Authors Note:
It was as first almost as if he hadn't wanted to kiss her: His mouth was hard on hers, unyielding; then he put both arms around her and pulled her against him. His lips softened. She could feel the rapid beat of his heart, taste the sweetness of apples still on his mouth. She wound her hands into his hair, as she'd wanted to do since the first time shed seen him. His hair curled around her fingers, silky and fine Her heart was hammering, and there was a rushing sound in her ears…
She tore herself away from him.
"Jace" she gasped "what are we doing?"
"I don't know" he admitted, running a hand through his hair "but I don't think we should stop. He kissed her again, slowly, gently, as though he was afraid of breaking her in two. She deepened the kiss, and gently bit his lower lip, asking permission, which he readily gave.
Their tongues danced together, trying to consume each other. Jace sighed gently into her mouth. A rush of sensation flew over Clary, tingling her down to her spine. She couldn't get enough of him; the taste of sunlight and blood, the way he felt, crouching down to kiss her: She felt protected, like nothing bad could ever happen to her, as long as she was in his arms.
Jace moved his hands, ever so slightly, around her hips. Clary stiffened and drew in a breath.
He immediately stopped kissing her.
"What's wrong?"
"It's just that, I've never gone any further than this before…"
He pulled away completely, still holding her. "I didn't mean to-I mean-I wasn't trying to take liberties-"
She cut him off.
"You misunderstand. What I meant was, I've never gone any further than this with someone I liked… With someone that I wanted to keep going… "
She blushed, all the way down her neck. Jace's mouth creased into a sheepish half smile.
"We can stop here, if you like; I never meant to push you!"
She smiled shyly.
""Actually, I'd like to keep going…"
That was all the invitation he needed. He walked her over to the bench where they had been sitting and sat her down. He kissed her deeply, passionately. She moaned a little into his mouth, and he took that as an invitation to go where she wanted him to.
Slowly, ever so slowly, he moved his hands up her narrow hips and tiny waist, up her ribcage to the treasure that lay beneath.
"Is this the first time you've done this?"
She nodded her head shyly. Jace felt a responsibility to keep her innocence intact, although she felt so good, her skin so soft; he didn't know if he could. He slowly lifted her shirt over her head, gazing at what lay below. She crossed her hands over her chest, covering herself, blushing, always blushing. He could've laughed. She was so, so beautiful. He was the lucky one here. He gently removed her hands, and look at what she was.
"I know, it's probably not what you're used to-"
He kissed, so that she would stop saying those things. She felt under pressure, comparing herself to what Jace had probably had before. She felt a burning, deep inside of her, and realised her body wanted Jace, even if her head wasn't quite there yet.
It felt so good, him kissing her, but she wanted more. She moved his head down onto her neck, and as if he could read her mind, he went exactly where she wanted; down onto her collarbone, her breastbone, until his perfect mouth was finally at her breasts. He took her left into his mouth, and gently began to lick and suck her pebbled rosebud. She nearly cried out. Nothing had ever felt this good before, and she knew right then, that she wanted Jace to take her innocence, her womanhood, the one thing that was hers to give.
She felt underdressed next to him, so, breaking the glorious feeling of his mouth, she tugged his shirt over his head, and threw it on the ground next to them. As he went back to her, she ran a hand over his lean stomach, his sinuous back. He was so graceful, almost feline.
He began to trail feather kisses down her flat stomach, nearing the burning ache she felt at his touch. He reached her narrow hips and looked up.
"Clary, we don't have to go any further if you don't want to. I'll understand, and we can just stop here"
She hesitated. On the one hand, she was a bit scared-What if it hurt? What if her inexperience showed? But on the other, it was Jace. She'd only known him a few days, but it felt so right, being here in his arms.
She nodded.
"I want to do this, here, with you." she whispered. "But…it's my first time."
Jace looked into her eyes.
"We'll go as slowly as you want, but it might hurt."
"I know. But I trust you"
Slowly, Jace took of her jeans, exposing the lace panties underneath. Clary drew a deep breath in.
"Are you okay?"
"It just..doesn't feel real, that's all"
He took off his own trousers, and all that was separating their two young bodies were his boxers and her panties.
He kissed her, hard and deep, and slid off her panties.
Clary felt her heartbeat increase rapidly, pounding blood around her body. She was slightly gratified to see Jace breathing quickly as well. He didn't make a move, so she knew it was up to her. She removed his boxers, making herself gasp. Looked like Jace was well above average in that department as well. She wondered how it would fit inside her without breaking her.
Jace brought his lips down to her navel, and kissed it. He slowly worked his way down, down to that precious area, and gently touched his lips to it.
"Jace?"
"Clary?"
"I'm ready"
He tenderly looked up at her, her small face pale in the moonlight.
"This is going to hurt, but it'll be over soon."
Clary nodded and steeled herself against the pain, as Jace entered the part of her that she hadn't explored yet.
There was a quick sharp burst of agony, replaced then by a burning ache as her walls moved around him, as they connected.
Jace felt himself stretching her walls, as he found her purity and pushed through it, as gently as he could.
She drew in a sharp breath, as tears leaked from her eyes and ran down her face.
Jace grasped her to him, and whispered in her ear
"If I could do this for you, by the Angel, I would, "
Their two bodies glistened together in the moonlight, slick with sweat and tears.
Jace wiped the tears from her face with one of his long, graceful thumbs.
He pulled back out of her, taking the pain with him, but only for a moment as he entered her body again.
She could feel her walls stretching and adjusting to his enormous size, and while there was still an ache, it wasn't as bad.
"The worst is over" he murmured.
She believed him.
As her tears subsided, so did the pain, bringing with it a sense of fullness.
She kissed him passionately as he began to thrust into her, slowly at first, then faster and faster as her body got used to him.
She felt amazing, warm and wet. Jace could feel himself slowly losing control, but with a sense of worry, as he didn't want to ruin her first time.
Suddenly, he could feel her moving around him, and thought that perhaps he wasn't the only one on the edge.
She was moaning now, low and sensually, deep in her throat. The feeling Jace was giving her was unlike anything she'd ever experienced. He was hard and deep inside of her, stirring up feelings she hadn't known existed before now. She thought briefly, how a week ago she wouldn't have dreamed she'd be losing her virginity to a boy she'd just met, but it didn't seem trashy, it felt right.
He was moving faster now, making her quiver and tremble, when suddenly she gasped out
"Jace, if you keep going, just a few more times, I think I'll come"
He couldn't have been happier. He moved even faster again, not believing she could've said that. He knew how rare it was for the first time to be good for both, but maybe when you were with the right person, everything just worked out.
Her breath caught in her throat, and he felt her walls moving and clenching around him, and he knew she was nearly there.
"Just hold on" he gasped, pumping furiously, her nails scratching passionate tattoos down his back.
She moaned.
"I don't think I can"
But it didn't matter. Just then, as he thought he was about to explode, her walls trembled and clenched around his member, as he spurted his hot seed inside her.
Time and space ceased to exist for Clary. Her mind saw stars and lights and Jace, always Jace, at the centre of her universe. She vaguely felt him groaning in pleasure, but as her hands worked her pebbles to further the sensation, all she could feel were the waves of pleasure cascading down on her, on the place where she an Jace were still one.
Eventually, she came down, gasping, as she stopped twisting her nipples when she saw Jace's half smile.
She blushed, yet again, as she wondered how someone so cocky could make her feel the way she did.
"That was- I mean- Wow."
It seemed like she could only manage fragments of sentences.
Suddenly, she felt an emptiness, and realised they weren't connected anymore. She felt this stinging feeling, and wondered in dismay if this is what it would feel like every time.
That was when she realised she was bleeding. Her cheeks heated up in embarrassment, and she found she couldn't make eye contact, due to this physical evidence of her innocence.
Jace tilted her chin up to his.
"Its ok" he breathed. "Nothing to be ashamed of."
She nodded, but still felt angry at herself. Would it have been so hard to prepare?
He moved away to pick up something, and she thought he was leaving her like this until he came back with the shirt he had been wearing earlier, to help her. She took it, cheeks flaming, and turned away, dabbing at herself as best she could.
When she was finished, she saw Jace lying on the ground, staring up at the stars, completely naked. She hid a smile as she went over.
He put an arm around her, and they gazed up at the stars together.
"Jace.. I, I think I love you."
He turned to look at her, that cocky half grin appearing once more.
"That's a favourable outcome, I think. I must say, its not every day you sleep with a girl, and they declare their love"
Her mouth dropped open in disbelief. She'd just given Jace that most private part of herself, and he was using sarcasm?
She rolled away from him, onto her side, trying to hide the hot tears that came.
Of course, Jace being Jace felt it anyway.
"Clary, come on, you know I didn't mean it like that."
She didn't reply.
"Clary, the truth is," he looked away, his voice deepening and his eyes darkening as he looked back at her. "I've loved you since the day I saw you. You are perfect, and you have no idea how I feel about you especially after tonight."
She looked over at him, eyes still glassy with tears.
"But if you do, why couldn't you just say, instead of making me feel cheap and dirty?"
"I don't know, Clary. Sometimes, its like I can't be nice or tender, because it's weak. Love is weak" he said brokenly, curling into a ball on the cold hard ground.
Clary went over to him, and lightly touched his arm.
"Jace, when we were one, when we were connected, did you feel weak? Did you feel broken, and empty and exposed?"
He shook his head softly.
"Clary, when we were joined, it was the most wonderful connection I've ever had.. It was like nothing could bring us apart, come hell or high water. I felt like as long as I was there, within you, I'd be strong, and nothing could ever break us apart."
"I did too. Jace, what we have is different to everyone else. When I'm with you, I feel safe and strong, because you're there. And now that we've been together in every sense of the word, I feel like nothing can ever come and break it. This is not a weakness. This is one of the strongest things Shadowhunters have, and to call it weak is to disrespect it."
"I know. Clary, thank you. You are my world now. I'm honoured to be the one to take your virtue. I love you"
His voice grew husky, and she realised he was saying this from the depth of himself, that he really meant it.