A/N: This was originally thought as the last chapter of "You're not lost on your own" but I thought it should stand alone and I don't think it would've fitted into that story. Then I thought I would make a one shot but it seemed pressured the way I wrote it so there you have a new story.

Enjoy!

"Chapter 1"

"Falling"

„Hush little baby don't say a word

Momma's gonna buy you a mockingbird

And if that mockingbird won't sing

Momma's gonna buy you a diamond ring

And if that diamond ring goes brass

Momma's gonna buy you a looking-glass."

Jane was standing in the doorway to the nursery, watching her wife sing their baby daughter Suzana to sleep. She herself just brought their six-year-old Kayla to bed.

Although Jane loved the sight of Maura with Suzana she just couldn't stand that song anymore. It was almost the only thing she has heard for the last six months. Six months in which Maura did nothing but sit next to Suzana's crib, watching over her and picking her up whenever she let out even the littlest of winces. Maura hasn't really left the house, besides the little walk around the block with Suzana she did every day, since the day they came home from the hospital. Jane barely recognized her wife anymore and she had no idea what she should do. She thought after Suzana's birth everything would be perfect. After all this time wishing, hoping and praying for another child, after the loss of Jasper, the baby boy they adopted, 4 years ago. He died in his sleep just a month after they brought him home. Both Jane and Maura were blaming themselves although they knew there was nothing they could've done to prevent this. Eventually they were at point where they wanted to become pregnant again. This time Maura wanted to carry the child, since, with Kayla, they already had a Mini Jane running around the house. 2 years and a few failed attempts later Maura was finally pregnant and Jane, Kayla and her couldn't have been happier until Suzana was born.

And now 6 months later Maura still doesn't leave Suzana alone, or with anyone else than her, for more than 10 minutes, Jane hasn't even held Suzana since that one time right after her birth and Kayla wasn't allowed anywhere near the baby.

As much as Jane loved Maura and as much as she knew why Maura acted the way she acted, she had no idea how long she was able to handle this. Although Maura was right there she missed her more than anything and Kayla missed her mother. Jane needed her wife, Jane needed to be able to build some kind of relationship with Suzana.

As Suzana finally fell asleep and Maura put her in her crib Jane waved for Maura to come out of the room and went towards the living room. She knew that the following conversation could end loudly, so she didn't want to be immediately in front of the girls' rooms.

Maura hesitated a little but eventually followed Jane. „What is it, Jane?" Maura asked after she came to a halt. Jane could clearly hear a trace of annoyance in her wife's voice.

Jane looked at her wife, worry was written all over her face. Worry and just plain helplessness. She had no idea how she could help Maura, how she could get her out of this.

„Maur, please you have to do something about this. I need you. Kayla needs you. Do you know that she thinks you don't love her anymore, Maura?" Jane said, barely able to hold back her tears „I know it's hard for you. After what happened with Jasper"

„You know nothing, Jane. You couldn't care less about Suzana. I have to stay with her. I have to keep an eye on her. Because you wouldn't do it. You don't care about her. Just like you didn't about Jasper." Maura snapped, knowing she hit a nerve. The night Jasper died Jane was alone with him.

„Maura… I…of course…" Jane stuttered in response, tears streaming down her cheeks. She was speechless. She knew Maura was still blaming her for their son's death but accusing her of not caring about their children was something different.

„That's unfair, Maura… you know how much I loved Jasper. And do you really think I don't care about Suzana? Of course I do. But how should I show it when you wouldn't let me anywhere near her? Is this how it's gonna go from now on? Every time I say something to you,you gonna accuse me of something as ridiculous as that? I… I don't think I can take this any longer. Please let me get you help or get it yourself, but please, baby,you have to do something. I barely recognize you. Gosh you lost so much weight. Please, tell me what I can do?" Jane rambled on. Maura didn't seem to show any particular interest in what Jane said. All she heard was the part about Jane not being able to take this any longer.

„What you can do? Leave me alone, that's what? If I'm that unbearable, go! Go and leave me alone. We don't need you! Suzana's better off without you anyway." Maura said, every word was like a whip in Jane's face.

„Are you serious?" Jane asked after what Maura said sunk in.

Maura simply nodded and went back into the direction of the nursery.

Jane was just standing there, she let out a sob not able to hold anything in anymore and broke down to the floor. Not long after she heard Jo Friday tribble over to her. The little dog jumped into her lap, trying to comfort Jane.

„What's wrong, Ma?" Jane heard Kayla say after a while. Jane had no idea how long her daughter had been standing outside the living room already. Jane swiftly wiped her tears away.

„Nothing, baby, nothing." She said and went over to her daughter to pick her up.

„Why are you crying?" the little girl asked playing with one of Jane's curls.

„Nothing you have to worry about, baby girl" Jane said and kissed Kayla on the cheek.

She put Kayla back into her bed and after a few pages of Kayla's favorite book the little girl fell back to sleep.

Jane herself had a hard time falling asleep on the couch, that looked way more comfortable than she actually was. Jane couldn't stop thinking about all the things Maura said. Did she really mean all of that? Was this the end of their marriage, after everything they've been through? Soon enough Jane's eyes were filling with tears again. She loved Maura and she needed Maura but just thinking about how much it hurt Kayla that Maura didn't pay attention to her anymore she thought that maybe it would be better if she and Kayla would leave.

xxx

The next morning Jane woke up, her back hurting. As Jane entered the kitchen she saw Maura making coffee. She held back the urge to hug Maura from behind like she usually does.

„Good morning" Jane said.

Maura didn't answer.

„I talked to Frankie. He's going to let me and Kayla stay at his house. We are leaving today."

Again nothing from Maura. Jane didn't expect Maura to beg her to stay after her outburst the night before but she thought Maura would at least show some reaction.

Before Jane had to bring Kayla to school she packed their stuff. Kayla didn't quite understand what was going on. Jane explained to her that Maura and her needed some time alone to think about some things and that they would stay at Frankie's for a little while. Since Kayla loved her cousins Blake and Marina and her uncle and aunt she seemed happy about this turn of events.

xxx

Jane was sitting on the bed in Frankie's guestroom and was looking at her wedding ring. She was not sure if leaving was the right decision. Maybe if she would've stayed Maura and her would've gotten around to talk about all this. But something deep inside Jane told her that Maura wasn't really all that eager to sort things out. Still she had hope, because she didn't want to think that their marriage was over. That everything they worked through was for nothing. That their love was not strong enough to survive this. Jane felt tears running down her cheeks again. All caught up in her thoughts she didn't notice that Riley entered the room.

„Hey Frankie just told me that you and Maura had a fight, what happened?" Riley asked causing Jane to flinch a little.

Jane told her everything that happened the previous night. All the accusations on both sides and how Maura didn't even react to Jane telling her about moving out.

„I don't think we can fix this, Riles. I need her. I love her" Jane ended. Riley pulled her into a hug.

„Just give it time. I'm sure you can fix this and I'm sure that Maura didn't mean all the things she said. She was probably just caught in the moment."

„I hope you're right. Gosh, I miss her already. But what hurts me most though, ist hat Maura doesn't seem to care at all about the fact that Kayla thinks Maura doesn't love her anymore. Do you have any idea how heartbreaking it is when your six-year old asks ‚Why doesn't mommy love me anymore'" Jane said, tears forming in her eyes again, this time more out of frustration than sadness.

xxx

„I miss Mommy." Kayla said as Jane and her lay in bed that night.

„I miss her, too" Jane replied. „Believe me I miss her too"

„Can we go home again. Ma, please?"

„Not yet, I told you Mommy and I need some time apart to think about a few things."

„Then think faster." Kayla said and snuggled closer to her mother and fell asleep soon after.

Jane kissed her daughter at the top of her head and ruffled through her raven curls.

„I'm sorry, sweetie" Jane mumbled „I'm so sorry"