Monster
(By 40 Foot Echo)
Jack let his thoughts run wild. Out on the top of the a hill in the middle of nowhere, it was dark and cold and his WW2 greatcoat was wrapped around him tightly fulfilling its duty in keeping him warm. But nothing could melt his frozen heart. His eyes closed and instantly his mind was filled with flashbacks, Ianto's body heavy in his arms, the toxic gas was filling his own lungs, in the background were the screams of the fallen. He could feel the weight of Ianto's fragile body in his arms now, it was his entire fault. Ianto's ghostly face followed him everywhere now reminding him it was because of him. Jack had put Ianto's life at risk, so young only 26, so many years wasted and another tear in his heart. Jack was falling apart, it had already been six months but he knew he would always remain to be a monster, nothing could change that. Jack had finally lost himself after hundreds of years holding himself together, he needed Ianto because now he was crumbling, he was no longer the Captain Gwen saw him to be. During the action everyday he could never see how he was splitting the lives of those he worked with, wonderful people died because he put them in the firing line. First Suzie the Tosh, Owen, Ianto, Steven, how many more he had to ask himself? Only monsters did this and that was what he was, a monster. He was surrounded by death and his life got colder and colder as more and more comrades and lovers died. What was worse Jack never got to say goodbye and he could never forgive himself for not telling Ianto that he loved him. As Jack opened his eyes he saw the pregnant Gwen trailing up the hill towards him, the only survivor and a broken smile spread across his face, it was all his fault.