characters are not mine.

She believes that she was born three times.

Once, into the world she had long forgotten; of human emotions and a human family and a fragile place filled with painful, painful memories. And sometimes she thinks that the first birth is the worst, because it is the birth that she didn't have a say in (and secretly, she hates the life she never knew she lived). The second time, into a world of granite and ice and stone; where she was a dancer and life was a song, and suddenly she could see everything. She was beautiful and loved and the future was a novelty to her, because she held it in her hands. This birth she loved, at first, because she has a family who cares and she likes being the indestructible one for once. But the third time was by far the greatest, and to this day, Alice holds true to the saying that good things come in threes.

At first, her visions were a gift, a welcome commodity, because nothing would ever take her by surprise anymore. She could frolic through everlasting life without a worry on her lovely mind or a negative thought to taint her beautiful face.

And she knew who the love of her life was before she even met him, and really, that was fine with her (because if she saw it, it was true, right?). He called her his saviour and loved her without question and that was all fine with her, because what more could she ask for in a life were so much was left to fate? She chose to believe he was truly the one for her.

And she knew she would be a part of the family before they even heard of the name Alice. So she picked up her love and her second life and sought out the people who were just like her. She fell in love with the blond beauty who hated the world and the boy who was strong enough to heal her. She fell in love with the caring doctor and his wife who had gotten her second chance too. And she even fell in love with the brooding boy with the messy hair who waited for life to just become worth living.

She supposed she should have taken a step back at that point, and asked questions and voiced concerns or maybe even restrained herself a little. But she was drowning in the heady love filled air of her new world and all it entailed. She sparkled and shined and if she were to have been cut she was positive that she would even bleed glitter. But of course that wouldn't happen, because she was Alice Cullen now, and she was unbreakable.

Every now and then, life got a little slow, and the infinite years dragged by and she wished that something exciting would happen. So, at times like those, she would see herself somewhere (because the decision was already made) and she would happily get up and go, taking Jasper along for the ride. But soon, even that got boring and she really hated to move and be uprooted. She had no choice though, because even if she sparkled, she was a creature of the night, and her golden eyes were proof of that. So she moved and moved with her new shiny family and watched the future for them, because it was the least she could do.

That's when it started, the feeling of being used, and she wanted nothing more than to turn her visions off off off. Not even her very own southern gentleman with the power to emote could stop the raging headaches and pain that seeing into the future caused. She started to resent them, and hate what they had done to her, but this was her second life and she would not give it up.

For a while she suffered, before more people like her offered her a way of escape. And she was entranced by their pretty words and pretty blood red eyes and pretty promise to make them just stop. Yet, her family didn't let her, because they loved her, they said (and now she found that hard to believe). She felt like she was suffocating, and like her song had stopped. She disliked what she saw in the distance and she refused to let the ghost events control her.

Things got better when Bella came around, because everyone was happy and life was exciting again. They had something to work for and something to focus on, which meant they spent less time pressuring her to keep watch for everything. Things were good and Bella was good and life was singing once again for indestructible Alice Cullen.

But then it all went wrong when Bella started falling deeper and deeper into their world and all of a sudden everyone wanted her to keep watch again. Watch for Bella's future, watch the hooded figures, and watch Victoria, watch watch watch. She couldn't keep her eyes open enough and she began to slip through the cracks, heavy with a responsibility she didn't really want. Don't get it wrong, she loved Bella and everything she had brought into their lives, but she was being stretched too thin and the gaps between the notes of her song were so big she could have crawled into the spaces between them.

She saw mostly violence now; violence and hatred and blood, because that's all Bella seemed to attract when she got herself into trouble. So when Edward decided to leave her, she only half protested, because really, it was all for the best, she supposed. But then the visions started again and this time coming in full force and she knew something was terribly, terribly wrong because there were holes in her sight. Black holes of nothingness were she couldn't see a thing, and she decided that this was a worse fate, because not seeing was infinitely more frustrating than seeing.

She saw Bella jump, but only into blackness, so what could she do but panic and run? Straight to the place where the blackness came from surely ready to face the fact that their precious Bella had perished. Yet there she was, whole except for the fact that she was completely and utterly broken.

So she entered the still house in the dead of the night, and comforted the crushed girl (and she knew something was about to go horribly wrong), because the girl smelled like dog and suddenly there was her answer. The bronze man wolf ruled by emotions; he was the reason for the nothingness in her mind. And she hated him.

While surrounded by the black abyss and the sobbing girl, that's when it all fell apart as Edward ran to the hooded ones and time ran from them. She left the shady sad house and boarded a plane with the patched up Bella so they could save Edward (because she couldn't see what he decided, and that's why their time kept slipping). Before he could take the plunge, he was rescued by his angel, and the moment was so heartbreaking Alice wanted to sob (maybe that's what she missed the most; tears). So there they were, in the heart of the land of the night creatures, where blood poured free and eyes were crimson and Alice was wanted.

It was at this moment that she missed the blackness and the man who provided it, even if it was so, so wrong. And when they left the forsaken place and she was back in the arms of her love she found herself sad and fragile and completely un-Alice, because all she wanted was a mental blind fold (they hurt, so much).

The only escape she found was when watching Bella and her future would intertwine with the wolf, things would go silent and dark and the buzz in her head would stop, even if only for a few moments. But she had already seen the definite end to all that occurred and the girl became one of them and abandoned her old life, so there was no hope for the blackness anymore (second life, second chance, second time to fail).

She found herself praying, and she hadn't done that a lot, for something to just shut her up and take the pain away, because it was too much to handle. She knew everything, and what was once a gift was now a heinous curse, and she just wanted it all to stop. She found no relief anywhere; not in her family, not in solitude, not even in her southern lover. And she felt guilty, because more often than not her thoughts were plagued with that of the one man who could bring her the darkness she so eagerly wanted.

To her carnage, he hated her, not specifically her, but all of them like her. He hated their sweet sickly smell and their liquid gold eyes and everything they stood for. He hated them even more when Bella's heart stopped beating, and the pain he felt rolled through the house in waves. She began to think of him more then, because despite all that had happened he still seemed to be hanging around.

She would see him patrolling, always on the outskirts of their land, only his reflective eyes visible in the black, black night. He would keep watch, she realized, on his lost love, because he could never have her now, not when she was cold and hard and thirsty. Alice was reluctant to admit that she may have spent a bit too much time looking for him on the black and blue horizon.

But one day, when her mind was set ablaze by the onslaught of visions, she threw caution to the wind and ran out of the white house into the deep forest where she bumped into the wolf who could save her.

"You know, I've always been rather envious of you," she told him, her chime like voice barely above a whisper. His rust colored ears perked up and he stared at the tiny girl quizzically.

"Your kind, is so unpredictable, and maybe that's what I need to fix this." She waved her hands gracefully through the air around her, as if she was indicating she was the one that needed fixing.

"I can't stretch myself far enough, Jacob. One day I'm just going to snap."

She took long steps towards him, coming to stand right in front of the gargantuan wolf, twisting her head to look up at him. He lowered himself, until he was level with the molten eyed girl.

"I wish you could make me forget..."

She reached out to touch his muzzle, and shivered when her hand came into contact with his soft fur. Her back rippled with delicate spasms, and his wolf eyes widened. He closed them eventually, under her ministrations, his tail lowering and his ears flattening against his head, because whatever the tiny girl was doing, he liked it. She ran her hands over his fur, over his shoulders and down his powerful flanks. And really, he didn't understand what he was making her forget, but that was just fine with him. Past her burning smell and gold eyes there was a girl in obvious pain, and he had always had a soft spot for damsels in distress.

He yelped when she extracted her hands, whimpering sadly in animal protest. She only smiled in response as he trotted away to seek out a tree where he could phase in privacy. He emerged a moment later, his broad chest bare for the world to see, so Alice closed her eyes, because it was blindness that she was seeking, right?

"Why are you here?" he asked her, and truthfully, he was scared of the answer.

"Because I can't see when I'm around you," she told him simply, and he snorted at the absurdity of it all.

"Last time I checked, you and all your leech friends could see perfectly fine around creatures like me."

The scorn in his voice hurt her just so, and she flinched slightly clenching her perfect hands.

"I don't mean that kind of vision. I'm talking about the one that no one can help me with, well, no one but you apparently."

He blinked at her before laughing heartily, his hands traveling to his sides. "Looks like the bloodsuckers need my help again."

"No," she replied. "Not all of them, just me."

And this made him sceptical. He suspected that if she wasn't so innocent looking, he would have ran right out of there.

"Yeah? And what can I do for you?"

"I need you to make things disappear for me. I just need to...to be around you for five minutes, please, god, just stay for five minutes," she pleaded with desperation dripping from her honey voice. For some reason, this broke his heart.

"I'm not a magician, Alice, I can't make things disappear."

And by simply saying her name, he caused her mind to go blank and she wanted to cry out in happiness because this, this is exactly what she wanted.

"You stop things for a while; you make my mind go dark. And oh god, it feels so good, to not know what's going to happen in the next five minutes."

"It must be hard," he mused (and he didn't know the half of it).

She laughed bitterly, and it sounded wrong coming from her sweet, pretty mouth. "Hard? You don't know what I go through, having to play fine all the time, like I don't have feelings or emotions. I'm always watching, and sometimes, I don't even know what for. Jacob, I would give anything at all for this pain to stop, because if the future is inevitable why do I have to find it out sooner than everyone else?"

And the man in front of her stopped, because for the first time since knowing her kind, he saw the little bit of human they had left with in them. He saw the broken girl behind the glitter skin, and he loved it.

"Jacob?"

"Yes?"

He clenched in anticipation.

"Make my mind go black."

So he did the only thing he could think of, and for once he was glad he was ruled by emotions, because kissing her was like touching forever and he fucking loved it. He wished she would melt in his arms and melt into him and stay there, where she would be safe from the dark ominous future. And she wished he would kiss harder, because damn it, she was beginning to forget, and this is what she was looking for.

So for the third time, life sang her song, a song of uncertainty and spontaneity and all that was unknown, and it was beautiful. She kept her cold lips locked on his, because he seemed to be taking the pain away, so who was she to complain? But because she was Alice, guilt crept in as she thought of her second life family and her first time lover and she disengaged herself from the kiss (because kissing him was like holding the sun and she didn't know if she could handle the heat).

And then she ran, back to her second life and her pounding head, because she wasn't ready to face the decisions she knew she would have to face. She left him there with swollen lips, a dizzy head and brilliant grin; because somehow he knew she would be back (he didn't have to see the future to know that). And now, her visions were fading to black, all her choices leading her straight into darkness; unknown spots in her future where maybe she could be happy.

Because after all, ignorance was truly bliss; and in rebirth, Alice was bathed in bliss.

so, there it is, my alice jacob one shot, and i hoped you guys liked it! drop a review here and maybe check out my other stories? dont favorite without reviewing please.