Author's Notes: A challenge sent out by Larissa from the WildestDream fanfic mailing list. The challenge: write a Ginny/Draco songfic to the song of "Hate Every Beautiful Day" by Sugarcult. I've never heard of the song or band before, but you know me. I can never resist a songfic. Now I just need to get the next chapter of "Aspect of a Wolf" up before that group kills me. Keep the muse alive. Feed me feedback.
Hate Every Beautiful Day
Did you ever wonder, really, what it would be like to rule over all you see? To know that out of everyone around you, you are the best, the most intelligent, the most powerful...to know that there is none who can comprehend what you really are? It really is quite a lonely feeling.
Something's gotta change again
I'm losing, my inspirations gone, oh no oh no
Seeing through some different eyes
I can't find, my medications failed, again again
Now her, on the other hand, she's the least of them all. Just one more red-head in the bunch, the lowest rung on the Weasley ladder. There is nothing quite remarkable about her. Except...sometimes...she has a way of looking at a fellow that makes you want to be...different. Like she, with that fiery hair, is a flame on the side of light, destroying all darkness in her path, and when she looks at me like that, I feel she's silently hoping I won't be among the shadows she consumes. And...and sometimes I think it'd be worth it, to die, if it meant I'd get that close to the flame.
I can feel a change
I can feel, can you feel it
See it on the street watching heat from the pavement
It is ironic, when you think about it. The whole concept of purity. Granger is a mudblood, not one of our kind, impure, but she's exactly like the lot of them. There's no difference between her and any of the Gryffyndor pure bloods. They're all caught up in the ideals of honor, truth, and justice. Of making the world a better place through peace, by choice, slowly. They'd rather suffer a hundred years and know that the future will be golden than to enforce order now. It's stupid, really. Horribly inefficient. And what good would their "freedom of choice" do in the end, anyway? Conflict, chaos, it will wipe away peace, as surely as a driving rain will crush even the most hardy of flowers into the mud. Not even a Gryffyndor can alter a force of nature. Not even a red-headed woman-child who looks at me with sad eyes, who looks at me like she understands what it's like to be of the darkness. Sometimes I wonder...if I...
Cause I'm here, ready to take it all here
Everything's feeling unclear
I wish it was raining
Cause I hate every beautiful day
Even if I could change what I am, deny what my father has charged me to inherit, I could never fully cross over to the light. I'm too tainted by the past, what I've done, what I've tried to accomplish. I would never really fit in, and there would always be those who didn't trust me. Why would I choose to live like that, in constant turmoil, isolated and unwanted? Crossing over, it would be the hardest thing I ever had to do. I guess I'm too...impure.
Faces in the crowd
Fake smiles for miles
My imitations wrong of them again
Trapped inside this cheap hotel
Bored as hell turing the channels 'round
That's the kicker, isn't it? Too impure for purity. Not good enough to be good. I bet Granger would have ecstasies over the irony of it all. She could get a bloody research paper out of it. Can a fellow ever truly be redeemed or by the very act of disapproving of his foul deeds, have the good guys made his redemption impossible? I suppose you could start small. Like maybe just redeeming yourself in the eyes of one person...one red-head petite person...
I can feel a change
I can feel, can you feel it
See it on the street watching heat from the pavement
I don't know what to do anymore. Even at night, she haunts me, holding out the promise of something more than all of this. Of being respected for who I am, not for the fear I can cause. Her and her damn golden aura, there's no stability in my world anymore. It's all this sickly shade of gray as I doubt myself, doubt my purpose, doubt everything I've been taught. Her fault, it is. I didn't ask for her to look at me like that, I didn't ask for the choice to be somebody. I knew what I was, knew what I would become, and she had to go and bloody change all that, and sometimes it infuriates me so much, that I could just...
Cause I'm here, ready to take it all here
Everything's feeling unclear
I wish it was raining
Cause I hate every beautiful day
I've never been able to finish that sentence. She's an obstacle in my path, a block that keeps me from completing my duty, but I can never do anything about it. I hate her so much, for the anguish she forces me to suffer, the turmoil she inflicts on me, for all of it. But I can't even think about...It's like I'd rather suffer through all the torments of hell, just so I can bathe in the coolness of her blue gaze whenever she looks my way. It's freakin' unnatural, that's what it is. And I just want to stop feeling like this.
I can feel a change
I can feel, can you feel it
See it on the street watching heat from the pavement
But I don't think those feelings will ever change, and that's forcing me to change. I'm different now...she made me different.
I can feel a change
I can feel, can you feel it
I'm not the same, not the same lost my feeling
It has to stop eventually, right? I'll graduate and she'll still be here, and I can put this all behind me as youthful rebellion. I can go back to living the path my father has laid out for me. She'll be out of my life forever and my life, my soul, will return to its comfortable darkness. I won't ever have to deal with that damnable gray stuff again. She'll be gone. I'll never see her again...
All I know I'll never know
All I know I'll never know
I hate stuck-up, know-it all Granger. I hate shabby, handme downs Weasly. And I hate "think I'm so bloody great because I didn't have the sense to know when to die" Potter. But I especially hate her. I hate her with her promises of forgiveness, her with the bright future, her with the red hair that looks like soft, living flame. I hate her now and I'll hate her even more when she's finally gone forever. I hate her, I hate her, I hate her.
Cause I'm here, ready to take it all here
Everything's feeling unclear
I wish it was raining
Cause I hate every beautiful day
Every beautiful day
Every beautiful day
Every beautiful day
Don't leave me...