Maybe she shouldn't have tried to walk back to the Tower alone. But hey, she had her tazer. Darcy Lewis was not the sort of girl to be afraid of the dark. Or the thugs that inevitably lurked in it. Anyway, she had to finish that paperwork. Better to not let Coulson get any reason to chew her out, or worse, fire her. Working for the Avengers' PR department (which mostly consisted of the few people Tony Stark hadn't scared away) was the best gig she'd ever gotten, and she wasn't about to lose it because she couldn't get home from the bar. She shoved her hands into her pockets-empty, apart from her phone (latest model, Tony was using the newbie staff as guinea pigs) and her tazer. So many hot guys-and girls-and she couldn't get a single number. At least not from the few people who didn't leer at her over their drinks, their minds clearly on only one thing. Darcy might love attention, but not that sort of attention. She'd have to try another bar next time. Somewhere that wasn't full of jerkasses. Although it was fun to see people's reactions to the Asgardians. They loved to hang out at that bar.
Distracted, Darcy didn't notice the guy following her until he jumped at her.
There was a muffled crash, and the thug crumpled to the ground. Darcy flailed away from his hands to see a woman in armor standing over the man, holding the sword she'd used to hit the guy. He was lucky she didn't decide to cut him in half, Darcy thought. Her brain went through the dazed calculations. She wasn't in danger anymore, and she knew this woman. Thor's warrior friend, the Lady Sif.
"This bastard fiend shall trouble you no longer, Lady Darcy!" Sif declared.
"Um, thanks?" Darcy said. It was stupid, but it was the only thing she could think of until her brain finally stopped spinning. Sif grinned at her. This would not do, the guys back in PR could not know that Darcy Lewis had to get rescued from anything. "Hey, I appreciate the help, but I can take care of myself."
"I do not doubt it!" Sif insisted. "Thor has told me of your weapons. I did not mean to insult your skills, my friend. But in battle it is best for she to act who has the chance."
"Pragmatism, huh? I can get behind that. How did you know I was in trouble? Not that I was, of course," she added.
"I trailed him from the mead house. He had followed you out; I supposed he had some sinister plan." She looked at her victim. "It is well that I did."
The thug on the ground stirred. Darcy pulled out her tazer, wondering whether to shock the guy for good measure.
"How foolish of him to attack a woman armed," Sif commented. Darcy grinned.
"Men usually are fools," she agreed.
The thug opened his eyes and tried to stand. Or that's what it looked like, because within a moment Sif had her sword at his throat.
"You will not threaten the women of this realm, or any other! For that is an unmanly and cowardly crime." Protection and ferocity rang in Sif's voice. Damn, Darcy thought, she did not want to be on the wrong end of that. Another little voice in her head said that Sif was probably the hottest woman she'd ever seen, but she tried to ignore that.
"Now you will beg the fair maiden that I will not kill you..." Sif forced the whimpering thug to look at Darcy.
"What? Hey, hey, girl, no killing, ok? No killing." Darcy waved her arms to get her point across. This was more serious that she'd expected. Sif looked confused a moment, but continued, "By her grace you live. You shall yet face the justice of this realm."
"Justice, yeah, got it. I'll call the cops." This had to be Darcy's weirdest night ever, and that included the night she and Jane hit a god with their car. She took out her phone. Then she realized she was standing over a nearly-unconscious creeper with an Asgardian warrior by her side. The police were not going to like that.
"No, wait, I'm gonna call Cap. I think he can actually arrest people. We won't have to deal with questioning. Perks of being Captain America and all." She tapped her contacts.
"This'll just take a moment," she told Sif. "Hi, Steve? I've got a job for you. This freak just tried to attack me. No, I'm fine, I'm fine. But could you get over here and scare the guy? Not that Sif here hasn't already done that... yeah, she's here too. Look, can you just come and arrest him or something? Can you do that? Good. Thanks. I'll find you some kittens on Youtube tomorrow. You like kittens, right? Everybody likes kittens. Okay? Bye!" Darcy slipped the phone into her pocket and looked up. No, she had most certainly not been staring at Sif's breasts for the entire call. Only the end of it.
The two women waited in awkward silence for a few minutes, only broken by the thug's occasional whines. Sif glared at him and held her sword steady. Eventually Darcy caught sight of Steve running towards them, holding his shield but wearing mostly normal clothes. Normal for a few decades ago, anyway. Tony still couldn't convince him to wear more modern stuff.
"I'll take care of this, Miss Lewis, thanks for the tip," he said, and pulled the thug up by the collar.
"C'mon. Let's get back," Darcy said, "Thanks, Cap!" He gave her a small smile and a salute, then went back to lecturing the thug.
Darcy and Sif had walked a little way when Sif turned to Darcy and said, "You are a strong woman, Darcy. Any man should be proud to be gifted with your love."
Darcy laughed. "Try telling that to a guy. None of them seem to want me. I mean, really want me. I get creepy pick-up lines all the time, but I'm not going out with an asshole like that." Why was she blushing slightly?
"I face much the same problem," Sif admitted, "The men and women of Asgard think a female warrior is uncouth. I had wondered if things would be different in your world, but it seems the opinions are the same." She paused. "When my warrior comrades would brag of their exploits with women, I would have nothing to speak of."
Darcy thought that she'd be totally up for some exploits, but she decided it would be better not to say that. She fished around in her head for something to change the subject.
"What do you think of Earth?"
Sif thought for a moment. "It is complex, and oftentimes confusing. Your cultures are far different from ours. But I admire your strength and your skill in battle."
Darcy could work with that. "It's nice to have someone think that. Most of us think humanity sucks. Too many wars and arguing, you know. Well, we do have some nice TV shows. And books!"
"These are the tales and stories of your realm?"
"Yes! Oh holy Celestia, you have so much to learn!"
"But you have tasks to complete for the Agents?" They were approaching Stark Tower now.
"Yeah," Darcy replied. Man, paperwork did not look appealing right now. "You know what, fuck that. I can work on it later. It's not like I haven't stayed up all night to finish anything before. Let's get some bagels and watch Doctor Who."
~o~
I promised more Avengers stories, and here one is. This is my new OTP. And I'm now on AO3, under the name Dragonsigma, so please follow me there!