Dampe 3 Squidward:

A Love Story

On a dark night in the kingdom of Hyrule, Dampe lied alone in bed. His house was empty as it usually was. His health was fading and he knew he didn't have much longer to live. He'd write his will, but he knew there wasn't much of a point. He knew no one loved him, and even if someone did he didn't have anything to give other than that little hut in Kakariko's graveyard. Everything he ever had was stolen from him, his greatest treasures, his zest for life and most of all his heart.

Dampe winced as the memories wrapped around his head like tentacles. He reached over to a piece of paper and wrote what little he could. He'd give his hut to Anjou. She was a nice girl, and she made the best chicken wings in Hyrule, at least in Dampe's opinion. Tears rushed down his face as it was time to finally sign his name. Oh how cruel fate was to not let him write the name he wanted more than all the bottled poes in Hyrule, Dampe Tentacles.

"Oh my Squidward," he sighed before coughing up phlegm. His heart ached terribly at the thought. Oh how he wanted him there to hold his hand during his final moments. To die in his tentacles would make all those lonely years worthwhile. The old man closed his eyes one last time, and he began to think about that magical summer.

It all began when Dampe found the Triforce. It was a lot easier to do that back in the day, before the goddesses upped the security on that thing. He was a lonely boy, none of the girls wanted him because of his hunchback, contorted face, body odor and morbid tastes. When he asked Anjou's grandma out on a date, she threw a cucko at him in repulsion, starting a new trend that swept through Hyrule. Everyone threw cuckoos at the poor man. All he wanted was to love and be loved in return. Was that too hard to ask?

"Yes!" Nayru yelled, as Dampe made his wish to the goddesses in the sacred realm.

"Now hun, I know you found the Triforce and you get your wish and everything, but why don't you ask for something more reasonable like unlimited power or untold wisdom or something?" But Farore could not convince him to change his mind.

"All I want," Dampe said, holding back the tears. "Is for someone to love me. I know there's someone out there for everyone, I want you to bring me my someone! Please!"

"Alrighty. If that's what the man wants, that's what he'll get," Din said. Dampe's smile of crooked teeth covered his face.

"Ugh," Nayru grimaced. "Let's just get this over with and get him out of here."

The three deities held out there hands, and before he knew it, Dampe was outside his hut. It looked exactly the same as it did before he left. Did the goddesses forsake him? Forlorn and heartbroken, the hunchbacked man dragged his feet across his yard. He figured he'd take a nap and pretend none of this happened. Not even the gods could find him love.

But how wrong he was! Upon entering the room, Dampe was greeted by the most beautiful creature that ever graced his senses lying in his bed. Long sensual tentacles curled up over his blankets, leading up to that gorgeous physique that even Ganondorf would trade in the Triforce of power for. His chest was covered by a stylish brown polo shirt. His pale blue skin beckoned Dampe's hands to caress every inch of this beautiful being. His long nose hung gracefully from his beautifully round face, as two gorgeous brown eyes stared longingly up at him.

"Well hello beautiful," his deep velvety voice called out to him.

"H-h-hi!" Dampe said, sweat dripping from his brow. He couldn't believe it, all of his wishes were about to come true! "What's your name?"

"Tentacles, Squidward Tentacles," the creature answered.

"That's a beautiful name. I'm Dampe-"

"Enough with the foreplay," Squidward cut him off, extending one of his tentacles over to Dampe's lips. "Let's make love."

Without hesitation, Dampe ripped off his brown jumpsuit and pounced on Squitward, ripping off his shirt with his teeth. He slowly rubbed his hands over the squid's perfect pecks, while gently sucking on one of those tantalizing tentacles. The tentacle moved in and out of his mouth slowly, picking up speed with each passing thrust. It tasted so good!

Dampe closed his eyes and let out a soft moan as one of the other tentacles caressed his fully erect penis. Dampe never imagined such pleasure could truly exist. His pale skin clashed majestically with Squidward's exotic blue tone. The two were meant for each other, and coalesced like the moon's reflection on the sea.

"Cum for me baby! Oh yes! Yes!" Squidward yelled at him. Dampe never had anyone pay attention to him this way before, and wasn't even sure how sex worked. He was always afraid that when the moment came, he'd be unable to perform. But Squidward's encouraging words gave him the courage to just enjoy the moment and not worry about his appearance. In his eyes, he was a ten out of ten. "Cum all over my bod!" Squidward's face was now right next to his ear. His warm breath and sexy voice turned Dampe on so much.

The tentacle moved faster and faster up the shaft, grazing over the head ever so slightly. Their perpetually wet surface provided the perfect lubrication and within a few minutes, they were just a little bit wetter…

"That was amazing," Dampe gasped as he moved next to his lover in the bed. He put his hand over the moist blue tummy.

"It was alright…I guess." Squidward shook his head. "I've had better."

"Oh…" Right then and there, Dampe's heart fell from the Peak of Death Mountain to the depths of Lake Hylia.

"Aww don't be that way." Squidward tickled Dampe with his tentacles, making him squeak like one of the Deku Kingdom's famous monkeys.

"Stop that! Stop that! Oooh!" Dampe let out an enormous moan when Squidward snuck a tentacle down his asshole. It felt so good, he came immediately.

"This gives me an idea!" Dampe said, after catching his breath. He jumped out of his bed and rummaged through his desk. From it, he pulled out a long black object.

"What is that?" Squidward's eyes widened.

"You don't know?" Dampe asked, jumping back into bed with his lover.

"Look pal, I've been in the sex industry for a long time and never have I seen one of those."

"Well it's an instrument," Dampe told him. "You can play music with it. Listen." Dampe played a beautiful melody that danced around Squidward's lack of ears.

"That was so beautiful!" Squidward drooled at the sound of the music. "What's the name of the song?"

"It's called the Nocturne of Shadow," Dampe told him.

"Play another now!" Squidward ordered. "I need more of that orgasmic sound!"

And so dampe played song after song. Saria's song, Epona's song, The song of Time and the Song of Storms all delighted the squid as he masturbated furiously, rubbing his tentacles all around his crotch. Dampe didn't think he saw any genitalia there, but maybe he wasn't looking hard enough.

"Oh god," Squidward gasped. "I haven't cum so hard in years."

"I knew I could charm you with my music, my love," Dampe cutely said as he snuggled against Squidward's face.

"Indeed you did," Squidward said suspiciously. "Let's get some sleep. We'll have a lot of fun to look forward to tomorrow."

"Ok baby." Dampe smiled. Squidward gently moved his tentacles across Dampe's potbelly. "You know I never thought I'd ever fall in love…but then the gods brought me you. I'll never let you go."

"That's nice," Squidward said.

"I'm so glad you think so," Dampe said, his voice was hushed as Squidward's soft touch lulled him into a deep deep slumber.

The next morning Dampe woke up and realized he was alone in a damp bed.

"Squidward?" he groggily said. "Where are you honey?"

Once everything came into focus, he saw that there was no sign of the sexy squid. In his wake, there was a mess. All of his drawers were empty, while papers were scattered all over the floor.

"No…" Dampe put his hands on his head, not believing what he saw. "No! No! Nooooo! Noooooo!" Never in his life had Dampe yelled so much in his life. He was gone, and he had stolen everything Dampe ever owned, his heart included.

Dampe's eyes remained closed as the tragic end of the story played in his head. A single tear fell down his cheek. Never again would his life be full of joy, but at least he was able to spend his final moments reflecting back on what truly made his a life worth living.

Epilogue

And so Dampe never left that small hut his parents had left him all those years ago. Without Squidward, Dampe no longer had a heart, and how can one live without a heart. From that day forward, Dampe only sought companionship with the dead as he felt like a ghost amongst the living. Maybe, just maybe in death, Dampe would be able to be reunited with his love in death. And if not, he would seek vengeance on anyone trying to get a hook shot with an onslaught of fireballs in Kakariko's catacombs.

Meanwhile Squidward made off with all of Dampe's possessions. After many years, he too found the Triforce and made his way home. Tragically, in the process of bringing Squidward back to his home, a great flood was unleashed on Hyrule, killing millions. All but one of Dampe's possessions were destroyed during the trip. The little black clarinet was now the only souveneer Squidward had of Hyrule, and everyday he'd try to play it to be as good as Dampe, but to no avail. He eventually gave up his life as a porn star, because nothing but the soothing sound of this beautiful instrument could make him cum. Trying to build a new life he moved to the small city of Bikini Bottom.