The Diary of Nadir
December 12, 1872
Dear Diary,
Erik has bought a foosball table!
I can't believe HE would stoop that low!
He insists upon winning that pretty singer, Christine Daae, to him.
It makes sense after reading it a few times.
He really needs to get a new hobby.
I mean Christine is in love with that fop boy Raoul!
-Nadir
December 15, 1872
Dear Diary,
Erik has been extra touchy lately.
He's thrown me in the lake five times, kicked me into the lake six times, threatened to Punjab me seven times, and fed me icky baby food eight times.
He did this because I said he was being to "eccentric" on trying to get Christine.
He replied, "I'm a grown man who lives in the cellars of the Opera House, I can be as eccentric as I want!" then he took revenge.
I hate him.
-Nadir
December 20, 1872
Dear Diary,
Erik is throwing a Christmas bash!
I'm so happy!
He finally is seeing some life outside of Christine, Raoul, Mme. Giry, and I!
I think Christine is putting on some weight.
Erik has been really grouchy.
I wonder what's up.
-Nadir
December 25, 1872
Dear Diary,
Merry Christmas!
The Christmas bash last night was grand!
Everybody came, including Carlotta.
Christine looks like she's gaining a bit of weight.
I asked Raoul what she'd been eating, or if he noticed a few pounds on his beloved.
He told me to ask Erik.
When bringing up Christine's new weight, Erik threw me in the lake and told me to not bring that subject up again for a few months.
He's such a grouch.
-Nadir
December 30, 1872
Dear Diary,
One more day until the year 1873!
Christine is bitter.
Plus she's been throwing up every morning since last week.
She is getting fatter every day it seems.
Erik has been extra touchy.
He is super nice to Christine, and Raoul has been gone since Christmas.
I think they're not telling me something.
It bothers me!
-Nadir
January 2, 1873
Dear Diary,
Christine has stopped tossing any food she eats!
She can't dance anymore for an odd reason.
The fop has returned, to much moaning.
I guess the urges for odd food are better then the urges to puke.
Yes, Christine has been having odd "cravings".
And, she now lives down here, with Erik and I.
He is a little less touchy.
I keep watching what Christine eats because she is even fatter!
She seems to be eating for two people!
Maybe she ate another person and is feeding them what she eats!
Dumb Erik, I must question Christine.
-Nadir
January 5, 1873
Dear Diary,
Upon asking about Christine Erik threw his hands up and sighed a "you are really stupid!" sigh.
He mumbled something about being a father.
Wonder what that means.
-Nadir
January 10, 1873
Dear Diary,
EWWWWW!
I just found out why Christine's stomach is getting bigger!
Erik told me when he asked me to be his best man at his wedding.
When I said to whom he replied Christine!
When I asked why the sudden change of heart he sighed again.
He looked at me eerily.
"Because, Nadir, it's proper for a man to marry the woman whom is the mother of HIS child!"
I gasped, "You… she… PREAGNANT?"
He nodded like I was crazy.
I can't believe he actually did THAT.
-Nadir
January 15, 1873
Dear Diary,
Erik has been jittery.
Christine has been cranky.
And as for the fop, well, he's not been around a lot lately.
I'm well.
I can't believe he did what he did.
That crazy man.
-Nadir
January 20, 1873
Dear Diary,
Three more days until Erik is a bachelor no more.
Christine has been sleeping a lot lately.
Raoul has returned.
He's been invited to the wedding.
Erik reluctantly invited the fop upon urging of Chrissie.
-Nadir
January 24, 1873
Dear Diary,
The wedding was well, a wedding.
I stood next to Erik and weepy Meg stood next to Christine.
Who did much staring into Erik's eyes.
Raoul tried to protest but Erik pulled the Punjab lasso out just to where he could see it and he shut up.
I smiled and acted dumb.
It really wasn't that hard.
I caught the flowery thing Christine threw.
People looked at me like I was a monkey.
Oh well, at least my room looks pretty now.
Yay for flowery things that gets thrown!
-Nadir
January 30, 1873
Dear Diary,
Christine says that she's "due" in a few weeks.
I wonder what she means.
Quit looking at me like I'm an idiot.
What do you mean get out more often?
I have lady friends!
Sharon and Molly!
Yes, my lady friends!
What do you mean imaginary lady friends don't count?
They do so!
Erik has ruined my mind!
Off to singing montage
-Nadir
February 2, 1873
Dear Diary,
Christine says to expect the baby on February 15.
I asked why so soon and she replied that she'd been pregnant for almost seven months when I finally found out.
I asked why I didn't know sooner.
She replied that I was stupid.
She then proceeded to roll her eyes.
I stuck my tongue out at her for lack of better comebacks, it's rude to insult a girl.
I laughed, she called Erik and he pushed me into the lake.
I feel wet.
-Wet Nadir
February 5, 1873
Dear Diary,
Erik and Christine have been gone on what he calls a "honeymoon".
I have no idea what this is.
Mme. Giry called me a stupid idiot.
I replied that they're the same thing so she called me stupid twice.
She rolled her eyes and sent me away.
Women seem to hate me, Christine in particular.
I want beef jerky.
-Nadir
February 10, 1873
Dear Diary,
Erik and Christine have returned.
The baby is to be expected in five days.
Erik has mad me servant to his babe.
I fear this new job.
I will have to change poop.
I don't like poop.
I don't like this unborn baby either.
I wish Meg could help, but she's off with Raoul.
Her new "fluffy friend" as Erik meanly calls him.
I asked what this meant and he replied I was too stupid to know.
-Nadir
February 12, 1873
Dear Diary,
Christine has been in bed all day!
And I can't be!
It's so unfair!
Erik said I had to childproof the lair so I can't sleep!
I HATE children!
I hate Erik!
Life is mean to me!
So is Christine!
Cruel, cruel world!
Good-bye!
-Nadir
February 15, 1873
Dear Diary,
Christine is red in the face and going through what Erik calls "labor".
I asked why he was making the woman carrying his child work, and he responded by hitting me with MY lamp of doom.
When I tried to drown yesterday, he wouldn't let me!
He said he didn't know enough about being a father to let me die.
Stupid man.
Raoul calls Meg his "mistress".
I asked what this meant and he smiled until Erik threw him in the lake.
Finally, the baby is born!
His name is Erik Jr.
He is so cute and leeelte!
I wuve him!
-Nadir
February 20, 1873
Dear Diary,
I asked Christine what Raoul and Meg were.
She rolled her eyes and told me they were sleeping together.
EWWWWWWWWW!
Raoul is a pervert!
Actually Christine is a pervert.
She keep exposing herself, saying she's feeding the baby.
I don't believe her.
Erik is perverted too, he watches Christine expose herself!
Help me!
-Nadir
February 25, 1873
Dear Diary,
Life with a baby is, well, uhg.
He constantly poops and pees in the clean diaper I put on him!
I hate him!
He destroyed my lamp of doom!
I held a private funeral.
Erik mocked me and then threw me in the lake.
I'm thinking of wearing my swim trunks beneath my clothes it saves a step.
-Nadir
March 1, 1873
Dear Diary,
I just found out Meg is pregnant and getting married.
Why is everybody but me getting married?
WHY?
I feel left out!
I'm stuck with Erik Jr. while everybody gets a lover!
I hate life!
Good-bye cruel world!
-Nadir
March 2, 1873
Dear Diary,
Erik once again wouldn't let me die!
I loathe him, not hate, loathe!
The baby is my only reason to live!
Christine has been a jerk and demoted me to her head servant.
Now I no longer get Nadir/Erik Jr. time!
I hate her!
I wish to have my own wife and baby to love.
Maybe I'll steal Erik Jr. in the stealth of night, yes a plan indeed.
-Nadir
March 10, 1873
Dear Diary,
I found a living lady friend!
Her name is Madeline!
I wuve her!
I'm going to ask her to marry me and be the mother of my child!
I shall ask her tonight!
Wish me luck!
-Nadir
March 11, 1873
Dear Diary,
Medline slapped me then agreed!
We're getting married tomorrow!
I shall be a father in nine months!
Erik says I'm rushing into things.
I say he wasn't even married when he became a father!
I'm so not rushing into things!
Am I?
Well who asked you?
Good-bye dumb diary!
(Throws out window)
-Nadir
March 15, 1873
Erik retrieved my stupid diary!