Please enjoy the supposedly humorous one-shot.
Discalimer: I do not own Bleach no matter how much I want to. (Gets out really loud speaker) You hear that you lawyers! (Puts it away). Ok, now they'll all leave me alone.
Today just wasn't Byakuya Kuchiki's day. This morning Byakuya woke up quite late. Apparently his alarm was dead. When he got up to go to the bathroom he tripped over when he got up from his bed. When he got his bathroom he saw his biggest problem of the day. His hair, it looked like it had just gotten struck by lightning. It was sticking up in all different places and it was gravity defying. It looked like Kenpachi Zaraki's hair except worse because his hair jutted out and was zig zagged. He never knew long hair could be such a pain. He reached over to where his brush was, or atleast where he left it the night before. When his hand groped for it and it wasn't there he looked and saw nothing. So now his brush was missing.
Soifon wasn't having much luck either. When she woke up she wasn't in the best mood. She didn't know why she just was particularly moody. When she went to her bathroom she slipped on the hard marble.
"What the-" Soifon said before noticing that there was water on the floor.
Then she felt something wet in her panties.
Oh don't tell me… She ran to her toilet and found out today had to be the day she had her period.
Soifon figured out why she was moody that morning, she was PMSing.
Byakuya not knowing what to do with his abomination of hair decided he should take a shower and that may calm his hair down. When he finished and turned to the mirror to see if it calmed down he almost fainted. It had gotten worse, if that was physically possible. His hair was now sticking out in all different directions. It made him look worse than a hedgehog. Practically all the strands of his hair were sticking up on end and were all zig zagged. He couldn't believe it. He couldn't find his brush and his hair was worse off than before if that was even possible. He sighed. What was he to do now? He wasn't about to go out in public with this hair when he remembered the time Soifon was having a horrible hair day. She somehow tucked it all away in a hat. Nobody wanted to feel her wrath so they didn't question it. People would probably be too scared to question him so he went in to his wardrobe to find a hat. He took out the only hat he had, a top hat, and shoved all of his hair into the hat. He sighed as he looked at his reflection in a mirror and got dressed for the day when he couldn't find his Captain's Haori so he had to walk around with a hat and no Captain's Haori. He walked out of his quarters to the 6th division.
After finding out that she was PMSing things didn't go too well. When as she looked in the mirror to apply her light make up she found out she was out of powder. It didn't bother her much, she could just go to Matsumoto or Nanao or one or the female Shinigami for it, it was the eye pencil. When she went to draw the thin line of eye liner with the pencil it broke. Having ten other's she took out another one. Eventually she went through all of them. Then she had to use the dreaded liquid eye liner. She hated liquid eye liner. It always made her eyes water and that would make it seem like she was crying and she wasn't about to let anyone think she was crying. But all her eye pencils were broken and she wasn't about to go around Soul Society Eye-liner-less. She may be a captain but she still a girl and she had to have eye-liner. She wasn't about to go to any of the other female Shinigami for an eye-pencil or some sort because the ones she used were just the right shade. No other Shinigami had it. And plus she had gotten them for a birthday present from the infamous Byakuya Kuchiki. She wasn't about to tell them she had been using them ever since he gave them to her especially when she said to them at a Shinigami Women's Association meeting she would never wear it. But unfortunately or maybe fortunately he had also given her liquid eye liner of the exact same quality and shade the only difference was one was liquid. Completely option-less she applied the liquid eye liner and hoped her eyes wouldn't water. After that was done she groped around for her mascara, also given to her by the same man. One of the things that went right was that she was able to find it. She applied the light mascara before looking around for her transparent lip gloss. It wasn't pink like others; it just made her lips shiny. As she groped around for where she left it the night before she couldn't find it. As she looked she found out it was missing. Completely and utterly pissed she punched a whole through her wall.
Whatever, I can just get someone to fix it… She thought.
She looked around the bathroom and all she could find was her rose pink lip gloss. Matsumoto gave it her for Christmas. Deciding she had no choice because she wasn't about to ask anybody for lip gloss she applied it. The next thing that went wrong was that she couldn't find the cloth she used to tie her plaits. She didn't sleep with it since it would only tangle her hair and she didn't sleep with her hair in plaits because she would just untangle it in the morning. Fortunately she found her brush and managed to detangle her hair. But since she couldn't find the cloth or the hair tie itself she had to leave it out. So she brushed it the same way she brushed it before Yoruichi left except now it was way longer. Whilst getting dressed she couldn't find her Captain's Haori. So she had to go out wearing her Special Forces leader's uniform and nothing else. She sighed as she walked out of her quarters. Changed make up, hair change and no Captain's Haori equals a very pissed off Soifon.
I can't believe this… Soifon and Byakuya thought at the exact same time and it was only morning.
As Byakuya walked towards his division he got stares from everyone. He heard faint whispers of, 'What's with the hat?', and, 'Where's the Captain Haori? Did he get demoted?'. He simply ignored it as he walked down to his division.
This is going to be a long day… He thought.
As Soifon walked towards the 2nd division she felt stares boring into her back. She wanted to punch every single person who stared at her, and her PMS wasn't helping much. Her vice-captain made his way up to her on his way to the 2nd division as well.
"Hey Taichou. What's with the new hairstyle and make up? Trying to impress a-" He started before getting kicked in the face.
Soifon was about at her limit. Or that could have been her PMS working. Either way the annoyance disappeared as her vice-captain did. As she continued she knocked out a few/a lot of Shinigami. On her way to the 2nd division she bumped into another familiar face. Byakuya Kuchiki to be precise. Looking at the hat upon his head she smirked.
"Bad hair day, Kuchiki?" She teased.
"Time of month, Soifon?" He asked seeing her trail of unconscious Shinigami.
"That's none of your business, Kuchiki."
"And you shouldn't nose into other people's business."
"I was simply asking a question about your change in fashion Kuchiki."
"And I was simply asking a question about the purpose of the trail of unconscious Shinigami."
Ok, now Soifon was pissed. She sent a kick to his face which he easily caught.
"I'm guessing it's a yes then Soifon."
Soifon's face flushed considerably. She glared at him as she sent a punch towards his face. Dropping her leg, he used his other arm to catch her wrist and twist her arm behind her back. Soifon not caring quickly used her free head to knock off his hat revealing his hair. Not being able to hold it, Soifon burst out in laughter. Quickly he firmly placed his hand over Soifon's mouth silencing her laughter and took a quick look around before shunpo-ing to a deserted area. Taking his hand off her mouth and releasing her wrist he watched as she gasped for air.
"What the hell was that for?" She asked.
"For what you did. I couldn't let anybody see and your incessant laughter was just making the situation even worse." He answered.
"What you just did was completely unnecessary."
"Your laughter was unnecessary."
"Your hairdo was the reason for my laughter so technically it is your entire fault."
Soifon walked closer to him and glared at him straight in the eye. They were practically face-to-face if it weren't for Soifon being way shorter. After about a moment Byakuya could have sworn he heard someone whisper 'Shō' from a nearby bush as Soifon was thrusted atop of him. As they both fell towards the ground they somehow lip locked. Not sure if it was her PMS or if it was actually her she knew she was actually responding. Then she definitely felt him responding to it as well. Out of pleasure they both closed their eyes. Then magically Byakuya's hair calmed down and Soifon wrapped her arms around his neck deepening the kiss. Then Soifon definitely felt one of his hands on the small of her back. Both they're eyes snapped open as a camera flashed. Breaking the kiss they both snapped their heads to the direction to see none other than Matsumoto, Nanao, Nemu, Isane, Izuru, Renji, Hisagi and Yachiru. Getting up from their very intimate position they both glared at the group.
"And what exactly are you doing?" Byakuya demanded.
"Er, well you see Taichou- oh look Hitsugaya-taichou and Momo are on a date!" He said before pointing in a direction where the said Captain and girl were sitting.
"Taichou and Momo-chan! Where? Where? Where?" She asked looking around.
Spotting the two sitting together on a bench, Hitsugaya had a smile playing on his lips as Momo was laughing, Matsumoto ran in the direction with Renji and Izuru in tow and Nanao running after them camera in hand. As Byakuya and Soifon continued to glare at the remaining members of the group caused Nemu to faint as if on reflex. Hisagi caught her before she could fall onto the ground.
"Oh look at that! We have to take Nemu-san to the 4th division. Let's go Hisagi-san." Isane said before running off to the direction of the 4th division with Hisagi carrying Nemu bridal style and running after her.
Relieved that they were in peace Byakuya and Soifon looked around to see if there were any spies before going back to what they were doing before. Maybe today wasn't one of those days.
But the next day was another story.
Neither had a bad hair day and none of their items went missing it wasn't something like that. No but on the front cover of the Shinigami Magazine was a close up of them kissing with the title 'HOT AND COLD! OPPOSITES ATTRACT!' and on the next page was Hinamori and Hitsugaya sitting on a bench with Momo laughing and Hitsugaya with a smile on and next to it was Hisagi carrying Nemu bridal style. The heading was 'COUPLES OR NOT?', obviously someone must have slipped that page in when Hisagi wasn't looking. That day definitely one of those days for all three couples.
Hope you enjoyed. R&R
Be gentle this is my first one-shot.