Disclaimers: The characters do not belong to me but Inoue Takehiko.

A/N: This is a fic I decided to write just for the fun of it. Hope you guys enjoy read it and find it funny.

Bolded words are the job, in brackets () are notes, italicized words is the reason I think that job is suitable for them and square brackets [] is a scenario.

1. Occupation the SD Characters Will Most Likely Land

Sakuragi:

Co-founder of the "I hate Rukawa/Kitsune Club" (consist of 2 members)

Co-founder of the "I'm a Tensai Club" (2 members as well)

Fighter for illegal fighting (underground fighting? Whatever it's called) duh, because he's a good fighter

Thief recall how he paid only ¥100 for the First Generation Michael Jordan sneakers. What else can you call him but a thief.

Exhibit for "Why Chimpanzees are humans closest relative, with 99% identical DNA"

[Tour Guide: Here we have an unusual specie. We are not sure what he is due to his unusual coloring. We seen a lot of monkeys with red bottoms (butts) but this one has a red head…

Hanamichi: Teme?!?! Get over here!!

Tour Guide: As you can see he is quite violent. Lets move on.]

Akagi:

Monkey trainer just look at how he tamed Sakuragi

Bouncer/bodyguard look at him and tell me he's not intimidating

Exhibit for "The Superiority of Primates"

[Tour guide: And here we have the one of the main attractions. A gorilla that can perform calculus, algebra, and trigonometry

Akagi: Who are you calling a gorilla?!?

Tour guide: We better go before he gets really angry.]

Ayako:

Model

[*Ryota at the newsstand spots a magazine with Ayako on the cover* Ayako-chan *heart-shape eyes* I'll take the whole stack

*refuse to let his Ayako be looked at by other men*

*runs off to another newsstand to buy all the magazines with Ayako in it*]

Rukawa:

Person that performs autopsy no speaking, no one the bother him, he can sleep all he wants

Spokesperson for Mattresses

[Commercial voice: Our mattresses is the best for…

Rukawa: Zzzzzz…

Commercial voice: See with our mattress you won't know what insomnia is.]

Spokesperson for Sleeping Pills

[Commercial voice: Our sleeping pills really work just one pill and…

Rukawa: Zzzzzz…

Commercial voice: You're out just like that.]

Extra for Movie (Role: dead corpse in the funeral hall) he can sleep through the whole thing *L*

Fujima:

Drag Queen because he looks so damn feminine

Hanagata:

Bodyguard of Fujima can you imagine the weird psychopath Fujima will attract? I'm sure Hanagata will put his body on the line to save Fujima *L* Recall Hanamichi's 4th foul.

Maki:

Monkey Tamer he tamed Kiyota didn't he?

Spokesperson for those before and after thingies

[Picture of before, with the mole on his cheek.

Picture of after, without the mole on his cheek.

Ad: Our mole removal service really works. Look at Maki. He's the perfect example.]

Kogure:

Negotiator that's all he does in the series, trying to keep peace between Hanamichi and others.

Uozumi:

Bouncer/bodyguard he's even more intimidating than Akagi

Exhibit for "How Primates Compete with Each Other"

[Tour guide: This is a Akagi's rival ape. As you can tell he is trying very hard to match Akagi's wit, by reading. Unfortunately we can't put him as part of the "Superiority of Primates" exhibit because he doesn't have the intellect…

Uozumi *toss algebra book to the ground and rushes over, reaching his hands through the bar at the tour guide's neck*: Are you saying I'm not as good as Akagi?!?

Tour guide *backs away*: Run!!]

Ryota:

Photographer so he'd have an excuse to take pictures of Ayako

Successful Businessman like Bill Gates how else can he buy all of Ayako's magazines? *S*

Kiyota:

Co-founder of the "I hate Rukawa/Kitsune Club" (the second member of the club)

Co-founder of the "I'm a Tensai Club" (the second member of this club too)

Exhibit for "Why Chimpanzees are humans closest relative, with 99% identical DNA"

[Tour guide: And this here is the second primate of this exhibit. We have reason to believe he is a genius. Look at his hair. It resembles Einstein's, does it not? But this fact has yet to be proven. We plan to put this primate against Akagi.

Kiyota *runs over at bars and tries to grab the tour guide*: Who do you think you're calling primate!!

Tour guide *backs off*: Apparently one thing is clear. All primates are vicious, no matter the level of their intellect.]

Sendoh:

Spokesperson for Hygiene Products

[Commercial voice: If you got teeth as pearly white as Sendoh's, you'd smile all the time too.

*Sendoh grinning at the camera*

Commercial voice: So use Colgate Whitening.]

Spokesperson for Lemonade

[*Camera zooms in on Sendoh taking a drink*

Sendoh *makes a face*: Ooooh this lemonade is very sour, but soooooo goooooood.]

Psychiatrist that Specialize in talking to Female Inmates 1. Female Inmates are more likely to forgive him for being late than a male inmate. 2. If any of them tries to kill him (like how Taoka wants to sometimes) the guards will rescue him. 3. Not like they're in a hurry to go anywhere, or have anything better to do than wait for him.

Coach Anzai:

Santa Claus at the Mall His size and big tummy that Hanamichi likes to hit and his favorite words "Ho, ho, ho" Just in time for X-mas too. The mall is hiring.

End of the SD Character's Most Likely Occupations.