Full title: If Bobby Brown Can Have 'My Prerogative', I Can Have 'My Parentheses'
To Mel for encouraging this to begin with :::huggles::: Rock, you rock.
Chivalry is not dead.
This, above all else, I want you to believe. For I, my friends, while having slightly tarnished armor, I will admit, am the epitome of the modern knight. No steed, no, no. I have no need for a steed (or a need for rhyming, what was that about) for I wield my wit as my horse and my humor as my sword.
I suppose is doesn't hurt that I'm devilishly good looking... Okay, I'll settle for cute.
The truth is that I... like her. How trivial does that sound, really. How high school. I really, really like her; I'm interested in her. I'd like to court her. No, that sounded wrong. I'd like to… see her? Socially?
She's sort of, well, she's sort of bumbling and awkward and undeniably adorable. She's a cute girl and the way she smiles in that sort of nervous way, you know, with one lip quirked and the other sort of pulled in like she's biting it? Or, or when she steals cannolis from craft services when she thinks no one is looking? Or when she knocks on my door, always asking if she's intruding...
It's those moments that make my heart clench. Physically, it's clenching, doing that weird maneuver that makes my stomach shift and my brain go numb. I can't even describe what she is, all blonde hair and sweet disposition. Suzanne makes me lose track of my thoughts. It's strange.
Not to say that I can have any woman I want (and not to say that I'm not a stud...) but Amanda Bines did hit on me a little. Okay, so she puked on my shoes, but... that must count for something.
Off point, back on track.
I've been very subtle (mostly due to the fact that I wouldn't hear the end of it… from anyone) but I can't help but watch her as she flitters about doing what she refers to as "mindless duties" but in truth she's the one who keeps this show going (not just her, you know what I mean, all the people who are seemingly worthless because they don't have their names in the opening credits, so back off, I'm not calling gophers worthless-never mind).
She's one of the bitches, one of many, a person who would probably get caught up in the anonymity of backstage if she didn't walk into things so much.
And she does, walk into things that is. And tends to make loud noises when she does so. I can't say it's dignified that I've had to bring her an ice pack more than once… not that I minded doing it, not at all.
She had me call her mom on her birthday and I ended up speaking with the woman for nearly two hours, hearing about how her daughter had always wanted to be a veterinarian but after a drama teacher had told her senior year that she had pizzazz and pluck (still not clear on what exactly that word means, but I'll let it go) and bam! She's in Hollywood instead of college…
And that makes me sad.
I'm all sad and confused and turned on when I'm looking at her…
Am I messed up? I must be, have to be. Who feels that way, all those ways when looking at a woman? A blonde woman.
Anyway, what I'm getting at is that chivalry isn't dead and won't go that direction as long as I'm around. I hold doors for her, pull out chairs if we happen to be grabbing lunch at the same time (and she only missed the seat once in the past three months, so that's a really good record for her) and walk her to her car at night if it's really late… even if the parking lot is well-lit and guarded. It's the thought that counts, okay?
She has this tendency to stick pens in her hair, under her headphones and forget that they're there. She's ruined more shirts that way. I can recall once, the ink leaked onto her scalp and her head was stained for two days. Sure, I laughed, but that doesn't change the point that it's just horrendously sad when she does these things.
I don't think is one of those misplaced lust things in which I'm attracted to her body and therefore strive for all of her (though the bod… is rockin'), I think it's just the other way. I'm pretty sure I was attracted to all of those strange, socially inept things she does before I ever noticed… the rest of her. (The rest of her…)
I don't know if she likes me though she is quiet around me most of the time (she's quiet around everyone) and from time to time I catch her looking at me out of the corner of her eye and I could just swear…
Being the nice guy I am, I may have asked her if she wanted to accompany me to the cast party. Normally she wouldn't be able to attend but I'm allowed a plus one and well, she's one and… you get the picture. It's a perfect plan, strategically concocted. Maybe we'll dance or maybe she'll get a little tipsy on good (great) champagne and try and kiss me (fall down).
Who knows, these things can sometimes get out of hand and maybe, just maybe I'll be able to play the knight in the tarnished get-up who rescues the slightly clumsy and very pretty maiden. And then I could drive her home and then… and then… and then… who am I kidding, and then what Tommy boy? (Yeah, I just made a reference to a Chris Farley movie, what?)
Maybe it's because she's jaded, maybe it's because I am too or maybe it's just because I really feel like I can be the one to love her.
I really do.
(And besides, she said I looked cute in my lobster costume and that gets her a whole lot more points than Amanda Bines and her vomit does.)
Chivalry is not dead.