Title: After Thoughts
Author: knightshade
Fandom: Stargate SG-1
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate or any of its characters. This is just for fun and no money is being made.
Summary: Jack knows that he probably owes Carter an explanation. Post- Point of View.
Author's Notes: Thank you to Nutty for the read through and suggestions. hugs
After Thoughts
"What?!" Jack yelled at the knock on his door. His morning had been a barrage of interruptions in between three blaring alerts as SG-2, 5, and 7 all came back from off-world. It just figured that when he was finally in the right mood to plow through the pile of paperwork on his desk everyone and everything would decide they needed attention.
Carter popped her head in and he immediately felt like a heel for yelling at her. Jack tried to soften his voice through his frustration. "Sorry. Come in, Major."
She stepped tentatively into his office and he knew immediately what she was there to talk about. He'd been expecting it ever since he'd crossed through the quantum mirror with his chin high and shoulders back, daring any one of them to say anything.
And of course, they hadn't. They'd let him go past with an awkward silence. And he was still daring them to say anything, especially Hammond. As far as Jack was concerned, he was under no obligation to explain himself. The other Carter wasn't in the military. Not that an argument couldn't be made -- he just wasn't going to give Hammond the chance to make it. Jack figured he just needed to keep the discussion off limits until the curiosity died out. Then things would get back to normal. But Carter had been avoiding eye contact and things had been awkward with her beyond what he was comfortable with. She was the only one he felt he might owe an explanation -- and even that was iffy in his book.
"Have a seat, Major," Jack said, the title still feeling unfamiliar. Captain Carter had had such a ring to it that he was having a hard time remembering.
She didn't move. "That's okay, sir, I'd rather--"
"It was just a kiss, Carter," he said more abruptly than he'd intended, but he really wanted to get this over with.
"I know that, sir."
"They were only married a year. The Goa'uld attacked on their anniversary. She saw him die, Carter – a few days before she came through the mirror."
He glanced up to see her awkward nod. She seemed to be studying the fibers that made up the carpet on his floor.
"I just wanted to give her what she needed – a chance to say goodbye. I wanted her to have some closure." He ran a hand through his hair. The other Samantha had told him he didn't know what it was like to lose someone. She was wrong. He did. And he knew exactly how it felt to have an image of that person show up again. He couldn't help remembering the pain of watching the alien version of Charlie transform back again, and he knew that he had caused Samantha that same kind of pain when he left her standing on the other side of that damn mirror. He knew that the Charlie he was seeing wasn't really his son and he wanted Samantha to know that he wasn't her husband. They'd both needed to know that the people they loved weren't leaving them all over again.
It just hurt like they were.
Jack realized that Carter still hadn't said anything so he plunged on, talking over the uncomfortable silence. "It was just a kiss, Major. It doesn't mean anything." He was way oversimplifying matters and he knew it, but what else could he do? Sure, he was attracted to her, the Carter here – who wouldn't be -- but he wasn't about to admit that. There was no point anyway -- they weren't in a position to do anything about it. It was mostly curiosity on his part anyway.
Mostly.
Jack risked looking up again and found Carter with an unreadable expression on her face. She made eye contact and then gave him a weak smile. At least she was looking at him. That was an improvement over the awkward avoidance of the last few days.
"Thank you, sir. For explaining," she said.
Jack nodded and was surprised when she didn't turn to leave or say anything. "Was there anything else, Major?"
She looked vaguely uncomfortable again. "Well, actually, sir, I have the signed copies of the briefings for the last few missions."
Realization dawned like a grenade blast. She wasn't there to talk about the other Carter at all. He hadn't even noticed the folder she'd been carrying. Jack wanted to deflate right into his chair, feeling like an idiot. "Thank you, Major," he said, trying to gather any dignity he might have left.
Carter turned to go, but then stopped at the door. "Sir?"
Jack rolled his head up to look at her, wondering how much worse this day was going to get. "Yes?"
He was surprised to see that she still looked uncomfortable. "The briefings – they were really just an excuse."
Jack tilted his head back, letting that bolster him a bit.
She smiled faintly. "It's good we talked."
Jack nodded, feeling marginally better.
"It was … it was nice of you, what you did for her."
Jack nodded, feeling a little guilty about downplaying his own part in it. It wasn't exactly altruistic. He was also afraid of continuing down this path any further. It was one thing when he was doing the talking, but now he was afraid of what Carter might say or ask. "Tough job, but someone had to do it," he said, trying to get back to safer ground.
She took that in and then smiled. Really smiled. "Right. Sacrificed yourself."
"Took one for the team."
She nodded and then shook her head. "I think I'm going to go now."
Except that she was lingering.
"Carter, it wasn't you."
"I know, sir," she said, giving him one last smile before actually slipping out the door.
Jack stared at the empty space she left behind. Part of him wondered just how true that really was.
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-knightshade
January 13, 2007