Simple Act of Loving You

One

'Her Heart was a Secret Garden; His Heart was a Great Fortress'

"You never got a chance to finish what you started saying earlier," he whispered, crossing his arms. He leaned in the doorway like a man whose heart had never truly been in one solid piece—he'd felt the fragments of heartbreak for so long, there was no such thing as finding total closure. Pacey Witter was strong—the strongest person she'd ever met. He had such an ability to be stable for others, that he forgot how to do it for himself; he'd exhausted all the power within, mending other people's wounds. He could flash a smirk, fake the smile, or say the perfect line, but he was always holding his shattered body together behind a thin layer of skin. His eyes spoke volumes; they spoke a language Joey Potter had never quite become fluent in. There were so many exceptions, so many dialects, that only Pacey could truly understand it. He'd built his armor out of tears and blood long before he could ever find out what complete innocence was. And that's what puzzled her about him. He was the most childish person she knew; the most reckless. Yet he was the one who was forced to grow up the fastest; the one who learned to mask pain before she or Dawson had ever learned the true definition. He stood in front of her now, completely prepared to brace the fatal and final blow to their tremulous relationship. She bit her lip.

"Pacey," she said warmly, rising from her seat and walking over to him. His eyes flickered to the ground. She stopped a few feet in front of him, beginning to feel the true distance that was sprawled between them. "You know my feelings. You always have; you've just never really believed them." She shrugged her shoulders, feeling like a sixteen year old little girl again. Pacey always had that affect on her. Of clawing past her layers of experience and years, and finding the shy Joey Potter that still lied beneath.

"What are you trying to say here, Jo?" his voice was hoarse. They'd all been through the wringer, these past few days. It felt like everything was ending. Deaths have a funny way of doing that to the human psyche. Jen was gone—the glowing, smiling, utterly alive and free Jen Lindley was gone. It somehow made sense that on such a gray day, everything else would fall apart right along with it.

"That I'd choose true love over a soul mate any day," Joey said, finally closing the distance between them. Cupping his face in her hands, she compelled him to look at her. Those stormy eyes of his were as unreadable as ever. They were a part of Pacey that Joey had memorized years ago, but had never fully grasped. They surprised her just as much as Pacey himself did. He made her feel alive in a way no one else could. "I want you, Pace. I always have." She leaned her forehead against his.

She could feel his laugh; that slight rumble in his chest, the soft, warm breath that tickled her cheek. It was a laugh just beginning to melt the ice that had been entrapping it for so long. He smiled at her, lifting his head from hers so he could look at her.

"Even when I walked away?" he asked. She nodded. "Even when you walked away?"

"Even then," she replied with a small smile. A smile that held an undeniable tinge of guilt. She'd run away from him so many times, that it was easier than actually facing her feelings. And that night at the dance, when everything was perfect, she had sprinted away with all the energy she had. He was finally the man she knew he'd always become—well, he was always a man she was proud of—but he was finally a man he could be proud of. And that terrified her. He'd always been what she wanted; but now, there was a new twist to their relationship. Pacey Witter was finally ready to believe that he was worth all of her love. And she'd repaid him by walking away. The coward in her had won. As she stood in front of him now, she promised herself she'd stay still. She was finally done running.

"Even when we fought?" His smile was quickly becoming a little smirk. Life was swiftly finding a way back into his demeanor. Joey knew that Pacey was still broken; she knew there were things they still needed to fix. But, she also knew that this was the start of a new beginning; that this time, their timing was finally right.

"Especially then," she replied with a laugh, echoing his words from that night they shared in Kmart. "But it's not about me wanting you when we endured the bad things. It's about how, good or bad, happy or sad, you're the one I always wanted to turn to; the one I always wanted to hug, or kiss, or laugh with, or just sit with. You're the one who can hear me, and understand me, even when I say nothing at all. And that's special to me, Pace. I want you, and love you, because you took the time to know me. Despite Dawson, despite expectations, and," she laughed, "despite me, you still took a shot at loving me, and figuring me out. No one else ever did that for me, Pace."

"I was stubborn," he said. "I'm still stubborn." He shook his head, licking his lips slightly. "Of course I fought for your affections, Jo. I mean, think about it: my rash personality mixed with your logical one was bound to send me on a collision course towards creating a relationship with you. I break the rules, and try to defy expectations as much as possible—and that usually lands me nowhere good. But you were the one thing I did right; the one thing that ended in making me a better person."

Joey let out a nervous laugh, subconsciously taking a step back from him. "You're making this sound like a goodbye." She ran her fingers through her hair, resisting the urge to start pacing back and forth. She wanted no more than to be close to Pacey; to wrap her arms around him, and never let go. But the runner in her was gaining momentum.

"I trapped you in that kitchen earlier, Jo. I made you face something that can't have an easy and quick solution." He dropped her gaze. "I don't know. Jen's death just triggered something in me. It triggered the pestering, forceful side of me that I've tried to keep from you for so long. I wasn't lying when I said I wanted you to be happy, no matter who that was with. But I think you got the impression I was trying to push you towards me."

"Pacey," she said, her voice raising a tad. "I want you, I love you. No one else. You didn't force me to think anything I didn't want to think. In fact, you just woke me up. You gave me that metaphorical true love's kiss, and woke me up. I've tried to move on from you for so long, but somehow it keeps leading me back here. Back to you and me, Pace. I don't want it any other way." She bit her lip, smirking. "So will you just kiss me already?"

He didn't even take a moment to respond, before he touched his lips to hers. They felt so right, so natural, so known. But at the same time, there was some new sense of life—some new vision he got in his head when he kissed her. The past didn't creep up in the back of his mind like it used to. He didn't feel like he had to deepen the kiss in an attempt to silence past heartbreak; both inflicted and endured. He could feel Joey's fingers tangling in his hair, and it made him shiver. The walls between them were finally completely torn down, and there was no going back.

Pacey was the first to pull away. Joey's lips had reddened, and her eyes had that sultry look. If he wasn't careful, he could still see the seventeen year old Joey Potter he had kissed for the first time on the side of the road. It amazed him how after everything they'd been through, she could still look at him the same way she did back before there was nothing between them but innocence.

"So what now?" She asked, biting her cheek. She leaned into him more, pressing his back tighter against the wall.

"Well," he said, playing with a lock of her hair, "now we take this little happy reunion back to my place, and flesh up some very pent up desire." He laughed, resting his head against hers. "Honestly, Jo? I don't know. I don't know where any of this leaves us."

"It leaves us together," she told him simply. "And happy."

"How boring is that, huh? I'm not about to be any simpleton Prince Charming, now, Toots," he said, finding his age old sarcasm. He'd buried it somewhere along the way, and could only ever find it again in flashes. But now, it had resurfaced. Pacey finally felt like the Pacey J. Witter he had abandoned so long ago.

Joey rolled her eyes playfully. "I've missed you, Pace," she said, placing a small kiss on his lips. Tightening her hold on Pacey, she looked up at him. "I guess we should tell everyone, right?" Joey asked it, almost as if she was looking for permission.

"Yeah, we should tell them." Pacey paused. "To answer that unspeakable question on the tip of the tongue, yeah we should tell Dawson." He gave her a knowing little smile, before slipping out of her arms and walking towards the bar. Taking the towel out of his back pocket, he began to wipe down the counter.

"You know I'm not going to magically change my mind when I see him, right?" she asked, walking up behind him and wrapping her arms around his torso. He relaxed into her embrace, and sighed.

"Yeah, I know, Jo." He turned around to face her, leaving the small white towel abandoned on the counter. "I didn't walk away because of that. I walked away because something dawned on me. This is finally it. This isn't high school anymore, with relationships as volatile as one of the many hurricanes that grace our coastline. And this isn't some tentative reunion that has a fate I'd rather not remember. This," he ran his hands down Joey's arms, "is it. What we've been trying to find all these years. And by telling Dawson, not only does it make it real; it also makes or breaks our friendship with him."

"Pacey, you can't honestly think he'll break like he did all those years ago." She laughed. "We're all older now. We all weathered the first storm. We'll all weather this one too. In fact, I don't think this is even going to be a storm. Dawson is our friend—we're not seventeen and irrational anymore."

"Just because we're older, doesn't mean our feelings have changed. Doesn't matter if we're sixteen or forty-five, the Pacey-Joey-Dawson love triangle isn't going to end. Some way or another, both me and Dawson are going to be those two teenagers racing each other at the infamous regatta of 2000."

Joey looked at him, puzzled.

"I'm ready and willing to put up with whatever Dawson's reaction is," Pacey continued, "I just want to make sure you are. I'm certainly not ready to let you go—in fact I can't let you go this time. If you decide I'm what you want, then that's it for me. But I can't keep fighting Dawson."

"You don't have to, Pace. I love you, and I'm not letting you go. There is no lurking 'Dawson and Joey' anymore. Everything I want is standing right in front of me." She placed her hands on his shoulders, and kissed him. "So no more talk of Dawson, no more talk of uncertainty. It's all done, and all in the past. This time, it's all full steam ahead. No regrets."

He gave her that smile of his. That flare of little boy innocence that still lived within him. "You're something, Josephine Potter, you know that?"

"So I've been told," she whispered with a smile, leaning her head on his shoulder, and pulling him closer against her.

So I started watching Dawson's Creek again, and had to vent my feelings. I know there are many 'post series finale' stories out there, but I thought I'd give one a shot. I hope the characters aren't too OOC, and I promise the next chapter(s) will be much more interesting. I just wanted to get a feel for everything.

Please tell me if you think I should continue!