proper way of pronouncing the name is Mi-sa-o, three separate syllables."
"So...it looks like Kona-chan is right," said Tsukasa.
Kagami lightly slapped her palm to her forehead. "This is ridicoulous."
"Yahoo!" exclaimed Konata. "I knew it! I knew it! My logic wins again!"
Her three friends could only stare, smile nervously, and sweat-drop at the sight of Konata celebrating as if she just won a Pheonix Write court case. Kagami sighed exasperatingly.
Just then, Misao and Ayano entered the classroom looking for Kagami. They looked weirdly at Konata who seemed to be celebrating something while the rest of her group wasn't quite as enthusiastic. Well, whatever, they thought. They moved towards the group and Kagami caught them in the corner of her eye.
"Misao. Ayano. What are you guys doing here?" asked Kagami to her two classmates.
"We should ask you that," said Misao, "Miss Class Representative who won't even spend lunch in her own classroom with her long time pals."
"Oi, oi, I still spend about half my lunches there. And it's not like I never invited you two to hang out here."
"Bah! It's always too noisy in this class."
Without warning, Konata was at Misao side, grabbing her arm, and smiling like a cat on catnip. "Oh c'mon, don't be like that. We're all great friends here, right. I mean, we are totally compatible with each other and everything."
Misao, inevitably, was confused. "Wait, what? Why are you so clingy all of a sudden?"
Konata suddenly turned to the other newcomer and approached her. Ayano sweat dropped as the short otaku got within very close proximity. Misao continued to stare in confusion. Kagami, looked exasperated but still seemed quite entertained by her friend's antics. Tsukasa and Miyuki shared similar expressions as Kagami.
"Um...can I help you?" asked Ayano.
"You're name's Ayano right," asked Konata a little too eagerly.
"Uh, yes, it is."
"Ayano. A-ya-no. We're compatible as well! Kagamin's right we should really all start hanging out more often."
"H-Huh?"
Kagami decided to try and cut off this conversation before her two classmates lose their marble trying to figure out the enigma that was Konata Izumi.
Kagami turned to her two classmates "Nevermind, just ignore her. What did you guys come here to ask me for?"
"Well, there's a slight dispute over who'll get cleaning duties later," said Ayano. "Katsumoto-san and Raidon-san are arguing whose turn it was and we're not really sure. Only you have the schedule,
Kagami. You're the class rep after all."
"Alright, I understand. Let's go get my notes from my bag."
Ayano and Misao nodded and turned back around towards the door. With that Kagami gave a parting wave to her friends and made for the door on her way back to her classroom. Behind her Konata called out to Ayano and Misao again: "Oi! Make sure to come back around, my true friends!"
Ayano and Misao were about to turn around to stare at the otaku but Kagami, with a sweat-drop running down the side of her temple, placed a hand on each of their backs, stopping them from turning around and lightly pushing them out the door.
"Just keep going," said Kagami in a slightly hushed tone. "Trust me, just keep going."
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Hours later. Inside the MMORPG world.
In some random forest, player avatar belonging to one Meito Anizawa, manager of the local Animate store was enjoying some grinding when suddenly in the distance he spotted a familiar looking avatar of another player. He instantly recognized her and he couldn't keep his excitement.
"There she is!" exclaimed Meito into his computer screen. "I can't believe I would happen to meet her yet again in this place. Can this really be true?! Or, maybe this will like a repeat of last time?"
As if on cue, a monster spawned next to the girls avatar. The avatar in turn drew her weapon and attacked the monster and the battle began. Meito knew that this could only mean one thing.
"She not AFK!!! This is it!! This is my chance!! You may have continuously evaded me in the real world, but here no one can rival the amount of super-rare items I have collected! Today will be the day, I swear to you, Legendary Girl A!!!"
Meito's avatar moved towards the girl's avatar just as she finished beating the monster and was collecting the dropped loot. He started an in-game conversation.
MasterShop24: Hey there!
MasterShop24: I'm selling/trading some rare items.
MasterShop24: Wanna see?
Kona*Kona: Sure.
Meito was beyond elated. It's a wonder why his neighbors still had the ability to hear. "Yes!! I have her now!! She won't be able to resist my collection!!"
Kona*Kona: Give me access to your inventory.
System Message: Kona*Kona requests to see MasterShop24's inventory. Yes / No?
System Message: MasterShop24 Approves of Kona*Kona's request
At that moment, Meito knew that Legendary Girl A was now browsing his inventory. He can only imagine the excitement the girl was going through as she looked at the extremely rare items he has spent hours upon hours in the game world collecting by defeating monsters and collecting loot as well as haggling with other players who charge ridiculously high prices for the most mundane items (A message to my fellow MMORPG players: Nobody is gonna buy your rookie level sword and shield for 100,000,000 credits!)
Kona*Kona: Wow!
Kona*Kona: You have some really rare stuff here!
Kona*Kona: I'd love to have some of them. Makes quests easier.
Meito's neighbors must have soundproofing as that is the only plausible explanation why they haven't call the cops yet. "Yahooooo!!!! I have her now!! Now to seal the deal."
MasterShop24: Great!
MasterShop24: Just add me as a friend and we can trade anytime you want.
System Message: MasterShop24 requests to become a friend of Kona*Kona. Yes / No?
Kona*Kona: Before that, can you tell me your first name.
MasterShop24: Eh? Why?
Kona*Kona: Just need to make sure of something.
Meito was rubbing his chin in thought. Then he simply shrugged his shoulders. "Well, I guess there's no harm in telling her my first name."
MasterShop24: It's Meito
Kona*Kona:...Meito?
MasterShop24: Something wrong?
Kona*Kona: ...Meito...spelled with only two syllables.
MasterShop24: Eh?
System Message: Kona*Kona has rejected MasterShop24's request to become Kona*Kona's friend.
System Message: Kona*Kona has logged out.
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!!!??????"
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Author's note: This is what happens when you're bored at work and plot bunnies attack. I realize the premise is not all that ground-breaking but it was either this or a one-shot about how everybody doesn't have a nose. A short and rather pointless one-shot featuring the Lucky Star cast and my first ever fic without an OC in it. Hope you liked it even a little bit.