AN: I think I may have been on cold medicine when I wrote this. It's pure silliness, and I hope you enjoy the shits&gigs banner it waves.

Go forth and prosper, folks.

Kagome's Attempts to Go Home

Attempt #1 - *Click* *Click* *Click*

"Elder Kaede, do you have any red paint?" Kagome asked.

"Yes, why do ye need it?" Elder Kaede replied.

"I don't like the color of my shoes…" Kagome said, brown eyes shining.

"Here ye go, do not use it irresponsibly," Kaede gave her the paint and turned away for a healing project.

Kagome sat near the Sacred Tree, painting her shoes.

"What is painting your shoes going to do?" Inuyasha asked, confused.

"You'll see, I'm almost done," she said, putting on her newly painted shoes.

She stood up, and closed her eyes. "There's no place like home," she clicked her shoes, "There's no place like home," she clicked her shoes again. "There's no place like home." Her shoes clicked for a final time.

She opened her eyes and looked around and saw Kaede's hut, and then Inuyasha, who asked, "What was that?"

"Nope, definitely not Kansas."

Attempt #2 – 3D

[two hours later (SpongeBob style)]

Kagome stood in front of a black painted circle on the ground, all of her clothes dyed black. She had her hair frizzed out and poufy. A little gold and red crest was painted above her left breast.

"Now what are you doing, Kagome?" Inuyasha came up behind her.

"Shhh… I'm concentrating on the three D's. Destination, Determination, Deliberation," she chanted.

"What?"

"I'm Apparating…. Don't you know that magic is real now?"

"Um… I don't understand –"

She sighed. "I give up. Apparently I'm not magic enough…"

Attempt #3 – Up is Down

(half an hour later)

Kagome was out in a dinghy wearing a man from the village's clothing. She had a triangular hat with a red bandana tied under it.

"What are you wearing?" Inuyasha asked.

"I'm a pirate!" She had a fake sword in her hand, made of something she had once told him was called plastic. She began to rock the boat back and forth, until it capsized.

"Gurghle!" Kagome spluttered, bobbing up to the surface.

Inuyasha ran over to help her, but she had already struggled to shore.

"Ugh, I forgot this isn't Davy Jones' locker…"

Attempt #4 – Not so Shadowy

(two seconds later)

Kagome ran right past Inuyasha, heading for the forest. She kept going until she was about to collide with a tree trunk.

"Stupid! What are you doing? Stop!" Inuyasha called, running toward her again.

She kept going until she disappeared. Inuyasha called out for her, when she groaned, "Ow… I'm not a kid of Hades either, I guess…"

"Are you trying to commit suicide?" he roared.

"No, I don't think so…"

Attempt #5 – Pearl Jam

Kagome had taken the Shikon Jewel, and was looking at it skeptically. Inuyasha looked at her funny, "What are you planning to do with that?"

"Pretty pearl…" Kagome muttered. She threw the Jewel at the floor, and tried to smash it with her foot. She ended up slipping on it, and sliding down into the splits position. "Ow," she squeaked.

"Wench, what did you do that for?" Inuyasha yelled.

"This isn't the Underworld, huh? I forgot…" she fell over.

Attempt #6 – Down the Rabbit Hole and Back Again

"Hmm…. If up is down and down is up, then I would be falling up when I'm falling down the well… So essentially, since I end up upright, I'm falling and landing on the ceiling which is now the floor." Kagome put her hands together, flat, one on top of the other. She kept flipping them around as she went through her mumblings. "So, if I jump back down the well, then I'll fall up, like Alice…"

"Kagome, have you finally regained your head?" Inuyasha's voice mocked.

"Six impossible things…" she muttered.

"What?"

"Count them: one, there's a potion that can make you shrink; two, there's a cake that can make you grow; three, animals can talk; four, cats can disappear; five, there's a place called… well I guess I could call this Wonderland; and six, I can slay… no I can get back home!" She screamed, and ran back to the well.

Inuyasha followed her, curious and frightened. He watched her as she leaped into the Bone-Eaters Well, and disappeared in the blue light.

On the other side, Souta was outside the well house, kicking around his soccer ball. He heard a rumbling noise from inside. All of a sudden, the door slid open and Kagome flew into the air, and formed a pose fit for a High School Musical movie.

"I DID IT! I'M HOME!"