Fred, Stay Alive!
(sung to the tune of American Pie)
A long, long, time ago
J.K. Rowling wrote a book
In which the Harry Potter craze begins
'Twas filled with lots of mystery,
Suspense, excitement, comedy
The latter thanks to these two jokester twins
Their names were simply George and Fred
But Fred is soon to die, I dread
Lately rumor has it,
Fred will fill a casket
If this one happens to be true,
I'll tell you what I'm gonna do,
I'll sing this chorus till I'm blue
Why must Fred Weasley die?
Oh, why, why, why does Fred have to die?
Stupid rumor, now the humor's running totally dry
And poor old George'll lose that glint in his eye
He'll just mope around and constantly sigh
...mope around and constantly sigh...
Did you read the second book?
If you have, you go take a second look
Page 2-10 to be exact
At this part, everybody's been
Thinkin' Harry's Heir to Slytherin
But Fred and George doubt Harry had attacked
Well they know that he speaks parseltongue,
But they think it's all a pile of dung
And don't forget book three...
They gave Harry the map, you see!
I hope it's not true, what the rumor said,
But it's seeming likelier that we'll lose Fred
But why can't Draco die instead?
Don't let... Fred Weasley die
I've been asking-
Why, why, why does Fred have to die?
Stupid rumor, now the humor's running totally dry
And poor old George'll lose that glint in his eye
He'll just mope around and constantly sigh
...mope around and constantly sigh...
Well, I've heard that Goyle is dying, too
Perhaps a victim of You-Know-Who
But that doesn't make up for Fred enough
And remember Ron, now I really doubt
That he'll be his normal cheery self without
The brother that he used to know and love
He'll be scared and real depressed all year
Completely sad and racked with fear
In schoolwork he'll fall back,
Throwing everything off track
And they'll make him do the fourth year once more
And the most painful thing Ron ever will endure
Will be taking classes with Ginny, Lord
Oh please, don't let Fred die
I'll keep on singing-
Why, why, why does Fred have to die?
Why not Dobby, Neville, Dudley, or that Gilderoy guy?
And poor old me, I think I'm going to cry, singin'
Fred, I'm gonna miss you, goodbye...
Fred, I'm gonna miss you, goodbye...
As you can see, I'm quite upset
At how intense the rumors get
But deep in my heart I know they're fake
If I were JK Rowling, I
Would bash my head until I'd die
Before I threw dear Frederick in the lake
But people still believe it to
Be really absolutely true
The rumors have been spoken
Fred's legacy is broken
That is, unless it's all a lie
A miserable, pathetic try
At making people say goodbye
Though Fred will never die
I'll be singin'
Why, why, why does Fred have to die?
Stupid rumor, now the humor's running totally dry
And poor old George'll lose that glint in his eye
He'll just mope around and constantly sigh
...mope around and constantly sigh...
...mope around and constantly sigh...
Sing along!
My, my, Fred's not going to die.
It's a rumor, and the humor's never gonna run dry
And good old George'll keep that glint in his eye
Because Fred is too darn awesome to die...