Hermione rubbed tired eyes as she awoke from her seat on the cushy red sofa in the common room. She'd fallen asleep for the third time over her book. What the hell is wrong with me? Ooh, don't open that door.

Something stirred in her lap. Glancing down she saw that Harry had his head in her lap as he leant back from his seat on the floor in front of her. He was also asleep. How cute. Hermione was very tempted to run her hand through his messy hair. But she also knew that that would wake him up and he looked so peaceful that she couldn't bring herself to.

A resounding snore startled her slightly and she looked over at the other end of the sofa. Ron was unconscious over the arm, drooling on the upholstery and snoring rather badly. Hermione restrained a snigger as one of his legs started kicking, much like a dog's does in the sleep state. He was even whining a little, exactly like a dog. Silently Hermione cracked up as the giggles escaped her.

"Ginny, go 'way!" Ron said suddenly in his sleep. "Don't wanna talk to you right now. Busy."

Hermione was having trouble keeping her sniggers silent. She clamped her hand over her mouth to stifle the sound.

"What were you saying Herm? You don't know how to kiss? Well alright, I'll teach you."

Why was Ron having a dream about teaching me how to kiss? Hermione thought as her giggles subsided and Ron lapsed into silent snoring sleep. Wait, there's a thought. I DON'T know how to kiss!! I've never been kissed! Well, Viktor did but that was only a peck, he was too much of a gentleman to do more. I'm eighteen and I've never been kissed properly. What the hell have I done with my life?

She glanced at the book she was still holding. It was Advanced Ancient Runes.

That's what I've been doing with my life. I've been studying. Lavender and Parvati have had hundreds of boyfriends. Well not quite, that's a huge exaggeration but they've still had 99.9 more guys than I have. Wait, I'm Hermione Granger, the head girl. When have I ever cared about this?

She hit herself on the head with the book in annoyance. She rubbed her forehead because the book had hurt.

She was sinking to the level of Lavender Brown and Parvati Patil. You couldn't get much lower than that. Hermione dropped the book and buried her head in her hands, closing her eyes and groaned gently.

"What's wrong?"

Hermione's eyes snapped open behind her hands. She opened her fingers and peeped through and down. Harry was craning his head back staring at her upside down. Obviously she had just woken him.

"Nothing."

"Don't give me that crap. You forget, I know you better than you do."

Hermione grinned and patted his head patronisingly. Surprisingly he didn't swat her away like he usually did. "There is something wrong, but you can hardly be expected to help with it." Although I REALLY wish you could!

"This isn't a lady parts problem is it?" he cringed.

"No."

"It could hardly be school work, because, well, it's you."

"Nope, not that either."

Harry turned around to face her. He leant against her legs and gave her his best puppy dog face. "Well, what then?"

"It's embarrassing." She turned her head away from him to hide her reddening cheeks.

"Come on 'Mione it's me. What can you not tell me?"

She turned her head back to face him. "You really wanna know? Okay. I'm eighteen and I've never been kissed by a guy."

"But you've never worried about kissing before. What brought all this on?"

"Sergeant Sleepy over there." she jerked her thumb towards the prostrate Ron.

Harry sniggered. "Was he having that dream again?"

"You know about that dream?"

"Yeah. I've shared a room with him for seven years, including holidays. And he has a tendency to talk in his sleep. Most of them are about being attacked by spiders in some way or another. I'm guessing the one you overheard was the one where he's kissing you and gets interrupted by someone."

"Does he have it a lot?"

"Other than the tap-dance spider one, it's his most frequent one."

Hermione blinked at him. "Tap-dancing spiders?"

"Don't ask."

Hermione laughed in spite of herself.

"So you heard him and that sparked off this train of thought? It's nothing to worry about."

"Says the second biggest stud in the school."

"Second? Who beat me?"

"Draco."

"Look if you really want I'll give you some coaching."

"In kissing?"

"And other stuff. If you want."

"Okay."

"But I think we have a problem. Sergeant Sleepy himself. He's had a crush on you for about five years."

"I know, Harry. Was kinda obvious. So, what are we gonna do about him?"

"You could just let me help." Ron's voice said somewhere in the background.

Turning they saw him fully awake and grinning furiously at them.

"You heard that?"

"You were speaking so loudly I couldn't help hearing. And thank you Harry for revealing my secret." Ron's voice dripped with sarcasm.

"Ron, I already knew. Subtlety isn't your strongest point."

"No, but kissing is. Harry may have talent when it comes to all the other stuff but I won the poll for the best kisser in the school."

"Only just." Harry grumbled.

Hermione sniggered. "So what are we going to do?"

"I can teach you how to kiss properly and then Harry can take over and teach you how to do other stuff."

"Uh, ok." Hermione stuttered, not completely comfortable with the plan.

"When should we get started?" Ron asked casually, in the same way Hermione did when she was discussing a new potions project with them.

Hermione blinked. This could go sooooooooo wrong. But I can't think of any arguments against it. Why can't I think of any arguments against it? This is so going to blow up in our faces. There must be something seriously wrong with me.