Peregrine Took was bored. 

            "I can't be around to amuse you all the time, Pip," was the last thing Meriadoc Brandybuck said to him before departing from The Shire to "take a walk", or so he said.  The young Took had to admit that things just weren't fun without Merry. 

            Pippin's feet dangled in the air while he looked down at the grass from his perch in an apple tree.  Many apples sat bruised on the ground due to the hobbit's boredom; he had thought it would be…how you say…fun…to throw apples at passing hobbits and see how many he could hit.  Of course, because he was concealed within the green leaves, the hobbits scattered, screaming that the tree was angry with them for picking all of its apples.  Pippin had found some amusement in this for a little while, but then he could reach no more of the red fruit and gave up the "angry tree" charade.

            Just then, the mischievous (and not to mention completely bored) hobbit got another "brilliant" idea.  Instead of throwing apples, he decided to make the tree talk to hobbits that passed by.  He snickered at his own intelligence and eagerly awaited his first…well…victim.

            Farmer Maggot was the first to pass by.  He scowled when he saw the wasted apples on the grass and kicked one out of his way.  Pippin made his first proclamation: "What do you think you're doing, kicking my apples like that?  They're still perfectly edible."

            Maggot looked all around for the culprit.  "Apples on the ground ain't no good to eat!"

            "Well pardon me, Mr. Fancy Pants.  It's not my fault that apples fall off of my branches.  If you just shine them with some polish, they'll be good as new!" the "tree" replied.

            "You can't polish apples!"

            "Can so!"

            "Can't!"

            "Can so!"

            "Can't!"

            "Can so!"

            And that argument continued on for quite a while.  Some of the nearby hobbits (who just so happened to hear Farmer Maggot argue with a tree) laughed and pointed, making comments on how senile the old farmer was.  But we'll skip that part and carry on.

            By this time, Maggot was beginning to get angry and started yelling at talking tree.  "That stupid wizard with the fireworks must've put an enchantment on this stupid tree that makes it argue with respectable hobbits," Maggot mumbled.

            Up in the tree, Pippin laughed silently to himself and spoke the tree's reply.  "Respectable hobbit indeed!  You mean disregarded, pompous old fart!"

            "Pompous old…!  I'll give you pompous old fart!  You're just a stupid tree!"

            "Ugly, fat troll…"

            "Bark butt!"

            "Smelly, warty orc…"

            "Acorn-for-brains!"

            And so on and so forth.

            Pippin sniggered.  He was getting the ultimate revenge on Maggot for being so unkind, and Maggot didn't even know it was him.  Pippin leaned forward a little bit so he could see Farmer Maggot's face turn beet red.  Pippin began laughing so hard that he toppled backward out of the tree and landed in the middle of the fallen apples…and in front of Maggot's feet.  Pippin giggled nervously and swallowed.  "O-oh, h-hello Marmer Faggot, I mean, Farmer Maggot…"  Pippin paused, stood up, and looked behind him.  "Oh, look at the time!  I'm late for…my…nap!  My nap!  I'm ten minutes overdue!  Okay bye!"  And with that, Pippin took off for home, hoping to avoid Farmer Maggot's angry preachings about "respecting your elders".

            "PEREGRINE TOOK!" was the only thing Farmer Maggot had time to shout before Pippin disappeared from sight.