Normally, the beginning of a new year would be happy. But I've wanted to go into my somewhat poetic side. Free verse seems more my style, so here's a late New Year one-shot.
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Another Year Without You
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You stare out to the horizon, watching as the sun goes down. You stand there, reminiscing the years you've been through…how hard it was without…him…
The one that keeps you going, the source of your happiness. The one who finally broke your heart…
He stands there in that fleeting sun, mocking you…telling you, it's another day that's gone by without him. You hold the gun in your hand tightly, waiting as the hours go by.
It's my time… You say to yourself. Too many years…it's too much…
Too…too…too… The stupid word you've said too often in your life. The sun…it's last orange rays over the ocean blue below. Mocking you…as the waves continuing to crash against the cliff-side. Continuing…going on as he has done…without you…
The grip on the gun loosens when you hear a voice. Turning, you find that black hedgehog, the one whose always there…even if you don't know it…
What are you doing? He asks… What am I doing? You should think… but you don't. You speak what's on your mind. Letting your feeling free and the sun disappears to rise elsewhere. I'm going to kill myself…at midnight…another year without him…
You can live without him. He tries to convince. The grip tightens again as you raise it. The sun is gone…night replaces the light and the moon shines down on you. Your tears glisten in the moonlight, falling freely. I can't go on…not without him…
Yes you can! He may not love you, but there's someone who does…
You lower the gun again and turn to look at the black hedgehog. He stands with a rose in his hand and a box in the other. Slowly, he advances towards you and by instinct you back away. He stops and you stop, gun still in hand.
You don't have to do this. He says. You look down at the gun, its metal shining in the moonlight. The moon sits still in the sky, just as you feel your heart should. Still…no beat…as you float away in ocean. Floating away from the pain…
I have to do this…I must… You take the gun and raise it once more. The watch on your arm ticks…mocking you as time moves on… Will it be with or without you?
Damn it! No you don't! How oblivious can you be! I LOVE YOU! He yells. The gun stops, on your head it rests as more tears flow from your eyes, shut tight.
Yeah, and so what? I loved him and he didn't return my love. WHAT MAKES YOU SO DIFFERENT?! SAYING YOU LOVE ME MEANS NOTHING…as my love meant nothing to him…
He is not me, I am not him. We're two different people.
…only he can love me…
I can love while he chooses to ignore.
…and he continues to move on…
If you leave…what would I live for…?
…if I leave, what would he have to ignore…?
…
…
Amy?
…
….
Please don't do this
…
…
We could live for each other
…only I don't want to live…
…only I don't want another…
…only I…can leave this world…
…and only I…can make that happen…
…you should want to live…
…you should want another…
…you shouldn't leave this world…
…you shouldn't want to make this happen…
The gun's metal glistens with your tears in the moonlight. Midnight just minutes away. The new year can be brought in with a bang…the bang of the gunshot to your head. One shot is all it takes to leave the one who finally broke your heart, the one that was the source of your happiness…the one that isn't the one trying to convince you…
…to leave the Earth on which you stand…
But it is only he that causes me heartache…years and years of heartache…another year without him is another of heartache…I don't want that heartache Shadow…I want it to stop…
Then come with me. I can make it stop. You'll be with me. I would never hurt you as he has.
HOW DO I KNOW YOU'RE NOT LYING?! The world was built off of lies…they're everywhere…and they come from anyone…
I would never-
YOU WOULD NEVER HURT ME! YOU WOULD NEVER LIVE WITHOUT ME! YOU WOULD NEVER…understand the pain of what he never did…
Gun drawn, safety off…this is it, minutes to midnight… It is my time…
Please think about what you're about to do…
I have. I thought of the wonderful time he'd have with me gone. He would continue moving as the waves crash below. He would rise elsewhere while I stand alone in the dark. His eyes would glisten in the moonlight while I burn in hell. All because of that year without him…
….
….
….
BANG!
…
…
Well I thought too…
…
…
I thought of the wonderful times we'd have together.
…
…
I thought of us continuing as the waves crash below.
…
…
I thought of us rising elsewhere while he stood alone in the dark.
…
…
I thought of our eyes glistening in the moonlight while he burned in hell.
…
…
All because of that year with you…