Some things never change. The little skip of the heart, the breath that catches in the throat, the feeling that everything has slowed down just by a fraction, so that even the way he blinks is somehow more…

Kevin bit his lip as he tried to stop himself from grinning. The main thing that hadn't changed was his propensity to become a ridiculously melodramatic twat where Patrick Murray was involved. Thankfully, he now knew when and how to put a brake on it.

Residual feelings were to be expected. He'd hardly be human if seeing Patrick didn't invoke something in him. The key to handling this with any sort of dignity was to remember that Patrick was like crack. Having him might give you an incredible high, but the withdrawal was a fucking bitch.

He stood up as Patrick approached, letting himself smile warmly, putting out a hand in greeting, rocking back on his heels to ease his tension

'Hey.'

'Hi.'

The handshake lasted just the right length of time. Friendly. Welcoming. Two mates meeting up after a long time, with a little bit of history, and some mutual affection. The following silence was predictably awkward though.

'Well, maybe we should just sit down and order a drink or two or three cos I think we might need them.' Kevin eventually laughed.

'Dutch courage?'

'Wow. Good memory, Patrick.'

Patrick's answering shrug was enough to break the ice for Kevin. Good. Avoiding any mention of the past was going to be stupidly difficult.

'Thanks for meeting me.

This time it was Kevin who shrugged in response. What was there to say? I didn't really want to but it seemed stupid and petty not to? I don't know why we couldn't do this over a phone call but I was too curious to stay away? I sort of wanted to see what it would feel like seeing you again?

'and…thanks for the whole recommendation thing.' Patrick continued as they sat down. Kevin busied himself looking for a waiter. He really could do with a drink.

'Kevin…'

'No worries. I was happy to put in a good word.' Kevin broke in. Patrick had that anxious, earnest expression on his face. No good had ever come of that. Kevin didn't need or want Patrick's gratitude. What he really needed and wanted was a drink.

'I mean it.' Patrick persisted. 'You didn't have to do that, and …'

'Listen. They would have taken you on Owen's word alone. They absolutely love him, and him vouching for you would have been enough. I just dotted the I's and crossed the t's. References don't even mean that much.'

Patrick stared at Kevin in silence, eventually nodding his head, his hand fiddling with a coaster. Message seemed to have been received. This wasn't such a big ask from Kevin. He would have done the same for any number of people he used to manage at MDG. And it was the truth too. Owen was a big shot at Kroma Tech and if he'd needed a bit of persuasion from Kevin to get over his abandonment issues, so what? It hadn't taken more than a few minutes of Kevin's time to remind him of all the reasons it made sense for Owen to take Patrick back. They were a fucking good team, and yeah, at the end it had got horribly screwed up, and deadlines had been missed, and management had come down hard on the team, and Owen had been caught in the fallout, but that was more Kevin's fault than Patrick's. And Owen had forgiven Kevin a long time ago. So…he'd needed to forgive Patrick too.

'The job seems really exciting.'

Kevin laughed.

'Then cheer the fuck up. You look like you're about to face a firing squad.'

'Well, after the last time we met…' Patrick rolled his eyes dramatically.

'I know. What can I say? Feelings were running high. You can just relax now though.'

Patrick exhaled.

'Thank you.'

'And you can stop thanking me anytime now. Anyway, about the job, Owen's the one that made this happen for you. And frankly he's lucky to have you. They're a smart bunch of visionary artists, but they don't have a coding brain among them. Their stuff looks like freshmen on Adderall wrote it. They need you more than you need them, so…remember that.'

'He let you look at their code?'

'We're not in competition. My company doesn't do that shit.'

'Right. He told me you do CGI special effects for ad agencies or something.'

Kevin nodded. OK. He was usually happy to sit and talk about work for hours, so if this was the direction the evening was going to take he might not actually need the three of four drinks he'd planned on guzzling….

'Why did you leave London?'

….and…there it was.

'I missed America.'

'Really? But…had you ever spent time in New York before?'

Kevin shook his head. A slight reprieve as the waiter came to get their drink orders. The appeal of fiddling with a coaster was suddenly very clear.

'I thought I'd give the East coast a try.'

'And…Jon?'

'He's back in Seattle. He's always loved it there.'

'Oh.'

Indeed. Oh.

'Actually funnily enough it was Owen that got me my job too. He told me about this company that was looking for a CTO when he found out I was moving back. I was just going to go back to Seattle and MDG but…this seemed…exciting. Different. A challenge.'

'Yeah, well. New York, right? What's not to love?'

'The astronomical rents? The crappy weather? The rude natives?'

Patrick laughed.

'Yeah but…what about all the culture? The museums? The theatre?'

And it was Kevin's turn to laugh.

'Don't you mean what about the restaurants? The take-out? The bars? The clubs?'

'Oh I haven't had time to explore any of those. I'm still trying to find which neighborhood I want to live in. The first thing I have to do is find something cheaper than renting an AirBnB room week after week.'

'Well that's the real beauty of New York.' Kevin smiled. 'You can make this city anything you want it to be. I've been here six months and I'm still finding new things every day to explore.'

'So…we're both strangers in New York.' Patrick grinned, and then ever so slowly, Kevin watched the telltale signs overtake him. The compulsive swallowing. The shifting eyes. The hand rubbing his thigh. He used to be very good at reading the signs. Or at least he once thought he had been. He needed to remember that at the end of the day, he really hadn't read Patrick well at all.

'My boyfriend likes reminding me that I'm still a foreigner here whenever I start getting too cocky.' Kevin chuckled.

That should help relax Patrick.

'You have a boyfriend? Alrea…' Patrick cut himself off. He took an overly long drink.

'His name's Ben. It's casual.' Kevin offered after a long pause. This was definitely going to be a three-drinks night. Minimum

'So Jon's definitely…'

'Out of the picture.' Kevin completed.

'Can I ask…'

'Why?'

'Yeah.'

'No. I mean, why are you asking?'

That seemed to fluster Patrick. Did he think he had a right to know? Patrick was never very good with boundaries. But then again, fucking your subordinate at work wasn't a very good indication of knowing what line to cross either.

'Did it have anything to do with…'

'You?'

'Kevin. Can you stop finishing my sentences?' And now Patrick seemed annoyed.

'I was going to ask if it had anything to do with the whole Seattle thing. I know how much Jon missed his family.'

'I would have gone back to Seattle with him if he'd wanted me to. But he didn't. He left me when we were in London. It seems he didn't enjoy having all the power in the relationship as much as he thought he would. It wasn't as much fun making me feel guilty as he'd envisioned.'

'Oh. Wow.'

Making Patrick speechless was still a little thrill for Kevin. Again, some things never change.

'Yeah. I know. It turns out it was our therapist that was keeping us together and as soon as we left him behind in SF Jon couldn't quite remember why our relationship was worth working on.'

Patrick grimaced and they both took another long drink. Kevin could almost see the cogs in Patrick's brain turning as he tried to process Kevin's blunt admissions while figuring out what role he played.

'Were you sad?' Patrick asked. Quietly.

'Relieved.'

'You stayed with him out of…?'

Kevin waited for Patrick to finish his dangling question. Patrick just stared at him expectantly.

'Now would be a good time for you to finish my sentence!' Patrick exclaimed eventually.

Kevin grinned. Patrick always made him laugh.

'Pick a reason. Any one will do.'

'Well, I'm sorry if it ended badly. And I'm glad you weren't hurt too much. And now…here you are…in New York. With Ben.'

'It's more like I'm in New York. And Ben is in New York. Actually he's a native so he was here before me and he'll be here after me. He's never leaving the city. He thinks crossing the George Washington Bridge should require a passport.'

'He sounds…opinionated.' Patrick smiled weakly.

'Yeah.'

'He probably wouldn't like me very much. Opinionated gays don't tend to have a high opinion of me.'

'Well, not when you steal their boyfriends.' Kevin concurred.

Patrick sat back in his chair. Fuck. That wasn't supposed to have happened.

'Sorry Patrick. I didn't mean…'

'Richie left Brady without me asking him to. I didn't steal anyone. I didn't make him do anything.'

That statement annoyed Kevin. A lot. Too fucking much. It was time to step back before he was suddenly entangled in something he had no interest in anymore. It was obvious Patrick wanted to talk about Richie, but that didn't mean Kevin had to oblige him. He'd apologized for being a dick, and that was all that needed to be said on the matter.

'I said I was sorry. Old habits. Attacking you. Anyway…it's none of my business. I heard about Richie and I'm sorry that didn't work out. But it's all part of the rich tapestry of life, or so I've been told, so…' Kevin trailed off.

'Can we be friends now?' Patrick blurted out suddenly.

Kevin closed his eyes as he envisaged a line of shots in front of him. Time to move onto the hard stuff if he was going to get through this evening.

'I think we already covered that.'

'But that was over a year ago, Kevin. And so much has happened to both of us and we're not the same people now. Right?'

Right. Kevin wasn't the same person. He wasn't in love with Patrick anymore. But he also wasn't a fool. The very fact that he was sitting here, considering Patrick's question seriously because he didn't want to disappoint Patrick was warning enough that he shouldn't be part of this in any shape or form.

So he needed to tell Patrick that they couldn't be friends. That this was a really big city and they would probably never even have to see each other again. That Owen wasn't enough of a link to bring them into each other's orbit. That friendship was a terrible, stupid idea. He needed to tell Patrick all that.

'Why friends?' He said instead.

Patrick sighed. And it seemed that Patrick had indeed changed a little because he actually took a moment to think. A moment that felt very very long to Kevin.

'Because…Because we liked each other. Before we…you know. We had fun. We were good together then. And honestly? It feels weird to know that you're close by and we'd just…never see each other. As friends. I just want to see if we can do that. And if it's horrible…then we just….stop.'

'You really can't stand it if someone doesn't like you, can you?' Kevin said in wonder.

'I don't believe you don't like me.' Patrick answered quietly.

'You're right. But you can't stand it if someone doesn't think highly of you. You need everyone's good opinion.'

'That's not it Kevin. I told you, I've changed. I'm not trying to prove to you that you were wrong about the things you said, or to show you that I'm different. I AM different. I'm older and wiser, and hopefully you will see that, but this isn't about 'the Patrick show'. I promise. This is really, genuinely, an attempt to just get back a friend that I liked spending time with. Simple as that.'

When was anything ever simple with Patrick fucking Murray.

Kevin raised his glass.

'To friendship' he said.

Patrick smiled. One hundred percent pure crack.