"Donkey Balls! I love you!"
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Disclaimer: I don't own sp
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Summary: So a short little excerpt of what would have happened between Cartman and Kyle if Kyle wasn't so damn slow and figured out that Cartman actually DID get tourettes
Takes place in Cartman's bedroom, after Kyle comes around to confront him one more time.
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"I touch my cousins weeeiner." His body froze as he barely recognized those words coming out of his mouth were his own. Slowly, painfully, he shifted his eyes to Kyle whom stood there, gaping.
"What did you say?"
Swallowing, "I said FAGGOT DICK SHIT.' Those words almost spat in his face. The Jews brow creased in disgust. "What the hell? What's wrong with you???"
"I have tourettes." He sniffed matter-of-factly, but Kyle just shook his head. "No, you don't." his eyes slit into thought. " There's something actually wrong with you."
Cartman's fat expression took one of sincere surprise before immediately shifting into a sneer. "No there's not."
"There is." Kyle folded his arms, prepping for another Kyle/Cartman argument. He picked his words carefully. "You're hiding something from me. I can tell." Ready for the retaliation Cartman instead said nothing.
He just looked kind of shocked, and a little sad at the same time. Kyle cocked his head in curiosity. "Cartman?" he repeated
He snapped his head around. "Will you stop repeating my name like that? Its so annoying."
A little smile ventured on his face. "No tourettes?
"Not right now." He mumbled. "but Kyle. I do have it. I keep saying shit I really don't want to say out loud." He paused, embarrassed that he just confided in a stupid jew. "Like that"
Kyle sighed. "It's ok dude-"
"Donkey balls."
"….you're just… getting what you deserve." Kyle's face softened and Cartman couldn't help but notice the dimples that disappeared in his creamy complexion. "Kyle I love you." He blurted before choking out a horrified gasp. "fuck, donkey balls. I meant, I meant…"
Kyle's expression was that of shock, and Cartman's body filled with dread, almost paralyzing him. "I meant-I would love you to die." He paused, and then added . "you fucking Jew."
Kyle still looked unsure, but wore his thoughtful expression on his sleeve. "You're an asshole."
"You wish." He forced a cackle before flipping him the finger. "Now get out before you give me crabs."
"But they're all located in your ballsack, and nothing can survive that." Kyle snapped as he was being forcefully pushed out. He forced them to a stop and suddenly gripped Cartman's fingers
The breath immediately escaped from his lungs.
Kyles eyes narrowed. "Don't touch me fatass." He sneered crippling his hands and pushing them away. The door slammed shut in Cartman's face but his crushed hands were still redhot from the touch. "SONOFABITCH"