Once upon a time, in a kingdom far, far away…Okay, so it wasn't long ago, it was actually the future and it wasn't that far away, well, from the narrator at least, okay, so in the not so distant future across the country from our narrator…a dark figure met with a young woman who was dressed in a short white dress, white heels with a red cross on them and a red plastic mask over her eyes.

"You're late." The man sneered.

"Sorry, your lordship, I was…um…"

"Busy having sex with my slut of a brother." The sneering man continued to sneer, something silver flashed in his hand.

"Yes." The woman finished meekly.

"Well, do you have it?" The man asked.

"This?" The woman asked, holding up a key.

Suddenly, out of no where, a surgery addicted parrot who in another story would have been voiced by Gilbert Gottfried, but will instead for our purposes be voiced by Paris Hilton, flew out of no where and grabbed the key from her.

"Now, what about my reward?" The woman asked.

"You'll get what's coming to you." The man smirked.

"Rawk! What's coming to you!" The parrot squawked, obviously the parrot was feigning stupidity, for its cold blue eyes had a cruel intelligence to them as plain as the twin scars running over her neck and chest.

"Okay….Hey, wait a second, you're not going to send me into that spooky looking cave over there after some magical artifact are you?" She asked, frowning.

"Well…yeah, you're a random expendable GENtern, you don't even have a name, but you should survive if you're the one I'm looking for." The man assured her.

"Fine…" The GENtern pranced off towards the cave, wondering how no one on Sanitarium Island noticed a huge cave shaped like a tiger randomly cropping up in the middle of the city. She didn't have much time to wonder though as the cave scooped her up in its mouth and ate her.

"Only one may enter here, the one who is worthy, the diamond in the rough." The cave said. "In fact, I told you that the last seven times, are you even trying?" and with that, it disappeared.

"FUCK MY LIFE!" The man shouted, grabbing a random passerby and stabbing him repeatedly just to get out some of the blind fury he felt.

"Well that's just great, Luigi, how're we supposed to get to the treasure if all the GENterns we send in keep dying!?" The parrot shouted.

"Amber, shut the fuck up, are you trying to piss me off!?" Luigi Largo snapped at his sister, who the narrator decided was now a parrot. "I must find this diamond in the rough…but where…" Luigi's eyes narrowed as the camera zoomed in menacingly on his cold, calculating blue eyes. Then the narrator decided it would be amusing to hit Luigi in the face with the camera.

"OW! WHAT THE FUCK!?" Luigi growled and the narrator ran for his life.

Meanwhile, on the other side of town, a dashing young grave robber was stealing some bread for his family. I don't know, just go with it, the story will be over faster that way. His family consisted of…well, himself and a monkey named Shilo. Shilo was his best friend and one companion, that being said, this is not a Grilo fic, and since it's an Aladdin knock-off, Shilo can't talk. She just makes monkey noises. Trust me; you'll like her better when she can't sing 'Seventeen'.

Anyway, the grave robber was appropriately named 'Graverobber' or maybe just 'Graves' since 'Graverobber' can be a pain in the ass to type. Anyway, he had just stolen a loaf of bread and was now being chased by several Repomen.

"This is bullshit! All I did was steal some bread! It's not like I got a surgery and didn't pay!" Graves cursed. The head Repoman, Nathan Wallace, caught Graves by the back of his long fuzzy leather jacket and held him still. Graves thought he was doomed, but then Shilo jumped on Nathan's head and…Oh, right, since this is a crack fic, Shilo and Nathan aren't related, got that? Okay, good, on with the story. Anyway (yes, I know this is terrible, terrible writing, but this is a very cracky crack fic.), Shilo covered Nathan's eyes and pushed down his helmet so Graves could escape. Once Graves got away, Shilo swung across a few buildings and landed on Graves' back. The two narrowly escaped without being captured. However they ran into two very hungry children in an alleyway. The children looked pleadingly at them as though begging for bread. However, Graves may have been playing Aladdin in this parody, but he wasn't bound by Aladdin's kindness so he said "You know what? Fuck it." And ate the bread himself. Shilo followed suit and stuffed her half of the loaf in her mouth and began to chew with her mouth open just to taunt the children, who in turn pulled her tail, causing her to make monkey screeches and bite them, likely transferring Ebola to the two children.

Meanwhile, at the Largo manor on the good side of town, Pavi Largo had just torn the face off of another potential bride. Rotti Largo, Pavi's father, had sort of turned the other way whenever a potential bride for Pavi walked out looking like Harvey Dent, but this was just getting ridiculous. Oh, and yes, this is EXACTLY what you think it is. Yeah, I went there, another Gravi fic. Oh right! So where was I? Oh, yeah. Rotti walked out to the courtyard, yes, there's a courtyard now, Sanitarium Island is essentially Agrabah, which makes the Largo manor or Geneco building or wherever the Largos actually live The Palace of Agrabah. In the courtyard, the lovely young 'princess' Pavi Largo was sitting cleaning a bloodied scalpel in the fountain.

"Pavi, did you deface your latest potential bride?"

"Yes-a."

"Why?"

"I was-a bored and she was-a a bitch."

Oh, I should probably butt in to say I've fucked with the ages a bit to make it fit the Disney's Aladdin Plotline. Pavi and Graves are the same age now and are fifteen. No one else's age has actually changed. Anyway.

"Pavi, you must be married before your sixteenth birthday or you don't get Geneco." Rotti sighed "Who am I going to leave it to if not you?"

"Luigi and-a his parrot?"

"Luigi's the villain in this story, Pavi; the narrator has deemed it so." Rotti sighed. "And Amber is also a villain but according to the script will reform herself in the sequel."

"Oh…Okay…but papa, I wanna to marry for love, not just-a to own Geneco…So what if I'm-a the most promiscuous one in-a the family? I value love and getting to know someone on-a a deeper level because I'm-a bound by the Disney Princess formula…" Pavi sighed. "Which means-a I'll be headstrong to the point of obnoxiousness and a strong character who will be-a a good influence on little girls while at-a the same time being bland and having my head in the clouds."

"Uh-huh…Well, whatever your reasoning, if you don't marry by your sixteenth birthday, you don't get Geneco. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some tiny plastic animals to stack." Rotti said, straightening his Sultan's turban and walking back into the palace.

Pavi sat down and began filing his nails, waiting for the next random woman wanting to be his wife to come in so he could have another face in his collection to choose from. Eventually, though, he realized sadly that if he wanted to marry for love, he had to escape the palace, so he climbed the wall and disappeared out into the streets of Sanitarium Island, which I'll be calling Agrabah from here on out because it's just easier and less confusing.