If I owned anything my mum wouldn't be pestering me to get a job all the time. I also wouldn't have just made myself broke buying manga.
ooooooooo
Self-pity never gets you anywhere.
Someone once told me that. I don't know who it was, I'm not even sure when it was. Probably some time during those first few years after the invasion. Before Ashford. Before Sayako. When we were alone and scared. When she still loved me.
Self-pity never gets you anywhere.
Everything. Everything for her. I suppose I really do have a sister complex. But how could I not? She was always so small and fragile, physically at least. And she was all I had for such a very long time. If I had lost her, before it all, before everything I did, when I was innocent, or at least as innocent as was ever going to be. If I had lost her then I would not have lived long enough to become the monster I am now. The monster she hates.
Self-pity never gets you anywhere.
Now I rule the world. I managed what none of the rest of my family ever did. And I hate myself for it. The only reason I managed it is because I never intended to hold the world. I don't want it. I don't deserve it. I suppose I don't deserve what I have planned for myself either. The easy way out. The coward's way out. For all the chances I've taken, the times I've courted death, stood on the brink of failure … I'm still a coward after all.
Self-pity never gets you anywhere.
Suzaku doesn't deserve what I'm doing to him. He's done things, horrible things, but ultimately he's still human. When she gave me geass C.C. said I would still be human. She was wrong. Nothing human could have done the things I've done.
Self-pity never gets you anywhere.
Even now, at the end of it all, even after Euphie, Suzaku loves me. I know he does. I love him too. It's not a romantic love, or even a brotherly love. I don't have a good track record with brothers, after all. Its just love. It doesn't need to be anymore than that. There's one person who can still look at me that way and it's enough. I can complete Zero Requiem. I can do it.
Self-pity never gets you anywhere.
I know what killing me will do to him but somehow it just can't seem to touch me. There's a gaping hole in the middle of me. I feel so hollow.
Self-pity never gets you anywhere.
Self-pity never gets you anywhere. But I'm not trying to go anywhere, am I? Everything is set, planned out to the tiniest detail. All I have to do is play my part. I have nothing left to reach for.
Self-pity never gets you anywhere.
I've never pitied myself before, not really. I've never succumbed. Maybe I knew that if I did that black emptiness inside me would just open up and I'd never be able to put it back. I'd be broken. But I'm already broken now, aren't I?
Self-pity never gets you anywhere.
And so for once… just once… I'm going to cry.
ooooooooo
AN: Wow… I really depressed myself writing this. I even got tears on my keyboard. I suppose that's what I get for listing to all the openings and endings followed by the entirety of the four soundtracks. *Sigh*. I guess I'll write something happy now to stop myself crying.