Author's Notes: I'm taking a break from drama and writing a comedy this time.
This fic was inspired by Stranger than Fiction, HOWEVER, it is NOT based on the film. I just fell in love with the idea of a bodiless narrator—that's it. The similarities (aside from one line I couldn't resist leaving out) end there. Still, I must give credit where it is due and the idea of an all knowing narrator is not mine…
Also, and I cannot stress this enough, I am not the narrator. This is not one of those fics that has Tenchi hearing the thoughts of a deranged fan. The narrator is an actual character from Tenchi Universe and, if you read, it's pretty easy to figure out who it is.
Disclaimer: Please… if I owned Tenchi, the OVA would have ended MUCH differently and there'd by no such thing as 'Tenchi in Tokyo'… so yeah… I don't own it.
Set during the summer after the events in Tenchi Universe
Just His Wretched Luck!
Chapter 1: This is the Story of a Boy…
"Tenchi Masaki, age nineteen, was pleased to tell anyone that he was perfectly normal. Of course, he usually managed to exclude a few facts, such as that he was actually a prince of an alien planet who held the affections of several exceptionally beautiful women from outer space. But aside from those minor details, Tenchi was basically normal. Even his physical appearance wasn't particularly striking. He had the jet black hair and plain brown eyes that most would associate with a young Japanese male. The only real feature that distinguished him was the small rat's tail that hung limply down his neck. That was it. Unassuming, generally polite, and entirely forgettable. That was Tenchi Masaki."
Tenchi Masaki sat absolutely still on his bed, one sock on his foot and the other hanging loosely in his hand. Slowly, his eyes edged towards his alarm clock which confirmed to him that it was very early in the morning. Too early perhaps. Surely that's all it was. Clearing his throat and breaking the tense silence, he quickly slipped the other sock onto his foot and proceeded downstairs into the entryway.
'It's just my tired mind playing tricks on me,' Tenchi thought as he crossed the hill into the carrot field. 'I'm not hearing voices; I'm just a bit too tired.' Stopping to get his tools from the small shed, he quickly concluded that the voice he had thought he heard was just the aftermath of a lingering dream. And so, shrugging the incident off, he walked into the fields and readied himself for a long days work. Soon the sun began to creep high into the sky, and Tenchi's tanned body began to long for the air-conditioned house. Still, he kept working and tried not to let his mind wonder to the delicious breakfast Sasami was probably starting or the relaxing waters of the bathhouse Washu had reinstalled.
"As Tenchi labored in the hot carrot field, he cursed himself silently for forgetting the snack Sasami had made for him the night before."
Tenchi froze, he hand still holding the clump a fertilizer. 'It's just the heat-It's just the heat!' He told himself, but even as he chanted in his mind, he knew the truth. He'd heard it. He'd definitely heard it. A female voice, one he'd never heard before, reading his thoughts—narrating his day. 'I'm going mad. All these years of stress having finally caught up with me and I've cracked.' Tenchi hung his head. He'd always known this day might come, but why did it have to come so soon? And why on a hot July with tons of work to be done? He could practically see his grandfather's eyes peering over his newspaper to tell him that, sane or not, the work would still have to be done. That was just his wretched luck.
"As Tenchi kneeled close to the ground, his mind completely absorbed in his thoughts, he found himself completely oblivious to all that might be going on around him. It wasn't until he felt the small tap on his shoulder that he realized he wasn't alone."
Tenchi jumped to his feet and whipped around to see Ryoko holding a boxed lunch and looking quite pleased with herself.
Ryoko smiled as she held up the small box, which was giving off the pleasant scent of well cooked food. Although her first instinct was to immediately jump into Tenchi's arms, she saw the handful of fertilizer and thought better of it. Her smile faltered as she noticed the look on Tenchi's face.
"What's wrong, Tenchi?"
"Tenchi stared at Ryoko, and tried to will a few very incriminating thoughts from his mind. But try as he might, Tenchi couldn't help but notice how particularly stunning Ryoko's body looked in the afternoon sun. Moving as if they had a mind of their own, his eyes trailed down her slim neck and settled precariously atop her breasts."
"See something you like?"
Tenchi snapped out of his dreamlike state and took a few steps back. A wicked smile played over Ryoko's lips as she placed her free hand on her hip and stalked him with her cat like eyes.
"Y-you—I wasn't looking at anything," Tenchi stuttered, cursing the voice in his head. It was all its fault! He didn't mean to look at her-br-bre—he didn't mean it! Squeezing his eyes shut, he crouched on the ground, his back to Ryoko. Maybe if she thought he was working again she'd just go away and leave the lunch behind. Maybe, just maybe…
"You didn't answer my question, Tenchi," Ryoko whispered, her hot breath curling against his ear.
Tenchi yelped and jumped away, tripping over his own feet and landing soundly on his rear. He looked up and saw a grinning Ryoko towering over him. The light from the sun shinned at her back and threw her face into shadow, making her look every bit like the fearsome space pirate she was.
"Now Tenchi," she said, bringing one hand up to cup her breast. Tenchi gulped. "You can't lie to me." She leaned down until she was mere inches from his face. "You know you're always welcome to do more than look," she whispered, her words practically dripping with obvious intention.
"For a moment… for one tantalizing moment, Tenchi actually considered taking her up on her offer. After all, he was flesh and blood. And though he maintained a strictly platonic relationship with all the beautiful girls he lived with, it wasn't as though thoughts with one of them had never crossed his mind. And after all, he and Ryoko were alone. And he was sure she could just teleport them to a more comfortable, private place."
Tenchi's hand shot up to cover his eyes. Perhaps it was best just to not look at all. Then, quite suddenly, a realization hit him like a blow to the head. He wasn't losing his mind—Ryoko was sending messages to it!
"Ah HA!" Tenchi opened his eyes and pointed an accusing finger at Ryoko's face. "So you're the one!"
Ryoko backed up a few steps, and tilted her head as if to see Tenchi from a different angle. Under normal conditions, Tenchi telling her that she was 'the one' would have sent her into realm of happiness beyond comprehension. However, judging from the maddened look in his eyes, she knew instantly that this was not the case.
"The one what?" Ryoko asked, going over everything she had done wrong with the past few days. Was it the time she'd skipped doing the laundry and managed to convince Mihoshi that it was actually her turn? Or could it be the time she stole Aeka's clothes while she was bathing and forced her to wait until dark to sneak back into her room? Or was it when she snuck into Katsuhito's study, played with a bokuto, broke it, and buried it in the woods? But then again, she was sure Katsuhito knew about that as every time he came across her, he gave her this weird piercing look that made her wonder if he really could read minds.
"You know what I'm talking about," Tenchi said, standing with an accomplished smirk on his face.
Ryoko could indeed think of a few things that would make Tenchi upset with her, but she wasn't confessing to anything just yet. He had yet to tell her what she'd done, so she wasn't about to list an additional offence, especially since he'd not given her any evidence to prove anything. Setting her face into what she hoped was a guilt free expression, Ryoko gave him a quizzical look.
"Don't look at me like that! You're guilty—admit it!"
"Tenchi, I really don't know what you're talking about."
And it was true. She really looked as though she had no idea what he was going on about. A small part of Tenchi was nudging his brain and telling him that Ryoko probably wasn't the one. The voice didn't even sound like her. But Tenchi would not give up.
"No, no, I'm sure it's you," Tenchi said, narrowing his eyes at her. "You're the one who's been messing with me!"
"Tenchi, I've been inside all day," snapped Ryoko in a voice she rarely used with him. "If you don't believe me ask Aeka. She cornered me after breakfast and made me do the dishes. I had just finished when Sasami asked me to give you this." She thrust the boxed lunch into his hands, turned, and teleported away.
"Tenchi stared at the spot where Ryoko had been only seconds ago. Looking down into the small box in his hands, he sighed and realized too late that Ryoko had been innocent all along."
Tenchi sighed, but quickly changed it to a cough as the voice narrated in his head. So, Ryoko was innocent. Feeling like a total jerk, Tenchi walked over to a tree and sat down in the shade. Throwing his gloves off, he opened the box and looked at what was once probably a delicate and ornate display. Now, rice lay strewn over everything and the small desert Sasami had made specifically for him lay mixed in with the soy sauce. Tenchi sighed and picked up the chopsticks Sasami had carefully tucked in. As Tenchi ate, he contemplated exactly how he was going to apologize to Ryoko. After all, it wasn't like he could just walk up to her and say "Hey Ryoko, sorry about all that earlier. I just thought you were projecting some weird voice into my head. Ha ha ha." He shook his head. How could he explain his actions when he wasn't even sure what was happening? 'You're hearing a voice in your head,' his mind quipped. 'Sounds simple enough to me.'
Tenchi grunted and leaned against the tree. He had to figure out what was happening to him. He knew the voice was female. That was easy enough to figure out. However, it was a voice he'd never heard before, and whoever she was, she seemed to have a very intimate knowledge of his most private thoughts. Even if Ryoko had the ability to project thoughts into his head, which Tenchi doubted, she wouldn't have bothered with this maddening plan. One simple scan of his mind would be enough to send her into hysterics (for she wasn't the only one he'd ever entertained in his fantasies).
Tenchi wondered if he would be able to handle this situation alone. He briefly considered going to Washu. After all, she was the self proclaimed greatest genius in the universe. Surely she could find some scientific reason for what was happening to him. 'But then,' Tenchi thought. 'That would include running tests, and I know Washu well enough to avoid that.' Tenchi mentally checked Washu off a list in his head. He thought for a moment later and wondered whether he should visit his grandfather. 'Grandfather does have that weird thing about him that makes it seem like he knows a bit more than he lets on… But then again, I really don't want to admit to anyone that I'm hearing a voice in my head. And I don't think even Grandpa would be able to help me about that.' Tenchi sighed and, after throwing the remains of his lunch into a nearby trash barrel, began to walk back into the fields. Perhaps all he needed was a bit of work to distract him.
"Tenchi listened absentmindedly at the gravel crunching under his shoes, and tried to distance his mind from the chaos that stirred around him."
"Who are you?!" Tenchi yelled, screaming into the sky.
"Cursing the heavens in vain, Tenchi scooped a clump of dirt and threw it into the sky, which really worked to his disadvantage as he struggled to rub the fallen grains from his eyes."
Letting out a stream of curse words, Tenchi struggled with his watering eyes. Wrenching his eyes open, he stomped over to the wheelbarrow, threw the bag of fertilizer inside it, rolled it into the shed, and slammed the door shut for good measure.
"Tenchi!"
Tenchi whirled around and cringed when he saw his grandfather's stern face right behind him. How did he know? How the hell did he know? Did he have a sixth sense that somehow detected when Tenchi was doing something he wasn't supposed to?
"What do you think you're doing?" Katsuhito pointed at the bright summer sun that seemed to mock Tenchi as it glowed in the sky. "The day's barely half past and yet here you are, looking as though you're through for the day." He folded his arms inside the generous sleeves of his kimono and waited for an explanation.
Tenchi really wasn't in the mood for a lecture. His eyes stung and all he wanted was to go to his room and figure something out.
"I'm sick," he said, which was partially true. People who heard voices in their heads were often described as being sick.
"Weakness," Katsuhito muttered, shaking his head in shame.
"Well, I'll work on that," Tenchi called as he darted past his grandfather and ran up the hill that led to the house.
"Got to figure this out—got to figure this out—got to figure this out—" Tenchi chanted as he kicked off his shoes and rushed up the stairs and into the upstairs bathroom. Panting heavily, he carefully inspected his reflection, looking for any signs of… disease….? Madness? He didn't know, but he checked anyway.
"Tenchi's mind teetered on the brink sanity as he tried to sort out exactly what was happening to him. Was he sick? Was he dreaming? Did this kind of thing happen to every nineteen year old virgin?"
"Virgin? Well excuse me for having some honor and wanting to wait until I'm married!" Tenchi screamed, shaking his fist at an invisible foe.
"Poor Tenchi. Denial seemed to have rotted his mind. Violent urges took hold of him, and in his fragile mental state, he screamed and cursed at his own madness."
"I'm screaming at you, you sick, twisted, degenerate—"
"Tenchi-sama?"
"Tenchi froze as Aeka's voice drifted in through the door. Perhaps if he hadn't been so wrapped up in his own problems, he'd have noticed her sooner. 'Now what' was the question that rushed through his mind. How much had she heard? What would she say? Would she think he was crazy too?"
Somewhere under his eye, a small muscle twitched involuntarily. Using a tremendous amount of mental strength, he forced a smile on his face and opened the door.
"Hello, Aeka-san," he gritted out, hoping against hope that she hadn't heard him.
Aeka stared at Tenchi and neither moved nor blinked for several seconds. Pushing down the rational voice in her head that was actively questioning Tenchi's state of mind, she cleared her throat and told him that Washu was asking for him.
Tenchi managed a nod and mentally thanked Aeka for her wonderful sense of tact.
"Tenchi watched as Aeka descended the stairs and wondered why all women couldn't be just a little more like her. After all, when Aeka wasn't trading blows and insults with Ryoko, she was the epitome of grace and elegance. He watched as she stopped in front of the door that led to Washu's lab. Her delicate eyes drifted up the stairs, and Tenchi couldn't help but notice how cute she looked as she eyed him with subtle curiosity. Only then did Tenchi realize that he hadn't moved a step and probably looked like a fool to her as he stared dumbly from the top of the stairs."
Tenchi felt his face flush red as he quickly descended the stairs. Aeka was kind enough to avert her gaze and allow Tenchi a moment to compose himself before he entered the lab.
"Tenchi's eyes widened as his eyes took in the impressive arrangement of machinery and advanced technology that he had no hope of ever understanding. It was very humbling to say the least and, as he and Aeka continued forward, Tenchi felt a familiar sense of admiration and fear for the brilliant scientist who'd created it all."
Raising an eyebrow, Tenchi snorted. 'Bit of an exaggeration,' he thought, rolling his eyes as the voice narrated about his so called "admiration and fear" of Washu. He stopped laughing though when he saw the look of concern Aeka was giving him. 'Probably think's I'm loosing my mind,' he thought dismally.
And, as it turned out, his assessment was pretty close because the next thing Aeka said was, "Tenchi-sama is something wrong?"
"For a moment, Tenchi actually contemplated telling Aeka the truth. He could just see her reaction. She'd probably raise her hand to her mouth, her eyes widening with horror until she finally threw her arms around him and swore her undying love and loyalty despite the fact that he was going insane. It was almost tempting enough to try. Almost. However, a small poke on his back jolted him back to the present and halted the rash decision Tenchi was about to make."
Washu's smiled widened as Tenchi yelped and stumbled right into Aeka, who was now making no attempt to hide her concern for Tenchi's mental stability.
"Yes, Tenchi-dono, is something wrong?" Washu asked, tilting her head in a way that made her look more like a curious child rather the self-proclaimed greatest scientific genus in the universe. She watched as Aeka helped Tenchi regain his balance. "Is there anything I can do?" She asked innocently, giggling rudely as he fought to control his shaking hands.
Tenchi managed a head shake.
"J-Just tell me what you want."
"Aww you seemed stressed," Washu cooed. Tenchi flinched at the dangerous gleam in her eyes. "Perhaps I should run a few tests to—"
"No, no. I'm fine." Tenchi held up his hands and took a few precautionary steps back. "Just tell me what you needed and I'll be on my way."
"Well, if you insisted." Washu shrugged and leaned back. A small red cushion rushed from nowhere and caught her as she set down. Crooking her hands in midair, she summoned her laptop and crossed her legs. "You can leave now Aeka-san. This is between Tenchi and me."
"Actually, I think I'll stay, Washu-san," said Aeka, smiling a brilliantly fake smile that Washu returned as her fingers twitched treacherously over her keyboard. Tenchi cleared his throat and Washu jerked her hand away.
"As you please," said Washu, her tone constrained. Coughing in a way that sounded suspiciously like an insult to Aeka's honor, she returned her attention to Tenchi and informed him that she had a favor for him.
"What kind of favor," Tenchi asked, a feeling of foreboding settling over him.
"Oh, it's nothing big. Just a teeny errand I need you to run."
"Uh huh." Tenchi didn't like the sound of this. "And what might this 'teeny errand' be?"
"Oh, I just need you to pick up a few notes for me at the Universal Science Academy."
Tenchi nodded, crossing his arms. "You mean the academy you were kicked out of last summer for developing a weapon of mass destruction that was capable of destroying the entire universe…? That academy?" Tenchi smirked as he watched Washu visibly struggle not to do something horrible to him.
"Yes, that academy," she gritted out, clearly irritated.
"Ahh, I see."
"Yes, well," Washu straightened up, composing herself. "Prior to my… eh…departure… I was working on some very serious research and I… carelessly… left my notes behind. These are extremely important to me, so I was wondering if you would be a dear and pick them up."
Tenchi laughed and if it wasn't for the fact that he preferred his internal organs in their current, internal state, he'd have rolled his eyes too.
"You expect me to just waltz in the Universal Space Academy, without a) transportation or b) knowing where the hell it is, and just demand access to your notes?"
Washu smiled sweetly and nodded.
"Why can't you just get them yourself?" He asked. Washu's smile vanished.
"Have you forgotten that I spent an entire 700 years trapped in a crystal?! I've got a lot of catching up to do! I can't just take time out of my busy schedule to go traipsing across the universe to pick up some notes! I've got to keep moving forward!"
"Then can't you just hack into the computers. You're smart enough, why are you dragging me into this."
"Because, oh ye of little brain, I'm the one who created the security system that protects all of the files at the academy, and it appears that my greatness has exceeded even my expectations," she sighed dramatically as two puppets suddenly appeared on her shoulder and praised her brilliance.
"Poor Washu," they chanted. "Sometimes it's hard being the best!"
"I know… I know… it's a tremendous burden I carry," Washu held her hands to her heart as both Tenchi and Aeka fought the urge to just leave. Finally, Washu waved the puppets away and returned her attention to a very weary looking Tenchi. "In short," she continued. "I can't just hack into it. The files have to be picked up in person."
"All right," Tenchi said. "Let's just say that I somehow manage to get there—Let's just say. What makes you think that they're just going to hand over your notes to me?"
"You're a prince of Jurai," she replied with a noncommittal shrug. "How could they refuse you?"
"Then why not send Aeka," Tenchi demanded, getting more confused and frustrated by the minute. "She'd be much better at this than me."
"Because, if you'll care to remember, Aeka will be returning to Jurai as of tomorrow."
Tenchi mentally smacked himself in the head as Aeka suddenly found something interesting to look at on the floor. How could he have forgotten? Despite how familiar he was with her, Aeka was still a member of the most powerful monarch in the universe, and now that she was an official adult by Juraian standards, she was now required to sit in on all major meetings. Tenchi felt a rush of sympathy for the young princess that stood so quietly at his side. Guilt tugged at his conscience. Whereas he was completely free from the reach of the Imperial Family, Aeka was still bound and obligated to follow their rule. She was crossing a few lines already for staying on Earth instead of remaining on Jurai.
"So, how do I get there," he asked, defeat evident in his voice.
Washu clapped her hands enthusiastically. "So, you're going? That's wonderful!" Her fingers danced over her keyboard and in a flash of light, Ryoko suddenly popped into existence. "She'll be taking you." Ryoko blinked twice in apparent confusion as Aeka suddenly screeched with indignation.
"W-W-Washu-san! What is the meaning of this?!"
Tenchi watched as Ryoko looked from Aeka to Washu, clearly confused at the situation she now found herself in.
"Yeahhh. Washu… what she said," Ryoko said hesitantly, trying to figure out what the hell was going on.
"You and Tenchi will be making a little trip, alone, to the Universal Science Academy to pick up some notes for me," Washu replied cheerfully.
"I am? We will?"
"No, you most certainly will not," Aeka shrieked, but Ryoko had already processed the words "You", "Tenchi", "trip", and "alone" and a wide smile spread over her face.
"Why of course we will, Washu-chan," Ryoko chimed as an assortment of various indecent situations played through her mind. Her and Tenchi—alone?! Oh, the endless possibilities!
"I'll take him," Aeka said suddenly.
"Now, Aeka dear, use your head." Ryoko shook her head and looked at Aeka as though she were talking to a small child. "You're needed in Jurai in less than seven days," Ryoko held up her fingers. "The Universal Science Academy is this way," she said as she pointed to her right. "And Jurai is that way." She pointed left. "There's no way you could make both trips and still arrive at Jurai on time."
Aeka burned with fury as Ryoko's smirk widened. "Don't worry though," she said as she suddenly teleported to Tenchi's side and slung and arm around his shoulders. "I'm sure we'll have a great time… just the two of us." Tenchi watched as something in Aeka snapped and suddenly he became very worried about his physical well being. But instead of the usual battle cry and display of inhuman power, Aeka, with a very visible effort, sighed asked Ryoko for a private conversation. At first, Tenchi thought she was going to refuse, but a wave of relief washed over him as Ryoko pulled away and followed Aeka out of the lab.
"Well, that went swell," Washu said, breaking the silence. "So, Tenchi-dono, now that we're alone… how about those tests I mentioned?"
"Actually, Washu-san, I'd better get packing," Tenchi said as he broke into an all out sprint towards the exit. "I'll see you when I get back," he shouted as he slammed the door behind him.
"Tenchi tried to still his raging heart as he thanked the gods that he'd made it out of there unscathed. Exactly what Aeka and Ryoko were talking about (or if they were even talking at all) he didn't know. But he was overjoyed that whatever they were doing was taking place away from him."
"Dammit! Just when I thought I was rid of you—why are you back?!" Tenchi yelled, throwing his hands up to the heavens.
"You-you want to get rid of me?"
"Huh?" Tenchi looked towards the doorway and saw Mihoshi standing there, tears already streaming from her eyes. "Oh, no," he said right before she bolted out of the house crying hysterically.
"No, Mihoshi-san, it's not you," Tenchi cried as he ran after her.
"Tenchi chased Mihoshi around the front yard for quite a long time as her partner, Kiyone, watched with unreserved amusement. All and all, it was turning out to be a very eventful day…"
TBC
A/N: Go on. You know you're just itching to tell me your opinion. Did you love it? Hate it? Take a deep breath and just let it all out. Please Review. You'll feel better.
The pace is probably a bit fast, but this fic is about six or seven chapters long, so I've got a bit of ground to cover. Still, I hope it's an enjoyable read so far.
Chapter 2 is almost finished. I've got a healthy plot bunny here, so expect an update soon.