Hi! My second songfic! And this one's in english!
The song for this is: YOUTUBE /watch?v= hoWOFOH yhro
Hope you like it, even though it's a little different from what I usually write...
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Was I really asking too much of them, when I just wanted to help them fight? It seemed like it...
Sighting, more depressed than annoyed by now, I let myself fall backwards onto my recharge berth. Closing my optics, I hoped I would be able to pretend the last orn hadn't happened. But even that didn't work.
I was only trying to help, but all I did was mess things up. I was... useless.
Well it's all about the boys
Playing with their macho toys
And they're making so much noise
I didn't really want to shout
It had started out as a really normal orn though. While we were just training, everything was fine. I actually caught myself hoping that the Cons would at least leave us in peace this time.
When I caught myself however, it was too late to stop that thought. I had jinxed it!
By now I should have been used to the alarms, but, like always when they sounded, they caught me completely unprepared, making me stumble despite being quite sure already in the fighting style I was just practicing.
"Naria! Get over here! To the safe room!", I heard someone shout. Still a little confused from the sudden alarms, I didn't register who it was. It didn't matter anyways. I knew the way quite well, walking it without hesitation before my processor caught up to what I was doing. Had I not planned to fight this time?
It was a split second decision, much like what sometimes led to my less thought out pranks. No one ever controlled anymore whether I really went to the safe room they had built for me long ago. I even locked it by myself usually. Therefore, no one noticed it when I went into the vents instead.
Not one klik too soon, as not even half a breem later, a group of Cons sneaked past. How had they gotten in there? I decided to follow them.
(In retrospect, that probably hadn't been the best idea...)
Only a breem later, when we neared the command central, I heard fighting noise. It got louder and louder, until I realized that those Cons were trying to sneak up on the fighters, to catch those of us that were there unawares. And I was sure that Optimus was somewhere in there, too.
That did it. I HAD TO warn them!
Caught up in my exited planning however, I didn't notice that I was getting too close to one of the openings of the ventilation shaft I was hiding in. By now, they were really near the fighters. And that was when I fell.
My presence felt like an intrusion
Causing way too much confusion
Now I've been send into seclusion
I've been banished and cast out
Right on top of one of the Cons.
Now, my smaller size didn't work in my favor. The Con (who was ever larger than usual) simply caught me mid-air and held me at arms length.
"Hey! Let go of me!", I shouted, my temper getting the better of me, despite me not feeling even half as brave as my tone was suggesting. It didn't really work out anyways. The Con just shook me, seeming annoyed.
"Be quiet!", he told me, before turning to the others. "You think this one would make a good bait? Or a distraction? She's definitely loud enough." The others nodded, uncaring if I could hear them discuss their plans. Not that I could do anything in the first place, anyways.
And then we arrived at the battlefield that had been the command central. I found Optimus in the first klik. He was fighting Megatron, as always.
Wait a moment! Hadn't these Cons said something about a 'distraction'?!
Horror, along with realization, curled up in my tanks. I felt sick. They were going to us me to distract Optimus from the fight! He would get hurt that way!
I struggled, trying to get out of the Cons grip, but to no avail. I just couldn't get free!
And then, I felt a claw curling around my neck, someone whispering into my audio: "Scream." I bit my lips in a desperate attempt not to do so immediately, but it didn't help, because now, the claw started getting tighter and tighter! Until I gave in to the urge to cry out.
"Optimus! Help!", I screeched, crying out in pain as the claw pierced an energon line. I saw him turn around, looking surprised, shocked, and then...
Megatron took advantage of it. One shot of his fusion cannon, and Optimus fell.
After that, everything I remembered was a blurr.
The Con that held me fell, and someone else caught me...
The fight ended, the Cons retreating...
I was brought into the med bay, catching only one short glance at Optimus...
Ratchet told me (a while later) that Optimus would make a full recovery, but that it would take quite a few orns...
This one little question: "Why weren't you in the safe room?". To that, I actually answered honestly, explaining that I'd simply wanted to help...
The lectures that followed, everyone still a bit on edge from the fight...
The crushing guilt... I had caused this!
I was sent to my quarters, probably to be out of the way during the clean-up.
I'm not tryin' to place the blame
But I feel it just the same
And here we were again.
When the memory replay ended, I couldn't help but linger in it for a while. After all, it HAD been my fault. The guilt could therefore only get worse, no matter if I thought about it or not.
This time, I had really messed up spectacularly.
For a short moment I wondered whether I was in trouble, but just as I had that thought, another came: 'Sure I am! How could I not be?'
I was sure that this time would really be the time where even Optimus would be mad at me. He had never been up to now, but this time he would be, for sure.
That I could be
Yes, I should be in the game
Was it really that wrong, wanting to help?
Apparently, it was. Why would they tell me to stay out of it again and again otherwise? I was ten eons old already, and I could fight! That was what I was training for, after all!
Shaking my head, I stood up. Maybe walking around would help? I felt myself getting restless, and leaving my quarters was out of the question. So I simply went to the door leading to the hallways, and locked it. No sense in keeping it open, when I wouldn't leave anyways.
But even though I tried distracting myself, my thoughts always returned to it. Was Optimus really okay? Was he awake yet? Would someone come for me? Would there be consequences? The questions went on and on, causing a processor ache by the way. Not that I cared...
My spirit's feelin' daunted
I'm not sure I'm all that wanted
Though I'm acting nonchalant, it's clear
I'm starting to doubt myself
Just as everything had started to quieten down a little, I had another thought:
Of what use could I be, if I didn't even manage to fight the Cons? Everyone always told me to stay where it was safe, to stay out of battle. Maybe that was because they had already known how useless I would be!
After all, that was what I was, wasn't it? Completely, utterly useless in a fight!
Who would want me, anyways? I certainly was much more trouble than I was worth. All the pranks, my temper... Everything!
Don't want to sound too stoic
I'm not feeling that heroic
No matter what I do I blow it
And I'm only trying to help
In all my life, I'd always wanted to be a fighter. A hero, so to speak. And I'd absolutely loved stories about heroes. But real life wasn't like that now, was it?
A bitter feeling overcame me, along with anger. Before I could process what I was about to do, I had my (still a little immature) guns out, shooting around, working off the anger. I didn't even care what I hit, I was just so angry, mainly at myself, which was probably why I was destroying my room, or at least trying to.
(My still a bit immature weapons couldn't do that much damage though...)
When I came to my senses again, I was overwhelmed with despair and guilt. And those emotions were quickly replaced by disgust. Disgust at myself.
No matter what I tried, I couldn't get just one single thing right! And instead of trying to fix the mess I had caused, I just made another!
Faceplates set into a grimace, I pulled at my left gun. But I wasn't strong enough, only succeeding in straining the connections rather badly and opening a small wound.
Finally giving in to the urge to cry, I collapsed face down on my recharge berth.
The world was just so unfair! I'd only been trying to help!
Only trying to help
Only trying to help
Only trying to help
I'm only trying to help
Only trying to help
I'm only trying to help out
Only trying to help
I'm only trying to help now
I'm only...
Only trying to help
… trying to help
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Naria's actually quite a bit younger in this, as are Sunny and Sides, who come in later. She's 10 eons old, and they are 17 eons old.