The Christmas Party

Written by Alekat

Disclaimer: These characters don't belong to me. I'm just borrowing them.

Rating: K

Spoilers: S5 eps with Jake Berkeley (Going Under - 5.2 & Going, Going, Gone - 5.9)

Pairing: Calleigh/Jake Berkeley

Miami Dade Police Department Headquarters
December 23rd
Office Christmas Party

Calleigh stood in one of the vacant labs and watched through the glass walls at the staff laughing and having a great time. She loved Christmas and always enjoyed going to the office party, but this year was different. Jake was there in the middle of the group and the ladies were giving him the attention that a man with his handsome chiseled features usually garnered any time he entered a room. It had been years since she had felt any thing for Jake, but in the past few weeks those old feelings had begun to rekindle.

Eric walked up next to her and touched her shoulder softly, "You still love him, don't you?" It was more of a statement than a question but she looked up at him and nodded in the affirmative.

"He still loves you too." He told her.

"It looks that way." She scoffed softly.

"You know how the women from metro are. They enjoy a new face. They did that to Ryan last year and me the couple of years before."

She laughed, "They still do that to you."

His head swelled with pride, "Yeah. They do, don't they?"

She slapped at his arm playfully. "Why aren't you in there soaking up the attention?"

"I saw you in here. Come on and join the party."

"I've got a lot of work to do." She replied quietly a sad tone to her voice.

"That's no excuse. Horatio gave us the afternoon for the party." He tugged on her arm.

"It's okay Eric." She shrugged his hand loose, "I don't really want to join the party."

"Suit yourself." He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek, "Merry Christmas Calleigh."

"Merry Christmas Eric." Her smile lit up the room for a moment.

She watched Eric join the group across the hall and most of the women who had been huddled around Jake flocked to Eric's side. She tried to divert her attention before Jake caught her but his obsidian eyes caught her green ones and for a moment she found herself lost in him. He never broke eye contact but made his way across the hall.

Mesmerized, she couldn't walk away from him. He captivated her with just one look. It had always been that way between them. Her feelings for him had never changed. She hated him, but in the same breath knew that she would always love him.

"Why aren't you joining the party?" His voice was like molten lava burning through her.

"Too much work." She remained still, he touched her hand and her body reverberated with electricity. His touch had always held that magic over her.

"That's a terrible excuse." The coarse growl that had always assaulted her senses now assaulted her heart. She wanted to look away from him but her eyes were unwilling to listen to her brain or her heart for that matter. "Let me escort you to the party."

"I…I can't." She silently berated herself for sounding so weak. He had always been able to do that to her. Why did she become some sniffling teenager when she was near him?

The music from across the hall wafted into the room through the overhead speakers. It was something slow. Maybe White Christmas or something that had a Christmas theme and without even knowing she had consented she was in his arms and they were dancing cheek to cheek. He hummed the tune of the song in her ear and she was lost.

"Jake, I…I shouldn't.." she protested his hold weakly.

"It's just a dance, Calleigh." The way he said her name made her knees weak.

The song changed but their dance stayed the same for what seemed to Calleigh like forever. Her heart beat faster when she was near Jake. Her mind shut down. She couldn't think like the normal independent woman that she proclaimed herself to be.

"Jake, we can't do this." Her protests fell on deaf ears as Jake pulled her close and held her slowly swaying them to the music.

"Calleigh, I'm not asking you to run away forever. I'm just asking for a dance." He squeezed her left hand tighter in his right as his left hand drifted down to the curve of her hip. His touch turned her insides to Jell-O and she realized that without him holding her up she would be nothing but a puddle in the floor.

The slow song ended and the upbeat sounds of Chris Isaak belting out 'Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas' gave Calleigh the out she needed. She backed away from Jake trying to put enough distance between them to alleviate the effect he held over her.

He took a step forward and she held up her hand, "No. Don't Jake."

"Calleigh, can I tell you something?" He asked leaning against the light table that was directly behind him.

"Jake, I don't want to get into this here." She turned to leave the room and he caught her arm gently sliding his hand into hers.

"Calleigh, please?" The pleading tone in his voice stopped her in her tracks.

"Fine." She wrested her hand loose from him and walked around the center section of light tables in the room. "What do you want to tell me?"

He sighed and turned to face her only to find that she had her back to him and was watching the staff across the hallway taking turns holding the mistletoe over each other's heads stealing kisses here and there. The atmosphere in the room across the hall was much friendlier than that of the room they were in.

"I know you thought I made the wrong choice when we graduated from the academy." He began but was interrupted by her.

"Please. Jake it's over. Let's just leave it that way."

"NO!" She jerked around at his raised voice. "No." He said quieter, "Because I didn't make the choice. Don't you see Calleigh, it was made for me." He moved closer to her. "I didn't want to leave as soon after graduation as I did. I wanted to stay. I wanted to work on us."

"There is no us." She whispered. Her heart breaking just a little more.

"There was." He returned just as softly, his heart broken as well, "I loved you Calleigh. I don't think there's ever been another woman who's held my heart they way you have. Still do." The last words were almost unbearable for him to say and even worse for her to hear.

She fought the tears back and held her stiff posture; she was determined to keep these feelings at bay. He would not weasel his way back into her heart. Had he ever left her heart? If she let the truth be known she had never stopped loving him. "Jake, a few whispered words can never replace the last ten years of unknowns and half truths."

"Look Cal, you weren't an angel back then either."

"Don't you think I know that?" She questioned. "Don't you think I have thought about what I said that last night over the last ten years?"

"Calleigh, I'm sorry." He tried to touch her but she wouldn't allow it. She wasn't ready for his touch, his comfort. "I must have written a million letters only to toss them away in the garbage. There just weren't enough words to explain, apologize, and ask for forgiveness. I hurt you. But you hurt me too."

"I couldn't wait, Jake. It just wasn't in my nature. You were already gone, if not in body, then in spirit. There wasn't anything left between us and all I could see was that you took the job without reservation.

You were perfectly willing to go undercover and never surface again. That pull to the dark side had already taken over. I didn't have the strength to pull you back. I didn't know if I wanted to."

"Calleigh, I could see you slipping away. Every time I went back under. I felt like a drowning man. The case was overwhelming, our relationship was dying and I couldn't figure out how to keep it alive and keep my cover and do my job. In the end, the job won over everything else." He paused then continued, "And for that I am truly sorry."

She turned to face him the battle to keep her tears at bay lost. "I never stopped to think that you might be hurting too."

He reached out gently wiping her stray tears away. "I never meant to cause us so much pain. I thought I could do the undercover and still be with you."

"The deception was just too much, Jake. I was too insecure back then. I thought when you didn't tell me something it was because you had done something you shouldn't have not something you couldn't talk about."

"Calleigh I never stepped over the line during that first case. I know it consumed my every waking moment but I never crossed that line. I know I wasn't the person you thought I was and I am sorry."

"Jake I don't know if I'm ready to put it all behind us, if I'll ever be." She murmured as he drew her close to his chest, his arms circling around her in a comforting gesture. She relaxed into his embrace.

"You know, it was ten years ago today that we went our separate ways." He whispered, "Wouldn't it be fitting if we began to find our way back to each other today." He lightly kissed her temple. "I still love you Calleigh." Her sigh gave him all the answer needed for now.

Across the hall, Natalia Boa Vista walked up to Eric who was standing at the door looking across the hall. "Hey Eric, what's up?" She asked following his line of sight. "Oh."

"They needed to work this out." He mused.

"Someday I'm going to have to hear the story behind them." She smiled at the scene across the hallway and pulled on Eric's arm, "Come on, dance with me. Let them have some privacy.

Still looking over his shoulder, finally relented and followed Boa Vista out to the center of the floor, "Yeah. Okay." Then he whispered over his shoulder, "Merry Christmas Calleigh."

The End.