It wasn't like it was unexpected. In all honesty it was expected, foreseen, forewarned, and yet still it fell on deaf ears. Maybe that's why I struggled now, and maybe that's why my heart ached. As if someone drove a rusty blade into my heart, over and over and over, until they were satisfied with how torn it was.
Until it was no longer able to be fixed, or used again. Past the point of repair, or need.
Useless.
Maybe if I had listened, then I wouldn't have felt so bad.
Maybe if I had taken their advice, I wouldn't be the one crying. Sobbing into Francis' shoulder, wondering why God had to forsake me; allow me to be trampled on and crumpled up, tossed away after being used.
Love isn't something to play with, and a heart really is fragile. No matter who's the bearer.
That's why my heart ached, why it cried in sorrow, and why my eyes flooded with massive waves of salty tears. Why it's so hard to open them, without seeing a distorted reality. One of mixed, blurred sights. Muffled sounds, and painful reminders.
All because I was stupid, young, and fell in love.
They say it's better to have loved, and lost, than to have never loved at all, but that's absolute bollocks.
If it were, then why did I feel like dying? And why can't I look into Francis' eyes without having that dagger dive right back into my chest? All because his eyes reminded me too close to Alfred's. They might have been a shade paler, but they still held that warmth, and love...or rather, Francis' holds that love while his lost it.
I'm so stupid.
Pathetic.
Worthless.
Worked up over some stupid teen love, one that would have never lasted past senior year, if even then. I should stop crying, stop acting so childish.
Just because he cheated on me, with...well, what do I call him now? Traitor? Enemy? Villain? Slut? The one who used to be my best-friend. Who betrayed me, and killed me. Whatever. Fuck them. Fuck them all. I need to regain my composure, and calm down. Overreacting won't help now, and it'll make things worse.
But it just hurts. Aches, and blooms in my chest. I want it to stop! To cease! To just be over...
"Arthur...maybe that trip that your family has planned will do you good. You don't have a reason to oppose now, please, mon ami, go with them," Francis whispered gently as he kept comforting me.
It was true, now that I no longer had Alfred by my side, there was no point in me staying here. All my other friends were going to other places for summer, maybe this will do me good. I could forget about everything, and start new. But- No. I will go.
"You're right...thank you Francis..," I mumbled, tired and exhausted from all the crying. I just kept my head on his shoulder, not having the energy to lift it up or do anything else for that matter.
He just nodded and stayed close, knowing that I would need the comfort.
Maybe this won't be bad, a trip to London could change everything.
Hopefully, even a broken heart.