In this fic, Jesse and Rachel did have sex in the Power of Madonna episode. Also, he never came back in the second season. I hope you like it! If you don't like Angst, don't read!
Disclaimer: I own nada!
LNCrow
Good songs to listen to while reading:
1. When I Get Where I'm Going
2. Sissy's Song
3. Angel
4. You'll Be In My Heart
Standing on her ex-boyfriend's doorstep seven years after he broke up with her was not part of Rachel Berry's plan. Right now, her plan was the furthest thing from her mind. She had more pressing issues to deal with.
Slowly Rachel lifted her left hand and firmly knocked three times and waited. Seven seconds later, yes she had counted, a very disheveled Jesse St. James opened the door. When he saw her, his eyes widened and he blinked a few times to make sure he wasn't seeing things.
"Rachel?" He asked after deciding that she was real.
"Hello, Jesse." She wasn't surprised by his confusion at her sudden re-appearance in his life.
"Would you, um, like to come in?" He asked hesitantly. She nodded and he opened the door further to let her into his home.
"How are you?" He asked once they had settled. Rachel's eyes were on a picture of him with his wife and daughters. His wife was a beautiful blonde haired woman and both of his daughters had long blonde wavy hair, the both looked very much like their parents.
Rachel had, of course, known that Jesse was married and had two daughters, one three, the other one was coming up on two years. He was in multiple gossip magazines around New York City, but seeing it in person stung three times more.
"I'm good. And yourself?" She turned her attention back to the man in front of her. He looked the same as always, his hair was coiffed and styled, though they looked off balance as if he had just woken from a nap. He had grown slightly, filling out more.
"I'm good." You could practically cut the tension in the room with a knife.
"Your family is lovely." Rachel complemented, looking back at the pictures. "I heard you were playing Fiyero in Wicked on Broadway. That's very good."
"Thank you. You're not doing too bad yourself, Miss Evita." He paused, slightly unsure, "Not to sound rude, but what are you doing here Rachel? It's been seven years. What made you want to make a sudden re-appearance after all these years?"
Rachel sighed and looked away from him, focusing on the floor. "Jesse, I'm not here to throw off your life or get revenge. I simply need to tell you some important things."
Jesse nodded and leaned back as if signing for her to continue.
She looked him over again before continuing. "I'm not sure how you will take this, but , Jesse, you have a son."
He stared at her for a few seconds before shaking his head. "What? I thought you just said-"
"That you have a son." Rachel cut him off.
"But, how?" He stared at her intently.
"He's seven years old Jesse. It was during the Madonna glee assignment. Before you transferred." She looked away again.
"Rachel, I-I don't know what to say." He stood up and paced around the room. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I found out I was pregnant a week before Regionals. I was going to tell you that day in the parking lot. However, for certain reasons I never had the chance."
"You should have come to my house, told me at Regionals, anything!" He was becoming slightly agitated.
"Jesse, do you love your wife?" Rachel asked, catching him off guard.
He stopped and stared at her. "Yes. I love her very much."
"Do you love your daughters?"
"Of course, more than anything. But I don't see how any of this-" He was once again cut off by Rachel.
"Then it was for the better that I never told you."
"How was it for the better? I don't know my own son because you never told me about him! I could have stayed and helped. I could have been his father!" Jesse was yelling by now.
"That's just it. You would have stayed. You wouldn't have taken your scholarship and stayed in Lima with me. If you had done that, you would have never met your wife, and never had your daughters."
"Why haven't the magazines talked about him?" He wracked his brain trying to think of anything that mentioned Rachel Berry's son.
"I paid most of them to keep quite. I didn't want him to have people taking pictures of him his whole life. I wanted him to be normal for as long as I could. When people asked, I never denied having him, but I never brought it up either."
Jesse was silent, not sure what to say to her. "What is his name?"
"Noah Will Berry."
"Noah? As in?"
"Noah Puckerman. He was there with me through everything, like my brother. He held my hand through the birth and acted as his father, since you couldn't." Rachel teared up at the memories.
"What is he like?" Jesse took a seat and pinched the bridge of his nose.
"He is amazing. He is so much like you, but there is a lot of Noah in him too. He has your voice, you know." She pulled a small picture out of her purse and handed it to him.
A small boy, about the age of 7 was in there. He had curly brown hair and striking blue eyes, his nose and lips were slightly larger than normal, but not too much so.
"He's beautiful." Jesse whispered as silent tears slipped down his face.
"I was never going to tell you about him." Rachel said looking at his face.
Jesse's eyes snapped up to look at her. "Why not?"
"I didn't want to throw anything off balance. You were happily married and we have been fine on our own." Rachel told him, never breaking eye contact.
"Then why are you telling me this now?"
"Under the circumstances I had no other choice." Rachel let the tears slip down her face.
"What circumstances?" He noticed the change in posture and mood, making the tension return.
Rachel took a deep breath before meeting his questioning gaze. "I'm dying, Jesse." She whispered, almost inaudibly. If Jesse didn't have such good hearing, he wouldn't have heard her quiet confession.
"What do you mean 'You're dying'?" He clenched the arm of his chair.
"I have cancer. I was diagnosed nineteen months ago. We tried every treatment possible. The last treatment I reacted well to, and we all thought I was in the clear, but I started having pain when I would breathe. When I went back to the doctor, went back to the doctor, I was told the cancer had spread to my lungs. It's incurable." Rachel didn't start sobbing like most people would have thought; instead she took a deep breath and dried her tears.
"Rachel." Jesse was the one that broke down sobbing. Rachel stood and came to sit next to him. She held him until the sobs stopped.
"How long do you have?" Jesse asked her once he gained control of himself.
"When I went to the doctor, I was told nine weeks. That was five weeks ago."
"Isn't there anything you can do? Anything anyone can do? Can I do anything?" Jesse asked her, clutching her hands in his.
Rachel shook her head, "No. I've been to every doctor in the country, none have a cure. I-I had to tell you before I passed away. I want Noah to live with his father when I'm gone. Puck wanted Noah to live with him, but I think he should meet his father. I don't want him to live without both parents. I know this is sudden and I'm sorry that I just sprung this on you out of nowhere, but I wanted to do it in person. I understand if you don't want him to mess up anything with your family, in that case-"
"Rachel, it is no problem. I want my son here, with me. Don't ever think I don't want him."
Rachel nodded and thanked him profusely.
"Where is he now?" Jesse asked her.
"He is staying with Kurt. I didn't want him to hear about how bad my sickness really is."
"He doesn't know?"
"He knows that I'm sick, and that I go to the doctor a lot, but he has never been to an appointment with me. I didn't want him to have to know. It would save him the grief of knowing for weeks that his mother was going to die. The other reason I didn't bring him was incase this went badly."
Jesse nodded in understanding. "When can I meet him?"
"I think we should hold off on the meeting until I'm in my final stages of passing. It would raise too much suspicion of why I'm bringing you into his life out of nowhere." She sighed.
Knowing that Rachel was going to die soon, and there was nothing anyone could do, made Jesse want to cry again, but he needed to be brave for her. She had hardly cried over it since she told him. "Does he know who I am?"
"I've told him before that you were his dad. When he asked if he could meet you I would change the topic and hope he dropped it."
Jesse nodded in understanding. He was still mad that she had kept their son hidden from him for years, but he knew she had her reasons. Knowing she was going to die was like I knife in his gut.
"Rachel, I understand if you don't want to talk about it, but how are you taking the news so well?"
Rachel gave a small, knowing smile. "At first I was a mess. Noah stayed with Uncle Puck for the first week after the diagnosis. I didn't want him to see what a mess I was. Kurt and Blaine stayed with me. After a week of crying and moping, I realized that it wasn't going to change anything. I had to accept what was happening and make the best of what was left of my life. I quit my job and Noah and I have toured the world for two weeks, to make as many great memories for him as possible. Then we stayed in Lima for two weeks, spending time with my fathers and everyone else. The latest week I've been making arrangements for everything. All of my money and possessions are going to him, except for a few things that will go to Uncle Puck and Kurt. Don't worry about money, I have Noah's college fund already prepared and anything else is covered."
Jesse sat and took everything in. He had heard about Rachel quitting the play and going out of the country, he had never known why. He just figured she was taking a short break then going to return bigger and better than ever, but now he knew the truth. She wanted her son to remember every minute with her. Jesse wasn't worried about money, he had plenty of it, being a famous Broadway singer had its benefits. He was in awe at how brave she was for handling it this well. She was going to make the most of her life, no matter what.
"Rachel, I was never worried about money. I wouldn't turn him away if I hadn't a penny to my name. He is my flesh and blood. I will always care and provide for him." He told her confidently.
"Thank you." She smiled at him.
"Who all knows?"
"Kurt, Blaine, Uncle Puck, my daddies, Mr. Schuester, Shelby, and Quinn."
"Shelby? Quinn?" Jesse asked her with confusion lacing his tone.
"Shelby was one of the first to know about the pregnancy I stayed with her for a while as I worked up the courage to tell my fathers. She wanted to be a part of her grandson's life. Quinn helped me through the pregnancy and helped me cope with everything. She baby sat when I had to work. Also, since she married Noah, she is entitled to know things like that." Rachel explained.
Jesse could only nod. Then Rachel asked a question that he hadn't expected to come out of her mouth. "Do you love her more than you loved me?" She was staring at his wedding picture.
Jesse didn't know what to say. He wanted to lie and say no, but Rachel didn't deserve lies. "Yes." He told her, almost inaudibly. "I would give up anything for them. Performing, my voice, anything." He smiled lovingly at a picture of all four of them together. Rachel nodded.
"What about you? Did you ever meet anyone?"
"No. There was no point. I was working on Broadway with a kid. I had no time."
"You haven't dated anyone since me? What about Finn?"
"Finn and I never dated after we broke up. But no, I haven't dated anyone or been with anyone since you." She gave a sad smile. "That time with you will be my first, and my last."
Jesse could only sigh and put his head between his hands. This had been one of the hardest times of his life. He found out that the girl he had loved in high school had his son, and was dying, leaving him in charge of a seven year old son.
"I need to go. Thank you for everything." Rachel handed him her number. "When the time comes for you to meet him, I will call you." Jesse walked her to the door.
"Rachel, I'm sorry. About everything."
"Don't worry about it Jesse. It's all in the past." With that Rachel left him standing in the doorway of his apartment.
Three weeks after the meeting Jesse got a phone call that made his heart stop.
"Jesse?" Rachel's weak voice came across the line.
"Rachel? What happened? What is going on?" Jesse was frantically running through his apartment grabbing his jacket and car keys.
"It's time. I'm at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center. Room 569." She told him, followed by hacking coughs.
"I'm coming." Jesse kissed his wife and hugged his daughters before leaving.
He had talked to his wife the day that Rachel had come to him. She was unsure at first, but when she saw that he wasn't going to back down, she accepted. He told her he might need to leave on short notice one day in the future.
Jesse arrived at the hospital, surprised that he hadn't had a wreck on his way. Once he was in he got directions to room 569 and ran the rest of the way.
Once he reached the room, he skidded to a stop and stepped into a room full of people. Puckerman, Quinn, Kurt, Blaine, and Rachel's fathers all stood around the room. Next to Rachel was a young boy, whom he recognized from picture.
Jesse took in a sharp intake of breath when he saw him. His son was a spitting image of himself, minus the nose and lip sizes.
Rachel gave a weak smile from where she lay. She was hooked to at least 5 wires. "Jesse." She breathed. "Guys, can you give Jesse and me a moment?" She turned to her son. "Noah, stay close to Uncle Puck and I'll talk to you in a minute. Love you." She kissed him on the head. They all exited the room in silence.
"What happened?" Jesse pulled a chair up next to her bed.
"I was out with Uncle Puck and Noah when I started coughing. When Uncle Puck saw that I was having trouble breathing, he drove us here and phoned everyone."
"What does Noah know?"
"Not much. Just that I'm having trouble breathing. No one has said anything to him. I don't want him to know." Jesse could only nod. He was terrified seeing Rachel in this hospital bed so frail and sick. She was only a shell of what she had been in high school.
"Are you ready to meet you son?" She broke him out of his trance. Jesse nodded and clutched her hand in his as she called Noah in.
Once the young boy was in the room, Puck stepped in, nodded at Rachel, and shut the door.
"Noah, honey, this is Jesse St. James." She let the young boy climb in bed next to her.
The boy stuck his hand out to shake Jesse's. "How do you do, Mr. St James?" Jesse smiled and shook his hand. This boy was most definitely Rachel's son. "I saw you on Broadway last December."
"What did you think?"
"Your singing was very nice, however you got slightly pitchy at the end of the last song." The tone was very matter-of-fact.
"Noah." Rachel snapped. "Don't be rude."
"No, Rachel, it's fine. He is completely correct. Last December I had a major throat infection and I had some trouble with singing."
"Understandable."
"Noah, there is a reason Jesse is here. He is your father. We met when I was a sophomore in high school, while he was a senior. For certain reasons we broke up and I never told him about you. Don't blame him for not seeking you out. He never knew."
The boy was silent for a while, looking at Jesse, to Rachel, to himself in the mirror. After a few minutes of silence he finally spoke up.
"That makes sense. We have an uncanny resemblance."
That made both adults let the breath they had subconsciously been holding. From then on the conversation flowed easily.
They both answered his questions and explained everything about their relationship. They only thing they did not tell him was why he was meeting Jesse after all this time.
Three days later, Rachel passed away at 5:43 P.M. Rachel had spoken with her doctors earlier that day and everyone knew it was coming up song. At five o'clock, things took a turn for the worse and everyone gathered in hallway outside the room. Each person went in and had their turn speaking with Rachel.
No one came out with dry eyes. When it was Jesse's turn she asked him to take care of her son and teach him everything he knows about being a good man. She told him to make sure that he never forgot her. She gave him all the information he could ever need about Noah including Kurt, Puck, Shelby, and Rachel's father's addresses in case he ever needed them. The last thing she said to him brought him to tears.
"Jesse, I lied to you that day in your apartment. The reason I never dated anyone else wasn't because I didn't have time. It was because I could never love anyone like I love you and I didn't want anyone besides you. That's why I never re-married."
Jesse left the room crying like a baby, to be comforted by his wife. Both of his daughters were with the sitter because his wife wanted to be there for emotional support.
Noah was the last to go in to see her. He had no idea why everyone was crying and why they were all going one by one into the room to see his mother.
When it was his turn, she told him that she wasn't going to get better and that he was going to go live with his father. She held him while he cried and told him how much she loved him and how he was the best thing that ever happened to her. She told him that she would always be in his heart and to always remember their happy memories. She said when he was old enough, Jesse would explain everything and that he was to always listen to Jesse and Uncle Puck and everyone else. She told him he would be amazing at whatever he did, no matter what he decided to do with his life, that she would be proud.
As she held the sobbing child she sang to him.
Come stop your crying
It will be all right
Just take my hand Hold it tight
I will protect you
from all around you
I will be here
Don't you cry
For one so small,
you seem so strong
My arms will hold you,
keep you safe and warm
This bond between us
Can't be broken
I will be here
Don't you cry
'Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more
You'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be here in my heart, always
"Noah Will Berry, you are an amazing boy. You are going to do things people will be in awe of. You need to be strong now, for me and for everyone else. Take care of Uncle Puck. He may seem tough on the outside but he needs you there. I love you. Don't ever doubt that. And outside, in the hallway, each and every one of those people love you no matter what. Now be brave." She kissed him once more before she watched him leave the room.
Rachel's funeral was small and modest, nothing like the diva they all knew and loved. Everyone from Glee club attended. Mr. Schuester, Mrs. Pilsburry-Schuester, Shelby, Rachel's fathers, and her cast mates all came as well.
Jesse had asked her parents if he could say some stuff at the funeral, they knew that Rachel had always had strong feelings for the boy, so they decided that it would be no problem.
When the time came, Jesse stood and walked to the front of the room. "Rachel Barbra Berry. She was the most frustrating, annoying, obnoxious person I knew. However, she was also the sweetest, most forgiving, amazing woman I ever had the pleasure of meeting. Rachel had a heart bigger than the world. She saw the best in everyone and did whatever she could to help people. When Rachel came to me four weeks ago, she told me about everything that was happening. She didn't cry or throw a fit like most of us who knew her would expect. She was so brave. She did whatever she could to take care of her son and make sure he would always be happy and safe. She was truly amazing."
Jesse paused to wipe his eyes. "Rachel would have killed all of us for letting her funeral be like this. She wouldn't want us crying and moping about over her. She would have kicked us in the rear for acting this way! Rachel would want us to celebrate all the great times we had together. Everyone in this room has been made better by knowing Rachel Berry. So I have a song I want to sing."
When I get where I'm going
On the far side of the sky
The first thing that I'm gonna do
Is spread my wings and fly
I'm gonna land beside a lion
And run my fingers through his mane
Or I might find out what it's like
To ride a drop of rain
Yeah when I get where I'm going
There'll be only happy tears
I will shed the sins and struggles
I have carried all these years
And I'll leave my heart wide open
I will love and have no fear
Yeah when I get where I'm going
Don't cry for me down here
I'm gonna walk with my grand daddy
And he'll match me step for step
And I'll tell him how I missed him
Every minute since he left
Then I'll hug his neck
Yeah when I get where I'm going
There'll be only happy tears
I will shed the sins and struggles
I have carried all these years
And I'll leave my heart wide open
I will love and have no fear
Yeah when I get where I'm going
Don't cry for me down here
By now everyone was standing and singing along with him. Tears were streaming down everyone's faces.
So much pain and so much darkness
In this world we stumble through
All these questions I can't answer
So much work to do
But when I get where I'm going
And I see my maker's face
I'll stand forever in the light
Of his amazing grace
Yeah when I get where I'm going
There'll be only happy tears
Hallelujah
I will love and have no fear
When I get where I'm going
Yeah when I get where I'm going
At the end of the song they made their way to the casket, one by one.
When Jesse stepped up, he leaned down and whispered quietly, "I loved you two, you know. Even more than I love her." He then kissed her cheek and stood, wiping tears. He stepped over and took his son and wife's hands in his and walked them towards the entrance of the church.
Jesse looked at his son, who looked up at him. He smiled at him and held his hand even more tightly. He knew that Rachel would want them to all to live their lives to the fullest, but keep her with them forever.
Well, that's it! I hope you liked it! I bawled writing it!
LNCrow
Reviews help inspire me to write other stories!