I have been reading fanfiction for 6years and never once felt i would be good at or wanted to write my own. Then this show came along and i feel so connected to these characters, i needed to know more. So to contribute this growing fandom i love, some musing from Alicia and Peter about their marriage (pre 1x17) because the show isn't called the good wife for nothing.

When Alicia Florrick looks at her husband she sees the man that wouldn't let her say no to lunch after meeting her that day in Georgetown, the man who made coffee & helped her at 3am the night before her most important midterms, the man who married her, swept her off her feet and gave her everything she didn't know she wanted. But when Alicia Florrick closes her eyes and thinks of her husband all that runs through her head are the moments her husband wasn't there, all the family dinners he missed out on, the evenings he stayed out in the city, she had said nothing, this was all for his career but maybe it wasn't, how many of these moments was he not thinking of her and just of his own pleasure & greed. Alicia Florrick loved her husband but she hated him for what he had done to the world they had spent years building.

As seemed usual for their household lately, Alicia arrived home late after another busy day at the office. She wondered if she should feel guilty about her long hours but she knew she had to work for her family, for the money but above all for the first time in years her ambition & talent was being fulfilled, she simply loved her job. As she entered the kitchen Peter was sitting at the breakfast bar with a bottle of wine and two glasses looking deep in thought and sorry for himself. Alicia wondered if this was how she appeared to him in the last few years before…..everything. The roles were reversed and looking at him she wanted to make it all right, make the trial go away, have their family stable, be the caregiver. But she also knew this was his doing and they had to deal with the repercussions daily and she was not going to feel guilty for any of the actions she was forced, or lead to take.

Peter was broken from his trance with the sound of Alicia placing her bag down on the work surface. He pushed the empty wine glass towards her and gestured to the bottle; she nodded and reached for the glass holding it steady while he poured. There was so much that needed to be said between them but everytime a quiet moment alone like this arised, they couldn't even make any appropriate small talk. Peter knew asking 'how are you?' was redundant at this point, did he mean this moment, during the day, at work, in her life? He wanted to know how she felt about so many issues but he knew it wasn't his place to start any of these conversations. This was something that needed to be done on her terms. She was the injured party, the prosecutor, the woman he hurt in the worse possible way except in this trial he couldn't have anyone working and manipulating on his defence, this was down to him alone and the best outcome he could hope for was the opportunity to spend the rest of his life trying to make it up to her. The fact that Alicia allowed him into her new home proved to him why he was right to make sure that smart, naïve & curly haired college student would someday become his wife.

"Hungry?" He asked her.

Alicia shook her head no while staring in to her wine glass. "The kids?" Landing on the one conversation topic that would always remain neutral between them.

"You know them, attached to their computers" Peter joked "Sometimes I wonder what we did with our free time when we were their age."

She smiled, knowing that as true as this was, their children were their creation and worked unbelievably hard even through all the changes in the past year. Her work now making her all too aware of all the possible effects these kind of events can have on person, especially young people.

"I've missed that."

"What?"

"Your smile." He missed everything about her when he was in jail and he wanted her to know this, to know that he never stopped loving her. In fact, working mother Alicia was more attractive to him than he ever thought. But he knew she wasn't as calm and in control as she appeared, that she needed some stability in her life.

Peter and Alicia were still married in so many ways, they both still wore their rings, they lived together, shared the parenting responsibilities. However they still haven't shared a bed since he came home that day knowing he had to tell her about everything before the police came. The investigation he had heard about but whether anything would come of it was different, what the extent was, there was always so many behind the scene dealings in his work. But then he got the call he was dreading and knew it was time to come clean with his wife.

There were so many logical reasons stopping Alicia from taking this step but she also knew she wasn't planning on leaving her husband. She wanted to take this barrier away and try functioning as a normal couple. If she was honest with herself, Alicia needed sex, it had been too long for her. She wanted to feel the connection that comes from two people at their most venerable. But sex is the issue that has most teared them apart, the real scandal in their marriage. Was it better or worse that he cheated on her with a hooker, that he paid for it when she was at home willing more than anything to hold her husband and know what was happening in his life. Now she was waiting for the right moment like an awkward teenager, just not sure if how best to approach the situation, knowing it was all up to her. That was always Peter's role, he was the one who chased after her and always moved their relationship on, making her realise that it was what she wanted before even she did. Now Alicia Florrick had to decide on making an impulse decision.

Thoughts? :)