Let Me Fall

Chapter 1: Quicksand

A/N Buffy is dead, and the Scoobies have no plans at the moment to resurrect her. Dawn is feeling increasingly alone as she mourns the loss of her sister and it seems like everyone is ignoring her…everyone except Spike. SPAWN fiction. Rated M for later.

"Buffy!!" Dawn shot up in her bed covered in a thick sheen of sweat. Her dream this night was more vivid then the dreams before. It was always the same. Every time she was about to save Buffy, and then…she blinked a few times before her eyes finally adjusted to the darkness that consumed not only the room, but also her whole being. She brought her knees up to her chin and held herself tightly. It had been a three months and 2 days since Buffy had died and it had been so much harder than she could have possible imagined. Willow and Xander were extremely distant it seemed. Willow was so hard to talk too. Xander and Anya…Tara…everyone blamed Dawn. She knew it was true. Everyone blamed her for Buffy's death. Almost everyone. "Spike," she whispered into the shadowy room. Spike was sitting next to her in an instant. His arms were wrapped around her, cooling her hot skin. She nestled into the soft cotton of his t-shirt. Most nights she counted on Spike to be in her room. She was used to it and it made her feel safe. Tonight she had needed him. She always awoke from her dreams drenched in sweat, her temperature much higher than normal. Spike was more comfortable than a cold shower. Spike held her in his strong embrace, and would either talk to her or sing her back to sleep. He was her perfect companion in a world where she felt increasingly alone.

"Dawn," Spike whispered softly.

"Mmnm?" Dawn replied nestling deeper into his chest.

"Are you feeling better?" Dawn nodded. Spike knew that she was coming down from the intensity of her dream, but at the same time he knew that she was lying to him. Her tears may be silent, but he could feel the increasing wetness of her tears dampen his shirt. "You know nibblet," he whispered stroking her hair, "it will get better." He sobs were more audible now.

"You don't know that."

"Yes, I bloody well do. Vampire here…over 200 years old. Time heals all wounds."

"Maybe your wounds…but I have a soul and my pain is real." She immediately regretted her words. She felt him stiffen suddenly.

"Right. Well I'm off." Dawn wiped her eyes and called after him

"Spike, I'm…" But he was gone. Dawn turned into her pillow, but the whole bed was too hot for her now. She got up and walked to the bathroom. Maybe some cool water would help. She splashed some on her face and looked into the mirror. She couldn't believe who she was looking at. Her face was hollow and pale. Her eyes were dark and sunken. Her skin was blotchy from the tears. Frustrated with herself she turned around and walked out of the bathroom. She wandered aimlessly back to her bed for another night of unfruitful sleep.

In the morning, Dawn arose and got dressed.

"Hey Dawnie," Willow smiled.

"Regular or funny faces?" Tara asked, spatula in hand, referring to the pancakes that she was making.

"Regular." Dawn was in no mood for funny faces. Tara nodded and made the pancakes.

"Dawnie, Xander is going to be here in like five minutes to take you to school. So finish up." Dawn turned to Willow.

"Hey Wil, can we talk?"

"Oh sorry Dawn but I have class. Maybe later tonight?" Willow disappeared into the other room before Dawn could reply.

"Fine, whatever." Dawn took a couple of obligatory bites and then left for school. She and Xander did not talk much in the car. They never did anymore. "Thanks for the ride Xan," Dawn said as she got out of the car.

"Dawn,"

"Don't Xander." Dawn quickly left and headed into school. It was the same as usual. People avoided her like the plague. Those that didn't avoid her were just cruel and mean. She had almost made it through the day until some Jackass had to use her as his verbal punching bag.

"Hey whore." Dawn sighed.

"Seriously? Seriously, that's your comment? Really that's how you are going to hurt me?" The boy smirked.

"You didn't let me finish. Hey whore, where's you're sister? Give her my number if you see her, and uh well…I could show that corpse a damn good time." Dawn felt the tears coming to her eyes.

"Fuck you," she seethed. "Fuck everyone!" She screamed into the crowded hall. Locating the nearest exit, she stormed out of the school. She wandered around town until the sun descended. She needed to apologize to Spike, so she headed over to the cemetery. It had started to rain, and the wet drops mixed with her tears. Just as she reached the gate, she paused. Every now and then the pain was too much. The loss of her mother, and of Buffy…it was all too much. She felt her legs give way beneath her. She wanted to scream but the words and the emotions were caught in her throat. She beat the ground with her fists until they bled. The rain covered her like a wet blanket. It prevented her from standing.

"Dawn!" She heard a voice in the distance. The thunderstorm raged. She heard the voice again. Her name seemed to echo in the storm. All of a sudden she felt very weightless. She was being carried. She knew it was Spike because his steps were fast, yet graceful. He effortlessly carried her back to his crypt. He set her down on the stone coffin, and brought her a towel. Wrapping her tightly, he may have squeezed a little too hard.

"Ow!" She gasped. Their eyes met suddenly. He released his grip.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you."

"No it's okay," Dawn said, rubbing the towel through her hair. "Thank you Spike." He didn't reply. She could sense his anger. But it seemed different this time. "Spike, I'm sorry about last night. I'm," she put the towel down and walked over to him. "I'm so sorry for what I said," she whispered, her voice breaking. Spike turned away.

"I don't bloody care about that nonsense. I know I don't have a soul."

"Well then why did you leave if you weren't angry?"

"Well it sounded like you didn't want me there anymore." He said in a matter of fact.

"Well you were fucking wrong!" She cried.

"Was I?" He snarled.

"Yes! Yes you were wrong! I needed…Spike I need you! I don't have anyon," her voice faltered. Spike softened.

"I'm sorry, pet. It won't happen again okay?" He pulled her into his embrace and let her cry. "But you better bloody well promise not to go traipsing through graveyards in the middle of the night without protection all right?" Dawn nodded, burying herself deeper in to his arms. She looked up at him.

"You know, I was on my way to see you."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." Spike looked down at her bloody hands.

"What did this?" He asked softly.

"Nothing," she replied hastily pulling them behind her back. She heard him chuckle.

"Well we better get them cleaned up before my appetite is too much to bear." Dawn hesitated and then brought her hand up to his mouth for a lick.

"Dawn, I can't."

"Well maybe the chip won't hurt, if I offer it to you."

"No. It's not that. I just can't." He looked her straight in the eyes. "Chip or no chip, I would…could never hurt you." She could see that he meant it.

"I know that." She nudged her hand, but he shook his head.

"I don't think I could control myself." Dawn smiled.

"The chip will probably stop you from devouring me." She nudged her hand again. He took a soft and gentle lick across the palm of her hand. Shivers coursed down her spine. He took her other hand in his own and brought it to his mouth. He delicately cleaned her wounds with his tongue. She stepped closer to him, and pressed herself against him. She could feel the bulge in his pants. Innocently she asked,

"Is it the blood that makes you hard? Or…is it me?" Spike paused for a moment and then answered truthfully.

"It's your blood that is having this effect on me. It's how I realized you were near tonight. Summer's blood has a powerful aroma. I could sense you all the way from my crypt.

"Spike I know that it must be hard for you to be gentle towards me. I know that you…" Spike stopped her.

"It's not as hard as you think…being with you…being gentle with you." Dawn almost broke down again.

"I just...I need you so much. You are the only one who actually sees me." Spike soothed her the best he could. "I don't know how I made it through the day. When I thought that you were angry with me…I just feel like I'm sinking…like…"

"Like quicksand." Spike interjected. Dawn nodded and sighed.

TBC

Hey guys, thanks so much for reading. This is my first Buffy story in a really long time, so reviews would be amazing. I would really appreciate them. Thanks a lot!