Title: Official Fanfiction University of IAHF
Characters/Pairings: Characters from Lily Winterwood's "The International Academy of Hetalia Fanfiction" and "Bled Stained Days at IAHF" as well as cameos from Hetalia characters.
Genre: Parody, Humor
Ratings/Warnings: M for unfiltered crack, badly written smut, and mind-melting Homestuck logic
Summary: Fanbrat Katey Bartholomew-Strider is ecstatic when she is chosen to attend the OFU of IAHF. But what she doesn't know is that their timeline is doomed, and her favorite characters are just counting down the minutes until they'll cease to exist.
Disclaimer: Hetalia belongs to Hidekaz Himaruya, Homestuck belongs to Andrew Hussie, and the International Academy of Hetalia Fanfiction belongs to the Ultra-talented Lily Winterwood, as does some of these characters. Megan belongs to LolliDictator, Ema Skye belongs to Megidosexual, and the rest of the students belong to their respective owners. The concept of the Official Fanfiction University belongs to Miss Cam. The PPC belongs to Jay, Acacia, and the Boarders. This fic takes place in a timeline where the laws governing these institutions begin to crumble and shouldn't be taken as part of their shared universe.
Notes: This is a parody OFU based off of Lily Winterwood's "The International Academy of Hetalia Fanfiction" and "Bled Stained Days at IAHF". Go read those first otherwise you'll have a hard time understanding this. This isn't a Hetalia/Homestuck crossover, more its a AU fic related to Hetalia with mentions of Homestuck. And Katey's fic is the actual fic the students read in the Writing Seminar chapter of "Bled Stained Days at IAHF".
The Official Fanfiction University of the International Academy of Hetalia Fanfiction
Part I
"I can't believe this is happening. As if our own universe wasn't enough of a mindfuck."
"Calm down Hughie. I think it's kinda cool actually."
"Cool, Allen?" The British Diplomat with the sour disposition snapped, "We run a fanfiction university! I don't envy what Arthur and the others have to put up with in the slightest. Hell, I already have Tenterden all over me. Why would I want to get subjected to an entire fandom?"
"Hugh's right," the bespectacled Asian girl next to him pointed out, "This fandom seems a lot more dangerous than Hetalia's. The IAHF Fandom has the power to influence our very existence."
"Do you think they're the ones who sent Sparkles McDesu?" A nerdy looking boy asked, "She seemed a bit too extreme to be real."
"Don't go asking whose real and who isn't, Peter," the Asian girl sighed, "That moody bitch upstairs that's some weird alternate version of me probably created all of us from scratch and I'd rather not lose my mind over this. I have enough problems to deal with…"
"Oh yeah, they absolutely love your love life, Jennifer," a girl in a Canadian military uniform nearby let out a cackle.
"It's not funny Sara. Somehow one of their… monstrosities wormed their way into our canon."
"Or the alpha timeline anyway," the girl next to Sara mused, "It's pretty clear that we've veered off into some sort of beta timeline by simple virtue that we've come to know our author. Using Homestuck logic, this version of ourselves is likely doomed."
"More good news," Hugh groaned.
"We can all try going to sleep like Rose did and hope our consciousnesses will be merged or some shit," The boy next to them mumbled as he lit a cigarette. Sara and the other girl eyed him warily, "Okay I didn't read Homestuck in that much depth. Sue me."
"If we're going to die anyway, we might as well do something useful," A girl with a sudden air of importance spoke up, "I declare that we create an Official Fanfiction University for our fledgling fandom."
"That is such a stupid idea. Why would I want to deal with more fanbrats?" Hugh shouted.
"You don't have to be the Course Coordinator, you know," A girl wearing a bomber jacket spoke up, "One of use can be. If this timeline is doomed like Loki says you might as well enjoy the time you have left and relax."
"Merka, that is a splendid idea!" A ginger boy popped up from underneath Hugh's desk, causing everyone to jump, "Come on Hughie! We can Honeymoon at Foscarini's estate!"
"How callous can you be Charlie? He's dead!" Hugh shouted, both shaken by the boy's sudden appearance and the gross insensitivity of the suggestion.
"If this universe follows the same principles of other Fanfiction University planes of existence, it would mean that all areas and characters would be accessible," Loki answered, "And seeing as she has arrived I would expect that to be true."
"Wait… Do you mean?" Hugh sat up, face paling.
"Hughie! Hughie! We've come to marry you!"
The doors flung open and a wave of Mary Sues led by the Sue version of Takara streamed into the Orientation Hall.
"No~!" Hugh shouted, running away as Charlie and the Sues chased him outside towards Lake Eric.
"Now that we've got that out of the way," The girl with the aura of importance spoke up, "I nominate myself as the new Course Coordinator. For obvious reasons."
"Knock yourself out Ema," Jennifer waved, as she followed the others in exiting the hall, "God knows no one else wants the job."
"How dare you take the lords name in vai-"
"Shut up Lucas."
"Yes…yes…YES!" The girl shouted, as she slammed the last period onto the page. She leaned back in her chair and stared at the screen in smug satisfaction.
Her favorite fanfiction ever, the International Academy of Hetalia Fanfiction, was taking writing submissions for a writing seminar. As soon as she saw the message she knew she had to polish off that amazingly ~*kawaii~ fanfic she had been working on for ages.
Now all that hard work had paid off.
She smiled and read the story back to herself…
The day of Karen DuLay and Lucas Arch's wedding was full of splendor.
"Oh That dress!" Jennifer moaned, throwing herself down on her bed, "I could never pull off something so revealing and assless like Lucas could, and he rocked that veil."
"You'd look better out of you're dress" her angel companion screamed, savagely ripping off her clothes.
"But Michael your wings!" Jennifer sniffled.
"Don't worry my dear-"
"I want them inside of me!" Jennifer howled, bearing her flesh to him, "I want the entire wing inside of me!"
"Thy Kingdom cum, thy will be done," Michael smirked, and went to town on her fish taco.
"Oh this is so good," Jennifer moaned, "You better be getting all this bitch."
"You better believe it," Merka huffed in her strapless bikini, mentally fucking Jennifer with the camera. "Dose big lucius asses!" she salivated.
"I'm almost there!"
"Oh Michael harder!"
"UMMF" Michael collapsed. Jennifer smiled and thanked Jesus that she could fuck an Angel and send the videotape to all her exboyfriends.
"I heard about that terrible thing that was read after Thanksgiving. So it was you who wrote it?"
The girl turned in shock to see a girl about her age with short blond hair, freckles, and an amazing amount of attitude in her voice.
"I swear you're even worse than Kira," She snorted.
"Ursula! Ursula Klevins? Is that really you?" The girl squealed, launching herself at the arrogant teen.
"Yes, but get off of me!" Ursula yelled, pushing her back into the chair, "I've been sent to deliver a message."
"Are you going to take me to I.A.H.F.? It's been my dream to go to school there. I stay up until 6AM every night in hopes that one of you would come to take me there!" The girl frowned, "I was hoping it could've been Charlie Tenterden though. Why didn't he come?"
"He and Hugh were tied up with something else," Ursula waved her hand in distaste.
"I knew they were into bondage." The girl salivated.
"Gross. Anyway, no you are not going to 'I.A.H.F.' – you are going somewhere much worse. The Official Fanfiction University of the International Academy of Hetalia Fanfiction."
"What?"
"I didn't choose the name. Our special Course Coordinator did," Ursula rolled her eyes, "Just take the damn letter and fill out the form okay?"
The girl grabbed the form and eagerly tore it open, grabbing her custom made YaoiCon fountain pen and began filling out the form in earnest.
The Official Fanfiction University of the International Academy of Hetalia Fanfiction
Dear Fanwriter,
We are absolutely beside ourselves with impending doom in announcing that you have been chosen to attend the Fanfiction University of the International Academy of Hetalia Fanfiction. This is an offshoot of the international organization geared towards teaching you and your really stupid peers how to write passable fanfiction for the IAHF fandom. Passing this university is mandatory if you want your family to live.
OFUIAHF offers several courses that we'll come up with as we go along for the next five weeks (assuming we survive that long), all taught by characters from IAHF. Most of the Hetalia characters present in IAHF have taken vacations to relax in their final days as they shouldn't have to be subjected to the likes of you after going through all you've seen depicted in IAHF and its ongoing sequel. Do not irritate staff, because they will be aided in their duties, academic or otherwise, by a troupe of Mary Sues hungry for human flesh of the fanfiction-fanwriter variety. If you do not heed this warning, don't say I didn't warn you. Please fill out the attached form and sign the waiver, and I hope I will not see your face at OFUIAHF tomorrow.
From,
Her Highness Miss Skye,
Course Coordinator
YOU, AS A STUDENT
Name: Katey Bartholomew-Strider
Gender: Female
Species: Human! I don't want to get weird growths! Im smart like that.
Age: 15
Physical Description: Asian girl with braces and dyed blonde hair.
Do you have any fears/phobias/allergies/worst nightmares that we should be aware of? I'm allergic to stupid bitches like Jennifer Chang who don't deserve kawaii boyfriends like I do~~~
Have you been to an OFU before? No But It's Always Been My DREAM
Have you heard of the PPC before? DUH
List ONE luxury item to take with you: My Dojin-making supplies.
YOU, IN RELATION TO THE CANON
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being 'dimwit who only reads for the shipping' and 10 being 'takes away all useful information from the lectures and applies them', how well acquainted are you with the IAHF canon? I'm a 2 because I'm not a dimwit but the lessons are boring.
Are you familiar with other series that have been mentioned in IAHF aside from Hetalia (Homestuck, Inception, Scandinavia and the World, etc.)? Homestuck is super kawaii. I don't read the words because it's really boring I just look at the pictures. Dave is my waifu.
If applicable, how much of the story that had been posted did you read before submitting a character to enter IAHF? Only two chapters. But my character was so awesome that she totally dictated how the second story went. But then the author got jellious and killed her off for realz.
YOU, IN RELATION TO YOUR WORK
Why do you write IAHF fanfiction or draw IAHF fanart? Because the characters have so much shipping potential and they're all gay or bi so orgies are a must!
Who is your favorite character and/or lust object? Why? Charlie Tenterden is amazing. I'm working on some dojin starring him and his awesomeness. And Workbitch is the best I want him so fucking much.
Who is your least favorite character? Why? Jennifer Chang is so dumb she doesn't deserve all those hot guies especially WB he's MINE.
Have you written het? What was the pairing, and why? I wrote a Jennifer/Michael just now because I knew if Jennifer wasn't in it they'd never feature it in the story okay?
Have you written slash? What was the pairing, and why? I LOVE YAOI. My Favorite to write is Charlie/Hugh but I write a whole bunch :33
Have you written a Mary Sue? No mary sues are evil and try to steal Hughie when he belongs with Charlie.
What types of fanfiction do you usually write? Romance, Smut. I used to write angst but every1 said it was too deep so I stopped.
Which pairings do you usually write? HUGHCHARLIE. I also have this fic where I write these kawaii scenes for all my favorite yaoi. My most recent accomplishments are when Lila dies in a train accident and Peter hooks up with Andy oh and theres one where Dirk and Lucas do it on Megan's bed. :3333
Least favorite pairings? Why? Jennifer/Workbitch is so fucking gross man.
Have you tried to write poetry? They told me too stop cuz it was too deep.
MISCELLANEOUS QUESTIONS
Merka or Kriss? Kriss because she tapped dat hot British ass.
Hugh or Allen? OH GOD I LOVE THEM BOTH. But I have to go with Hughie.
Who is the most talented? Megan is because she gets all the boys to drink her nasty alien milkshake,
Megan: pervert or misunderstood? PERVERT
Anglophiles or Nerd Group? Nerd Group because the Anglos have Jennifer ew.
Takara or Mary? Mary because Takara is a gross Mary Sue who wants to steal Hughie from Charlie.
Jennifer or Peter? Peter because he's the best uke.
PERMISSION FORM TO ATTEND IAHF
By signing below, I hereby waive my rights to sue OFUIAHF for any damages inflicted upon me during my tenure on their campus. I will now resign myself for a very long and grueling five weeks of terror, hatred, and fear as I Learn Through Pain how to write good, or decent, or semi-decent, or meh-ish, or at the very least comprehensible International Academy of Hetalia fanfiction. If the staff members or the Mary Sues kill, traumatize, maim, or otherwise injure me in any way, I will not sue them because by signing here I acknowledge that any sort of harm inflicted upon my person is only for my own good and I deserve it because of my own stupidity and irrationality. OFUIAHF takes no responsibility for injuries gained from class activities. I will not bring forth international laws or attempt to contact the United Nations or Amnesty International; being a foolish fanbrat, I probably have no idea what they are in the first place. I can complain to Her Highness Miss Skye, but she will just laugh at me and send me back for more.
By signing this waiver, I put myself into the hands of the OFUIAHF staff, even though I am probably not reading this because I am a foolish fanbrat and I am only agreeing to this just to see my lust objects or attempt to canon-ize my favorite ships. I will now waive all personal rights granted to me under my Nation's constitution and under the United Nation's Universal Declaration of Human Rights. The staff of OFUIAHF are hereby given the right to do to me as they see fit, which includes but is not limited to mental and emotional abuse, torture, and death. This contract will be legally binding the moment I sign this, and I will not be allowed to leave OFUIAHF until I pass my courses or this timeline ceases to exist. I can attempt to drop out, but that will be a lengthy bureaucratic process involving mountains of red tape, and Ema Skye will probably just kill you with a sword or something. This contract will not break even in the event of my death, because the University will most likely be able to resurrect me.
(Of course, all of this is probably going over your head, because it's just a big wall of text and we are not providing you with a tl;dr below. You're probably too busy anticipating being taught by your lust object, so you'll just automatically sign on the space provided, unaware of the fact that you just gave us your soul. Thank you for making this a very efficient and painless procedure. Oh and thanks Allen for letting me basically copypasta this form. We are short on time after all.)
From, Her Highness Miss Skye, Course Coordinator
"Good," Ursula snatched the sheet, "You know the drill. Go to sleep and awful stuff will happen to you."
Katey sighed, leaned back in her chair, and waited for the wondrous dream to begin.
"Oh no. I dropped it!"
"Takara? Is everything okay?" Ema poked her head out of her new office, eying her ghost secretary, "I told you to get one of the G8 to help you with the errands. You're a ghost, and everyone knows ghosts have a hard time holding things."
"I want to be able to do it on my own," Takara sighed, her pale eyes surveying the spilled ink all over the floor, "But I've been meaning to ask. What is this color?"
"Bled's evil cousin – Gellow," Ema sighed, shielding her eyes, "Megan and Taylor thought it would be a good idea to mix fluorescent green and the brightest yellow they could find in order to create this monstrosity."
"Wouldn't it just make a solid color though?"
"Apparently they managed to replicate whatever Arthur and Kiku did to create Bled all those months ago," Ema explained, "Don't ask me how. All I know is that it's cleaned up with human blood – which is a lot easier to come by than that awful turnip mash."
"I guess you'll be using the students for that then?"
"Yes. They'll arrive tomorrow so we better hurry up with preparations. Charlie's probably just stalking Hugh so go make him help you."
"I'd rather not go near Hugh though…" Takara replied, looking down through her feet.
Ema sighed and shook her head, "Of course. I think Azure's in the library. Go ask her to help for now until we come up with something more permanent."
"Assuming we have the time," Takara added wistfully, "Does Loki know how much more time we have until..?"
"She thinks we should be able to get the five weeks in that we need for this program, but she can't be sure. After that… we'll just need to go to sleep and hope for the best."
Another figure hurried into the room, waving her hands urgently, "Ema-"
"I told you not to call me that now that I have my new title Sabrina."
Sabrina rolled her eyes and clicked one of her invisible hooves, "Okay fine, Her Highness Miss Skye, Ursula and Kira and back from delivering their share of the messages and need a new assignment. Preferably one where they aren't working together."
"Okay, I'll come up with something," Ema sighed as Takara walked through the wall to go find Azure. A Course Coordinator's work is never done.
Author's Note: Thank you so much for reading this far! This University is now accepting applicants. Just fill out the form present in this chapter - the more unhinged the character the better. Though do try and be careful so your character doesn't end up contradicting established canon present in Lily Winterwood's works.