Kitty's Mind

by Eloa

This is just a little background behind one of the character's I play in a Sabbot LARP every other friday.

Kitty's Background

(Everything that is not italic is written in a diary, everything that is in italic is memory of something that happened but was never really written down in the diary. So for anyone who finds Kitty's Diary you don't know about the italic stuff unless it's written in the diary. Disclaimer I do not own anything that is a part of White Wolf)

May 17, 1986:

Dear Diary,

The sun is shinning bright, not a cloud in the sky. Waves crashing against the rocks below while the seagulls fly thru the air. Today is going to be a good day. Tomorrow is Amber's 13th Birthday party. I'm going with mom today to get her a present. Should be lots of fun. Amber is only 3 months older then me. She is throwing a slumber party. I can't wait. This will be the first clumber party I've been to. Oh great...Kaylee is banging on the door. I really can't stand her. My little sister gets me into trouble all the time. Like last night she cut her hair and then told mom and dad that I made her do it. Anyway my mom keeps calling me. Time to go.

Emily

May 18, 1986

Dear Diary,

Only 4 hours to go. We bought her an easy bake oven. Those are so cool. I have one but Kaylee broke it and I got into trouble for it. Go figure. Amber is having a big party. She's going to have clowns and pin the tale on the donkey, a magic show. UGH! The hours are going by so slow. Going to go bug Kaylee until then.

Emily

I went to the party we ate cake and ice cream. We played in the pool and watched the magic show. The man in the clown suit was great. I love clowns, well used to until that day. At one point Mrs. Rhoades, Amber's mother, asked me to help set up the pinnyatta. I went to the basement to get the beat-sticks for it. As I walked down the steps I heard some one whining. I spoke out. "Hello? Is someone there?" When I reached the bottom I saw someone's legs sticking out from around the corner. As I got closer I could see blood glistening on her legs. "AMBER!" I ran to her. " OH MY GOD! Amber, are you okay?" Next think I knew it a big hand hit the back of my head. I fell to the ground. He turned me over onto my back and taped my mouth shut, and my hands together. I tried to scream for help but with my mouth taped shut and the excitement going on up stairs, no one would hear. He leaned over me with a hunting knife and dragged the blade down the side of my face. It was him! His face still had the makeup on. He brought the knife down and cut the buttons off my shirt. He leaned in close and sniffed my hair. I tried to head butt him, but all I got was the back of his fist across my face. I could taste the blood in my mouth. He took his knife and cut my shorts off. He laid the knife down. Then grabbed a hold of my legs and forced them apart. He ripped my underwear off and placed himself between my legs. He spat on himself then proceeded to place himself inside of me. I screamed as loud as I could. Tears streamed down my face. He hit me again. This time I could feel the warm blood streaming down my face. His rhythm grew faster and harder forcing his way in. I kicked and thrashed about, hoping to make him stop. The pain was too much. Before I blacked out the last thing I saw was his joker like face grinning with delight.

10 days later I woke in the hospital. I had found out that my best friend had died 3 days ago in the ICU. It was hard for me to sit up much less for me to walk. Every time I tried the pain would cause me to black out. Muscles were torn and needed more time to heal. The funeral was in a few days. My parents were taking me home 2 days before.

May 30, 1986

Dear Diary,

Amber's funeral was beautiful. I had never seen a dead person in person until today. She looked so hollow yet peaceful. I miss her already. My best friend is gone. I'm not sure how to feel. Too many things have happened in the last few days. Things I'm not sure I can bring myself to think about. I still feel like crap. The doctors have me on all these different pain killers. It's driving me crazy. I wish there was something more I could have done. I should have ran to get help instead of running to her side. I could have saved her life. GOD! How could I have been so STUPID! It's because of me that she is dead. I'm the one who killed her...no...Him. I don't feel well...I can't breath. My time is coming to and end.

Emily

August 1, 1986

Dear Diary,

My birthday is coming up soon. I am going to be 13, I should be excited, but all I can think about is I'm one more year closer to death. My parents fear for me, I can see it in their eyes when they look at me. I hit Kaylee today. It felt good to. She wouldn't leave me alone. I told her 3x's that if she kept banging on my door I was gunna punch her in the eye. Let's just say she won't be bugging me for a while. My friends don't talk to me any more. They are all afraid of me for what happened. To bad people have to judge you for things you can't control. I'm starting to walk on my own more. My legs still feel a little weak but they are getting stronger. My mom thinks I should start seeing a shrink. Thinks I need the emotional help or "guidance". No mom that's not what I need. I don't know what I need. Well its time to eat, guess I should go humor them and eat.

Emily

January 1, 1987

Dear Diary,

Ahhh...Welcome to the New Year. I went to my 1st session with the "guidance" councilor today. Oh dear God strike me down now. She put me on Lithium. She said it will make me feel better. I don't think it will. Drugs never solve anything. I feel anger. Why did my life change so much for me at such a young age? It's not fair. My life is never going to be normal. I feel tired. I'm tired of sulking and feeling the way I do. School sucks. I don't have many friends. Next year is going to suck even more. I will be a freshmen and I'm not looking forward to it. The year is half way over, wish it were summer already. This blows. Well winter break is almost over. I have to go to the shrink again on Friday...yippy I so can't wait...

Emily

January 19, 1989

Dear Diary,

I've seen my shrink now 6 times sense the last time I wrote. She had me go under hypnosis. She had me recall that day. It was the worst thing I've ever experienced. Remembering the way he touched me and forced his...I hear him coming. He's going to come for me. I just know it. His laugh haunts my dreams. I can hear him talking to me. He will come again and he will finish what he started. He calls me in my sleep, here kitten...come to papa. Yet I know he's not my papa. Every night it's the same nightmare over and over. He will come. He calls me his little kitten, his kitty. His joker smile burns in my mind...Ugh what just happened. My head is hurting. I'm not sure what is going on. Something weird is happening...

Emily

A few days later I went with my mother to the store. As we walked by the shops, something caught my attention. I walked to the window to take a peek. It was a children's shop and in the window stood a 3ft stuffed clown. I shirked in terror and then I blacked out. When I finally awoke I found my self in bed restraints. I began to pull, trying to get myself free. I tried to bring my wrist to my mouth, hoping that I would be able to chew my way thru the restraints. With no luck I thrashed around screaming at the top of my lungs.

January 27, 1990

Dear Diary,

They finally let me out of my restraints. I am not to clear on what happened. I went with my mother to the store 2 days ago. I remember looking into the window of a shop and found myself starring at a stuffed clown. After that I do not remember what happened. My mother said I woke up and backed up in to a corner with my knees up at my chest and arms wrapped around, rocking back and forth. She said I was saying he's coming; he's here, over and over again. She also said that I picked up a nice size rock and chucked it at the window. My dad is taking it out of my allowance to pay for the damages. I don't know what came over me. Next think I remember was waking up in a room tied to a bed. They think I'm loosing it. I just don't know what is going on. My shrink thinks I have developed a paranoia and phobia of clowns. I had to laugh. I told her if she was my age and she was raped by a frickin clown she would have a phobia of them too. And she's the one with the PHD. I can't wait till I get out of this hell hole.

Emily

November 30, 1990

A year has almost passed sense my last entry. My shrink says I'm improving. Things are getting a little easier to handle. I haven't blacked out for almost a year now. Shrink thinks it's a good idea that we move away for a little bit. Only thing is my father can't leave because of his work. So mom is sending me to Mamma Widler's house for a month or 2 this summer. Almost done with school. I finish up this next semester. I plan on getting out of this hole in the wall town. I've been offered a full funded scholarship to NCSU, Northern Colorado State University, UNLV, University of Northern Las Vegas, and Fullerton. I'm not sure what I really want to do though. NCSU is furthest away from home. The further away I am the better. Not sure what I will be majoring in either. Mother and father think I should look into bio-engineering or computer science. I really don't want to. I kind of want to go to school for law or something similar. But we'll see. Well time to get ready for school. Only 5 days left until winter break. It will be nice to take a break from school. Later!

Emily

Kaylee and I were on our way to school. We drove passed the elementary school. It was that time of year for the school to be holding their annual carnival to raise funding for the next year. Was not thinking anything of it. There he was standing on the corner holding a sign. Something inside of me told me to stop, but I could not. I didn't see the light change to red. A Ford pick up crashed into my little Camry on the passenger side. I blacked out. I could hear sirens blaring as medics rushed me to the hospital. Something warm ran down my face. I brought my hand up to touch it. Blood! I blacked out once more. BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP I woke to find myself in the hospital. My mother sat at the foot of the bed leaning over sleeping. I moaned out to her 'mother'. She stirred awake and looked at me. She started saying mainly to herself "she's awake, she's awake!" 'Mother where am I?' "We're at the hospital dear. You've been out for 2 weeks now." 'Where is Kaylee? Is she okay?' "Emily…Kaylee is …is dead. She passed away in the ICU 2 days after the accident. I'm…I'm sorry." My mother said as tears began to stream down her face. I screamed out in fear and pain. My little sister was now dead. First Amber, now my little sister, and it was all my fault. I ended up crying myself to sleep. I woke 3 days later; the initial shock of my sister's death was behind me. It facts had struck me. My sister was dead and I was to blame. I could not live with myself. I began to feel as if my body was just an empty shell. People I cared about and loved were dead, by my hands.

December 25, 1990

Dr. Richards said it would be a good idea to write down my thoughts about what happened. I'm not sure what had happened. It was the last day of school and the beginning of winter break when it happened. Kaylee and I were on our way to school. I saw him again. I couldn't move. It was like I was seeing him through someone else's eyes. I could hear laughter, but whose was it? I felt the car speed up, my sister's screams of protest and then metal hitting metal. After that I remember waking up in the hospital with my mom waiting there. She told me Kaylee had passed away and that they had her funeral few days before I woke. I remember I cried myself to sleep and refused to wake up as long as I could. I had only suffered a concussion, a broken arm, a broken collar bone and a big gash on the side of my head from breaking the window with it. My sister on the other hand broke 2 of her ribs, one punctured her right lung, her whole right arm was shattered and her right leg was broken. She died 2days after the accident in ICU. They did their best to save her, but that was not enough. I'm a dangerous person. They should lock me up and throw away the key to never let me out. My parents are afraid of what might happen next. I don't blame them. They think they need to up my sessions with the doc, perhaps send me to the state hospital. I'm not crazy. I don't need that. What I need right now is them. Today was Christmas day. It was the most depressing day I've ever experienced. My mom is thinking about having Dr. Richards set up a few sessions for her so she can get her mind off of what happened. My parents don't blame me for what happened to Kaylee, but I do. Another year is about to pass, another year closer to my death.

Dreaming or not Dreaming...

It was New Years Eve, I went to bed rather early, feeling depressed that my sister wasn't around to bug me like always. I woke to the feel of a light breeze in my room. The time was 2am. For some reason my bedroom window was wide open. I didn't remember leaving the window open. I got up from my bed and headed towards the window. The bottom of my flannel PJ's dragged across the floor as I made my way to the window. As I got closer I felt a something snag my pant leg. I looked down to see a small hook caught hold of them. I untangled the hook and continued on. I got to the window and shut it, making sure to lock it. I turned and headed back to my bed when I heard something moving in the room. Slowly I looked around. It was hard to see do to the storm clouds covering the moon. I whispered out 'Is someone there?' When I got no answer I let out a sigh of relief and headed back to my bed. As I was lying down I heard the noise again. I knew then I was not alone. I turned my body away from where the window was. It sounded like someone was walking towards me. I wanted to scream out for my parents but my voice would not work. I closed my eyes tight and threw the blankets over my face like a child would when having a bad dream. I kept saying to myself. This is only a dream this isn't happening. My heart pounding as the noise got closer and my breaths short. Then the noise stopped. I waited a few moments, but still heard only the crickets chirping. I opened my eyes and began to move the blanket off my head. I could feel the cool air hitting my warm face. Out of the shadows 2 green glowing eyes jumped towards me with a hiss. Claws dug into my cheek drawing blood. Again I tried to scream, but all that I could manage to do was whimper. He was here and I knew it. I could feel his presence. The wind outside picked up and blew the window open. The wind blew around me as I kneeled on my bed holding my wounded cheek. The black cat that attacked me ran to the windowsill and jumped out. A figure began to manifest in the center of my room. The sound of many voices began to fill my ears. I moved my hands to my ears hoping to stop the noise. I looked up and saw him. He looked towards me and brought his hand up. "You will soon be mine, my Kitty. I've waited so long." He began to walk towards me. He brought his hand to my face only to have it pass through. I jumped back in fright, not sure what to do. Only thing I could think of was this wasn't a dream and he was coming for me. I fell back onto my bed as he reached for me again, except I did not hit my bed. Instead I kept falling; I tried to turn my body to see where I was going. I could see the bottom as it was coming up. I readied myself for impact only to find myself in a cold sweat in my bed. The sheets to my bed clinched tight in my hands. I let out a sigh of relief, 'It was only a dream'. I could feel the light breeze coming from the window. I got up to shut it. Feeling the cool breeze on my face I felt a stinging on my cheek where the cat had clawed me. I brought my hand to my cheek to feel blood around a scratch. I dropped to my knees and blacked out. I woke up the next morning in my bed with no scratch on my face.

January 1, 1991

The strangest thing happened to me last night. I'm not sure if it was dream or if it was real. If it was a dream it was pretty realistic. I woke up at 2am to close my window. I remember I heard something. I waited but didn't hear it any longer. I went back to my bed and as I got under the covers I heard movement again. I'm not sure why I didn't just yell out to my parents, something was preventing me from doing so. A black cat jumped out at me and scratched up my face. And then there was him…he was there. I'm not sure how he was there but he was…sort of. He tried to touch me but went thru me. I also fell and then woke up. The window was open again. I got up to close it and I had the cut on my face. And then I blacked out. Some crazy shit is happening and he's coming for me. They don't believe me when I tell them and they wont ever believe me. Someone was talking to me. Telling me everything was going to be okay. I don't know what to do. I will talk to the doc on Wednesday about this.

5 years had passed. After that night things went downhill. I was committed to the state hospital at age of 19 for my 4th attempt at suicide. The voices were more frequent. The black outs came all the time. It feels like someone is trying to take over. Though I don't have nightmares anymore I know he is coming for me soon. The time grows near. I hear Kaylee. She's always with me. Always causing trouble, haunting me as payback for killing her. 2 years after my sister's death something inside me snapped, as if I was possessed. It was a Sunday evening and my parents were in bed. I had one of my black outs, when I came to they were dead and I was holding the knife that killed them. That's when I was committed. It was August 2, 1997, I was in my cell. I had tried to kill myself again. This time they had nurses keeping close eye on me. It was 12 AM something had woke me…he was here. I was restrained to my bed. The nurses near the door ran out in a panic. Something has scared them. The two guards outside my room were on the floor lying in their own pool of blood. He stepped in and walked towards me. He pulled out a knife and cut the straps. Something held me back either from fear or some unseen force. He picked me up in his arms and whispered into my ear. "You are mine once again Kitty". He carried me to a black car sitting outside of the hospital. He set me down for a brief moment to open the door. That was my chance. I kneed him in the gut as hard as I could and started to run. In a blink of an eye he was in front of me. He grabbed me by the arm and pulled me towards the car. I struggled trying to keep myself from getting any closer to my death. Angry and frustrated, he leaned down and spoke to me, "If you do not cooperate Kitty, I will be forced to break your legs". I knew he would do it too. I got into the car and sat by the other door and he followed. He looked to the driver and nodded for him to drive. About an hour later we arrived at his home. It was a big home, 2 stories, about 5 bedrooms and a master suite. There was a great room and basement as well. Each window in the house had some sort of black out curtin on to block the sun from entering the home. We walked up the stairs to the 2nd level to my new room. There were other people around. They looked at me with curiosity in their eyes. As if thinking, why is this child so important for the master to hold such an interest for so long? He led me to an almost empty room. There was a lamp in the far corner, a dresser, a bed and a nightstand. The room was pretty dark, black paint covering each wall, the windows boarded off with curtains in front to keep up the illusion that someone lived there. If the sun were up, there would be no way to tell unless you went outside. The "master" shoved me into the room and shut the door. I walked to the bed and sat down. On the nightstand there was a familiar looking book and along side it was a note with a pen. I picked up the note and began to read. Several moments later I set the note down and picked up the book. I flipped thru the pages and began to read. It was my journal. I picked up the pen and began to write.

August 2, 1997

He's found me and has me trapped in his little house of darkness. The voice in my head grows louder, harder for me to keep control. By my hands, my family is dead. Killed in the middle of the night while sleeping. What a way to go. I don't remember doing it tho. I know it wasn't me. I'm sure of it. Why else would I have been locked up in a mental hospital? I remember that night I had a dream; I woke up and went to use the restroom. I blacked out and the voice took over…yes it was her! She called herself Servant of Caine and of the Master. Her name was Kitty. I understand now. It's her the "master" seeks. Its Kitty he wants. It's Kitty that killed my family and Amber. It's Kitty that ruined my life and put me where I am. But who is Kitty. Am I possessed with her spirit? Or was I once Kitty in a different life? If so then why is it she is a second personality to me? I'm sure my questions will be answered soon. Who is this "master" anyway? And what kind of life did this kitty have with him? He looks like the man who took my innocence. But that can't be! He was nearly in his 30's when that happened…this man is my age. How? Maybe they were related? I don't know. I just don't know anymore. I'm loosing control. I just want to sleep…sleep with my family forever….

The next day there was a knock on the door, before I was able to say anything the "master" walked in. He stared at me with a hunger in his eyes. He walked to me and grabbed my shoulders, holding me tight. He leaned in and kissed me. To my surprise I responded with deepening the kiss. My thoughts were to push him away, but the voice inside took over. Kitty was in control now. I could still see and hear what was going on. They made love. He made us his that night. Everything after that night was different. Kitty had control of my body at night. She would meet with the "master", who she called Benjamin Ellis, every night and they would talk and make love. He taught her things in the night as I would attend school during the day. I was not left alone mind you. He would send his ghouls to keep watch over me. It was not my wish to return to school, there was no need for it. And at night he would always have his way with her. It was only a short time before he would make Kitty fully one of his own.

January 22, 1998

It's the same old routine every night. Will it ever change? I don't think so. He always has his way with her, my body. I'm not sure what I can do. His minions are always following me, making sure nothing happens to his precious cargo. If I think about it anymore I'm going to be sick! I had a visit from Kaylee last eve. She still haunts me as if it were I who killed her. It was not me. It was not me! My life is meaningless and I wish to no longer carry on in this world. By sun down I will be dead and no longer in his control. Finally I will be with my family and will be able to rest. Rest forever. I just hope that I will be forgiven for my sins. Otherwise I will spend an eternity in Hell. The time has come. No longer will I write in this journal.

I placed the journal down on the night stand next to my bed as I stood to walk to the dresser. Unseen eyes prepared to run to their master when they had a chance. I looked at my reflection in the mirror for a brief moment. Tears began to form in my eyes. I could hear screaming in my head telling me to stop. Ignoring the voice I picked up the mirror and walked to the bed. I wrapped the mirror in the sheeting of the bed and took a brush and smashed it on the surface, shattering the glass. I tore off a long strip of the bedding and picked up a pointed shard of glass. I held the glass point to my wrist with my chin as I began to wrap the bedding around it to keep it in place. I tore off another piece of bedding and did the same as the first. After I had finished I stood and walked to the door. The sun was almost down, it was time. I opened the door and stood in the door frame. I brought my arms back and with all my strength brought them forward, making sure to jab the shards deep into my wrists. With all my will I kept from screaming out. I stood my self back up and did it again, pounding them deeper into my arms. The tips of the glass came thru my arm. Carefully I untied the bedding and as best as I could I yanked the shards out. Blood poured out on to the ground. I could feel my life's force fading. I found the ground coming closer to me. I lay in my own blood waiting for my life to end. A few moments later the sun was set and out of the shadows stood one of his minions. She shrieked in horror at the sight before her. "The master is not going to be please about this at all. You best not die missy. Not yet anyway", she spoke as she headed towards the door, towards her master. To weak to care I laid there as darkness took over. "You foolish whore, do you really think Ellis will let you die before making you his?" the voice taunted. "My time has come Kitty, together we will die. For we are one and I can not let you live fore what you did to my family and my life." It was getting harder to concentrate and this was a fight I could win. I could hear yelling as someone entered the room picking me up into his arms. "Tisk Tisk Emily. You should be a little more patient to die. Your time was coming soon, but you jumped the gun." He brought me close in his arms. If he could breath I would be able to feel his breath on my face. Baring his fangs he dug them deep into my neck. He drained the rest of my life's essence. He then picked up one of the broken shards and dug it into his wrist. He placed his arm over my partially open blue lips and let his blood drip into my mouth. Thus began my undead life.

March 25th, 1998

Two months have past since my rebirth. Finally I no longer have to worry about that disgusting little girl, Emily. I no longer feel her presence anymore. Emily is dead. Benjamin has been taking good care of me. He is teaching me about my clan. He is also teaching me how to communicate with others of my clan thru my thoughts. He taught me about our enemies the Camarilla. How they function. He was once Camarilla, but soon found the errors of their ways when his sire was killed before his eyes in the middle of court. He says I'm a fast learner and I will be learning about the creation of us all soon. I know that Caine is our father, our creator. My sire says I will be following down the path of Caine. I don't know why I am writing in this stupid thing. That girl is dead.

May 12th, 1998

Something is wrong…my sire is becoming more violent. It's as if I no longer please him. He says I'm no longer exciting, that I'm boring. ME BORING? I think not. He should be careful of what he says otherwise he'll regret it. We grow distant every night. He'd rather be with his whores then me. If I'm that useless then perhaps I should just leave…that's it I'll just leave. Then he won't have to ever worry about me, the pompous bastard. Tonight will be my last night in this house. I think I will be heading southwest, towards Mexico.

She knew her lover was a deep sleeper which made her escape much more easily. She picked up her suitcase and grabbed a wad of cash and headed towards the car. She knew this was going to be a long trip. She was starting in her long drive in the state of Maine. She just hopped she had enough money to get her to where she was going. "If I run out of money I'm sure I can find more." She snickered to herself. "He'll notice I'm gone soon and will come looking for me. I need to hurry." She got in the car and drove off into the night. Every night just before dawn she would find some place to stay. Whether she found it thru her prey or actually paying for a room at the nearest road side motel. Each state she passed she would get a sticker of the state flag and put it in her journal. Never during the journal did she write in it though. It took her a few years to finally get to the small city of Yuma, which wasn't to far from the border of Mexico. Here she found her new family. She ended up joining a pack called Light Bringers.

November 5th, 2003

I have found my new family now. Here I feel wanted. I joined a pack called the Light Bringers. There is Allondo, Zeke, Sara, Ana, and Hazel. They accepted me. Sarah is my friend but I fear that Ana doesn't like me much. She seems like the type to easily freak out and loose control. We played cowboys and Indians and we won against the new fallen rebels. I got the scalp of some venture. The poor sucker. I hope to make this my new home. Only time will tell if this is the place for me. I just hope that Ellis won't come for me or won't find me. He'll be sorry if he does.

Kitty

Which now brings us to present…Kitty still has the journal and still writes in it. It wouldn't be to hard to people of the same pack to find her journal if they go into her room or what not. She's very careless on where she places it.