Hello everyone! Welcome to my first ever fanfiction :) I plan for this to be a 3 chapter story with a possible lemon in it c; We will see~ Anyways enjoy!
Feelings On A Whim| Chapter One
How do you tell someone you don't love them anymore? What is the best way to go about it?
Deidara wondered if he should just drop him completely and leave without even the slightest explanation as to why or perhaps he should make an attempt to try to explain. Either way it didn't make this fact any less true; the bomber didn't love Sasori anymore.
Deidara said it to the puppeteer all the time, those three little words. But recently the passion between them had dissipated to the point where he was certain he no longer loved him. Their intimate moments had become one-sided with the clay artist laying there dutifully, his older partner taking all of the enjoyment for himself.
When sex did happen, and it was far and few between them at this point, he regularly thought of other men. Being with them, flirting with them, fucking them. Deidara never dreamed of Sasori anymore and if he did it was usually a nightmare, a reminder from his subconscious of all the shit his danna had put him through.
The young artist knew long ago that all of this would happen but he was naïve and had put in too much hope, too much faith.
Deidara huffed and leaned back in his chair. He'd been sitting at his desk trying fervently to work on clay sculptures but thoughts of his relationship problems with Sasori were too distracting. Turning his chair outwards he let his eyes lazily scan around his room, looking for anything in that would help to clear his mind. It was a simple room, a bed lining one wall while his desk and dresser lined another. The wall across from his bed contained the door to the bathroom and the wall across from his desk led to the hallway of the Akatuski hideout complex. Bags of clay and sculpting tools littered the small space and various sculptures sat decoratively on makeshift shelves that had been crudely attached to the walls.
'Why am I still with him? I've begun to hate nearly everything that geezer does...hm,' he mused, giving up on finding a distraction.
He lifted himself from the chair and walked over to his bed plopping down on it and nestling into the numerous pillows that rested there with him.
Deidara no longer believed anything the older artist told him and he no longer felt that he could trust him, but he knew (and freely admitted this to himself often) that Sasori was a crutch, something to help the bomber cope. Exactly with what, well…there were many things.
Life getting too rough to bear? Take a trip to his danna's room. Argument with that asshole Hidan? Take a trip to his danna's room.
The puppeteer was his escape, the young artist's fantasy land where there are no worries, no responsibilities, and no judgment when he was underneath the older man with his legs spread, body willingly accepting every abuse Sasori could think of. Deidara blushed at that last thought rolling over onto his back. It was true that he felt free around Sasori, but he knew that freedom came at a cost. And that cost had been his heart.
Sasori of the Red Sand came with his own list of problems as soon as Deidara and the older man entered their relationship status.
He was arrogant, ignorant to Deidara's feelings, lusty, cruel, and just an overall douche. But…he was also cunning, and creative. Though the bomber did not agree with his way of art he knew enough to respect it. Sasori was one of the few people in the world, if not the only one, who understood him. Two artists with their own passions.
The young blonde sat up as turned to one of the shelves that hung above his bed. On it, besides his own work, were four miniature puppets that were all hand crafted by the master puppeteer himself. A gift set Sasori had given him one day on a whim. He gingerly reached out and picked up his favorite one out of the bunch and cupped it in his hands. This one resembled his danna the most even though the older man had stated firmly that they had no real resemblance to anyone at the time of the gifting.
Deidara ran his thumbs across its red 'hair' most likely made from high quality animal wool. The wood itself was sanded down and smooth to the touch. The details, though on such a small figure, were painted with upmost care and precision from the limbs attached with miniscule ball-bearings and screws moved fluidly and without pause on his command to the silk clothes the small puppet was adorned with.
When he had received them Deidara was captivated by them. But true art, true beauty was fleeting and these gifts proved that to him. As he stared down at the handcrafted piece he no longer felt that same captivation. Over time emotions, memories, and words fade away. Their impact never regaining the same strength they once held the first time around. Just like him and his feelings for Sasori.
And yet…the blonde could not convince himself to get rid of the four puppets just like he could not (for some reason that escaped him) get rid of Sasori.
Placing the doll back to its position on the shelf Deidara's mind wandered back to an earlier train of thought. The other men he often thought of during his recent intimate times with Sasori. One man always came into plain view above all others. Which was abysmally ironic considering how much he 'hated' him too.
This other man was also cunning and creative but in ways entirely different to his own or Sasori's. He was strong and handsome beyond belief. All things that did not escape Deidara's notice from the first time they met. But he had never truly spoken to that man. Pride would not allow it.
Deidara's thoughts flushed away as a deep calling resonated within him. Leader-sama was calling and it was time for a mission. Robotically he donned his necessary uniform and weaponry before making his way to the location Leader-sama had called him too. Inwardly the blonde sighed; this meant he would be spending some quality time with his danna whether or not he wanted to. He closed the door to his room, taking no heed of the forgotten art project on his desk.
Well what did you all think? Please review and what not! I need to to know if this was super sucky or if I'm actually doing a good job, and you guys want more! (Please try to keep criticism constructive :c Telling me it sucks but not telling me what would possibly make it better isn't helpful ; ^ ;)