Why?
Honestly, that isn't a strange reply in this kind of situation. I expected him to sputter and gasp, deny it heavily and make a hasty excuse that he had something to do. I even expected him to laugh at me, mock me for what it's worth (although I doubt he would do anything of the sort, even if it was me) and continue walking with me as if nothing had happened. I imagined him to freeze up, smile politely after pulling himself together, and then just jutsu his way out of here-- away from me.
But for every imagined situation I came up with I never thought of this.
He's still looking at me with those gentle and deep, deep azures of his, and I find myself come up with a blank. No matter how cunning I am or witty or smart... I couldn't find the answers to satisfy his question. And mine.
Because truthfully, why do I love him? Is it because he is so much different from me? Or is it the other way around? Do I love him because he reminds me of a life I could have led, a life surrounded with so much love and care? Or is it because I saw that and wanted it? Do I love him because he sees me as me, understands me as me, is able to decipher what's underneath my underneath, and cares for me for and through all of it? Or do I love him simply because he is him? And that I feel so, so safe and comfortable around and with him --only with him. Is it because I found out that somewhere in his arms, in his presence, I belong?
But, damn it! If I don't even know why I love him, how the hell can I supply him with an answer able to satisfy him? And he's still there, facing me, staring at me, with questioning and confused eyes. Damn him. How is it that he is able to wipe every and all thought from me with one single glance?
In the uncomfortable silence that enveloped us both, I swallow thickly and tried to supply him with a viable answer. In my nervousness and embarrassment -and for the benefit of the well-being of my brain- I gaze wistfully at the sinking ember in the sky, casting faint orange hues around us.
"I don't know. I suppose I just do."
"Hmmm..."
I stare at him, trying to decipher the answer as if it were a code. 'Hmmm...', he says. What the hell does that mean?! But he continues walking, glancing back at me, waiting for me.
I blink and start to walk with him -beside him- again. He merely stares ahead at the dying ember in the sky and I couldn't help but frown. Why is this so hard?
"Kakashi?"
I quickly turn to him, tried to read his expression and failed. "Yes?"
"Why do you love me?"
He stops to stare at me. And again, all thought vanished and I couldn't say a thing. He sighs, though and continues, "I honestly can't find a reason how you came to 'love' me. There are countless other women -and men, if you want- out there that are much, much better qualified than I am. I mean, you're Kakashi! You're infamous! No shinobi wouldn't know about you! And yet, you say you love me. Me, who's just a normal teacher. Me, who can't even pass the Jounin exams. Me, who's the most normal looking guy in the world! How can you love someone like me?"
He stares sadly at the horizon and I couldn't help but sigh in relief, "Is that all?" I ask.
He turns quickly to look at me, surprise clearly etched on his precious face, "What the heck do you mean by, 'Is that all'?"
I grin at him, "I meant what I meant."
His incredulousness grew in seconds until he shouts, "KAKASHI!!! What do you mean by 'Is that all'? Of course it isn't all! I mean... I mean... You're Kakashi! The Copy-Nin Kakashi, famous throught the nation! You and I... It's impossible. I'm not good enough for--,"
I place my hand in his cheek to stop him. He looks up to see me. And when our eyes met, I couldn't help but smile.
"You're not good enough for me? Iruka, how can you say that? I should be the one saying that. You know it doesn't matter how famous a person is, how handsome or beautiful they are or how great a person everyone says they are. None of it matters. I love you because you're you. I love you because you make me smile, because you make me feel so, so alive. I love you because I can't help but love you. Do you understand? I can't tell you how it happened because it just did."
He looked away when I stopped, though I did see the blush that had spread quickly on his face, "Iruka?"
"Kakashi... I... I don't know what to say...," he sighs shakily. Pulling my hand from his face regretfully, I drag him to walk again. He follows me without protest and we walk in silence yet again.
I am quite guilty for this. A while ago, we were happily talking about everything and anything at once, walking together in the park. He told me that he had always loved parks. He said that he loved seeing people walking so happily together, that he loves seeing old couples sitting on the benches, hand in hand, said that he liked to see children running around, liked to hear people singing even though most of them were out of tune. But most of all, he said, he loved walking in the park because he could just be him, that he could take down any and all defenses he might carry and just be 'Iruka'.
I suppose this is what I love about him best: that he could love anything and everything simply because he can. Most people wouldn't even think about walking along parks, or watching old couples make it through the years, or like it when children play around.
I love watching him. I love to watch him teach, watch him laugh and cry and sing and dance and speak and... everything... I love everything about him. It doesn't matter if he looks normal, doesn't matter if he thinks he isn't handsome. It doesn't matter if everyone would say we're no match for each other. I love him. What better reason is there than that in the world?
"Kakashi?"
"Hai, Iruka?" I said as I turned face him.
"I love you, too."
He said it so quickly and softly that I couldn't believe what I heard. But with his eyes locked deeply with mine, the realness of everything came.
"You mean it?"
"Why wouldn't I? You're the one I'm worried about! I mean, you- you're… just… Kakashi and—,"
I kissed him. Then and there, in the middle of his babbling, I kissed him. It didn't matter if we were in a park. It didn't matter if people saw us. It just felt so right at that moment that I had to.
When we broke apart he was looking at the ground. "Iruka? I'm sorry, I just—," But when he looked up though, an entirely different expression was there on his face.
Iruka was smiling.
And by the time I realized what was happening, he was laughing. He was wiping tears from laughing too much as he said, "Thank you. I don't think I need any more evidence than that."
No words could ever describe the overflowing happiness within me.
I love you, he said. He told me he LOVED ME! He loves me…
My smile was threatening to take over my entire face as I reached out to him to embrace him. Unlike before, Iruka didn't protest, and just let himself be enveloped within my arms. The feeling was both euphoric and nostalgic at the same time. I sighed as I laid my head atop his. How I've longed for this to be real!
"Kakashi?"
"Hmmm?" I said, voice a bit muffled by his hair.
"I hope you won't regret this."
Surprised, I broke the embrace and looked at him questioningly, "What do you mean?"
He just smiled as he said, "I hope you won't regret this because I'll never ever let you go."
I laughed at him. Me? Regret this? He must be joking!
But as I looked into his eyes, what I saw made sure that I would honestly never regret this.
I saw happiness. I saw brimming happiness and a promise of a love never to end.
Ah… So this is how it feels to love.
And to be loved, I thought as I leaned in to kiss him again under the twinkling stars.