x(A/N): Hai. Okay, well here's the jizz.. I was browsing through various different fanfictions based on Avril Lavigne, and I thought to myself, 'Why does everyone do songfics..?' Surely that's not all the human brain can come up with whilst thinking of writing about this woman? Now don't get me wrong here- I love Avril, she has been a favourite artist of mine since a very young age, but I'm sick of reading about her songs! So, here it goes, my attempt at an actual non-songfic based on Avril Lavigne. Avril will probably end up being totally out of character and what have you, but ah well. I know Fanfiction isn't so popular these days, but here it goes anyway.(It's 2012 right now, so any information outdated, my apologies.) Also, rated M+ for foul language and any other things I may add in the future. Much loves ps- Half the information here is totally made up! I don't own any of the songs and stuff.. whatev. Enjoy. :3
Ever since I released my first single, 'Complicated', I've been completely smothered with those story-making bastards. Yeah, okay, I get it, I need them for publicity. But this is too far. Way, way too far. I thought they might have got the message when I spat at them. What did they think I wrote the song 'Take it' for? I don't hate anything in this world, but I can make a definite exception for them. Who? Paparazzi of course!
Okay, so I'll start with the beginning-
A couple months back I was doing another interview for this TV show in Britain, 'Making it Large' I think it was called… Anyway, here's what happened.
''Okay ladies and gentleman, our next guest tonight is the person you've all come out here to see, award winning singer-songwriter, actress and designer, Avril Lavigne!'' There's my cue. I put on my signature cheesy smile and clonk onto the stage. I hear the uproar of cheers from the audience as I take my seat on the pale blue couch. ''Avril, it's great to finally meet you.'' No it isn't. You're just another chick who thinks I'm a total sell-out, trying to earn a living. I hold my smile and spout a seemingly confident, ''Thanks, you too.'' Ugh, her big blonde curly locks are practically dancing with bitchiness. Is that a boob job under that red cocktail dress? Whore. ''So Avril, you've just released your new album, Goodbye Lullaby, that has already sold over millions of copies worldwide. A great success wouldn't you say?'' The interviewer's preppy voice shot through me like venom. ''I guess...'' Add more, add more, you sound like a stupid spoiled brat! ''I mean, I didn't really intend this album to go big, it was really just for my amazing fans.'' More cheering, keep going Avril… ''I wanted to be able to give them a piece of me, they send me awesome gifts all the time, so Goodbye Lullaby was my gift for them.'' Add a little girly giggle for extra cringe-y sweetness and… Okay, they love it. You're in the safe Av. ''How sweet. I've got to say, I was listening to your single 'What the Hell' this morning, very catchy. Although, there has been some, um, criticism for the song and people are saying it's very 'Pop' and not like the 'old Avril'… care to share your thoughts?'' WOW. What an original question. I knew this was going to come up. Always does. ''Well, my last record, 'The Best Damn Thing', was loads more 'popish' than this one. Besides, there is no old or new Avril. There's just me. Yeah, so my style of music and fashion has changed. It called growing up. People need to realise that I'm not seventeen anymore. I'm nearly thirty!'' Stick the big smile and a small giggle… Keep it together Avril.
The rest of the interview went pretty smoothly, I nearly lost my temper when she took a stab at my recent divorce… but whatever, I could have said something about her streaky fake tan, but I'm more mature than that.
I drag myself into my dressing room after saying my goodbyes to that preppy bitch, slip off my heels and throw myself face first into the plush couch. There's a knock on the door, ''Miss Lavigne, twenty minutes.'' I hear someone say. I sit up and reach for one of the little pink cakes on the coffee table. Fuck dieting.
''Who the hell decided pepperoni would be a good choice of pizza, you know Avril's vegetarian!'' Ugh, I'm never going to get any sleep. Why is it everyone feels the need to be as loud as possible whenever we're in the bus? ''I'm not vegetarian, I just don't eat meat.'' I shout from inside my little bedroom. The guys let out a few laughs. I never say that I'm vegetarian. It's true that I try not to eat meat, but I don't want to be caught eating a burger or something and be swamped by haters. I give up with sleeping and pull myself out of bed. I check myself out in my en suite mirror and open the door to the main part of the band bus. I grab some cashew nuts and dig in. ''Hey sleeping ugly, have a good one?'' I throw one of my nuts at the voice, my guitarist, Steve. ''No, haven't you guys ever heard of whispering?'' I retort. 'Well we were about to wake you up anyway. You need to get ready. Apollo Concert tonight, and an autograph signing afterwards. Then you can sleep.'' I slam myself down on the couch and place my head on the table. ''Merhgds.'' I don't even know what I said.
'' And you take what you get and you turn it into honestly, promise me I'm never gonna find you fake it no,no,no.'' Cheering, screams, ''We love you Avril!'' ''Thank you guys! I love you so much, thank you, goodnight!'' I touch a few of their hands and blow some kisses before exiting the stage, beaming with excitement. I do love my little black stars. They always put me in a great mood. I grab my water bottle and glug it down. Some guy with a yellow T-shirt walks up to me, ''Great show Avril, take ten, then someone will escort you downstairs.'' Yay! I'm actually so in the mood for an autograph signing.
'Avril xoxo' last autograph of the day, if I don't bump into anyone else, which I probably will. I head back to the bus, my bodyguards escorting me the whole way. I can still hear my fans screaming my name behind me. I wish I could meet everyone, I really do. But I can't.
As the bus drives us away from them, I sit down on the couch. I can still hear everyone outside… I don't want to go back to the hotel yet. I'm really awake now. There's still too much to see, people to meet. And it's only 9:30 (Or 21:30 if you swing that way.) I run to the front of the bus and pull down the window divider. ''Could you stop? I want to get out.'' I politely ask the driver. ''Sorry Ma'am, direct orders to take you straight back to the hotel. Besides, we're in the middle of a car park.'' Snotty bastard. ''Please,'' I beg, ''I think I'm going to be sick.'' Lies obviously. ''There's a toilet back there Miss.'' Well, I'm not renting anything from this company again, the drivers are way impolite! I sit back down in a huff. ''Get over it Av, we'll be back soon.'' Sighs Rodney, my drummer. My reply is quick, ''Not good enough.'' I'm a brat, I know. I gaze out of my window, watching thousands of my fans slowly pass by as we exit the car park. This isn't fair on anyone… I suddenly get an idea, and it hits me like a brick. I reach for the latch on the window, and open it up. Yes, yes, I'm outta here. Oh.. no I'm not. ''Why the hell wont this open?'' I shout. ''It's like a child lock,'' replies Steve, ''because you need one…'' I flash him an evil glare, and let my eyes wander around the bus. Until they reach a certain point, the sunroof. The sliding sunroof. That opens the whole way. I'm either a genius or an idiot. Only one way to find out. What the hell, I'm a rocker; I'm allowed to do what I want. I jump onto the fixed brown table, and open up the latch. I pull the window across and realise, that I'm tiny. Being 5ft 1 has its disadvantages. ''What are you doing Avril?'' Jim, rhythm guitarist.. ''I need to get some fresh air, gimme a leg up, I'll get back down in a sec.'' More lies. He looks uncertain, but holds up his hands anyway. He's alright he is. I place my foot on his hands, and grab the rim of the sunroof. He pushes me up as I pull myself, the screaming of the crowd gets louder as soon as they see me. I'm nearly out, just a little further. ''What the hell? Avril get down!'' I hear Rodney shout. Jim sticks up for me, ''She's just getting some air.'' Yeah, that's what you think. I feel bad for deceiving them, but whatever. I'll be back later anyway. I pull myself up so that I'm sitting on the roof… Of a moving vehicle. Well, I'm an idiot. But, it is going rather slowly… I could get arrested for this, I debate going back inside. Nah, you only get one chance at life. I carefully stand myself up. What if I fall? I could be crushed flat! Many thoughts circle my head. I start to feel dizzy. This is stupid. Get back in. I can see a mass of people crowding around the bus. Screams, chants, 'Avril, Avril, Avril!' I decide this is an idiotic thing to do, and turn back towards the small opening at the top of the bus. And then, the inevitable happened. It slipped.
(A/N): JESUS I MADE HER SOUND LIKE A BITCH. Told you she's be out of character. Ah well. On to the next chapter! Please leave reviews, as they'd be much appreciated. Thank you! :3