The Picture: Part One
The Truth
Author's note: Before I say anything else, I would like to apologize to those
who watch Phineas and Ferb and are very familiar with it. When I first wrote this I
included background on the characters that you will already be familiar with in case
a non-Phineas and Ferb fan ever read it. Bear with me, it doesn't take long to get
through.
I started writing this fan fic over three years ago, when I first started
getting into Phineas and Ferb. As I watched the show, I noticed that
Phineas, Ferb, Candace, and Isabella's happy-go-lucky world existed in a
delicate balance. It was founded upon one bedrock principle-information,
specifically, the lack thereof. Phineas and Ferb are able to continue inventing
because Linda doesn't know what they're doing and thus can't put a stop to
it. Candace constantly tries to bust them to her, but she is unable to because
she doesn't know about Dr. Doofenshmirtz, who builds the -inators that always
get rid of Phineas and Ferb's inventions. Doofenshmirtz is also unable to
directly interfere in Perry the Platypus's private life because he doesn't know
where he lives or who he lives with. I suppose Perry is the master of the
situation-he knows both sides of the story. Lucky for everyone else, he keeps
his knowledge to himself and allows their world to remain intact.
As I observed this, I asked myself the obvious question: "What would happen
if the smoke cleared and the mirrors were shattered and everyone learned the
truth about their world?" The answer was... this fan fic. What you are about to
read is the first of a long, four-part Phineas and Ferb story, in which the
characters get a very rude awakening from their tiny little happy bubbles and
get dragged into a nasty little thing called reality. Reading this may have you
wondering if some things are best kept hidden... but then again, John did say
in the Bible that the truth would set you free. The story begins on a typical
morning at the Flynn-Fletcher household...
Chapter 1
Tears, Toilet Paper and Terabytes
"Hey Mom!"
"Hi boys."
Phineas and Ferb had just got up. They were headed for the cabinet to
wolf down some sugar cereal before they made their next creation.
"Phineas, did you see your sister up there?" his mom asked.
"No, she ran off after our Big and Obvious Ride disappeared
yesterday!" Phineas replied. He yanked the cabinet open and a box of cereal
fell out and landed on Ferb's head. He didn't say anything. He didn't talk
much. It bounced off and Phineas caught it.
"Sorry, Ferb!" Phineas cried, "I must not have put that back all the
way!"
"Actually, I put it back yesterday," Ferb said in his calm British
accent.
"I'm worried about her," Mom interjected, "she's always so frantic.
I don't understand how any kid could be so stressed out during Summer
Vacation."
"Ah, Mom, all Candace wants is for you to see all the awesome stuff
we build!" Phineas replied, "But every time you come home, it disappears!"
"She was trying to figure out where they go yesterday, but, alas,
victory escaped her grasp once again." Ferb added.
"I wonder if having to watch you two every day gets her worked up, so
that when the slightest thing happens she freaks out and calls me for help,"
Mom continued. She sighed, "You know what, I think I'll call a sitter today
so Candace can take a break."
"It not that, Mom, Candace wants you to know the truth!" Phineas said,
"Hey Ferb, I'll bet she's down in the dumps after what happened yesterday! We
can give her breakfast in bed to cheer her up!"
Phineas grabbed a bowl from the cabinet and poured cereal into it.
There was an awkward silence as he did.
"Well?" Ferb asked.
Phineas looked up. He seemed puzzled. "What?"
"Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today!" Mom cried.
"Huh? No, that'd stress her out worse!" Phineas replied with horror,
"She'd be like 'Mom! Phineas and Ferb are making a breakfast machine!' Then
Mom would come and the machine would be gone and Mom would make some remark
that makes it worse and then Perry would walk in and I'd say 'Oh, there you
are Perry!' and then Mom would ask who wants snacks and we'd follow her out of
the room and leave Candace standing there with that weird shocked stare and
going, 'But-but-but-but...' We'd ruin her day before it even started!"
"Gosh, you've got the whole thing memorized," Mom said with awe.
"Our lives are incredibly routine," Ferb remarked.
"Yep, and it's wearing on Candace's nerves," Phineas pulled a spoon
out of the drawer, poured some milk in the cereal and filled a glass with
orange juice. "C'mon, Ferb, Candace needs us!" he said firmly.
Ferb followed Phineas through the living room and up the stairs.
In case you didn't watch the show, I should give some background.
Phineas and Ferb are two ten-year-old stepbrothers on Summer vacation. Every
day their Mom and Dad leave the house and leave their teenage sister, Candace,
in charge (conditionally). Phineas and Ferb are sworn to have the greatest Summer
Vacation ever, and every day they make something fun and incredible (not to
mention almost physically impossible). Candace is constantly trying to bust
them for it and every day she calls Mom and when she gets home the thing
somehow magically disappears and then Mom thinks Candace is even more of an
idiot than she did the day before and poor Candace is left to say, "But-"
over and over or sigh in frustration or go to her room or break down and cry
in despair or-you get the idea. Phineas explained the usual routine earlier.
Anyway, Phineas and Ferb reached the top and then walked quickly down
the hallway to Candace's door. Phineas opened the door slowly. "Candace?" He
asked quietly.
"Bu...fama...gimma...mum..." someone mumbled.
Phineas and Ferb glanced toward the sound. Phineas gasped and nearly
dropped the bowl.
"Candace, what happened?!" he cried.
Candace looked horrible. She was lying in bed, on her back, babbling
nonsense. Her sunken, bloodshot eyes darted about madly. They had deep,
black bags sagging far beneath them. Her hair was tangled and knotted and all
over the place. She gasped and hissed and babbled and shook. All around the
room furniture had been knocked over and things were broken and stuff was
strewn about and... long story short, something was really, really wrong.
Candace didn't answer, she just blabbered some more.
Phineas was nervous. He was awesome, but he was still just a kid.
"Ferb, what's wrong with her? What do we do?" he cried frantically.
"Give me that bowl," Ferb said calmly.
Phineas handed him the bowl. Ferb marched up to the gibbering and
writhing Candace.
"Candace, we've brought you breakfast." he said simply, then smashed
the bowl of cereal in her face.
Candace squealed and jumped five feet into the air before landing in a
heap on the ground.
"Thanks, I needed that," she groaned.
"Candace, what's the matter?" Phineas asked worriedly.
"What do you think is the matter!" she snapped.
"I don't know," he replied.
"What do you mean you don't know?" she yelled.
"Your level of distress seems greater than usual," Ferb began, "An
uncommon show of madness seems to indicate that an uncommon event must have
occurred."
"You looked like you were having a seizure!" Phineas added.
Candace growled and then sighed. "I..." she began, "I can't..."
"Can't what?" Phineas asked.
"I can't do it Phineas!" she cried, "I'm a failure! WAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
Candace was sitting on the floor, covered in Super-Chunky Sugar Puffs,
crying like a baby.
Phineas was startled. He wasn't sure what to do. He noticed Candace
was still in her normal clothes instead of her pajamas.
"Candace, did you sleep last night?" he inquired.
"N-n-n-n-nooo!" she stammered.
"Why?"
"C-c-couldn't s-sleep, h-hhad t-t-to f-find ou-out w-where..."
Suddenly it clicked. Phineas didn't know why it had taken him so
long.
"You were still trying to figure out where all our stuff is going!" he
declared.
"Y-yeah, but-"
Phineas cut her off. His beloved sister was suffering, and he would
do whatever it took to help her.
"Candace, Ferb and I are gonna find out where all our creations are
going so you can finally bust us! I know what we're gonna do today!" With
that, Phineas took off down the hallway.
Ferb hung back a moment. "Hey, where's Perry?" he asked.
Perry the Platypus darted through the house, hiding behind the
furniture and making his way to the secret wall slot next to the stairs
that led to his secret lair beneath the house.
Perry the Platypus was a secret agent. He couldn't talk and he looked
like a beaver/duck, but he was probably the world's greatest spy. He had
lived with Phineas and Ferb for years and had never been discovered, at least,
not without the intruder's memory being wiped.
But something was going to go wrong today.
Perry peeked out from behind the couch, glancing right and left. The
coast was clear. He jumped for the wall and slapped the slot. It flipped
over and threw Perry down the tube inside the wall and hurled him through it
at a gut-wrenching hundred miles per hour. He slammed down into his seat in
front of a giant videophone where Major Monogram, his commander, would brief
him every day.
"Good morning Agent P," Major Monogram said curtly, "We have some
disturbing news. Doofenshmirtz has purchased a roll of toilet paper."
Perry gave Monogram a blank look.
"What?" Monogram asked, "He's clearly up to no good."
Perry continued his stare. He was sure Doofenshmirtz went to the
bathroom like everyone else on the planet.
A dorky looking college student stuck his head in front of Monogram's.
"Whether it has anything to do with the toilet paper, Doofenshmirtz is always
up to something."
Perry nodded. That was true.
"Carl, you're blocking my view," Monogram griped.
"Sorry, sir," Carl pulled his head back.
"So, uh... Doofenshmirtz is up to something, go find out what it is!"
Major Monogram ordered. Perry gave him a sharp salute and dashed for his
escape pod.
"Good luck Agent P. Uh... sorry Carl, I wouldn't have had any reason
to send him without you," Monogram said.
"Yeah, whatever," Carl mocked.
Perry ran for the pod, dived through the door, strapped himself in and
then it blasted back up the tube, heading for the roof.
Unfortunately, Perry didn't realize that at that same moment Phineas
was barreling down the stairs. In his mad rush he tripped over his own feet
and flew down five steps and ran smack into the wall.
Right where the secret slot was.
It flipped over and threw Phineas into the tube just as Perry rocketed
past. Flailing wildly, Phineas instinctively tried to catch something to stop
his fall and inadvertently grabbed onto the escape pod. Perry didn't notice
because Phineas latched onto the back, holding onto a maintenance handle. He
and Phineas flew threw the top of the tube and high up into the sky. Perry
had input coordinates to send the pod straight to Doofenshmirtz's high rise.
He gazed ahead with anticipation. It was time to start the day.
It took Phineas a few seconds to realize what was happening, and when
he did he made like Candace and started screaming his head off. One minute he
was tumbling down the stairs and the next he was 10,000 feet in the air. He
gripped the maintenance handle for dear life, knuckles white. After a few
seconds he stopped screaming and relaxed a little. He reached up and grabbed
the handle with his other hand as well for stability, then he began looking
around.
He was high over the city clinging to a small, rocket-powered craft.
He watched his house descend into oblivion as the pod roared toward downtown.
"This is not what I was going to do today," Phineas remarked. He
looked up and saw Perry in the cockpit (which was more or less the whole pod).
"Hey it's Perry!" He exclaimed, "This must be where he goes every day!
Cool!"
The rocket blasted all the way up to a tall, purple building in the
center of town. There was a large billboard logo on top.
Phineas read it. "Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated." Right as he said
it, he heard a sudden musical jingle and some voices that said in a singsong
tone:
"Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated!"
Phineas glanced about trying to figure out where the voices had come
from, but no one was there
"That was weird," he said bluntly.
The rocket smashed through the roof of Doofenshmirtz's (very large)
apartment. Perry always made an explosive entrance. He opened the pod and
leapt out, tumbling expertly as he hit the floor and landing upright, combat
stance, ready for action.
Phineas hit the ground with the rocket and rolled off badly, flumping
into a pile of garbage and landing on his backside. He shook himself and
looked over at Perry, who was somehow still unaware he was there. Perry was
wearing a brown secret agent hat that Phineas had never seen before, on him at
least. Phineas glanced around the room in awe. There were all sorts of huge
machines and mechanical junk lying around, especially big laser beam things.
"Whoa," Phineas breathed.
"Ah, Perry the Platypus, right on time, as usual." a demented voice
said. Suddenly, a cage fell from the ceiling and crashed down on top of
Perry, trapping him inside. He gripped the bars, looking angry.
"Perry!" Phineas yelled.
"Perry the Platypus you're so stupid," the deranged voice said.
A goofy-looking man in a lab coat stepped out from the shadows and walked
toward the cage, "Seriously, every single day you smash through my wall or
through my ceiling or through my window or my door, that has a handle by the
way, you really should use it it would save me so much on paying the
repairman. Um... uh... what was I talking about?"
It was the evil Dr. Doofenshmirtz, Perry's nemesis. He spent his time
concocting evil (though they're usually more stupid than evil) plans to wreak
havoc all across the Tri-State area.
Perry stared boredly at the idiot. Doofenshmirtz always trapped him.
It was part of the routine. He'd break in, Doofenshmirtz would trap him,
then he'd tell Perry all about his latest gadget and latest scheme, then Perry
would escape, they'd fight with each other, Perry would win and he'd ruin
Doofenshmirtz's plan and destroy his machine. Perry would then escape and
Doofenshmirtz would shout after him, "Curse you Perry the Platypus!" and
it'd be over. Then, the next day, they started all over again. It was a
glorious rivalry, and both Perry and Doofenshmirtz got a kick out of hating
each other. They were best friends and worst enemies at the same time.
If that makes sense.
Doofenshmirtz tried in vain to remember what he had been saying, then
finally gave up and said, "Forget it." Then he turned to a huge contraption
covered in a white cloth. "Behold! The Toilet Paperinator!" He ripped the
cloth off, revealing what most people would describe as a large ray gun. It
had a roll of toilet paper stuffed into a clip at the back.
Perry stared incredulously at the Toilet Paperinator, simultaneously
astounded at Doofenshmirtz's idiotic invention and also irritated that Major
Monogram had actually been on to something with the roll of toilet paper.
Before Doofenshmirtz began describing it, however, Perry noticed the cage
lifting off him. He looked up and saw, to his horror, none other than his
owner Phineas. Phineas had snuck over to the cage and picked it up. Although
Perry was grateful for the help, this also meant his cover had been blown sky-
high.
"What do you think that big laser gun does, Perry?" Phineas asked him.
Perry stood frozen for a moment in pure shock, staring at Phineas with his
beak agape. Finally, not knowing what else to do, he gave Phineas his usual
response.
"Gurughghghug..." Perry growled.
"So Perry the Platypus what do you think? With this ray, I can turn
anything into TOILET PAPER!" Doofenshmirtz laughed. I'll
transform everything of value into worthless sheets of TWO-PLY! The people
will beg me to stop, but I won't until they make me ruler of the entire, Tri-
State Area! AHAHAHAHAHA!"
Perry, though he was still stunned by Phineas's intrusion, still had
the presence of mind to be totally unimpressed.
Apparently Phineas wasn't impressed either. "So let me get this
straight... that gun turns stuff into toilet paper? Man, what a waste of
time, if you build something cool it should at least be, well, cool."
Doofenshmirtz whirled around. His eyes bugged out. "Perry the
Platypus you talked! I thought that... huh? Hey, who are you?"
"Phineas Flynn, Perry's owner," Perry did a double take, "and I don't
appreciate you trapping him."
Doofenshmirtz looked at Perry. He smirked. "Perry the Platypus
you're a PET? Hee hee... you have an OWNER? Does he tuck you in at night,
and clean up your poop? Hee hee AHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"Why yes, yes I do." Phineas replied unhelpfully. Doofenshmirtz
laughed harder.
That was enough. Perry ran at Doofensmirtz and laid into him with a
solid punch in the face. Doofenshmirtz crashed to the floor and raised his
hands to fend off Perry's next attack. "Hey, your starting too- OW!"
Doofenshmirtz yelled as Perry slapped him with his pelt. Doofenshmirtz
grabbed him and flung him into another machine. The fight was on.
Ferb ran all over the house, trying to find Phineas. He checked all
the rooms and all the closets and even on the roof, but he was nowhere to be
found. He finally stopped in the hallway outside Candace's room. He thought
a moment. He figured he could get started and hope that Phineas would show up
later, or he could keep running around like a chicken with his head cut off
trying to find him and waste valuable Summertime and possibly delay their
project long enough to prevent it from even happening. He mulled it over and
decided he knew what Phineas would want him to do if he were there. Ferb took
off down the stairs, heading for the garage. Phineas or no Phineas, it was
time to get started.
Candace hadn't moved. She kept weeping silently. Phineas had been
partly right. She was upset because she could never bust them, but there was
more to it. Not only was her life's dream of busting her brothers hopeless,
but the fact that that WAS her life's dream was eating at her like a moose
chewing on grass or... no, wait... like a worm eating dirt or... more like a
cactus drinking water? GYARARAGHHH! She couldn't even come up with a
clever way to express herself in her own head!
Candace growled. What was really bothering her was that even if she
ever caught Phineas and Ferb... what happened after that? Busting Phineas and
Ferb was her entire life. She drank busting juice like a fish drinks water.
That one wasn't too bad...
But say Phineas succeeded and they got busted today? Candace loved
the idea of them getting caught, but she didn't want to think of what came
afterward... because she didn't know what it would be. She'd be done. Her
life would be over.
Simply put, without Phineas and Ferb, busting them, then who was
Candace?
And that's what was bothering her! She had no identity in and of
herself. She was the Busting Queen! That was it! If she ever lost that she
was nobody, and that was really, really pathetic. Candace's whole being was
dependent on her brothers and their wild creations. That, by itself was
pathetic, even if she didn't ever bust them.
Anyway, that was the problem. Candace felt pathetic. She was a loser
who only mattered because of her brothers. The realization of all that was
killing her.
Candace didn't know what to do. She would never be happy with herself
again until she found a good reason to exist. Everything she could think of
doing somehow ended up finding it's way back to busting Phineas and Ferb.
She stared into space for a while. She thought she heard hammering
outside... but she wasn't up to busting her brothers right then, so she just
kept staring until she finally dropped off into an exhausted sleep.
"Hey Ferb, watcha doin'?" Isabella asked.
Isabella was a good friend of Phineas and Ferb. She and her band of
Fireside Girls (Girl Scouts, more or less), acted as their all-in-one Swiss
Army Knife support group. Isabella and her intrepid crew would perform any
task Phineas and Ferb asked them to to help them complete their wild projects.
"Building the world's most powerful sensor. It can gather all kinds
of information from even the faintest sources, and everything it picks up is
instantly recorded in multiple computers in..." Ferb stopped to swallow, he
wasn't used to talking this much, "the ground and in various places where even
a hydrogen bomb couldn't reach or damage them."
"I see..." Isabella replied uncertainly, she was used to something
cooler, "so... why are you building it? Besides to make something cool, I
mean."
Ferb sighed. He didn't want to talk anymore. Where was Phineas when
you needed him? "As you know, Candace was once again foiled yesterday when
she tried to discover where our creations go. The whole episode has her in
quite a state, crying and gibbering and not sleeping. We mean to help her
bust us to cheer her up. When whatever always removes our inventions removes
this one, it will send vital information about the "remover" as one may call
it to the computers and tell us exactly what happened and, if we're lucky, how
and possibly where and why."
Ferb wiped his forehead and started panting. He'd spoken more in the
past minute then he usually did in a week.
"Oh, I get it now!" Isabella exclaimed, "This'll tell us what's
happening to all of our creations!"
"Precisely," Ferb said.
"Wow, Ferb. You talked a lot just now," Isabella commented.
"Yes, Phineas is usually here to do that for me," Ferb groaned.
"Where is he anyway?"
"He disappeared shortly after an incident with Candace this morning.
I believe he's gone to find something to help her, but I don't know if that's
actually the case."
"Wow, maybe we should-hey, do you think that sensor could help us find
Phineas?"
"If he's anywhere within a hundred miles of here it'll pick up his
voice, body heat, brain waves, current location, date of birth and probably a
lot more information than you could ever want about him."
"Great, let's fire it up!"
"Well, it's not finished. It needs one more thing."
"What's that?"
"A ten-million terabyte hard drive for all the information. Those
computers will have a lot to store."
"I think one of DanvilleUniversity's supercomputers have one of
those! Be back in a flash!" With that, Isabella dashed off to get her bike.
Ferb turned and looked at the sensor. It was basically a huge sattelite dish
with something that looked like a huge ironclad light bulb at the tip over the
center.
"I wonder if Phineas is with Perry," Ferb said.
He was. He watched in confusion as Perry and Doofenshmirtz battled
each other. Doofenshmirtz had pulled out a disintegrating ray gun and was
firing wildly at Perry. Perry ducked and dodged and leapt, expertly evading
every attack. After a few shots, Perry ran forward and dived past
Doofenshmirtz. He slid right into Doofenshmirtz's control panel, clonking his
head nicely.
Doofenshmirtz cackled. "That mistake will cost you, Perry the
Platypus! Prepare to be disintegratinated!" He took aim and fired, straight
at Perry.
Nothing happened. Doofenshmirtz looked down at his gun and saw his
hands clutching air. He looked back up. Perry rolled onto his back, grinned
at him and pulled out the disintegratinator ray. He pointed it right at
Dr. Doofenshmirtz.
"Uh, oh," Doofenshmirtz said unnecessarily.
The mad doctor let out a mad howl of pure terror and dived behind his
Shrinkinator gun. Perry fired and disintegrated the weapon, leaving
Doofenshmirtz exposed. The mad scientist ran behind something else. It got
vaporized as well. He fled into the bathroom and slammed the door behind him.
Perry blasted the door. It was gone now too.
But Doofenshmirtz wasn't behind it.
Perry approached the door cautiously. Doofenshmirtz was probably
hiding behind the wall. He reached the threshold, then leapt through, firing
first to his left, then to his right, hoping to annihilate Doofenshmirtz
before he was ambushed.
To his surprise, Doofenshmirtz wasn't there. He looked left and right
and forward. Strange... he looked up. Nope, he wasn't clinging to the
ceiling... Perry looked back down. He gaved a startled, "Gurrururghugh!" as
Doofenshmirtz burst out of the toilet and landed on top of him.
Perry had no idea how the guy had stuffed himself into the toilet, but
he'd done it, and now he and Perry both had their hands on the
disintegratinating gun (Doofenshmirtz had turned it away from both of them)
and were caught in a vicious tug-of-war for it.
"Ha ha!" Doofenshmirtz laughed, "I made a special compartment for
myself in the toilet just in case I ever needed a perfect hiding spot!"
"The hard drive is in place!" Isabella cried.
"All right then, let's see what this can do," Ferb replied. He and
Isabella were sitting at a laptop in front of the sensor. Ferb flipped a
switch and the computer screen immediately came alive with a well-rendered map
that displayed visual volumes of both useful and unnecessary information on
every speck of dirt there was (and that was just in the Tri-State area).
Both Isabella and Ferb were dumbfounded. Even Ferb hadn't imagined
how much detail it would give them.
"I can see the floorplan of the entire house," Ferb noted.
"I didn't know it had all those tunnels underneath it!" Isabella
exclaimed with awe, "It looks like they all lead to a big room with a huge
TV screen!"
"And it's not just getting our house, it looks like Baljeet is
studying in his room, Buford is on the toilet, and... this must be a
mistake."
"What?"
"It says Phineas is all the way across town, with Perry and a man
named Heinz Doofenshmirtz, in a skyscraper that houses Doofenshmirtz Evil
Incorporated on the fiftieth floor next to the bathroom. Perry appears to be
struggling with this, "Doofenshmirtz" character. They're in a room with a lot
of what appear to be giant ray guns, control panels and various kinds of
machinery."
Isabella looked closely at the tiny images of Phineas, Perry,
Doofenshmirtz and the room they were in, as well as the purple skyscraper.
"I wonder what they're doing," she said.
"Let's find out," Ferb said. He pushed a button on the laptop. The
sensor turned toward the downtown area.
"It's focusing all its sensory capacities on that room." Ferb told
Isabella.
Ferb and Isabella watched as the screen went dark except for the room
that Phineas was in. It then zoomed in on it until Phineas, Perry,
Doofenshmirtz and the part of the room they were in were the only things
visible.
"Wow! I can see their faces!" Isabella cried.
"It looks like Perry and Doofenshmirtz are fighting over a little ray
gun," Ferb observed.
"Phineas looks worried," Isabella noted, "that doesn't happen much."
"I imagine this is a rattling day even for him. When did Perry get
that hat?" Ferb wondered.
The speakers crackled, then a scratchy, maniacal voice blared, "Let go
of my Disintegratinator, Perry the Platypus, so I can disintegratinate you!"
"C'mon Perry! Pull!" Phineas yelled.
"No way! It gets SOUND?" Isabella exclaimed.
"Indeed it does. We're effectively standing in the room with Phineas
without actually being there," Ferb replied.
"Whoa," Isabella said.
Perry leaned forward and pecked Doofenshmirtz repeatedly in the shin.
"Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Perry the Platy-Ow! Owow! Stop it! OW! GRRRAH!"
Doofenshmirtz finally gave Perry a good, hard kick that sent him flipping out
through the air and into the bathroom. Phineas, Ferb and Isabella winced.
Perry landed in the sink. He ducked just in time to avoid a shot from the
Disintegratenator. The laser went over Perry and struck the mirror behind the
sink. The mirror reflected the shot right back at Doofenshmirtz, who barely
sidestepped in time. The ray hit his lab coat and vaporized the whole thing.
"Oooh!" Isabella cried.
"Yikes!" Doofenshmirtz yelped, eyes wide with terror, "That was a
close one!"
"What's Perry got there?" Ferb asked.
Perry pulled a miniature saw out from under his hat and sawed a chunk
of the mirror off. Doofenshmirtz recovered and fired the Disintegratinator at
him. Ferb and Isabella both nearly jumped out of their skins.
"Perry watch out!" Isabella screamed.
"NOO!" Ferb shouted.
Luckily, Perry was fast. As Doofenshmirtz pulled the trigger he
yanked the mirror chunk out in front of him, sending the laser right back into
the Disintegratinator and vaporizing it.
"Hey, what the-?" Doofenshmirtz yelled, "Perry the Platypus what did
you do?"
"Whew!" Isabella sighed in relief.
"I just about threw up my stomach!" Ferb exclaimed shakily.
Perry leapt from the sink and began running for the Toilet Paperinator.
"Oh no you don't!" Doofenshmirtz said. He stuck out his leg and
tripped Perry as he ran past.
"You leave Perry alone!" Isabella cried angrily.
"That's my platypus you just tripped," Ferb said indignantly.
Doofenshmirtz let out a deranged war cry and leapt on top of Perry.
The two of them were soon engaged in a vicious brawl. Doofenshmirtz punched Perry in the
Bill. Perry poked him in the eye. He strangled Perry. Perry kicked him
in the stomach. Doofenshmirtz doubled over then retaliated by falling on top
of him. Doofenshmirtz sat up with Perry still beneath him. Perry struggled
to get up and gagged as Doofenshmirtz began vibrating/bouncing on top of him.
"Hee hee! Who knew my fat tushy doubled as a Platypus trap?"
Doofenshmirtz cried gleefully.
Isabella cringed as she watched Perry getting mashed against
Doofenshmirtz's carpet.
"Why doesn't Phineas help him?" she cried desperately.
"Look," Ferb replied simply.
Isabella looked at the other side of the screen. Phineas was at the
control panel for one of Doofenshmirtz's large guns. He was aiming carefully
at Doofenshmirtz.
"Phineas IS helping him! He's going to save him!" Isabella shouted
with delight.
Perry was stuck. He could get out of all of Doofenshmirtz's other
traps, but the constant vibrating and wiggling of Doofenshmirtz's hind end
was knocking him around and making it unusually difficult to escape.
"Ha ha! Just try and get out of this one Perry the Platypus! You'll
be stuck under my hiny fore-!" Doofenshmirtz didn't finish. Their was a flash
of cream-colored light and suddenly Perry found himself under a giant roll of
toilet paper.
"Huh? Wha? Perry the Platypus what did you do? What happened? I
don't feel right..." Doofenshmirtz's voice rang from the toilet paper.
Perry looked over at the Toilet Paperinator. Phineas was standing at
the control panel. He'd shot Dr. Doofenshmirtz with it. He looked at Perry
and grinned.
Perry gave him a thumbs up and made his weird Platypus growl.
"Yay, Phineas!" Isabella cried joyfully, "My hero!"
"Nicely done," Ferb said, smiling.
Perry climbed out from under the toilet paper. He walked over to
Phineas.
"Wow Perry, that was awesome!" Phineas exclaimed, "Is this where you
go every day?"
Perry growled.
"Man, we already did something cool and the day hasn't even started
yet. We haven't even built anything!"
Ferb and Isabella gave each other meaningful glances. If only he
knew...
"C'mon Perry, we've still got the whole day ahead of us. We've got to
help Candace bust us!"
Perry grabbed Phineas's hand and prepared to rocket off.
"Perry the Platypus you get back here! I'm not done!" Doofenshmirtz
the toilet paper screamed.
Perry and Phineas turned to see toilet-paper Doofenshmirtz bouncing
toward the wall, which he probably thought was Perry (toilet paper is blind).
He tripped and began to unroll. He unrolled right into the Toilet Paperinator
and sent it swiveling into the control panel. It hit some button combination
that caused it to start firing randomly all over the place. All around the
room, machines, furniture, the toilet and a host of other things were getting
turned into rolls of quality two-ply. Doofenshmirtz got hit and reverted back
to his human form. Phineas and Perry ducked a ray that blasted out the window
and across Danville.
"That's funny," Ferb said, "that ray seems to be pointing directly
at-" He and Isabella looked up just in time to see a cream-colored laser (a
very slow one, apparently) streaking across the sky and right at them. It
nailed the sensor and turned it into a big roll of toilet paper.
The computer screen went blank. Big green letters appeared on it that
said, "SIGNAL LOST."
"Transmission interrupted," the computer said.
Ferb and Isabella were dumbfounded. They stared in awe at the toilet
paper for a full minute.
Ferb finally spoke. "Well, we finally know where all our stuff goes."
he said.
"So this Doofenshmirtz guy is the one that makes it so Candace can't
ever bust you!" Isabella said in awe.
"We also know where Perry goes," Ferb added.
"Hey..." Isabella started, "if that was all real, then I wonder-"
"How does Perry get back?" Ferb finished.
They looked toward downtown and got their answer. In the sky, they
saw a Platypus with a glider and a rocket booster carrying a kid flying toward
the house. As they got close they could see clearly that it was Perry and
Phineas. Perry noticed them watching and landed in front of them. There was
no point in being secretive if his cover was already blown.
"Perry!" Ferb said.
"Phineas!" Isabella cried.
"Ferb! Isabella!" Phineas began, "You won't believe what we did
today!"
"Let me guess..." Isabella replied, "You and Perry fought a mad
scientist and turned him into toilet paper."
Phineas frowned. "Yeah, we did. How'd you know?"
"Ferb built this incredible sensor that could pick up anything that
was happening for a hundred miles! We watched you and Perry fighting
Doofenshmirtz like we were watching a movie! It was awesome!"
"Cool!" Phineas exclaimed, "Where's it at? I want to see it!"
"Actually, remember that shot from the Toilet Paperawhatever gun that
you and Perry ducked under?"
Phineas thought a moment. "Oh yeah! I remember."
"The laser fired all the way across the city and into the backyard and
hit it! Look over there!"
Phineas looked at the center of the yard and beheld a giant roll of
toilet paper standing proudly in front of the laptop.
"Oh..." he replied, "that's too bad. I really wanted to see it."
"Everything we saw is recorded on the laptop and a bunch of other
hidden computers. We can show it to you if you'd like," Ferb said.
"Cool!" Phineas exclaimed again, "Let's take a look!"
The three of them ran over to the laptop. Phineas was delighted by
the cinema-quality replay of the fight with Doofenshmirtz. He even jumped at
a couple of the close calls. When he saw the part with him and Perry ducking
the laser, something clicked in his head.
"Hey... wait a minute... this is what happens to our stuff every day,
isn't it! It all makes sense now! Dr. Doofenshmirtz has inadvertently been
cleaning up all our inventions with his ray guns! If we get him to take a day
off, Candace might finally be able to bust us! Ferb, we have to tell her!
Let's go!"
Sadly, Phineas, Ferb and Isabella would never get to share their
incredible discovery with Candace. While they had been watching the fight with
Doofenshmirtz, Perry had called Major Monogram and Carl and informed them that
his cover had been blown. Major Monogram and Carl had gotten to Phineas and
Ferb's house as quickly as possible. They'd brought three red-and-white
helmets with them, one of which they had given to Perry. After that they had
snuck up behind the enraptured kids. Just as they stood up to go and tell
Candace, Major Monogram, Carl, and Perry all slammed their respective helmets
down onto one of the kid's heads. Carl then pushed a button on a small controller
and activated the helmets.
Five seconds later, Phineas's, Ferb's and Isabella's memories had all
been wiped. They all collapsed to the ground in a daze. Carl threw down a
small machine that sent out a scrambling signal that fried the computers that
Ferb had stored his sensor information on. The three then quickly gathered up
the helmets and scrambler. Major Monogram and Carl ran back to their van and
sped off. Perry hid his hat and got down on all fours. His cover was
un-blown.
The kids groaned and sat up slowly.
"What happened?" Phineas asked blearily.
"Where am I? I don't remember coming over here," said Isabella.
"I feel like I just had my memory wiped," Ferb moaned.
"Man, Ferb, I want to do something today, but I feel kind of sick,"
Phineas said.
"Tell me about it," Isabella whined.
"We could just flop down on the grass today," Ferb said.
Phineas slammed himself back onto the grass. "Way ahead of you, Ferb,"
he said lamely.
"I'm down," Isabella added. She laid back down.
Ferb didn't say anything, but he followed suit. Phineas looked over
at his pet platypus.
"Oh, there you are Perry," he said dazedly.
Perry growled.
Candace was having a weird dream. She was back in kindergarten, a
tiny little five-year-old. She was trying to draw a picture of herself, but
everytime she put her crayon to the paper, it slipped and somehow wrote the
contraction, "Bust 'em!" She tried over and over, trying to draw a cheesy
self-portrait, but she just couldn't do it, the crayon wouldn't cooperate.
She finally screamed in frustration.
A figure in a black robe walked up to her. "What's the matter?" it
asked her.
"I want to color myself," Candace replied, "but I can't do it! The
crayon won't let me!"
The figure stood silent for a moment. "You can do it," it said, "but
first you have to know what you look like."
"I know what I look like!" Candace shouted.
"No you don't," it retorted.
"Yes I do!"
"No you don't."
Candace was about to shout back, but then she stopped. "Wait..." she
began, "is this some kind of weird metaphorical thing that I'm not getting?"
"You want to find the truth about your brothers and their inventions,"
the figure began, Candace noticed it had a very familiar voice, "but as you
discover that, you will find the most important truth. The truth that lies
within."
"Sounds like a cliché movie plot," Candace replied, "do I know you
from somewhere? You sound awfully familiar."
The figure shook its head back and its hood fell from its head.
Candace gasped. The figure was her! But she looked way different. Her face
was scarred, dirty and worn. She couldn't detect even a hint of makeup
anywhere. Her hair was much longer and very wild and unkempt. Her lips
showed a very calm expression.
But what really bugged Candace was looking at the robed Candace's
eyes. They didn't look like the sparkling, excited eyes she saw when she
looked in the mirror. These eyes were the same color and all, but they were
deep and dark and sorrowful. They looked like they came from an old warrior
who'd see far more battles than he'd ever wanted to. In spite of their
gravity, however, they betrayed a sense of warmth and caring, maybe with just
a hint of laughter hidden behind it all.
"Wh-who are you?" Candace squeaked.
"I'm you, Candace," it replied simply.
"Wha-what happened to you-uh-me?"
The robed Candace sighed. "A lot, Candace. A lot of terrible,
terrible things."
"Tell me this is a dream," Candace said desperately, "please tell me
this is a dream!"
"It's a dream, but it's pretty much rooted in reality."
"Oh, so all I have to do is-wait, it's rooted in reality?"
"Yes."
"Oh, no! What do I do? How do I stop all the-"
"You don't want to stop them."
"What? Why not?"
Robe Candace smiled. "Some good things happen too." she replied.
"I think I'm all right, I just don't want the bad things to happen!"
"Find the truth, Candace. Then, and only then will you be able to
draw this picture." With that, robe Candace vanished in a puff of smoke.
Candace's eyes fluttered open. "Wha?" she groaned. She sat up and
looked slowly around the room. Robe Candace was gone, and she was a teenager
again.
"Wow, what a horrible nightmare," Candace said, "I probably got it
from stressing out so much. I need to relax." She laid back down, then sat
back up.
"But NOT here," she said emphatically. Her room suddenly gave her the
creeps. She stood up and walked out of the room (the door was still open).
She clomped down the stairs and through the living room, heading for the
backyard. She noticed a fat old lady sitting on the couch.
"Hey, who're you?" she asked.
The lady perked up, "Oh, hi! You must be Candace! Your mother asked
me to sit for her today so you could take the day off and relax!"
Candace's jaw dropped. Mom had replaced her! With an old lady!
Candace shut her mouth and walked sadly out of the room, lips trembling. She
felt like crying again. She dragged her feet to the sliding glass back door
and opened it. Phineas, Ferb and Isabella were sprawled out on the grass.
Perry was snoozing next to them. The toilet paper was still in the middle of
the yard.
Candace walked dejectedly over to the giant roll of two-ply. "What's
with the toilet paper?" she asked.
"Dunno," Phineas replied.
"We didn't put it there," Isabella said.
"What do you mean you didn't put it there? Of course you put it
there! Who ELSE would've put it there?" Candace retorted.
"I dunno, but it wasn't us," Phineas replied.
Candace stood glumly for a moment. A thought played across her mind.
"Hey, did you ever find out where all your stuff is going?" Pathetic or not,
she still wanted to know.
"No. Why do you ask?" Phineas responded.
"You said that you were going to find out where your creations were
going so I could bust you."
"When did I say that?" he asked. The memory wipers hadn't been
designed to delete specific memories. They'd simply obliterated everything
from that morning.
"This morning, up in my room, remember? I was all freaked out and
crying and Ferb smashed a bowl of cereal in my face?"
Phineas thought a bit. "Nope, doesn't ring a bell."
"I can't believe you don't remember that! Am I really that
unimportant to you?"
"It's not that I don't think you're important, Candace, I just can't
remember ANYTHING from this morning. I don't remember getting up or eating
breakfast or even coming outside. To tell you the truth, I don't even know
how I got here!"
"Neither do I!" Isabella added.
"The memory of this morning seems to have been blasted from all three
of our memories," Ferb concluded.
"You're lying," Candace said, "I heard you hammering out here
earlier!"
"If we were hammering out here, I don't remember it," Phineas replied.
"You remember everything," Candace spat acidly, "your just lying so I
won't bust you or to play a practical joke on me or-"
"Candace, have we EVER lied to you? Even once?" Phineas challenged.
Candace was about to snap back, but she stopped. He was right, if he
was lying to her, it was the first time he ever had.
"You... really can't remember ANYTHING from this morning?" Candace
asked.
"The only thing I can remember is this annoying jingle. It's been
stuck in my head since I laid down on the grass."
"How's it go?"
"Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated!" Phineas sang musically.
"What?"
"Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated!" That stupid jingle was impossible
to forget, even though his memory had been wiped.
"Okay..." Candace replied uncertainly, "what's that?"
"I... have no idea," Phineas responded.
"So then... watchya' doin'?" Candace asked.
"I'm getting that copyrighted I swear," Isabella griped.
"We're laying around," Phineas said.
"Why?" Candace replied.
"Whenever we sit up, we feel all nauseous," Phineas answered, "This is
way boring, but we're not feeling good enough to do anything else."
"Bummer," Candace said bluntly, "you must've created something that
blew up and scrambled your brains which then got turned into toilet paper."
"I guess," Phineas agreed.
"That's about as good an explanation as any," Isabella groaned.
Candace stood there for a moment. "Care if I join you?" she finally
asked.
"Sure, no problem," Phineas replied.
Candace lay down on the grass next to him. The four stared into the
sky, watching the clouds drift.
"Gee, Candace, you usually don't want to play with us. What's wrong?"
Phineas asked.
"Well, I've just been thinking... what would happen if I ever busted
you?"
Phineas thought a bit. "I guess Mom might freak out, depending on
what it is..."
"No, no, assume that I bust you and that she freaks out and puts a
stop to it all."
"Oh... well, that would probably ruin our Summer..."
"And what would I do?"
"Ummm... I guess you would do what you normally do, like going to the
mall with Stacy or... or... going to the mall with Stacy... or... Candace,
what DO you do when you're not trying to bust us? It seems like, unless
Jeremy asks you on a date or someone happens to throw a party, you'd be
totally bored!"
"Exactly. EXACTLY!" Candace shouted, "Who is Candace without
Phineas and Ferb?"
"Oh... gosh, I've never thought about that!" Phineas exclaimed.
"What WOULD you do if you ever busted them?" Isabella asked.
"I don't know! The thought is terrifying! If Phineas and Ferb ever
get caught... then... I..." Candace couldn't finish. Tears were welling up in
her eyes.
"Don't talk like that!" Phineas snapped, "You'd find lots of things to
do! You're the smartest, coolest, most fun older sister I've ever had!"
"I'm the only sister you've ever had," Candace replied, but she smiled
a bit at the compliment.
Phineas reached over and patted her on the head. "Cheer up! This
Summer wouldn't be complete without Candace Flynn!"
Candace glowed. A tear rolled down her cheek. "Thanks Phineas," she
said, "what would I ever do without you?"
Everyone froze. That was the wrong thing to say.
"WAAAAAA!" Candace wailed.
"Candace, it's all right!" Isabella coaxed.
"Yeah, we're not going anywhere!" Phineas added.
Candace reached over and pulled Phineas and Ferb into a big bear hug.
"I know..." she replied, "just promise that you'll never let me bust you!"
"Scouts honor!" Phineas cried.
"Thank you, you're the best brothers a stupid teenage girl could ever
have!" Candace sobbed.
"Do girls normally get this emotional?" Phineas asked Isabella.
"Yeah. Don't worry, she should be back to normal in a few days."
"At least she's more loving now." Ferb gasped. Candace still had them
in a crushing hug.
She finally let them go and they all resumed laying around doing
nothing. After a few minutes, Candace's mind floated back to the nightmare
she'd had earlier. She thought about the robed figure... then she got up.
"Bored?" Phineas asked.
Candace didn't answer. She walked over to the hose and sprayed
herself in the head with it. Then she went and rolled herself in a dirt
patch.
"Candace, what the-?" Phineas said.
Candace then walked over to Perry, picked him up and started drying
her head off with him like a towel. She got drier, but Perry freaked out and
started thrashing madly, scratching Candace up a bit. He finally broke free,
turned and growled angrily at her, then walked over to a rock and laid back
down.
By now Candace was wet, dirty and scraped all over. Her hair hung
straight down and was all wild and loose, blowing around in the wind.
Phineas, Ferb and Isabella stared at her like she was an idiot.
"New look, what do you think?" Candace asked.
There was an awkward silence.
"Well, it does have a certain rugged appeal," Ferb finally said.
"I kind of like it, it's all wild and crazy," Isabella added.
"Yeah, it's fun, like one of our creations!" Phineas said.
"Wait'll Jeremy gets a load of this!" Candace said, "'Oh, hi Jeremy,
do you like my new style?' 'That's a style? I thought you got in a fight
with a cat or something.' 'Nope, I had a horrible nightmare with an evil
witch in it that looked just like this! ... She was pretty ugly, and I wanted
to be too, so I rolled in dirt and fought a platypus-'"
"Sure looks like it."
Candace stood bolt upright. The real Jeremy had just walked into the
yard.
Jeremy was a way cool and way nice guy that also happened to be
Candace's boyfriend.
"What've you been doing?" he asked, grinning.
"This is my new wild girl look! What do you think?"
"It looks very ratty," he laughed.
"Why thank you," Candace replied, "hey, since you're here, you can be
the wild MAN!"
"Huh?"
Candace ripped a chunk of mud and platypus feathers off her shirt and
flung it at him. It splattered on his pants.
"Yuck! Candace what're you- uh, oh." She'd gone over to the hose and
picked up two fistfuls of mud. She let out a crazy war shriek and charged at
him, mud raised. Jeremy ran for his life as Candace chased him around the
yard. He dived for the hose and turned it on just as Candace pelted a glop of
mud into his face. Jeremy cranked the hose up to full blast and sprayed
Candace with it. She giggled madly and ran, bolting up the tree and breaking
off a branch that she threw at him. She missed, but he sprayed the branch
she was on and caused her to slip out of the tree. She fell right on top of
him and they went tumbling into the sloppy muddy glop. By this time both of
them were laughing hysterically and flinging mud and water and whatever else
at each other.
Phineas, Ferb and Isabella watched them quietly, unsure of what to
make of the disgusting spectacle. Isabella wondered if Phineas would like her
if SHE threw mud in his face (she had a crush on him). She'd have to try it
later.
"What on earth are you two doing?"
Candace and Jeremy looked up from their splatterfest to see Candace's
mom. She was giving them a peculiar look.
"Candace was just getting in touch with her inner ten-year-old!"
Phineas piped.
"Yeah, something like that," Candace grinned sheepishly.
"Oh, this is so adorable," Mom said, "let me get the camera this is
precious," she went inside after it.
Candace's playfulness was quickly turning to embarrassment. "Uhh...
sorry Jeremy, you should probably run before Mom gets back and forever
eternalizes your muddy glory."
Jeremy responded by grabbing her arm and yanking her back into the
mud. The fight resumed with increased fury, and Mom got an excellent shot of
the glooparama. In spite of the how it began, Candace actually ended up
having a great day, maybe the best one she'd had all Summer.