A/N: I know it's been a while. This was half done on my computer. I'm done with speech and debate. Going to get as much writing in as I can. I want to say thank you to everyone that's been favoriting all of my other stories. It means a lot to me.
Warnings: It's a fairly hard M/M don't like don't read. Also I don't own Star Trek.
I Just Can't Crack Your Code
"Jim, you don't understand what you're doing to me."
The blonde rolls his eyes and releases an exasperated sound.
"Bones, no. Just...no."
"Hey look. This isn't about you Jimbo. This is-"
"It's wrong Leonard. End of discussion."
"Oh and you going out and coming home with some piece of weird every night isn't?"
"Fuck you."
This is the part where Jim's blood boils damn near over the pot and does everything in his power to restrain his muscles from reacting. This thought is spun around in his brain as his best friend clocks the captain with the meanest right hook he's ever felt. Jim is on the floor and has to work his jaw because it feels broken. The one person that always fixes him is now breaking him apart.
"Leonard, stop." Jim spits through gritted teeth.
It's hard to just lay there, but on some level that is right below the surface he knows he deserves this. And he enjoys it. McCoy is sitting on his chest and he can tell Jim is excited at the prospect of them fighting.
Which is followed by fucking.
A large hand cups the captain's chin in a vice-like grip and spins his head so he's staring into hazel eyes. They're full of too many emotions that it's hard to keep staring at them but the two that Jim can see at the moment are lust and hurt. Two things that Jim knows he put there. Guilt slithers its' way into the blonde's heart for a moment but it gets smashed down at the feeling of teeth on his neck, moving over his bruised jaw and tugging at swollen skin. He wants to scream, but instead digs his nails into Leonard's back and reels back his other hand to get in a good punch to the doctor's abdomen.
Jim can feel and smell the whiskey infused breath that travels across his face and assaulted his nose. Jim takes this opportunity to be the one on top. Grabbing Leonard by the wrists Jim watches him come up for air when really Jim is the one that's drowning. He gets lost in the strong jaw that's covered in 5 o'clock shadow, the hard line of Bones' nose, his lips that are snarling as he thrashes below Jim and most of all his eyes. They're the color of a deep forest and Jim will always be completely lost in them. It's the reason why they fight, they fuck, and Jim takes flight. He finds someone else to pass the time with because he'd rather not go down that path with Bones. At least this is "safe." This is their normal.
Bones goes slack for a moment and Jim loosens his grip only to be surprised when Bones grips his hips and flips them again, gaining the upper hand. Jim still wants to fight, normally they fight longer, have a few more injuries. He remembers the last time when they were in the Gym on the lower level of the ship and well...let's just say the captain had to place an order for new mats after that particular incident.
"You're losing your touch darlin'." Bones murmurs as he runs a hand through Jim's hair and grinds his hips down into the younger male.
Jim smirks despite himself wishing there was some way he could wipe the smile off his own face.
The smile that this brings to him.
That Bones brings to him.
He had to stop thinking along that line.
"Why won't you let me in?" Bones asks, bringing Jim's face close to his by the back of his head, normally the grip is harder but he did already bust Jim's jaw and his hand is itching for a tricorder, dermal regenerator and if he had a third hand, a hypo.
"You know that's not what you want." Jim answers and uses his hands to grip around Leonard's throat, they're grappling again, and punches are being thrown. They'd look like a tangle of limbs, but Jim's fist connects with Leonard's damn near perfect nose and the adrenaline he gets from the blows causes his erection to grow and breaks them up. The noise the doctor emits isn't one of pain or anger, it sounds guttural. His palms encompass Jim's face and he attacks his busted lip, licking and sucking before Jim gives in and deepens the kiss.
He sighs into Leonard's mouth, and the taste of copper mixes with the taste of the doctor and whiskey, it's more than slightly intoxicating and they both have to pull away for air, Leonard's staring into those bright blue eyes that have always told him yes when Jim's lips tell him no.
"I need you." Leonard murmurs, licking Jim's bottom lip.
"You're lying," Jim responds automatically and hooks a leg over the doctor's hip. They've somehow wound up sideways facing each other.
Bones retorts by elbowing his captain in the breastplate and they're back at it again. Humping, punching, kissing, and kicking. The next time they separate they're both shirtless and Jim's only got one boot on. Leonard's got an imprint of the other one on his back.
The doctor has gained the upper hand again. He takes this opportunity to scoop Jim up- flailing arms and all- and tosses him onto the pristine bed that he hasn't slept on in months. Instead he wanders the ship or drowns in paperwork trying to block out the images of who or what Jim is screwing across the hall from him.
"There's gonna' be rules if you want to do this. "
"Like what?" Leonard is genuinely curious and not in the least bit surprised because Jim will think of every possible scenario.
"You're already trying to break rule number one" Leonard is cutting him off by kissing Jim harder but the damn boy's knees won't buckle against the edge of the bed and that's fucking frustrating.
"How so? I can't kiss you. If that's the case then this ain't gonna be much fun."
"Not that, I like that part." It comes out half-muffled and Jim's embarrassed which grips Leonard's chest because holy ghost be damned! There's something about putting a blush on Jim's cheeks that's got him tickled.
"We can't fuck in a bed, Bones." Jim says in a frustrated voice and Bones can only nod and kiss Jim so he doesn't voice his disappointment.
Tonight Jim lets Bones break rule number one. Part of his brain is telling him it was on purpose. He shuts that part up quickly by scraping his nails down Bones' flanks and pulling him against his body that has been too damn eager and ready for the doctor for the past 4 years.
This will never be admitted, but if they ever got together and it didn't work out Jim knew he'd go certifiably insane. He already might be, but that's a different story.
He starts to lose some of the fight in him as fists turn into caresses and they soothe the ache in his muscles. He can't be wanton. He always has to resist. Jim wishes it were that simple to just give in.
Leonard kisses him again, it's soft and sweet and nothing like the unforgiving tug of tongue and teeth. He runs a hand through the other male's short blonde hair, and notices it does funny things to Jim's breathing. Grabbing one of his bloodied knuckles, Leonard pries his fist open so he can hold his hand and interlock their fingers.
Rule number two is broken.
"Rule number two: No hand holding."
Leonard just shakes his head and laughs, "What? Why?"
"Because. Then it means there's more to this than what is."
Jim's trying to put on a serious face but it's undermined by the freeze-pac he's holding to his cheek. Leonard got him good this time, but that's what Jim gets for pushing him up against the wall and attacking him when he had a meeting with his staff, and exams to give out that day.
"You're breaking the rules," Jim states as they break apart. Leonard kisses him again for good measure.
"I'm done with your stupid fucking rules. I've had enough of your bullshit Jim."
"They're there for a reason." he responds quickly. Bones can hear the panic in his voice and he answers Jim's worries by wrapping him up in his thick arms and kissing the side of his face.
He becomes infantile and starts pushing away the good doctor but it just causes Bones to tighten his grip.
"You gonna' keep pushing me away or are you actually gonna' hear me out?"
"I prefer a good brawl." This sentence is punctuated by Bones intercepting Jim's hand and holding it in his larger one. "And then a good lay."
"You fight me because you're in-"
Jim gets him in the eye, it's not as dirty as the time they were on the observation deck in the dead of night and he cracked one of Leonard's ribs, but they're going to need to bust out the medical instruments very very soon. The blood on the sheets makes the room look like a crime scene.
His head is spinning from the blow and his heart wrenches at the thought that maybe Jim doesn't want this, but the man immediately undermines his actions by pulling Leonard in by the back of his head and plants soft kisses to the bruised and swollen flesh.
This small crack of vulnerability is what Bones needs, what they need.
"Now look who's the rule breaker." the doctor murmurs and kisses Jim's neck. Even though he's only got one good eye Jim is still beautiful, and still will be his sweet ruin.
Even if they go down swinging.
He can feel Jim rutting up against him and he smirks against the blonde's neck, his hand snaking between them to rub over the fabric of Jim's pants, causing his erection to pulse against his hand.
Bones lifts his head up so he can stare at Jim's azure eyes, "You need me." his voice is low and graveled and Jim whimpers as he reaches inside his slacks and briefs and squeezes his hard cock, watching as his boy wonder arches his back wanting more.
"No, what I need is a good lay, and that's what this is. That and you pack a mean punch. It's sick but I like that too. I-" he stops talking as Bones slips off Jim's slacks and briefs in one swift movement. He's lowered his mouth to the head of Jim's cock and has a hand splayed over the younger male's stomach and navel, feeling the soft trail of fur leading down to Jim's full blown erection.
There aren't many words from either of them as the doctor engulfs Jim in his warm mouth and bobs his head, cock sliding out before being swallowed again nearly to the hilt, hand stroking around the base in time with the movement of his mouth.
Jim moans and grips Leonard's thick brown hair, he can see hazel eyes looking up at him and he can't argue as Leonard's hand rubs across his chest and finds Jim's free hand to hold in his own. He's too busy having his brain cut off from the pleasure, he can't bother to argue about holding hands and actually being on a comfortable bed because Leonard's mouth feels better than anything else. Which is something he already knew, but breaking the rules only entices more of what he can't have.
They need more skin, less clothing and a second chance that no-one has given either of them. Bones is humming around Jim's cock and it causes the blonde to throw his head back, panting as his hold tightens on Leonard's shoulders.
"Bones," he huffs as the doctor lets off with an audible pop and firmly grasps Jim's erection in his hand, pumping while Jim feebly attempts to grab at his doctor's clothes so he can see his body, and take in what he wants but will never have because he has sworn against it.
Leonard nods and starts to remove his scrub shirt and black undershirt. Jim's hands helping him because he doesn't want him to stop stroking him but at the same time he wants more of Bones. He looks at Jim and can see it in his eyes, not even asking- both parties remove what's left. Leonard descends on Jim, pulling him close and devouring his lips in a kiss that will sear into Jim's memory as the kiss that made him choke on his emotions. They both moan and gasp as they move against each other, the friction getting Leonard harder than a diamond. Jim reaches between them to grasp both of their erections, his other hand finding the bedside table and the bottle of lube. He strokes Bones and has him bucking into his hand, the other on the brunette's hip to help control the frantic motions of his body.
He's still looking at Jim like he's some sort of divine being and it's getting his heart racing more than he would like to admit. Bones has one hand around Jim's neck with a firm pressure that he knows the Captain loves and his other hand covered in lubricant snakes around Jim's body and dips between his ass cheeks making circles around the rim of his asshole. Jim gasps at the touch and his hips jerks, groaning as Leonard squeezes his neck a little and let's go to give Jim a hard slap to his jaw. The sound is louder than the sting and Jim's lust filled eyes stare at Bones because he's way too into this today, giving Jim his full and undivided attention and he find he can't break that stare. He's still stroking Leonard's cock but his focus is deterred when the doctor slips in his first finger and Jim groans, biting down on Bones' shoulder, moving with him as the second finger is added, working Jim open.
"Bones," he chokes out both hands coming up to grasp Leonard's body. That's when Bones finds Jim's prostate and he gives another soft cry, damning himself for it, but not really caring because it feels too damn good.
"Again," he demands wrapping his arms around Leonard's neck, as Bones strokes his inner walls and rubs across that pleasure button that unravels Jim's whole body, making him putty in the doctor's hands.
This is the part Bones really loves. Not the fighting and fucking. That's fun and all, but it's the moments where he can bring Jim to that most vulnerable place. A side that only he will ever see. Jim doesn't know this is what he reveals during sex. The carefully crafted mask comes away when he's in the throes of ecstasy and this is what Bones will always find beautiful about him.
He's added a third finger and once Jim is properly stretched he swings up to sit on him and straddle his hips kissing from Jim's navel all the way to lips. "Tell me what you want," He rumbles in Jim's ear.
"I want you to fuck me." Jim says against Leonard's neck, breathless and panting, shamelessly rubbing against Bones.
"I know you want more than that, darlin'." He murmured while running his hands up and down Jim's chest tweaking his nipples, causing the younger male's body to arch up into him. Before Jim has time to respond Leonard is covering his hard, pulsing, cock with lube and placing it at Jim's entrance.
Jim gasps at the initial push past the ring of muscle and groans as it stretches him. "Ohhhh, Bones." he cheeks are pink, as his blush suffuses his neck and creeps down to his chest. Leonard can't help but be drawn to Jim's face, lashes downcast over the bluest eyes he's ever seen. Jim was breathtaking.
Leonard waited a moment feeling Jim's body acclimate to fit him before pushing a bit more, and hearing his Captain let out another groan. He moaned with him from the tight heat enveloping his member, the feel of Jim around his cock making him that much harder.
Jim tries not to look at Leonard, at the same time he also doesn't want to focus on what he's feeling. He'd rather suppress everything and not talk about it. He's the Captain of a ship dammit! Jim goes out and gets whatever he wants. Is what his brain tells him.
What every ounce of his being tells him is that he needs Bones.
The good doctor is to the hilt and Jim's eyes flutter open and his pink lips gasp for air, legs tightening around the doctor, and he sees what he already knows. That this man cares for him, and is willing to take what he can get because Jim is worth it. He is worth the heartbreak, and the bone breaks and the old scars and the new contusions because he looks at JIm like there is nobody else in the fucking world that makes him feel like this.
Bones is still hovered over Jim and trying to will his hips not to move. They've gone straight to it before, fucked hard and Jim never complained, but not tonight. Tonight Bones was going to show Jim what it would really be like if they stopped with all the bullshit.
Jim is breathing hard at the fullness of Bones inside him, and looking into those big hazel eyes that he never realized looked tired -and the bruise adorning his left eye not helping,- beautiful, and something else he will not name.
"Move," the word pushes past his gritted teeth, not because of pain but because there's too much emotion that is escaping from his tightly wound control.
Bones is chuckling, a full laugh breaks out and he shakes his head before leaning down to kiss Jim, slowly pulling out and pushing back in, causing Jim to break the kiss and throw his head back and making vowel sounds. Bones does it again, and grasps the side of Jim's face, looking him in the eye. He's blushing, trying to hold eye contact it's hard for him to reveal so much in one evening, but this was a long time coming, his free hand reaches for Jim's and it's nearly an arm wrestling match and thumb war before he can interlace their fingers together.
Jim is panting hard and his eyes feel like their stinging, this agonizingly slow pace is tortuously wonderful. Bones hand that was on the side of Jim's face, thumbing circles into the blonde's jaw he bring is up to Jim's mouth, and Jim obliges taking Bones fingers into his mouth coating them with spit and making a show of it like he's the motherfucking king of blowing anything that is remotely phallic.
Bones grasps Jim's hard cock and gives a slow stroke as he pushes in again while kissing the blonde, worrying his lip with his teeth, Jim pulls away with a cry body convulsing. "What do you need darlin'?" Bones hums against Jim's ear as he eases back in and fisting Jim's cock, twisting his hand and covering the head making Jim moan loudly."
"I need to come Bones! Please, let me come," Jim moans again and thrusts his hips trying to get Bones to move faster and harder, meeting him and trying to exert some sort of control over their rhythm.
Bones smiles, "Jim, you're beautiful." he tells him, his heart racing and Jim trying to shake his head no, but Bones starts to speed up, and Jim's mouth only forms 'yes's'. He has to remember to remind Bones that he can't break the third rule.
It was a long hard fuck and just as Leonard was about to lose it, his toes curling into the floor and Jim above him, poised on his dick, bouncing up and down and rubbing himself off, "Jim-I'm gonna' Jim raises his hips, Leonard pulling out completely and his semen splattering both of their chests.
"What the fuck-"
"Rule number three. You can't come inside me."
"Jim that is fucking ridiculous-"
"It's necessary. Rules are needed for a reason."
With that the blonde slid to the floor and stared up at the ceiling. Leonard shook his head before checking a sigh and getting between Jim's legs and taking his cock into his mouth to finish him.
Leonard's lips are against Jim's and they're moving faster and pushing harder, only this time it feels different. "Jim, I'm gonna' come inside you darlin'. I want you to feel me" He says on the next thrust, moaning along with Jim. "My hot come in your ass, is that what you want? Tell me you want me inside you," Bones murmurs against Jim's lips, as their tongues tangle.
Jim feels to good, and only Bones can make him feel this good, it's all he's ever wanted, everything in his being knows that. This is the crack in the hull of his brain the one slip up Bones was looking for. "Oh God, yes Bones! Please," He begs, whimping against Leonards neck "Jim- I'm gonna-"
It's a shout and stars start to dance across the back of Leonard's eyelids, it doesn't take but a couple more strokes, thumbing the head of Jim's cock and he's spurting across their chests. Cursing every deity, and something muttered in Orion that Leonard is pretty sure is a blessing and curse. Jim's whole body quakes through it and Leonard captures the rest of Jim's cries with his lips.
Leonard doesn't know what's going to happen next, but he holds Jim as he lays on top of him and nuzzled his neck. He definitely broke all of Jim's commandments, but honestly fuck it. This is where they both need to be, and they both know it.
He waited for their heartbeats to slow and until Leonard softened and pulled out slowly, Jim shuddering from the loss of contact. He's scared to breach the subject of what just happened but looking down at Jim's who is spent, bruised, a little bloodied, but pupils blown out from ecstasy and satisfaction. fucking gorgeous Leonard thinks to himself and that makes up his mind for him. He wants Jim like this, needs him like this.
Jim is scared to look up at Leonard and meet his gaze. He gave the ok to break one of the rules. Three of them actually. So far.
It's Jim's brain that is scared at the idea of allowing Bones in. It's why they fight, and struggle with words.
Waiting for him to just outright ask rather than pussy footing around the fact-
"James Tiberius Kirk. I love you. I want to take care of you. I want to-"
He can't finish because he's cut off by lips covering his own. Jim continues to shake his head no but everything else in him is gunning for it.
"I know." Is all Jim can manage. But Leonard will be damned if he doesn't take it.
"I love you." He says again, but this time there's even more conviction and Jim didn't even think that was remotely possible.
There goes rule number four.
After the first time they had sex in the Captain's chair on the bridge Jim could see it in Leonard's eyes. Saw him wanting to form the words.
"Jim I-" Jim shushed him with a kiss.
"This won't work if you keep trying to break the rules. I know this should be rule number one, but Bones, we just...we can't. Ok?" he asks running his fingers through Leonard's hair.
"Sure, Jim Sure." after that Jim notices the time after that they have sex Leonard seems numb, and he tries to shake it off, but since then Jim has always hoped rule four would be broken. If only so they can forget about it again.
He lifts Jim up and hefts him into his lap. "Please, please let me take care of you." He adds and it sounds sort of desperate but he wants his best friend to understand that this is what he'll do because it is what he has always done.
"I'm all kinds of fucked up." Jim warns but he sounds more scared about the fact it's true rather than a precursor of some sort of shitstorm.
"That makes two of us. Look Jimbo, I want all of it. All of you. Do you know how hard it is? Watching you leave for away missions, worrying about whether or not some alien race is gonna' fry your ass- and then you show up with some Prince/Princess Cum-slut and I have to hear you through the bulkheads that you're screwing her or him or whomever senseless?" There's anger and frustrated tears, but not at Jim only at the fact that for so long he hasn't done anything to remedy the situation.
Bones continued, refusing to let go of Jim, his voice getting choked up, maybe it was too much whiskey, maybe it was because he came inside of Jim for the first time ever and broke all the rules but this would be the last time. Which was also a lie. Despite the heartbreak it caused.
Jim is quietly sitting in Leonard's arms, toying with the brunettes hair, wrapping it around his fingers nervously before he speaks. "Bones I-" he has to take a deep breath and start again. "Bones, you want to know why I like to fight?"
He waits patiently, looking at Leonard, and damn that was the look he never wanted to see and he put it there. "Why Jim?" He asked, his voice tired.
"It's my punishment for hurting you. It's my own vicious cycle. I-I feel things, then I try to get rid of those feelings by burying myself balls deep in someone, then I see you when I come back on the ship and it just-" He shakes his head and takes another breath. He can feel his face getting red and dammit, here comes the first tear, "It's my punishment for the things I have put you through."
Bones shakes his head and grasps Jim's chin. "We're done. We're done with the fighting. We're done with the bullshit, you want me to pull your hair and spank you I'm all for it, but us knocking the shit out of each other isn't conducive to what you or I need. For whatever the hell it is you think you need to be forgiven for, I forgive you. And before you argue hear me out. I'm gonna do this right. Jim, I love you I'm not gonna' lose you because one of these days we're gonna take it too far and one of us isn't going to be able to be put back together with a dermal regenerator and a few hypos. I want to stitch up what's on the inside."
Jim hides his face against Bones' shoulder, he can feel his whole body shaking with sobs, he rubs Jim's back and murmurs softly to him all the 'I love you's' he's never been able to say and Jim cries harder.
Jim lifts his head and kisses Bones, softly almost timid. He's afraid he's screwed this up to, that the only contact he could get from him his best friend has been destroyed. which is farther from the truth.
"What if we don't work out?" He asks voice cracking and this is it. This is the end of it all.
"Who says we won't? Jim. I love you. At least give us a chance? That's all I'm asking for." His eyes are soft and pleading.
Jim leans up for another kiss, and nods against Leonard's lips. Causing him to release another laugh, that's like an exhale of all the tension he was holding on to. All the hurt and pain disappearing as he kisses Jim back, tears slipping down his stubbled cheeks.
"Bones, I can't say it yet. I mean I feel it but I just...can't"
"We'll get there." Bones responds quietly.
"Let me clean you up, and we'll get to bed, and after we've slept, we'll talk more about it tomorrow. For now though let's just sleep."
Jim nods. They go through their usual routine after these sessions, but there's less to pick up and take care of than normal, they clean off quickly in the shower and Bones pulls back the covers to his only slightly rumpled bed, and gets under the covers. Jim stands there and Bones opens up his arms and Jim crawls to him tucking his head under Bones' chin sighing softly.
This isn't the first time rule five is broken.
Jim had been looking all over the ship for Bones, he finally stumbled across him on the bathroom floor after going on a drinking binge. He heaved a heavy sigh and brought Bones to his feet guiding him to his bed, completely conked out from sharing a whole bottle of whiskey with himself.
"Couldn't even leave any for me?" Jim murmured. Being careful he stayed above the covers and curled up next to the doctor. He would leave in the morning before he awoke. It was always sex and then they'd part ways. He wanted to indulge himself just this once. Leonard rolled over and his arms protectively went around Jim as he let out a loud snore and snuggled closer.
Jim laughed halfheartedly. "Just this once. I'm breaking the rules for you." he mumbled to his sleeping partner.
Leonard kissed the top of Jim's head. "I guess we broke all the rules." He added softly, rubbing Jim's back.
Jim gave a shrug. "Maybe it's time for a new set of rules."
"Oh yeah?" Leonard raised a brow, Jim pulled away slightly to look at him, even in the dark he could still make out the signature eyebrow raise. He leaned forward and kissed his brow.
"Yeah, rule number one." He leaned in closer nuzzling Leonard's cheek and making a path to his lips kissing him, anticipation and butterflies escaping the cobwebs in his stomach and creating a storm. "No more fucking rules."
Leonard couldn't help but agree, kissing Jim for his answer.
A/N: Thank you for reading. It's the first time I've written in a while and I hope you enjoyed it c: Reviews and feedback is always welcome. Thank you again.